Hearts Astray
by Shonetta
Summary: Post-Endgame. Janeway and Chakotay go their separate ways, but all is not as it seems. J/C.
1. Chapter 1

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

While this story doesn't start out as J/C, I promise that it will end J/C. All my stories do :)

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**CHAPTER 1**

TWO MONTHS AFTER VOYAGER'S RETURN

"I'd forgotten how much fun this is," Kathryn said to her sister as they painted the lounge of her new apartment in San Francisco. "I think I'll do the bedrooms too. What do you think? Blue for mine, green for the guest?"

"I'm thinking is this really my sister?" Phoebe laughed. "The Kathryn Janeway I knew wouldn't use the words fun and painting in the same sentence."

"I suppose seven years of the extraordinary has given me an appreciation for the ordinary," Kathryn answered, dipping her roller into a pot of pale yellow paint. "I find myself taking pleasure in all kinds of things that I found a chore before...like shutting window-blinds or opening an umbrella. I'll never again take nightfall or rainfall for granted."

Suddenly, the door chime played and Phoebe put down her roller. "Want me to get it? I'm closer."

"Please," Kathryn answered. "It's probably only Mom. She said she'd be by later to inspect our work."

Phoebe went to answer the door, but instead of finding her mother there, she found Chakotay. He was casually dressed in beige pants and shirt and was wearing a black jacket.

"Hi, Phoebe," he said. "Is Kathryn there? I'd like to speak with her."

"She sure is," Phoebe replied, "but is kind of busy right now. As you can see from the state of me, we're redecorating. But if you don't mind the mess, step inside. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you." She turned around and called to her sister. "Kath, it's..."

But Kathryn was already approaching. "I heard," she said. She then smiled at Chakotay, her eyes moist. "It's good to see you, Chakotay."

"You too," he replied.

It had only been two months since they had last seen each other, but it felt like it had been an eternity.

"Shall we go into the garden?" she asked. "I'm still getting this place fixed up so I'm afraid there's nothing to sit on but beanie bags."

"The garden is fine," Chakotay smiled.

* * *

The garden was more like a park, as it was big and for the use of all residents, but it had several arbors, alcoves and gazebos that were perfect for private conversations. Kathryn took Chakotay over to an arbor beside a pond and they talked as they walked.

"How was your sister and family on Trebus?" Kathryn asked.

"Good," Chakotay replied. "It was good to see them and to make things up with my sister."

"I bet. But it must have been difficult going back there."

"Yes. I underestimated how difficult. But I'm glad I did. And I'm glad I had Seven with me. She was a great comfort."

"I'm sure," Kathryn said, trying not to show the hurt she felt at every mention of his relationship with Seven. He was happy, and she'd always wanted him to be happy, so she tried to take comfort in his joy. But it was a cold comfort, an empty comfort, for she loved him so much that living without him was hell.

"What about you?" Chakotay asked. "How have you found adjusting back to life on Earth?"

"Harder than I thought it would be," she answered honestly. "I had a kind of fairytale picture of getting home, you know? That we'd all get home and it would be happy ever after? But it hasn't quite been like that. Adjusting back is difficult. I miss Voyager. I miss the life we had there. Ironic, isn't it? For seven years I could think of nothing but getting home, but now that we are, I'd give anything to be out there just one more day."

"I miss Voyager too. There are things that I don't miss, like the danger and the workload, but there are more things I miss than I don't." He paused. "I hear you've been promoted to the admiralty."

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "But I think that's due more to Starfleet wanting to keep me out of space than true merit."

"Don't put yourself down. What you accomplished in the delta quadrant was no small thing. Very few captains could have done it. Most wouldn't even have tried."

"I couldn't have done it without you," she said truthfully. "We did it together."

"Hardly."

"Now who's putting themselves down? You were my rock, my anchor, and my shelter. No Captain could ever have a better First Officer."

Chakotay smiled. "No First Officer could ever have a better Captain."

Kathryn smiled back. "Seems we have a mutual fan club here."

"Seems we do."

They reached the arbor and sat down on a silver bench.

"What are your plans now that we're home?" Kathryn asked.

"That's why I'm here," he answered. "I've been offered a post on an exploration vessel called _The Discovery_ and I've accepted. Seven's coming too."

This news surprised Kathryn. "I didn't think she was interested in joining Starfleet."

"The ship isn't Starfleet," Chakotay explained. "It belongs to _The Planetary Archaeology Society_. We're going as part of a team to explore an archaeological site in deep space. It's something I've always wanted to do and Seven wants to come along as she's eager to return to space."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. "How long will you be gone?"

"About two years."

At those words, Kathryn felt her heart break. Two years? How was she going to get through two years without him when she'd barely made it through two months? But she would have to. Somehow she would. For he was not hers to miss, not hers to love. He never had been. He belonged to Seven now and somehow, someway, she had to move on.

Gently, Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Kathryn?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I just...Two years is a long time. I'll miss you..." then she added hastily "And Seven."

"I'll miss you," Chakotay said sincerely. "I have missed you. There were times on Trebus that I wished..." he paused, changed the subject. "But two years will pass in no time. And they'll probably pass quicker for you than for any of us. So many opportunities are waiting for you, Kathryn. Grab them with both hands and make the most of them. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you," Kathryn replied. "And I'm glad that you are."

"I am," Chakotay said. "For the first time in a long time."

Kathryn wanted to ask if her angry warrior had finally found peace, but she didn't want to remind him of the speech he had once made to her, of the love he had once felt for her. It was gone now, or at least was diluted to friendship. Not that she wasn't grateful for that, for friends like Chakotay were a rare breed, but friendship had never quite been enough for her. For the longest time it hadn't been for him either, but now it evidently was. In that way, perhaps it was for the best that he was leaving. It would make it easier for her to move on, especially if they were out of communication range and letters were impossible.

"I'd ask you to write to me," she said, "but I suppose you'll be out of communication range."

"We will be," he answered. "For the most part, anyway. It will take us over eight months to reach the dig. That's why the mission is so long."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

Tomorrow. Another crack splintered Kathryn's heart.

"I'm going to have to say goodbye for Seven too," he said, "because unfortunately she won't be able to in person. We've been offered the posts last minute and she's got a lot to do."

"I understand," Kathryn replied.

"I can't stay long myself. I've got a meeting in about half an hour. I just...I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"I wouldn't want you to leave without saying goodbye," Kathryn said. "But you'd better get going. You can't miss the meeting on my account."

Chakotay got to his feet and Kathryn stood too.

"I really will miss you, Kathryn," he said. "You're my best friend."

Kathryn spoke the words she immediately regretted. "Shouldn't that be Seven?"

Chakotay was a moment in replying. "I love Seven," he said quietly. "I do. But you and I shared something very special on Voyager and I've never been closer to anyone. You've taught me what it really means to be a friend."

"No," Kathryn said, tears in her eyes. "You taught me."

Their eyes locked and Kathryn could hardly breathe. Then Chakotay was hugging her.

"Goodbye, Kathryn."

Kathryn hugged him back and only with great effort contained the emotions inside.

"Goodbye, Chakotay."

Then, before she knew it, Chakotay was walking away. When he reached a bend in the path, he turned around and looked at her, looked at her as though he didn't want to leave, as though he had something to say, but then he continued walking. As he did, a tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and she watched with an aching heart as the man she loved walked out of her life.

END OF CHAPTER ONE


	2. Chapter 2

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 2**

A Month Later

The colors. The colors were back.

Kathryn sat up in her bed and put her hand to her aching head. But the colors would not leave her alone. They swirled before her eyes, gathered in the middle of her vision to form a pulsating gold circle, and blinded her to most of what was in the room. No matter where she looked the colors were there, swirling and gathering, and the only relief she could get was to close her eyes. The colors disappeared then, faded into black. Keeping her eyes closed, Kathryn fumbled for her commbadge, which was on her bedside table, and activated it.

"Janeway to The Doctor."

Almost immediately The Doctor answered. "Doctor here."

"I need medical assistance."

"I'll be right there. Doctor out."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn buried her hurting head in her hands and waited for her former EMH to arrive. He did promptly, arriving by transport.

"Here I am," he said. "Always at your beck and call. What's the problem?"

"The temporal flux is back," Kathryn said. "My head is pounding and I'm seeing the colors again. So forgive me for keeping my eyes shut."

The Doctor opened his med-kit. "Are you sure it isn't just a migraine attack?"

"I'm sure. It's the temporal flux."

The Doctor took out his tricorder and began to scan her. "You're right," he said. "I'm detecting chronoton particles and other signs of temporal flux. Your liver is twelve months older than your kidneys and your heart is five years younger than your lungs."

"What's causing it?"

"You tell me, Admiral. Have you been playing with time again?"

"No. I've had no dealings with temporal anomalies or time-travel since Voyager."

"I'm glad to hear it. But something has happened to put you out of temporal sync. Either that, or the serum I injected you with last year has worn off. Have you suffered any problems over the passed few days?"

"Just headaches, dizziness."

"There you go, ignoring warning signs again. If you'd called me, I could have detected this problem sooner." He sighed. "I'll have to reinject you. That should bring you back into temporal sync with the rest of us."

"But why am I out of sync again?" Kathryn asked. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. We're going to have to figure it out. But first, let's get you out of temporal flux." He put away his tricorder and closed his med-kit. "I'll be back as soon as I can. The serum is in my surgery and I'll have to fetch it." He hit his commbadge. "Doctor to S.H.Q.T.S return transport." He then turned back to his patient. "Lie down and try to relax. I won't be..."

But he never got to finish his sentence as the transporter beam engulfed him and he disappeared.

* * *

When The Doctor returned, he found Kathryn lying in bed just as he'd ordered.

"Glad to see you're obeying me for once," he said.

"Seeing as I can't see," she replied. "What choice do I have?"

The Doctor opened his med-kit and scanned her again. "Getting worse," he said. "90% of your body is now in temporal flux." He picked up a hypospray, fiddled with it, and then put it to her neck. "But this should do the trick."

Kathryn felt the pinch of the injection, but as soon as the serum was inside her body her suffering began to ease. The colors faded away and the pounding in her head stopped.

"At last," she said, sitting up. "Some relief."

"You'll probably feel queasy for a couple of days," The Doctor told her, "just like before, but I'm happy to say you are back in temporal sync."

Kathryn got out of bed and put on her nightrobe.

"Where are you going?" The Doctor asked.

"To get myself a coffee," she answered. "Before we try to figure this thing out, I need my fix."

"Then I'll get it for you," The Doctor replied. "But, so that we're clear, this waiter only serves decaffeinated."

"So long as I have the taste," Kathryn said, sitting again. "Thank you, Doctor."

"Any time," he said, a touch sarcastically.

He then left to get the coffee and Kathryn looked around the room. She felt dazed, sick, but the colors were gone and her vision was improving by the second.

"As you say you have not been time-jumping," The Doctor said as he returned with a cup of steaming black coffee, "it seems to me that we are definitely dealing with a case of the serum having worn off."

Kathryn took the coffee gratefully and cradled it in her cold hands.

"But the question is," The Doctor continued, "why do you need these injections to stay in temporal sync?"

"That is the question," Kathryn said. "Any ideas?"

"I have to admit, I'm stumped." He sat beside Kathryn on the bed and looked at data on his tricorder. "According to your medical file, your last and first incident of this temporal flux was six months ago. Do you remember anything more about what happened then?"

"No. I just woke up with the colors and the headache...like I did today. The night before it happened I had dinner with Tom and B'Elanna in their quarters, went back to my own, and then went to bed. Nothing out of the ordinary happened."

"Which perplexed me then and perplexes me now. All I can conclude is what I concluded then. That something happened that night outside the normal space-time continuum. Whatever it was, it seems only to have affected you. But, as you always play Wonder Woman when it comes to saving the universe, that doesn't surprise me. No doubt you did something in this out of time experience that sent your body into temporal chaos. I thought one injection would permanently fix the problem, but evidently I was wrong. And if I'm right now, that your heroics that night resulted in this condition, then you may have to take these injections regularly for the rest of your life."

Kathryn took a sip of coffee and pondered his words. "You've got to be right," she said. "Nothing else makes sense. If I had a conscious memory of being involved in some kind of temporal paradox then maybe I'd have some idea how to help myself, but I don't. Whatever happened had to have happened in a future none of us can remember, or in some kind of alternate reality, and there's no way we can find out what. Whatever I did, I would only have done out of necessity, so whatever it was it was necessary. If the price of that is an injection every six months or so then that's the price I have to pay."

"There is a chance the injections won't work in the long term," The Doctor said. "They are working now, so the probability is they will continue to do so, but the strain a condition like this puts on the body is immense. The injections may only buy you time."

"Well," Kathryn answered. "We're all on borrowed time, Doctor. I'm not going to think the worst. I've been fine for six months and the chances are these injections are all I need to stay well. And maybe I won't have another episode. Maybe something did happen last night outside the normal space-time continuum, something related to what happened six months ago, only I have no memory of it. That would also explain my condition."

"Yes," The Doctor agreed. "It would."

"All we can do is wait and see," Kathryn went on. "If I come down with this again in a few months time, then we'll know it's due to the injection wearing off. If I don't, then we'll know these two incidents were the result of an out of time experience and are not going to recur."

"There's also a chance," the Doctor said, "that this second injection, which I've made stronger, will stabilize your condition and prevent a relapse."

Kathryn held up her cup of coffee. "I'll drink to that."

"But, incase we are dealing with a long term condition," The Doctor said, "I'll draw up a special diet for you and a daily exercise routine. They will help you stay in peak condition."

"Let's just wait until we know what we're dealing with first," Kathryn replied, not even wanting to think what this diet and exercise routine would involve.

"Better to be safe than sorry," he answered. "You're having a lifestyle change and that's final. Doctor's orders."

"Very well," Kathryn sighed. "But coffee's staying on the menu, understand?"

"Would I dare remove it? But from now on, you're drinking decaffeinated."

"If I must. But this is all..."

"For your own good."

A bleep suddenly came from his commbadge and a woman's voice spoke. "Nurse Sera to The Doctor. You're wanted in Unit 5. Medical Emergency."

"I'll be right there," he answered. "Doctor out."

"No rest for the good, eh Doctor?" Kathryn said.

"No rest for a hologram, certainly," he smiled. "But make sure you get plenty. I'm putting you off work for at least two days."

"That isn't necessary, I...."

"It most certainly is. And I'll be checking up on you, so no work means no work. As for your new health plan, I'll call with it tonight."

"I can't say I'm looking forward to it," she said, "but if you make your call part social, then I can say with all honesty that I'm looking forward to your company."

The Doctor smiled. "Part social it is then, Admiral. See you later."

"Goodbye, Doctor."

The Doctor picked up his med-kit, requested a transport, and then dematerialized.

* * *

"How are you feeling now?" The Doctor asked when he arrived at Kathryn's apartment that night. "Better, I hope."

"Much," Kathryn answered, sitting in her favorite blue sofa-chair. "But I feel a lot worse than I did last time this happened."

"Unfortunately, that may prove to be the case with every episode. If you are depending on these injections to keep you in temporal sync, then your body is under tremendous strain every mili-second of every second. This compromises all your systems and results in cellular degeneration. Every day your body weakens by a fraction, so by the time the injection wears off, your body is weaker than it was at the last episode. A weakened body means less resilience, and less resilience means more suffering. But, if these two episodes are due to a related out of time experience, then you may be feeling worse now because this second incident may have caused more trauma to your body than the first."

"I'm sure that's the case," Kathryn replied. She pointed to a chair. "Please, sit. Make yourself comfortable."

"Not yet," The Doctor said, opening his med-kit. "I have some things to give you." He pulled out a padd and handed it to her. "Your new diet and exercise routine."

Kathryn took the padd. "Thank you, Doctor. I'll try to keep to both."

"Make sure you do. The future quality of your life may depend on it." The Doctor then pulled out a silver flask. "And now for your supper. Hot and spicy leola root soup, made courtesy of Mr Neelix's recipe. Knowing you as well as I do, I know you've probably had little for dinner, as you never eat properly when you're ill...not that you eat well when you're well...so I'll brook no objections."

"You won't get any," Kathryn smiled. "Leola root soup sounds wonderful. Thank you."

"My pleasure," the Doctor smiled in return. He then pulled off the flask's cup, which was a generous size, and filled it with steaming hot leola root soup.

"Oh," Kathryn said as its aroma kissed her senses. "Just the smell is rejuvenating me. It reminds me of Voyager. If I close my eyes now, I can see Neelix pottering around the kitchen, a hat on his head and a spoon his hand. I can see him stirring some smoking concoction and can hear him whistle while he works."

"Consider the nostalgia a bonus," The Doctor said. "I chose it for it's nutritional value and that alone. Leola root is highly nutritious."

He handed the cup to Kathryn and she took it gratefully.

"Thank you, Doctor."

"Speaking of Voyager," The Doctor said, finally sitting down, "how are you finding life back on Earth? Adjusting has been difficult for most of our crew and the adjustment must be harder for you than anyone. For seven years you've been driven by one goal, and one goal only, to get Voyager home. Now your mission is complete, you must feel somewhat aimless and redundant."

"It has been difficult adjusting back," Kathryn replied, "and a part of me misses Voyager greatly, but I achieved what I set out to do and there's a certain euphoria about that. I just...I never thought how hard it would be to say goodbye to everyone, especially to those I'd got close too."

"Like Chakotay and Seven?"

"Like them," Kathryn replied sadly.

"You must miss them."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes but she blinked them away. As much as she was missing Chakotay, and she was missing him profoundly, she would not indulge the sentiment. She'd lost people she loved before, had lived with the ache before, and just like then she was getting on with her life and making the best of it. "I do," she said. "Miss them. But life goes on and the great wheel turns. I have my family, my friends, my job, and they fill the void of absent friends." She paused. "How about you? How are you doing? I know how much you care for Seven."

"I miss her," he said. "Every day. But as you say, life goes on. I have a whole new world to explore and a queue of blonde beauties waiting to explore it with me."

"Lucky you, Doctor," Kathryn smiled. "But what about brunettes?"

"Brunettes are beautiful too," he answered, "and redheads, but we all have our type, Admiral, and blondes are mine."

"Then best of luck with the blondes."

"What about you? Anyone special caught your eye?"

"I'm not really looking," she said. "I don't need a man to complete my life. I never have. I'm free to do what I want for the first time in seven years and I plan on making the most of my freedom. I want to take a trip to Europe, go on a world cruise, go bushwalking in Australia, and all kinds of other things that I thought I'd never get the chance to do. Of course, I don't plan on doing them all at once."

"Glad to hear it," the Doctor smiled. "And I'm glad you're going to make time for yourself. You deserve to. You've worked too hard over the passed seven years."

"Well, Captain Janeway had to. But I'm not her anymore. I have a new life now and I plan on making the most of it."

"So do I." In the absence of a cup, he picked up the flask and held it out to her in a toast. "To new beginnings."

Kathryn smiled and knocked her cup against it. "To new beginnings."

END OF CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 3**

12 MONTHS LATER

On the fifteenth deck of a luxurious ocean liner, Kathryn leant against a wooden rail and looked out at the glorious blue sea of the South Pacific. A warm wind was blowing, rippling the ocean and sweeping through her hair, and Kathryn cherished every moment. It made her feel alive, invigorated, and connected to the planet that she loved so much.

"Admiral Janeway?"

Kathryn turned in the direction of the American accented male voice that spoke her name, and came face to face with a very handsome middle-aged man in a white naval suit. He had graying black hair, distinctive green eyes, and a rugged olive complexion.

"That's me," Kathryn said. "And you are?"

"Captain Brett Laurence," he smiled, "captain of this vessel."

"Then I'm honored to meet you," Kathryn said, holding out her hand to him.

"Likewise," he said, taking her hand in his and shaking it. "I heard that you are onboard and I wanted to welcome you personally. But you're a hard woman to find."

Kathryn smiled. "When I don't want to be, absolutely."

"How are you enjoying our cruise?"

"Very much. I've always wanted to take a sea cruise and this is living up to my expectation in every way."

"I'm delighted to hear it. We aim to please. And it's always nice, isn't it, to be a pampered passenger instead of an exhausted officer?"

"Yes, it certainly is."

"Are you here alone?"

"I am," Kathryn replied. "Call it some long overdue me time."

"I know all about that." He stepped closer, his manner unmistakeably flirtatious. "But a beautiful intelligent woman like yourself shouldn't be here alone. Join me for dinner tonight?"

Kathryn smiled. "Are you just being friendly or are you asking me on a date?"

"If you'd like it to be a date."

"I would."

"Then we have a date. My quarters, 20:00 hours?"

"I'll be there."

The man smiled warmly. "See you later then...Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled in return. "See you later...Brett."

They gazed at each other for a moment, then the captain turned around and left.

* * *

In the bedroom of her luxurious cabin-suite, dressed in a gorgeous blue velvet gown, Kathryn was just about to apply some make up when a dizziness swept over her. The room began to spin and a nausea filled her stomach. Leaning back in her chair, Kathryn let the dizziness pass, then she got to her feet, fetched her commbadge, and called The Doctor.

"Janeway to The Doctor."

The Doctor answered instantly. "Doctor here. How's your vacation?"

"Fine, but it's starting again."

"The temporal flux?"

"Yes. I'm feeling dizzy and sick"

"I'll be right there. Doctor out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn sat again. She knew the signs of the oncoming temporal flux well now as this was her fourth attack. The last one had happened exactly six months after the previous one and this one was happening exactly six months after the last. Suddenly, a blue transporter beam filled the room and The Doctor materialized.

"Good evening, Admiral," he said. He then saw the rich decor of the room and was awestruck. "Oh my! What a grand room! And what a grand view!"

Outside the room's gold round windows was a magnificent view of the ocean.

"It's a grand ship," Kathryn replied. "But you can admire it later. Right now I need assistance."

"Of course," he said. "Forgive me, Admiral." He opened his med-kit and pulled out his tricorder. "Are you seeing any colors?"

"No. I've finally taken your advice and called you at the first sign."

"I'm glad to hear it. The sooner I reinject you the less your suffering." He scanned her and then stepped back. "Definitely the temporal flux. But very early stages. The serum hasn't quite worn off yet." He picked up a hypospray and put it to her neck. "This should put you back in temporal sync and prevent further symptoms."

The serum began to work immediately and Kathryn's nausea lifted.

"Thank you, Doctor," she said. "I feel better now."

"Good. But you know what this means. It means we must be dealing with a long term condition. We can no longer put these episodes down to out of time experiences. Two we could, three we could possibly, but not four. As a result of something that happened eighteen months ago on Voyager, you've been left in a permanent state of temporal chaos and only these injections are keeping you in sync. This means you will need these injections for the rest of your life."

"Then I do," Kathryn said. "It's no big deal."

"I beg to differ. The strain your body is under is tremendous. You need to..."

Kathryn put up her hand. "I don't want to hear it, Doctor. Unless you can find a way of curing me, there's nothing we can do about my condition. As there's nothing we can do, we just have to accept it. And I do. But I'm sure as hell not going to spend the rest of my life worrying about it. I'm keeping to the diet you gave me, and I'm exercising daily, but that's about as far as I'll go."

"But your condition is serious, Admiral. You need to reduce your work hours and..."

Kathryn interrupted. "Didn't you hear me, Doctor? I said no lectures. I'll deal with this in my own way."

"Just as long as you do deal with it, Admiral. You're my friend and I don't want to lose you."

At this, Kathryn softened. "I know, Doctor," she said kindly. "And I appreciate your care. But I'm fine. I get more tired than I used to, and I find I'm not as energetic as I was, but other than that this condition hardly affects me. You're not going to lose me. I plan on living a long while yet."

The Doctor had to smile at that.

"Now," she said, "feel free to admire my room. Quite something, isn't it?"

"Marvellous. Simply marvellous! I'm going to have to book myself onto a cruise. This very one, I think. But the room isn't the only thing to admire. You're looking particularly lovely, tonight. Going on a date?"

"No, Doctor," she smiled. "I'm dressing like this to look at myself in the mirror."

"Then you are. Who is he? Anyone I've heard of?"

"I'm not telling, Doctor. A woman's allowed some secrets. But suffice it to say he's tall, dark and handsome."

"And charming, no doubt. But whoever he is, have fun. You deserve it."

"Thank you, Doctor."

He scanned her again and then put away his tricorder. "The serum has taken full effect. Unless you want me to help you get ready for your hot date with Mr Mystery, then I'll be on my way."

"I think I can manage," Kathryn smiled. "Thank you for coming so quickly."

"For you, I'll always drop everything. Goodbye, Admiral. Have a good night."

"Goodbye, Doctor."

He hit his commbadge, requested transport, and then dematerialized.

* * *

Captain Brett Laurence's quarters were on the first deck and Kathryn arrived there promptly at 20:00 hours. He was waiting for her, dressed smartly in a black suit, and he greeted her with a smile and a kiss on the cheek.

"Wow," he said, "you look stunning."

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled. "You're looking mighty handsome yourself."

He showed her into his lounge, which was grand and spacious, and led her over to a beautifully laid table that was before a large window. Outside, a crimson setting sun blazed on the horizon and cast a warm red glow around the room

"I'm afraid to say I'm a terrible cook," Brett said as Kathryn sat, "so dinner is whatever you fancy from any of our ten restaurants."

Kathryn laughed. "I'm a terrible cook too so you're in good company."

Brett sat opposite her and handed her a large menu. It was covered in black velvet and had pretty silver pages.

"As captain," he said, "my order jumps the queue, so whatever you fancy can be yours in five minutes."

"Good perk," Kathryn smiled. "I'll have to make the recommendation to Starfleet." She looked through the menu, but there were so many mouth-watering dishes to choose from that she didn't have a clue what to pick. "But I think I'm going to be here all night deciding. I've never seen such a wonderful choice. Any suggestions?"

"The Bruzkala is good, but very hot."

"I like hot. I'll have it."

"Then two Bruzkalas it is."

"As to dessert," Kathryn said, putting the menu aside, "that's easy. I'll have a slice of coffee gateaux."

Brett smiled. "A coffee lover?"

"Infamously."

"Me too. Black, no sugar."

"Really?" Kathryn exclaimed. "That's exactly how I like mine!"

"Then maybe we're soulmates. Do you like Mozart and Shakespeare?"

"As it happens, I do," she laughed.

"Your favorite play?"

"King Lear. In my opinion, the best play ever written. Yours?"

"King Lear."

Kathryn shook her head in amazement. "Uncanny. Your favorite Mozart symphony?"

"Number 40"

"Mine too. Can you believe it? What's your favorite animal?"

"Dogs. Big ones. Yours?"

"Dogs," Kathryn laughed. "Big ones."

"What about wine? Which do you prefer? Red or white?"

"Red. You?"

"Definitely red."

"Type?"

"Lambrusco. You?"

"There you've got me," Kathryn smiled. "Cabernet Sauvignon."

"Well, variety is the spice of life. Speaking of which..." He hit his commbadge. "Captain Laurence to Restaurant Meridian, two Bruzkalas and two slices of coffee gateaux to my quarters, along with a large bottle of red Cabernet Sauvignon."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn gazed at this fascinating and handsome man before her. "Do you want to know what I'm thinking?" she asked.

"I do," he replied. "Tell me."

"I'm thinking you're clever, handsome, successful, well-mannered...so why is there is no Mrs Captain Brett Laurence?"

Brett smiled. "Why is there no Mr Admiral Kathryn Janeway?"

"I'm unlucky in love. You?"

"The same. I was married once, a long time ago, but it didn't work out. My job takes me away from home a lot, because even in this age of transport travel a ship's captain always has to be onboard, and that absence from home can put a strain on things, especially if it doesn't suit both partners. But I'm sure you know all about that. My ex-wife would often beam onboard to join me, but after a few years the novelty wore thin, especially when I was often called away to attend to some emergency."

"Do you have any children?"

"No."

"Do you regret that?"

"No. I like children, very much, but I've never wanted any. I like my independence too much. What about you? Would you like children?"

"Well," Kathryn answered, "at 47 my time has kind of passed, at least to conceive naturally. But I would have liked children, at least one, and I planned on having them with both my fiances. But my first fiance died and I lost my second when Voyager got stranded. He thought I was dead and married someone else."

"I'm sorry," Brett said. "For him."

Kathryn smiled. "Mr wit. But seriously, I'm happy with my life as it is now. I have a great career and it's very rewarding."

Brett reclined in his chair. "I believe you're one of the youngest and most decorated admirals in Starfleet history."

"Yes. But I don't feel like I deserve to be. I'm proud of what I achieved in the delta quadrant, don't get me wrong, but I was only doing my duty as a Starfleet captain."

"Not from what I've heard. From what I've heard you went far beyond the call of duty to get your crew home. That deserves praise and recognition. And I, for one, am totally in awe of you."

Kathryn smiled and was about to answer when their meal materialized on a silver tray.

"At last," Brett said. "Service is slacking!"

He presented Kathryn with her plate of Bruzkala, which was a spicy spaghetti dish, and then picked up his own.

"Smells wonderful," Kathryn said. "I can't wait to try it."

"It is wonderful," he replied. "Just not as wonderful as you."

Kathryn smiled, eyes sparkling. "Keep the flattery coming, I like it."

Brett smiled back and then they began to eat.

* * *

When the meal was over, and it was time to say goodnight, Brett walked Kathryn back to her cabin. It was a warm night and above them a silver moon shone down from a heaven of stars.

"I've had a fabulous time tonight," Brett said when they reached her cabin. "Thank you."

"Thank _you_," Kathryn replied. "I've had a wonderful time too."

"I'd like to see you again. In fact, I insist upon it."

Kathryn smiled. "Then dine with me here tomorrow night? I'll make us something special, courtesy of the replicator."

"I look forward to it."

"See you tomorrow then. 20:00 hours?"

"20:00 hours." Brett then stepped closer, his body almost touching hers. "But before we say goodnight, I'd really like to kiss you."

Kathryn smiled and closed the remaining gap between them. "I'd really like to be kissed."

At that invitation, Brett took her in his arms and kissed her. He was a good kisser, soft and sensual, and the spark between them set the kiss ablaze. When at last they drew away, Brett took Kathryn's hands in his and kissed them both.

"Goodnight, Kathryn. Sweet dreams."

"You too."

Kathryn then opened her cabin's door and Brett watched as she stepped inside. When there, Kathryn blew him a kiss as the door closed and he caught it with a smile.

END OF CHAPTER 3


	4. Chapter 4

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 4**

10 MONTHS LATER

On the balcony of her apartment, sitting on a pine sofa, Kathryn gazed out vacantly at the garden. Her hair was short now and on her left hand there was a gold wedding ring. Kathryn played with the ring as she looked out at the garden and there was a haunting sadness in her eyes. Behind her, the glass door leading onto the balcony opened and her mother appeared. Gretchen Janeway was a small woman with gray hair and blue eyes, and the resemblance between mother and daughter was striking. In her hands, Gretchen was carrying two glasses of lemonade and she handed one to Kathryn.

"Ice cold lemonade," she said, "just as you asked for."

Kathryn came out of her trance now and took the drink gratefully. "Thanks, Mom."

Gretchen looked at her daughter in concern and then sat beside her. "What's wrong, Katie?"

"Nothing," Kathryn replied. "I'm fine."

"You may be able to fool hostile aliens and admirals," Gretchen answered, "but you're not fooling me. I know you're unhappy. Tell me why. Is it Brett?"

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and she looked away.

"It is, isn't it?" Gretchen said.

"I thought I loved him," Kathryn replied quietly. "I really thought I did. But now...Oh Mom, I've made such a terrible mistake."

"In marrying him?"

Kathryn nodded.

Gretchen reached for Kathryn's hand and took it in hers. "All couples have their bad patches, Katie. Your father and I had plenty."

"It's more than that," Kathryn answered. "I don't love him. I don't even like him anymore. He's not the man I married."

"How do you mean?"

"The man I married was kind and gentle and loving but the man I'm with now is none of those things."

"Is he violent?"

"Not exactly. He's just very controlling and likes to have his own way. He treats me like I'm a subordinate on his ship, not his wife, and doesn't like me to have my own life. I find myself not even wanting to be around him anymore. I work late so I don't have to come home and I work weekends so I don't have to spend time with him."

"How long has this been going on?" Gretchen asked.

"Since we married. Once he had the ring on my finger he became a different man. It's like marriage made me his possession so he didn't have to impress me anymore." She paused. "The truth is I should never have married a man I'd only known two months. I just...he totally and utterly swept me off my feet."

"If he's making you so unhappy," Gretchen said, "you have to leave him."

"I know," Kathryn replied. "And if there was just me then I probably would. But...I'm pregnant."

At this news, Gretchen flung her arms around Kathryn. "Oh Katie, that's fantastic! Fantastic!"

"It is," Kathryn said. "But I don't know if Brett will think so."

Gretchen drew away. "He'll be delighted, surely."

"I don't think so. He's never wanted children and thinks I can't have any. Because that's what I've led him to believe. I thought I'd hit menopause, I truly did, but evidently not quite." A tear ran down her cheek. "I've known for a while but I haven't told Brett yet because I'm afraid he'll be angry."

"Angry at the news or angry at you?"

"Both," Kathryn replied.

"Then sounds to me like you're afraid of him. That's not good, Katie. None of this is good. You have to leave him. You can stay with me for as long as it takes to get him out of this apartment, and when the baby comes I'll help look after it. We'll be ok."

"Thanks, Mom," Kathryn said, "but if he does want the baby, and miracles do sometimes happen, then I have to try and make things work for the baby's sake."

"Some fathers children are better off without."

"I know. But I have to give him a chance. Maybe the fault isn't all his. Maybe it's me who's changed. Maybe I've just realized that I don't love him."

"Just promise me one thing," Gretchen said. "That if he so much as harms a hair on your head you'll leave him."

Kathryn squeezed her mother's hand. "I promise."

* * *

Alone in her bedroom that night, Kathryn looked at a photo-scan of her precious baby and tenderly touched his tiny form. He was a miracle, of that she was sure, and already she loved him dearly. Suddenly, there was a bang in the lounge and she heard Brett call her.

"Kathryn?"

At the sound of his voice, Kathryn froze. Then she quickly hid the scan in her drawer and went into the bathroom.

"Kathryn?"

When he got no answer, Brett came into the bedroom and Kathryn came out of the bathroom.

"Hi, honey," she said. "I was just going to take a quick shower."

"Then its a good thing you're not in it as I want one."

Kathryn didn't argue, she just stepped aside and let him enter the bathroom.

"I've got a late meeting tonight," he said, "in Seattle, so I don't know what time I'll be home. Don't wait up."

Kathryn was relieved at that news, but tried not to let it show in her voice. "Ok. I guess duty calls. Do you want something to eat before you go? I haven't had dinner yet."

"No," he replied, "I've already eaten."

"Then I'll leave you to your shower."

At this, Brett popped his head around the door. "Aren't you joining me?"

"I thought you wanted it alone."

Brett came out of the bathroom now, his jacket gone and shirt open, and took Kathryn in his arms. "Why would I want to shower alone when I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the Federation?"

For a moment, just a moment, Kathryn saw the man she had married, then he was gone.

"Damn it, Kathryn!" he cried. "What's the matter with you? Why don't you want me anymore?"

"I do," Kathryn said. "Of course..."

"You don't! I can see it in your face!" He grabbed her chin, gripping it hard. "Do you want someone else? Is that it?"

"No," she protested.

"You do! Who is he? Who?"

"There's no one."

"Then why are you so frigid? You never used to be! Once you couldn't get enough of me! What's changed? Tell me!"

"It's just...I'm pregnant..."

This wasn't how she wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him when he was in as good a mood as possible, but with Brett there would never have been the perfect time and this moment was as good as any.

When her words registered, Brett roughly let her go. "You're what?"

"I'm pregnant," Kathryn said. "9 weeks."

Brett's hands went to his head and he ran his fingers stressfully through his hair. "But how? How? You said you're sterile!"

"I thought I was but I haven't quite hit menopause yet and..."

Brett seized her. "How could you let this happen? How? You know I don't want a kid! I don't ever want a kid! You'll have to get rid of it!"

"Never!" Kathryn cried.

Brett pushed her against a wall. "You will, understand? Understand?"

"I won't," Kathryn retorted. "I'm having this baby. Do _you_ understand?"

"I won't be disobeyed! You're getting rid of it and that's that!"

"Like hell I would for you!"

Brett raised up his hand and whipped it across her face. "Don't you dare speak to me like that! Don't you dare! I'm your husband and you'll obey me! Got it! You're getting rid of the kid and you're getting rid of it tonight!"

Kathryn could hardly breathe as his heavy body pushed against hers but she would not buckle. "It's you I'm getting rid of," she cried. "I want a divorce!"

"Never!" he screamed. "Never! I'll kill you before I let you leave me! Do you hear me? I'll kill you!"

"Your threats won't work on me. We're over. We have been a long time. Now, let me go before I make you!"

Brett gripped her tighter. "And how are you going to do that? Eh? You might be smarter than me but you're sure as hell not stronger! And don't forget, I'm as trained in self-defense as you are. I know your moves. I won't let you leave me, Kathryn. I'll never let you leave me. We're soulmates, made for each other, you said so yourself. You've just forgotten it, that's all. You've had your head spun by some bastard who has no doubt fathered this kid. But we'll get through this, Kathryn. You'll get rid of the kid and we'll go back to how things were."

Kathryn tried to knee him in the groin but he intercepted her move.

"That was a bad move, Kathryn. A very bad move. You hurt me and I'll hurt you." He punched her in the face and then pinned her against the wall again. "Did you know it was legal in the old days for men to beat their wives into line? Did you? Well, in my book it still should be! And that's what you need, a damn good beating to teach you who's boss! Because you're mine, Kathryn. You're mine to do with what I want!"

"I'm not," Kathryn cried, struggling against him. "And I'll...."

He punched her again and then threw her to the floor. Kathryn tried to get up but he knocked her down, kicked her viciously, and then straddled her. "Or maybe I'll just force myself on you! What do you think of that? Would that teach you who's master here?"

Suddenly, the door chime played.

At the sound of it, Brett gripped Kathryn's throat. "Whoever's there can go to hell. We're not done! We're far from done!"

"Ok!" Kathryn cried, pretending to yield so he'd ease up. "We'll do it your way. I'll do what you want and we'll go back to how things were."

"You mean it?"

"Yes. Just don't hurt me. Don't ruin things between us. Because if I can't trust you, I can't love you."

At this, Brett softened his grip. "You can," he said. "You can trust me. Of course you can. I love you, Kathryn. That's why I don't want to lose you."

The door chime played again.

"Damn!" Brett cried. "Why won't they go away?"

"It's probably my sister," Kathryn said. "She knows I'm in."

"Then I'll get rid of her. You stay here."

With that, he got up and went into the lounge. Bruised and bleeding, Kathryn got to her feet and limped over to the bedroom door so she could hear what was going on. Through it, she heard the main door open and then, to her surprise and joy, she heard a dearly familiar voice, a voice she had not heard for two years. It was Chakotay's voice.

"Hi," he said. "Is Kathryn there? I'm Chakotay, her former First Officer. You must be her husband, Brett Laurence. I've just been told that she's married."

Brett was now his charming self. "I am," he said. "And I'm delighted to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"The delight is all mine," Chakotay smiled. "Is Kathryn around? She's not expecting me, as I only got back a few hours ago, but I thought I'd call by on the off chance that she's in."

"I'm afraid she's in the bath," Brett answered. "We've got plans for tonight and..."

But before he could continue, Kathryn stepped out of the bedroom and stood in the doorway. "I'm here."

Chakotay turned towards her and immediately noticed that her face was swollen and her lip was bleeding.

"Kathryn," he said in concern. "What's happened?"

Kathryn wiped away the blood that was spilling from her lip. "My darling husband beat me up."

At those words, pain and anger filled Chakotay's eyes and he turned furiously to Brett. "What?"

Brett swallowed and nervously walked towards Kathryn. "She's just joking, aren't you, honey?"

But before he could reach her, Chakotay grabbed him and got him by his throat against the wall. "You go near her and I'll knock you into the middle of next year, understand?"

Brett choked under Chakotay's strong grip. "She's just joking," he stuttered. "Tell him, Kathryn."

"What's the matter?" Chakotay asked. "Scared of someone your own size?" He span Brett towards the wall and pulled his arms roughly behind his back. "If I wasn't a gentle man from a gentle people, I'd do you serious damage right now. But as I am, I'll only throw you out."

With that, he dragged Brett towards the door.

"But this is my home!" Brett protested.

"Not any more!"

Chakotay opened the door and threw Brett into the corridor. Then he closed the door and reset all access codes so he couldn't get back in. When this was done, he took deep breaths to calm his inner anger and turned slowly towards Kathryn. She was still standing in the doorway, thin and frail, and there were tears in her eyes. Slowly, Chakotay closed the gap between them and opened his arms to her. Kathryn stepped into them and, in the safety of his embrace, wept softly.

END OF CHAPTER 4


	5. Chapter 5

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 5**

Kathryn wept a long time in Chakotay's arms, weeping away weeks of hurt and worry, but at last she was still.

"If it isn't obvious," Chakotay said. "I'm back."

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Welcome home."

"I heard from B'Elanna about your marriage. According to her it was idyllic." He drew away. "How long has Brett been violent?"

"This is the first time. I told him I'm pregnant and he went crazy."

Chakotay flinched. "You're pregnant?"

Kathryn nodded.

Anger consumed Chakotay and he clenched his fists. "The bastard! If I'd have known!" He then took a deep breath, suppressing his rage. "You need to see a doctor, Kathryn. Let me call one."

"It's ok," she said. "I'll do it. I just...Stay with me."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "As long as you need me."

Kathryn gave a wan smile and then limped over to her comm-speaker, which was on a wall. "Janeway to The Doctor."

The Doctor's voice immediately answered. "Good evening, Admiral. What can I do for you?"

"I need a house call."

"Then I'll be there in the next fifteen minutes."

"Ok, Doctor. Thank you."

The connection terminated and Kathryn leant against a cabinet. Her right side was killing, her face throbbing, and every part of her body was hurting. Chakotay went over to her and gently put his arm around her.

"Come and sit down," he said.

Kathryn let him help her to the couch and she sat down. As she leant back against the cushions a pain seared through her side and she clutched it.

"Where's your med-kit?" Chakotay asked. "I won't treat you, as The Doctor will need to catalogue your injuries so Brett can get what he deserves, but I can give you pain relief."

"It's in the bathroom," Kathryn answered, "bottom shelf."

Chakotay went to get the med-kit and returned with it in no time. He opened it quickly, pulled out a medical tricorder, and scanned Kathryn. As he did, Kathryn's stomach knotted in anxiety.

"The baby," she said. "Is everything...is everything ok?"

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "The baby's fine. But you have bruises all over and three cracked ribs. Damn him!"

"So long as the baby's ok. I was afraid Brett would finish us both off. If you hadn't of come when you did, maybe he would have. You always did have an impeccable sense of timing and I sure am glad of it tonight."

"He won't hurt you again," Chakotay said, taking a hypospray out of the med-kit and fiddling with it, "I promise you that." He then put the hypospray to Kathryn's neck. "This should ease the pain."

The medication took effect almost immediately and Kathryn relaxed as the pain ebbed.

"You must be thinking I'm so stupid to have gotten myself into this mess," she said. "I know I am. He was just such a different man when I met him. He was charming, intelligent, kind, gentle, witty...everything a woman wants in a man."

"Abusive husbands always start out that way," Chakotay replied, closing the med-kit and sitting beside her. "No woman deliberately marries a swine. You did nothing wrong. You loved him and you trusted him. He should have cherished both, should have cherished you."

"I did love him," she said. "Or at least I was _in_ love with him. But the truth is I hardly knew him. I still don't. He made me believe that we were soulmates, that his interests were mine, but I think he just said what I wanted to hear. He'd probably read one of the many interviews I've given since we got back and used what he knew of me to impress me. And, stupid me, I was impressed."

"You weren't stupid, Kathryn. You're the smartest person I know. Don't ever think any of this was your fault."

Kathryn looked deep into Chakotay's eyes and tears filled her own. "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too."

"Strange, isn't it? We haven't seen each other for two years and yet it's like we only saw each other yesterday."

"That's how it should be between friends," he said. "No matter how much time has passed, a meeting should always transcend it."

"Yes," Kathryn said quietly. But while she agreed, the words hurt her heart. For even after all this time, and all that had happened, she still loved him. For a while she'd forgotten her love for him, as Brett had swept her so far off her feet that she'd lost all sense of grounding, but as her marriage fell apart, it was Chakotay that her heart longed for.

Suddenly, a blue light filled the room and the Doctor materialized.

"Commander!" he exclaimed when he saw Chakotay. "You're back! Welcome home!"

"Thank you," Chakotay said.

"When did you get back? I wasn't expecting you for another month."

"A few hours ago."

"Seven too?"

"No, Doctor," he teased. "We left her at the dig."

"Very funny, Commander. But how is she? Did she enjoy the trip?"

"She did, very much."

The Doctor then saw Kathryn's injuries and looked at her in horror. "Admiral! What happened? You look like you've done ten rounds with a Klingon!"

"No," she answered, "just one with my husband."

"What?" The Doctor said in total shock. "You mean he...? But...?"

"His way of trying to get his own way," Kathryn said. "He doesn't want the baby."

"He doesn't? But this child is a miracle! Doesn't he know how hard it is to conceive at your age?"

Chakotay spoke. "Know it or not, the guy's not fit to be a father. And we want him prosecuted. Right, Kathryn?"

"Absolutely," she said. "When he messed with me, he messed with the wrong woman."

"So, Doctor," Chakotay went on, "you'd better catalogue her injuries to the finest detail. Because he's going to pay for every single one of them."

Dazed, The Doctor opened his med-kit and took out his medical tricorder. "I can't believe this," he said. "Captain Laurence always seemed so charming. I would never have thought him capable of this, never."

"Then I wasn't the only one fooled," Kathryn said.

The Doctor scanned her. "Skin lacerations, multiple bruising, swelling, sprains, and three cracked ribs. He's used you like a punch-bag! Well, it's a good thing he's not here now because half a round with a hologram would be enough to do him like damage!"

"I've given the Admiral some pain relief," Chakotay said. "Just enough to take the edge off the pain."

"So I detect. I'll give you some more, Admiral. That should numb the pain while you give a statement to the police. It's routine in cases like this for them to actually witness the injuries so there's no doubt about their legitimacy. Once I treat you, there'll be no trace of them. Then it can be hard to prove they actually existed, especially as I'm a hologram and vulnerable to program manipulation."

"Whatever it takes to get him convicted," Kathryn said. "But I won't risk my baby's life. If more painkillers jeopardize his safety then I'll do without them."

"They won't harm your baby, Admiral. I promise."

Chakotay turned to Kathryn. "Did I hear you say 'his'?"

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "I'm having a boy."

"With black hair and brown eyes," The Doctor added as he put a hypospray to her neck.

"Congratulations," Chakotay smiled.

The Doctor put away the hypospray. "Where is your husband from hell now?"

"I don't know," Kathryn replied. "Chakotay threw him out."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "You did, Commander? Bravo."

"I'm just glad I was here," Chakotay said. "If I hadn't of come when I did, I dread to think what would have happened."

"Have you called the police?"

"Not yet," Kathryn answered. "We called you first."

"Then we better had. Commander, would you?"

Chakotay got to his feet. "Right away."

* * *

Two police officers arrived at Kathryn's apartment within five minutes of Chakotay's call and took statements separately from Kathryn, Chakotay and The Doctor. As Chakotay gave his in the lounge, The Doctor treated Kathryn in her bedroom and in minutes was done.

"You may feel twinges in your side for a couple of days," The Doctor said, "and sensitive in places, but other than that you're as good as new. Well, as good as your temporal condition allows you to be."

"I'm fine. And my pregnancy shows that. I wouldn't have conceived otherwise."

"You're hardly fine, Admiral. Not only are you suffering the effects of continuous cellular degeneration from the temporal flux, but you're under weight and under nourished. There's nothing I can do about the temporal flux, except keep looking for ways to slow down the degeneration, but your low weight and nutrient deficiency must be rectified now that you're pregnant. Have you started the new diet I gave you?"

"Yes. And I've gained a couple of pounds. I just...the last few months have been very stressful and my weight has been the last thing on my mind. But now that I have junior to take care, of course I'll do everything and anything to ensure his well being."

"I'm glad to hear it. The strain your body is under at normal times is tremendous. Now that you're pregnant it's immense. You must reduce your work hours and you must eat well."

"I will, Doctor."

There was a knock on the door and Kathryn called out. "Come in!"

The door opened and one of the police officers, a friendly woman with short blonde hair, came in.

"We have finished interviewing Commander Chakotay," she said. "So, unless you have any further questions, we'll be on our way."

"I have one," The Doctor replied. "What will happen now?"

"We will arrest Captain Laurence," she said, "and charge him with assault. Cases of this nature are dealt with very quickly so he should be tried and sentenced within a week."

"Will he go to jail?" The Doctor asked.

"For a short time, certainly."

"In my opinion it should be indefinitely," he answered. "Men who beat up pregnant women are not fit to roam the streets."

"If it's any consolation," the officer replied, "he will be deranked and barred from ever captaining another ship. A man prone to violent outbursts cannot be trusted with such responsibility." She turned to Kathryn. "We'll let you know when he's in custody, Admiral. Until then, I recommend that you have someone with you at all times and a phaser at the ready."

"Recommendation noted and taken," Kathryn said.

"Then we'll leave you in peace. Take care and congratulations on your pregnancy."

"Thank you, Officer. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Admiral. And you, Doctor."

"Goodbye," he said.

The officer went on her way and closed the door behind her.

"What I need now," Kathryn said, pulling her phaser out of a drawer and clipping it to her pants, "is a coffee. Could you, Doctor?"

"I could," he replied, "but I won't. It's a nutri-drink from this waiter or nothing."

"Then make it coffee flavored and we have a deal."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. One coffee flavored nutri-shake coming up."

He left the bedroom and Kathryn followed him into the lounge. Chakotay was at the replicator and the smell of coffee hit Kathryn's nostrils.

"Oh, coffee!" she exclaimed. "Is it for me?"

Chakotay turned around with two cups of coffee in his hands. "Well, I don't plan on drinking both by myself."

Kathryn smiled and he walked over to her.

"I hope that coffee's decaffeinated, Commander," The Doctor said. "Need I remind you that the Admiral's pregnant?"

"It is," Chakotay answered. "And fortified with vitamins."

"Then I'll be grateful for small mercies."

Kathryn grabbed the coffee and eagerly took a drink. "Oh, heaven."

"I hate to leave you after all you've been through," The Doctor said, "but I'm on late clinic duty tonight and need to get going. Will you stay with her, Commander? Officer Travis doesn't want her left alone until Brett the brute is in custody."

"I will," Chakotay answered.

"Then I'll say goodbye. I'll call tomorrow, Admiral, to see how you're doing."

"Thank you, Doctor. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Admiral. And welcome home again, Commander."

The Doctor then requested transport and in moments was gone.

"How are you feeling now?" Chakotay asked as he and Kathryn sat on the couch.

"Fine," she replied. "And I know I'd say that if I had both my legs torn off by a trachon beast, but I truly am. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The whole time I was with Brett I wondered if it was really him who had changed or me, but now I know it was definitely him."

"I'm sorry that things didn't work out," Chakotay said. "That he wasn't the man you thought he was."

"Me too...for junior's sake. Every child deserves a good father but in Brett that's not what he's going to get." She paused. "I'm going to file for divorce in the morning and for sole custody of the baby. I don't know if Brett will agree to a divorce, as he was pretty adamant about not agreeing to it, but as I'm filing for one he doesn't have a choice. Getting custody should be easier as he doesn't want the baby. I don't know why I even gave him the chance to want junior in the first place, because I knew he wouldn't, but I thought that if he really loved me he would. But I don't think he even knows what love is."

"Evidently. If a baby's made with love then it must surely always be welcome. I can't imagine not wanting a baby I made with love."

"Neither can I." She paused. "But I stopped loving Brett a long time ago. Intimacy with him it became...it became something that I just did. I didn't enjoy it, not like I used to, I just went through the motions. It wasn't too hard because Brett was away a lot. He captained a ship in the Caribbean for 3 months and then a 2 month cruise in the Mediterranean. It's just the weeks he was home that were hard. I thought about leaving him many times, but as we'd only just got married I felt I had to at least try to make things work."

"When did he start to change?"

"As soon as we got married. Not all at once, of course, but he got more and more domineering and possessive by the day. And the more controlling he got, the less I felt for him until I felt nothing. But as hard as things have been, I wouldn't change anything as I have junior. I love him so much and can't wait to hold him in my arms. I never thought I'd have a child, thought it was too late, and he's truly a miracle." She put down her cup of coffee. "Would you like to see a photo-scan of him?"

"I would," Chakotay said. "Very much."

"Then I'll go and get it."

With that, she went to fetch the scan. When she returned, she proudly showed it to Chakotay.

"He's still very small," she said, "only the size of a strawberry, but can you see his little arms and legs and button eyes?"

"I can," Chakotay smiled.

"He has a heartbeat too, I heard it, and on The Doctor's monitor I saw him swim in his sac. It was incredible. Totally incredible."

"I'm sure it was. He's amazing, Kathryn. And with you as his mother, he's going to have an amazing life."

"I hope so. I'm certainly going to do my best for him." She put the picture down and picked up her coffee. "But enough about me. How are you? How was your trip?"

"Wonderful," he replied. "It was everything I thought it would be and more. Annika...Seven... enjoyed it too and we've signed up for another mission that leaves in five months time." He paused. "And I have something to tell you. We're married."

Those words seemed to suck the air out of the room and Kathryn felt as though she couldn't breathe. Even though she had no claim on him, even though she had married herself, she felt as though her heart had been ripped out of her body. A part of her had hoped, hoped against all the odds, that now that he was back he was free, but his words had killed that hope forever.

"We got married over a year ago," he continued, "on our ship."

Kathryn looked at his hands, his gentle but strong hands, and saw there was indeed a tell-tale gold band on his wedding finger.

"Seven has changed so much over the passed couple of years," he went on. "You'd hardly know her now. She no longer calls herself Seven, but Annika, and apart from her super intelligence is as human as the rest of us. It's amazing the impact her failsafe device had on her personality. She even looks different as our ship doctor, who was once a cosmetic and reconstruction surgeon, was able to fully restore her human face."

Kathryn tried hard to conceal her heartache and forced a smile. "I'm very happy for you both. Congratulations."

Suddenly, a chime played and a voice spoke. "Incoming transmission from San Francisco Police Station X10."

"Receive on audio," Kathryn said.

The transmission came through and Officer Travis spoke. "This is Officer Emily Travis. You'll be pleased to know that we have arrested Captain Laurence and have him in custody. He will remain so until he is tried and sentenced."

"Thank you for informing me so promptly," Kathryn replied. "Where was he?"

"At a meeting in Seattle. He denied assulating you at first, but when we presented him with the evidence, he confessed. This makes a conviction certain. But if you have any questions or concerns, don't hesitate to get in touch with us."

"I won't," Kathryn replied. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Admiral."

The connection terminated and Chakotay spoke. "I'm glad he's getting what's coming to him. I'm damned angry at what he's done to you, Kathryn, damned angry." He paused, swallowing the rage that was rising again. "Would you like me to stay tonight?"

"No," she answered. "But thank you for offering. I'll be ok."

"Are you sure? Annika and I are staying with her aunt in Sweden, until we get a place of our own, and I'm sure they'd appreciate time to catch up."

"No, I'll be fine, honestly. In fact, I'm pretty tired and would like an early night."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "In that case, I'll say goodnight."

He got to his feet and Kathryn walked him to the door.

"I'll come back tomorrow," he said when they got there, "with Annika. She really wants to see you."

"And I her," Kathryn replied.

"We're on commlink," Chakotay said as he opened the door, "so call us if you need anything."

"I will," Kathryn answered. "Thank you. And thank you for what you did tonight."

"No need to thank me. I'm just glad I was around." He gently drew her close and hugged her tenderly. "Goodnight, Kathryn."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes as they hugged but she fought to suppress them. "Goodnight, Chakotay."

Then Chakotay drew away and, before she knew it, was gone.

END OF CHAPTER 5


	6. Chapter 6

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray **

**Chapter 6**

Sun poured through the bedroom window as Kathryn packed Brett's belongings into a box. He didn't have much, as most of his things were on his ship, but what he did have she wanted to return to him. Although she felt nothing for him now, it was with an air of sadness that she packed his things away. She had loved him once, enough to want to spend the rest of her life with him, and they had made a precious child together. Never had she thought things would end this way. But as sad as she was for the end of their marriage, for the lost hopes and dreams, she was not going to dwell on what could have been. There was so much to look forward to, so many new hopes and dreams to embrace, and she planned on embracing them.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Kathryn abandoned a model boat that she was putting into the box and went into the lounge. She made her way over to her security monitor, to see who was there, and a quick glance at the small screen told her it was Chakotay and Seven. They had come, just like Chakotay had said they would, and Kathryn was glad. While it hurt to think of him belonging to someone else, she was glad that Chakotay and Seven had found happiness together. Chakotay deserved a woman who would love him loyally and Seven deserved a man who would love her devotedly. In each other, that is what they would get. There was an ache in Kathryn's heart, the ache of unrequited love, but there was no resentment towards Seven. She cared for her as much as she had always cared for her and was eager to see her. Quickly, she pressed the door's open button and then stepped back to greet her guests. As the door slid open, she got her first full glance of Seven and could hardly believe she was the same woman who had left Voyager two years ago. Her silky blonde hair was loose over her shoulders, subtle make-up dusted her now implant free features, twinkling diamonds dangled from her ears, a pretty blue dress hugged her slim figure, and delicate silver shoes graced her feet.

"Hello, Admiral," Seven smiled. "It's good to see you."

Kathryn smiled back and hugged the former drone. "Not half as good as it is to see you!"

Seven hugged her back, perfectly comfortable in doing so.

"And congratulations," Kathryn said as they drew apart. "Chakotay tells me you're married."

"We are," Seven replied.

"Quite a step," Kathryn teased, "for a woman who didn't believe in monogamy."

"Yes," Seven laughed. "But I'm not that woman anymore."

"So I can see. And may I say you look wonderful? Because you do. You look beautiful."

"Thank you. Since the removal of my failsafe device I have fully recovered my humanity and, I'm afraid to say, with that my vanity."

Kathryn smiled. "Nothing wrong with a little vanity, Seven...I mean Annika. Just not too much. At least, that's what I tell myself when I apply make up every morning."

Seven laughed again and Kathryn couldn't help but stare at her. The ex-drone she had known had barely even smiled.

"But as much as the removal of my failsafe device has done for me," Seven said, "it hasn't done as much as you. Without the opportunity you gave me to recover my individuality, and without your guidance, compassion and care while recovering it, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I'm indebted to you, above all others, and I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me."

Kathryn put her hand on Seven's arm. "There is no debt. It was a privilege to aid you in your journey. And it was not a one way ride. You helped us in our journey too. I'm very proud of everything you've achieved and I'm very proud of the woman you've become."

"Thank you, Admiral."

"Please, call me Kathryn. We're not in a command structure anymore and, well, it will give us both a new name to learn."

"It will," Seven smiled.

Chakotay addressed Kathryn. "How are you today?"

"Good. I feel fine and have got the ball rolling with Brett. I've filed for divorce and should be a free woman by this time next month." She turned to Seven. "I suppose Chakotay's told you what happened."

"Yes," she answered. "I'm sorry."

"Me too. I really thought he was the one, that we'd spend the rest of our lives together. But what's done is past. I'm not going to dwell on what has been, what could have been, or what should have been."

"The best way to be," Chakotay replied. "You have a lot to look forward to."

"I do," Kathryn agreed. "I really do."

"Chakotay's told me about the baby," Seven said. "Congratulations."

"Thank you. I thought it was too late for me, that I'd never have the chance to be a mother, so am absolutely thrilled. It won't be easy, I know, doing it alone, but I'm more than up to the challenge."

"You'll to be a wonderful mother," Seven replied, "just like you were a wonderful mentor. Your baby is very lucky."

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled. "Now, don't stand in the doorway like strangers. Come in. Can I get you both a drink?"

"A coffee would be good," Chakotay said. "Annika?"

"The same," she replied. "Cream, two sugars."

Kathryn laughed. "You two really are well suited." She then pointed at the couch. "Please, sit."

Chakotay and Seven sat next to each other and Kathryn went over to the replicator.

"Have you picked a name for the baby yet?" Seven asked.

"As a matter of fact I have," Kathryn answered. "I'm going to call him James. James Edward Janeway. James, because I like it, and Edward after my father."

"Will you raise him here in San Francisco?" Chakotay asked.

"No," she replied. "I'm going to return to Bloomington. I'll need help with junior so it makes sense to be close to family. My mother still lives there, in the house I grew up in, and my sister lives nearby with her family. I'd also like for junior to have a house with a garden so he has somewhere to play." She brought their coffees over. "You both can have this apartment, if you like. It's in a great spot and is ideal for a working couple."

"It is ideal," Seven answered, "and is just what we're looking for, but unfortunately is in the wrong country. We plan on living in Stockholm. My aunt is my only family and I'd like to be close to her."

"I understand. And when you've found somewhere, I hope I get an invite over. I've never been to Sweden."

"Then consider yourself our first guest," Seven smiled.

Kathryn smiled back and then returned to the replicator to replicate herself a cup of black coffee. "I'm actually hoping to move out soon," she said. "I haven't told my mother or sister, as I don't want to get their hopes up, but I'm going to view a house in Bloomington tomorrow morning. It's a bit run down, but is structurally sound and should be quite easy to restore. Would you like to come, Sev...Annika? I once promised you a tour of my hometown and I always keep my promises."

"I would love to," Seven replied, "but I'm accompanying my aunt to a concert. Your morning is, of course, our evening."

"I confess, I forgot. Must be quite difficult, adjusting to Europe time. Unless, of course, your ship was Europe time."

"It wasn't," Seven answered. "And adjusting is difficult. It was midnight in Sweden when we got back but only afternoon to us. There was no way we could sleep...I sleep now, just a few hours a day....so we stayed up."

"Which was fortunate for me," Kathryn said, leaving the replicator. "But if you haven't slept yet, Chakotay, you must be exhausted."

"I'm ok," he replied. "After seven years on Voyager, I'm used to sleepless nights."

"Our next ship will be Europe time," Seven said, "as we'll be joining a Scandinavian research team."

Kathryn sat in her favorite sofa chair. "How do you like being an astro-archaeologist?"

"I love it. I am also now qualified as I took a degree in astro-archaeology during our trip."

"Congratulations."

Chakotay spoke. "If you'd like some company tomorrow, Kathryn, I'll come with you. I don't have anything planned."

"Then plan to house-view," Kathryn smiled, "because I'd love your company."

Chakotay smiled in return. "Then you have it."

* * *

The following morning, Chakotay arrived at Kathryn's apartment just after 9:00 hours and they transported together to Bloomington. Kathryn showed him around her home town, pointing out all her old haunts, and then they went to view the house. It was called Manor House and it stood alone in an overgrown garden that was secluded from the world by tall trees. It was an old house, dating back at least 200 years, and was very gothic looking with four turrets and arched windows. Shabby paint work and broken glass panes gave the house an abandoned, almost spooky feel, but inside the vibe was warm and welcoming. A huge hallway with a grand staircase led to all the rooms in the house and there was also a lift. Downstairs there were two reception rooms, a kitchen, a dining room and a study, and upstairs there were four bedrooms, all ensuite and with their own spiral tower.

In a big bedroom that over looked the back garden, Kathryn admired a faded wall painting while Chakotay looked out at the garden. The painting covered an entire wall and was of teddy bears having a picnic. This room and clearly once been a nursery. With a bit of work, and Phoebe's expertise, it would be easy to restore the picture and have childish eyes adore it once more. Suddenly, as Kathryn moved her eyes over the ghostly picture, it blurred before her as a dizziness overcame her. To keep herself upright, she leant against the wall and waited for it to pass. This had to be a temporal glitch. They had happened twice before. In the weeks before her last injection, she had twice experienced a few minutes of dizzying temporal flux. The Doctor called these episodes 'glitches' that did not, at least for the moment, require treatment. Chakotay, who was leaving the window, saw her suffering and hurried over to her.

"Kathryn? What's wrong?"

"I feel dizzy," she said. "But I'm ok."

"I'll call The Doctor."

"There's no need. It will pass. I get dizzy occasionally. But I could do with a drink. Could you get my flask? It's in my bag, which I've left on a table in the hallway."

"Sure. But let's get you seated first."

He helped her over to the tower's window seat and then went to fetch her bag. As he did, Kathryn leant back against the window and closed her swirling eyes. But the dizziness, the nausea, the headache, they weren't subsiding. If anything, they were getting worse. Then, suddenly, she heard something, something faint in the distance, something like laughter, like laughter in a dream. It was the laughter of children. Their laughter grew louder, surrounded her, and it felt as though they were in the room with her. Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around the misty room but she could see nothing. Yet the laughter echoed still. Then it faded away, faded into nothing, and all was silent.

"I really think we should call The Doctor," Chakotay said as he returned with her bag. "You're deathly pale, Kathryn."

"I'm ok," she said. "I feel better now." It was true, she did. The dizziness and nausea were subsiding and her headache was easing. "But did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Chakotay asked as he sat beside her.

"Laughing...children laughing."

"No," he said.

"I did. It was faint at first, like an echo on the wind, but then it was like they were in the room with me. I could have sworn they were."

"Maybe this house is haunted."

Kathryn smiled. "I don't believe in hauntings."

"Don't be so quick to dismiss them. But it was probably children playing outside. Empty houses carry sound and this is a family neighborhood."

"You're probably right," she said. "It was probably that."

Chakotay pulled her flask out of her bag and opened it. As he did, Kathryn looked out at the garden. It was large and had a huge lawn, a pond, and a patio area. "I so love the garden," she said. "It's wild now, but in my mind I can see it as it could be. I can see a dog running across the lawn, flowers of every color, a stone path that leads to a bird feeder, and a beautifully decked patio area. The pond I can see as an enclosed kiddies sand pit and next to it I can see a swing and slide and other toys."

"Sounds like you've made up your mind," Chakotay said, pouring warm coffee into the flask's cup, "about this house."

"I have," she answered. "I'm taking it. I feel at home here, like I belong here."

"Then you do," he replied. "A house has a soul, I believe that, and it lives and speaks."

He handed Kathryn the cup and she took a drink before speaking.

"I'll secure it today," she said. "As soon as we're out of here. Then I'll get stuck into repairs. Not myself, of course, but professionals. It shouldn't take them long to have this place liveable. Then I'll throw a housewarming party, every house should have one, and invite my family and friends and our Voyager crew. Of course, not every former crew member will be able to come, as most are back in space, but it will be good to see all those who can. I haven't seen Harry or Samantha in two years and I'd love to catch up with them."

"Me too," Chakotay said. "A housewarming party is a great idea."

"I'll have it in the garden, I think. There's more space there. I'll put up a marquee and..."

She stopped talking and dropped the cup in her hands as a terrible pain seized her insides. Then a blackness swirled fell before her eyes and she lost consciousness.

* * *

When Kathryn woke up, she found herself lying on a biobed in The Doctor's clinic at Starfleet Headquarters. The Doctor was looking down at her and his face was solemn.

"Welcome back, Admiral," he said.

All was foggy in Kathryn's mind, all confusion. "What happened?"

"You suffered a temporal glitch," he replied.

Everything came flooding back to her now. She remembered being in the house, remembered talking to Chakotay, and remembered the agonizing pain before she passed out. And with that remembrance came a terrible fear.

"The baby," she said. "Is he...is he ok?"

The Doctor was a moment in answering. "I'm afraid you've suffered a miscarriage."

Kathryn shook her head, not wanting to believe it. "But I can't have," she said. "I can't lose him, I can't."

"I'm sorry," The Doctor said again. "The temporal glitch put immense strain on your body and that strain was too much for the baby. I did everything I could but I was unable to save him."

Kathryn closed her eyes, trying to close out the terrible pain, but it wouldn't go away. Her baby was gone, her darling precious baby, and the grief was unbearable.

* * *

In a hazy void of pain, Kathryn only vaguely registered Chakotay's arrival in her room. He was talking to The Doctor, or rather The Doctor was talking to him, but what he said she didn't take in. It was only Chakotay's raised voice that brought her out of her trance.

"Brett had better pay for this," he cried. "He had so better pay!"

"The Admiral's miscarriage has nothing to do with the incident the other night," The Doctor replied. "The timing is purely coincidental."

"I can't believe that," Chakotay said. "He beat her black and blue!"

"I wouldn't lie to you, Commander. If the brute was responsible then I'd want him punished as much as you, but he isn't. You have to believe me."

Chakotay was silent for a moment, then he relented. "Ok, Doctor. If you say that is so I accept it."

"I do say it is so."

"Then I accept it."

Then Chakotay was walking over to her and looking down at her.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm so deeply sorry."

The words were meant to comfort, his hand on hers was meant to comfort, but they did not.

"If there's anything I can do," he went on, "anything at all, just ask."

Something exploded inside Kathryn now and she climbed off the bed. "There's nothing," she cried, "there's nothing anyone can do. My baby's gone and that's that!"

The Doctor approached. "Would you like me to call your mother or sister?"

"No," she answered. "I don't need them. I just need to go home."

"Very well, I will discharge you." He went over to a trolley, picked up a hypospray, and presented it to her. "Apply this if you experience any pain or discomfort over the next few hours."

Kathryn took the hypospray but did not thank him.

"Your bag," Chakotay said, holding it out to her. "Here."

Kathryn snatched the bag, opened it, and put the hypospray inside. As she did, she saw a leaflet promoting Manor House and she pulled it out. Then she took out her comm device and called the housing agency's message service.

"This is Kathryn Janeway," she said. "I'd like to inform you that I am no longer interested in Manor House. Goodbye."

With that, she broke the connection and put her comm-device back into her bag.

"I truly am sorry about the miscarriage," The Doctor said. "I know how much you wanted the baby."

"Well," she replied, zipping up her bag. "We don't always get what we want, do we? Life is a lottery, Doctor. You should know that. Now, get me a site to site transport."

"As you wish," The Doctor said sadly. He hit his commbadge. "The Doctor to Transporter Room 1. Site to site transport request. Please transport Admiral Janeway home."

A female voice replied. "Request in process."

As the connection terminated, The Doctor put his hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "Take things easy, Admiral. I'll be checking up on you."

"Me too," Chakotay said. "And I really am very sorry."

A transporter beam then engulfed Kathryn and she dematerialized. When she rematerialized, she found herself in the lounge of her apartment. It was raining outside, a soft gray drizzle, and the sky's tears trickled down the windows. Kathryn wished they were her tears, wished she could cry for the baby she had loved so much but would now never know, but she couldn't. The pain was so great that she was almost numb to it. Numb to everything. Then, on her coffee table, she saw her baby's photo-scan. Slowly, painfully, Kathryn went over to it and picked it up. As she gazed at his tiny little form, she remembered the life she'd seen in him, the heartbeat she'd heard, and an agony filled her soul that overwhelmed her. Clutching his photo to her chest, she let out a cry of despair, and then curled up on the couch as the tears and the sobs of unbearable grief finally came.

END OF CHAPTER 6


	7. Chapter 7

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 7**

A MONTH LATER

In the kitchenette of her new apartment in Florida, Kathryn helped her eight year old redhaired niece, Amy, decorate a chocolate cake they'd just baked. After everything that had happened lately, Kathryn needed a fresh start, so she'd moved out of her apartment in San Francisco and into this one on the Emerald Coast. It was spacious, elegant, and from all the windows was a glorious view of the Gulf of Mexico. Kathryn was now divorced, the proceedings having gone as planned, and Brett was serving a three month sentence for assault.

"Do you think," Amy asked as she carefully placed candy stars on the cake's chocolate icing, "that when people eat our cake they'll notice that it's burnt inside?"

"I'm sure they won't," Kathryn replied. "They'll just think it's crispy."

"I hope they don't. And I don't think they will because it looks lovely, doesn't it?"

"Very lovely," Kathryn smiled. "You've done a wonderful job."

Amy put on the last star and then cheered. "Yay! It's finished!"

"Bravo," Kathryn said. "Well done!"

Suddenly, the apartment's main door opened and Seven came in with Chakotay. They were staying with Kathryn for a few days and had just spent the morning swimming.

"Oh, hello," Amy said when she saw them. "You're Annika and Chakotay, aren't you? I recognize you from FBC and Aunt Katie's pictures. I'm Amy Jackson, Aunt Katie's niece. Phoebe, her sister, is my mother and my father is Richard Jackson."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm pleased to meet you, Amy."

"So am I," Seven added.

"I'm pleased to meet you both too," Amy smiled. " I'm staying over tonight. Mommy and Daddy have gone to Boston. Mommy has an exhibition there. She's an artist. But don't worry, I won't be needing your room. I'm sleeping with Aunt Katie. Her bed is big enough for two people, not like mine which is just big enough for me, so it's definitely big enough for one people and a little girl."

Kathryn left the kitchen area and walked over to Chakotay and Seven. "How was your swim?"

"Fantastic," Chakotay said. "Surreal. There were so many times on Voyager that I thought I'd never have the chance to fulfill my dream of swimming in these waters again, but now I have and I can't put into words the feeling."

"I know what you mean," Kathryn replied. "I felt the same way when I saw the moon, watched the sun set, saw it rise. Some feelings are beyond words."

Amy proudly pointed to the chocolate cake. "Look, Chakotay and Annika. Look at what we made!"

"Wow," Chakotay smiled. "That's some cake. Is it chocolate?"

"It is," Amy answered. "With vanilla cream, chocolate icing, and candy stars. Do you want a piece?"

"I'd love one," he smiled.

Amy looked at Seven. "Annika?"

"Yes," she replied. "Thank you."

Kathryn pointed at the dining table. "Then sit yourselves down and I'll cut us all a slice."

Chakotay and Seven went to sit down and Amy went with them.

"We worked really hard on it," she said, climbing onto a seat. "Really hard. We made it from a recipe, not a replicator, and mixed it and cooked it ourselves."

"I'm impressed," Chakotay said.

Kathryn brought the cake over with a knife and lay them down on the table. "Would you all like a drink?"

"Oh yes," Amy cried. "We must have a drink. Then it will be like we're in a cafe! I'll have a lemonade. A pink one."

"I'll have an apple juice," Seven said.

"And I a blueberry," Chakotay added.

"Then one pink lemonade, apple juice and blueberry juice coming up," Kathryn smiled. "But first let me get some plates...unless you all fancy eating your cake off the table!"

Amy laughed. "I so don't, Aunt Katie. Tango sat on it and Tango's dirty."

"Who's Tango?" Chakotay asked.

"My dog," Amy answered. "Granny has him. That was the deal. Granny got him and Aunt Katie got me. He's a real handful, you see, so Granny can't look after him and me together."

Kathryn returned to the table with plates and forks and ruffled her niece's curly hair. "Which definitely gave me the better bargain," she said.

Amy laughed and then watched as her aunt went over to the replicator. "What are you having to drink, Aunt Katie?"

"Lemon tea," she answered.

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Not coffee?"

"I don't drink it anymore," she said. "I've gone off it."

Ever since her miscarriage, she couldn't bear the smell of coffee. It was the taste in her mouth, the smell in the air, when she lost her baby, and the aroma would forever remind her of that terrible moment.

"Aunt Katie's taking me to the beach this afternoon," Amy said. "We're going to build sandcastles."

"Sounds like fun," Seven replied.

"Oh it is. I love making sandcastles as much as I love making snowmen. What are you doing this afternoon?"

Chakoyay answered. "We're going on a boat ride down the coast."

"Oh lovely. I've been on one and it's amazing. Have a great time."

"I'm sure we will," he smiled.

Kathryn brought their drinks over on a tray and Amy clapped. "Yay! Our drinks! Now sit down, Aunt Katie, and cut the cake! I can't wait to try it!"

"I'm sitting," Kathryn said. She then picked up the knife. "And I'm cutting."

Carefully, she cut out four slices and put them on plates.

"If the cake tastes hard," Amy said as Chakotay put a piece into his mouth, "it's because it's crispy, not burnt."

"I see," Chakotay smiled. He then looked warmly at Kathryn. "Some things never change."

"When it comes to me and cooking," Kathryn replied. "Never."

Amy watched as Chakotay chewed his piece and eagerly awaited his verdict.

"Delicious," he said. "Not hard at all."

"Really?" Kathryn asked.

"Well," he teased. "I have strong teeth."

Kathryn laughed and then sampled a piece herself. To her surprise, it was good.

"You're right," she said. "It is delicious. Well done us, Amy!"

The child laughed and then turned to Seven. "Do you like it, Annika?"

"I do," she smiled.

Having had everyone's approval, Amy began to eat her own slice, getting cream and chocolate all over face and fingers.

"Use the fork, honey," Kathryn said. "You're making a right mess of yourself."

"I always do when I eat cake," she answered. "But that's ok, Aunt Katie, it's only cream and will wash off."

"Prevention is better than cure. Go to the bathroom, wash yourself up, and then come back and eat like a lady."

"Oh, but..."

"No, buts. Be gone."

Amy sighed. "Ok. I'm going."

With that, she got up and went into the bathroom.

"You must forgive her bad manners," Kathryn said. "What can I say? My sister raised her."

Chakotay laughed. "She's a great child. And she looks a lot like you."

"She does," Kathryn replied. "Everyone says so."

"I'm glad Voyager is home," Seven said, "and you have the chance to be a part of her life."

"Me too. I'm glad we all have a chance to be a part of our families lives again. Children grow so fast and the time we lose is lost forever."

Amy returned now and hurried over to the table. "I'm all clean," she said. "Not a spot on me!"

"That's not quite true," Kathryn smiled, pointing to a spot on her cheek that had not been washed away in the child's haste to clean herself, "there's one right there."

Amy rubbed the spot hard. "Is it gone now?"

"Yes," Kathryn said, kissing her cheek. "It's gone."

Amy smiled, climbed back into her chair, and began to eat what was left of her cake with her fork. As she did, she studied Seven. "You don't look much like you do in pictures," she said. "Why is that, Annika?"

"Because I have had my facial implants removed and concealed," Seven told her. "I look fully human now."

"What was it like being a borg? Was it horrible?"

"No. When a person is assimilated they forget who they were."

"Did it hurt when they assimilated you?"

"I can't remember. I was very young when it happened. Younger than you."

"Did you go to school in the borg?"

"No," Seven smiled. "When I was assimilated I learnt everything that I needed to know."

"That must be one good thing about being a borg then," Amy said, "no school, because I hate having homework. But I'd rather go to school than be a borg. I hope I'm never assimilated."

"With Kathryn Janeway as your aunt," Seven replied, "that is highly unlikely."

"What are your plans for tomorrow?" Kathryn asked, changing the subject. "Anything interesting?"

"We're going to Miami for the day," Chakotay told her. "We want to see the sites and check out the new Arts Gallery."

"Oh, it's wonderful," Kathryn said. "I went there with Phoebe last weekend and we spent hours going through it all."

As the grown-ups talked about the Art Gallery, Amy picked up her pink kiddie tricorder, which she'd left on the table earlier, and began to play with it. The Art Gallery was of no interest to her and neither was the cake now that they'd all eaten a piece. First she played a game, but when she was bored of that, she moved on to other things. This was when she made a discovery that perplexed her.

"Aunt Katie," she said, "what does this mean?"

Kathryn turned to her niece. "What, darling?"

"It says on my tricorder that there are six people in this room. But how can that be when there's only four?"

"You're probably reading it wrong, honey."

"I'm not. It definitely says there are six people in this room."

Chakotay spoke. "Let's check that on my tricorder. Can you get it, Amy? It's beside my bed or somewhere in our room."

"Ok," she said. "I'll go get it."

The child hurried to get it and the bedroom door closed behind her.

"We didn't want to tell you," Seven said uncomfortably to Kathryn, "not at the moment, because we didn't want to rub salt in a wound, but I'm pregnant."

The words hurt, just as they knew they would, but Kathryn put a brave face on. "I see," she said. "Congratulations."

"I'm only two weeks," Seven went on, "and wouldn't know myself yet except that I was told during a routine medical." She paused. "As I'm sure you can calculate from the math, I'm having twins."

Kathryn said nothing, just stared vacantly at her hands. She was happy for them, very happy, but it was indeed rubbing salt in a wound that was still very raw.

"I'm sorry for the timing," Chakotay said. "It couldn't be worse. But I want you to know we didn't plan this."

Kathryn looked up at him. "Don't apologize. Don't ever feel you have to apologize for the existence of your children. I'm happy for you, I truly am. I just..." Tears filled her eyes. "I'm just raw right now. But I don't, not for a second, want to cast a cloud over this very special time for you both. Enjoy it. You deserve to."

"We just wish that you were enjoying it with us," Seven said. "What happened to you is so unfair. Now that I'm pregnant, I'm going to try and be the best mother that I can be, but the truth is I'm not ready. I've only just got to know myself and I had so many plans for my life. You were ready and it should have been your turn."

"The best laid plans always go astray," Kathryn replied. "We just have to trust that somehow, someway, what happens to us is meant to be. That might be more of a philosophical way of looking at things than a scientific, but I think there's a place for both in our world. My ex-fiance, Mark, he was a philosopher and he always said that we're a stitch in a sweater. We have our place, our style, and though we're only one in myriads, without us the whole would fall apart." She paused. "I suppose what I'm trying to say is that what happens to us happens for a reason. We have to trust that that reason is for our good. Or, if not for our good, then for the greater good. But you're going to be a wonderful mother, Annika. I know that you are."

"Thank you," she said.

"What are you having? Girls, boys, both?"

"Boys," she answered. "Identical twin boys."

Boys. Baby boys. Pain filled Kathryn's heart as she thought of her own baby boy, but she masked that pain with a smile. "That's wonderful. Truly wonderful."

"This has obviously changed our plans," Chakotay said. "We're no longer going on the dig in four months time."

"I would think not. You'll need to get yourselves a house and set up home."

"It's actually all sorted," Seven declared. "My aunt's having our new apartment and we're having her house. It's getting too big for her now she's getting older so it makes sense to swap. We're hoping to make the exchange next weekend."

"I see," Kathryn replied.

"We didn't tell you," Chakotay said, "because it would be more salt on the wound."

Kathryn reached out with both her hands and took one of theirs in each. "What happened to me was devastating, and I'm still living with the loss every day, but just because I'm grieving for my baby, doesn't mean you can't joy in yours. I want you to celebrate. And I want you to celebrate without guilt. Promise me you will. Promise me you'll have a housewarming party and do all the things you would have done had this not happened to me."

"We'd be unworthy friends," Chakotay replied, "if we weren't sensitive to your loss. How can we have a party when you're grieving?"

"Because I want you too. Please. Have a housewarming party."

"Who would we invite?" Seven asked. "My aunt is my only family and Chakotay has little family on Earth."

"Our Voyager family," Kathryn replied. "Please, don't miss out on this rite of passage because of me."

"Ok," Chakotay said, squeezing her hand. "We'll have a housewarming party."

"We will," Seven added. "If it means that much to you."

"It does," Kathryn answered. "Because you both mean a lot to me."

Amy returned now, her little face red and bothered. "I can't find your tricorder, Chakotay. I've looked everywhere and everywhere!"

"It's ok, darling," Kathryn said, breaking away from them and turning to her niece. "We've sorted it all out. There are six lifesigns because there are six of us here. Annika's pregnant with twins."

Amy's face lit up. "Really? With baby twins?"

"Really," Seven smiled.

"Oh that's awesome. Awesome! Are they boys or girls?"

"Boys," Seven answered.

"Will they look the same? Eva and Emmy, who are girls in my class, are twins and they look exactly the same. I can't tell the difference between them sometimes!"

"They will look the same," Seven said. "They're identical."

"Oh, that is so cool. I can't wait to see them. When will they be born?"

Kathryn answered. "Not for a long time yet, honey. They're very tiny right now so have a lot of growing to do before they're ready for the world. But I'm sure Annika and Chakotay want to keep this happy news to themselves for the moment, so will you be a good girl and not tell anyone?"

"I will," Amy said. "I won't tell anyone."

Kathryn kissed her hair. "That's my girl." She then got to her feet. "Now, let's get ourselves into shorts. We've got a beach to get to and castles to build!"

"We so have," Amy laughed.

Kathryn turned back to Chakotay and Seven. "Congratulations again. And get started on arranging that party!"

"We will," Seven smiled. "We promise."

Kathryn smiled back and then went with Amy into the bedroom.

END OF CHAPTER SEVEN


	8. Chapter 8

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 8**

THREE WEEKS LATER

Music and laughter filled Chakotay and Seven's villa as their friends, comrades and family gathered together at their housewarming party. Many of Voyager's former crew were present, including all senior staff, and they talked happily to each other about all that had happened since their return. From a corner of the room, dressed in a gown of blue velvet, Kathryn watched with mixed emotions as her former crew members talked. She was glad to see them, and was happy for their joy, but being amongst them made her feel sad and lonely. This wasn't because she was unaccompanied, and it wasn't because only the brave dared talk to her, but because she missed the presence of the man she loved. On Voyager, no matter what the event, Chakotay had always been by her side. He'd been her constant companion, her best friend and confidant, and she felt lost without him, as lost as a ship without an anchor. For he'd been her anchor, her sails and her harbor, and she was sorry that she'd never told him. It was too late now, he belonged to Seven, but regret was one of the emotions she felt as she watched him dance with his wife. Their arms were around each other, their eyes locked, and Kathryn couldn't help but wish that it was her in Seven's place. But she tried to steer away from those thoughts, tried to reach safe waters, for regret could so easily turn to resentment, and the last thing she wanted was to resent Seven.

"Long time no see!"

The voice was Harry's and Kathryn turned to him. "Harry! It certainly is long time no see! How are you?"

"Good," he answered. "Engaged."

"You are? Congratulations. Who's the lucky lady?"

"Libby. We're back together."

"Oh that's wonderful. I hope I'll get an invite to the wedding."

"You will," he smiled. "You'll be our guest of honor."

"Is Libby here? I'd love to meet her."

"She is, somewhere. The Delaney sisters got hold of her and I haven't seen her since."

Kathryn laughed. "Worried?"

"Should I be?"

"Well," she teased, "if a little bird speaks true, you were sweet on at least one sister. They might have stories to tell."

"I'm happy to say," Harry answered, "that the little bird, called Tom Paris, spoke false. I was never sweet on the Delaney sisters."

Tom arrived now with B'Elanna. "Oh yes you were, Harry," he said. "You were crazy in love with Megan."

"I was not."

"You were so. There's no point denying it."

"Ok," Harry laughed. "Maybe I was a little. But I was nowhere near as crazy for Megan as you were for Tanya Marshall. You did the nightshift every night for a month, just so you could hang around the messhall all day incase she came in."

Kathryn flinched at these words. "Did you say Tanya Marshall?"

"I did," Harry replied. "Why?"

"She died when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant."

"You must be confusing her with someone else, Admiral," he answered. "Tanya survived us getting pulled into the Delta Quadrant but died in a shuttle crash three years later."

"That's right," B'Elanna confirmed. "I was with her. We crashed into an m-class planet and she died on impact. I can't say I'm sorry, because she was a real nasty piece of work, but I'm sorry Ben Fields died too. He was a great guy."

Kathryn frowned in confusion. In her recollection of events, Ben Fields died during a conflict with the Vidians.

"Tanya certainly was a devil in an angel's body," Tom said. "How can you forget her, Admiral? Have you had a few too many drinks? But let's not speak ill of the dead."

"I'll speak ill of whoever I want," B'Elanna argued. "Tanya was a bitch and being dead doesn't make her less of one. What she did to Chakotay was unforgivable."

"What she did to all of us was unforgivable," Harry added. "I know she claimed to be acting under mind control, but I don't believe she was. The Doctor doesn't think so either, or Chakotay. And I don't think you believed it either, Admiral, but without conclusive evidence you had to give her the benefit of the doubt."

"To be fair," Tom said. "What else could the Admiral do?"

"Put her out an airlock," B'Elanna retorted.

Kathryn was very pale now and Tom put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Admiral?"

"Yes," she replied quietly. "I just...Excuse me."

With that she walked away and looked around for The Doctor. It was difficult to find him in the crowd but at last she did. He was talking with a woman, an attractive blonde in a red dress, and was clearly enjoying himself. Kathryn quickly went over to him and rudely interrupted their conversation.

"Doctor, I need to speak to you."

"Can it wait?" The Doctor asked. "I'm in the middle of..."

"It can't," she replied. "I need to speak with you now."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well." He then kissed the hand of his lady friend. "Junie, I'll see you soonie. Save a dance for me."

The woman smiled and then walked away.

"This had better be good," The Doctor said. "I was very close to getting a date with her."

"I don't know about good," Kathryn replied, "but I think I finally understand what's been happening to me."

"The Temporal chaos?"

"Yes. But I don't want to talk about it here. Let's go outside."

They went into the garden, which was lit by lamps and a heaven of stars, and sat on a bench by a rockery.

"This is going to sound crazy," Kathryn said, "but I think the reason for the temporal chaos is that I'm from a different reality."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "As in an alternate universe?"

"Yes. Alternate universe, different reality, another timeline, call it what you will. And the reason I've come to this conclusion is because when I was talking to Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry back there, they were talking about events on Voyager that I don't remember. You said yourself that something happened on Voyager that threw my body into temporal chaos and I think this was it. Somehow, someway, I was drawn from my own reality into this one."

"That could explain it," The Doctor considered. "Being pulled from one reality to another could indeed send a body into permanent temporal chaos. But let's not jump to conclusions. There may be many reasons why you don't remember the events Tom, Harry and B'Elanna were talking about. Your condition is causing cellular degeneration every day and that may well be effecting your memory."

"No, Doctor. I'm in the wrong reality, I know it. And I should have realized it before now. Things are the same, you're all the same, but you're also very different. In my reality, Chakotay didn't love Annika, Annika didn't love Chakotay, and Tuvok wasn't sick. And in my reality Tanya Marshall died when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant, not in a shuttle crash three years later."

"Then your trip through the Delta Quadrant must have been a lot less dramatic," The Doctor teased. "Tanya Marshall was...quite a character." He then fell serious. "You clearly do have some memories that are different to the rest of us, and that may well be due to you being from another reality, but they could also be a result of your condition...or even a result of drinking too much alcohol. How many glasses have you had tonight exactly?"

"No more than two," Kathryn replied. "I'm quite sober, Doctor."

"Be that as it may, I suggest we continue this conversation when I know for certain that you are. If I had my tricorder, then I could examine you to find out, but as I never bring it to social events, I can't. It's quite a turn off for the ladies, you see. It makes them think I'm an always on duty kind of man. What I suggest is that you spend a couple of days reading through your Voyager logs, personal and professional, and noting down any discrepancies between events recorded and what you can remember. Then we can discuss your findings and conclude whether or not you really are from another reality."

"I am, Doctor. I know it. But you're right, I need more evidence and my logs will give it." She paused. "Make my excuses to Chakotay and Annika. I have to get home and start reading."

"But what will this party be without you?"

"What it is, Doctor. Comrades celebrating the happiness of friends." She put her hand on his arm. "Tell them I got called away. Nothing serious, I don't want to worry them, just something urgent. Ok?"

"As you wish," he said.

With that, Kathryn got to her feet and left.

* * *

As soon as Kathryn got home, she grabbed her laptop and started reading through her logs. The first few told events exactly as she remembered, except there was no mention of Tanya Marshall being killed, and the next batch she read did too. But if she was right, that she was from another reality, then there had to be differences somewhere, had to be events that she couldn't remember or that she remembered differently.

Then she found one.

There was a log, and a very long one at that, about an incident in Engineering between B'Elanna and Tanya. They'd come to blows over how to fix the warp core and had ended up in the brig for disorderly behavior. The incident itself was trivial but its implication was tremendous. It proved that Tom, B'Elanna and Harry were right. In this reality, Tanya hadn't died when Voyager was pulled into the Delta Quadrant.

"Computer," Kathryn said. "Count how many times the name Tanya or Lieutenant Marshall appears in my personal logs."

The computer immediately answered. "The name Tanya appears 565 times. The name Lieutenant Marshall appears 615 times."

"Display the log that tells of the death of Lieutenant Tanya Marshall."

The computer scanned the logs, which took only seconds, and then opened up a log on her screen. It was dated stardate 50924.2, which put it at the end of their third year in the Delta Quadrant. Kathryn read the log quickly, digesting its contents as fast as she could, and found that it confirmed what Harry had told her. Tanya Marshall had died in a shuttle crash with Ben Fields. For a moment, Kathryn just stared at the screen, totally stunned by what this meant, but then she pulled herself together and began to look through the rest of the logs. There had to be other incidents that were different, other events that would prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was in a different reality and not just suffering from some kind of memory impairment.

"Computer," she said, "find me my logs on New Earth."

She had to know if that event had happened. She had to know if Chakotay had loved her in this reality, because every part of her was beginning to think their personal lives had played out very differently. And if they had, that would explain so much...

"Logs found."

Kathryn opened the first log, desperate to know what it said, but her heart stopped as she began to read it. Yes, she'd been stranded on New Earth, but it was not with Chakotay. It was with B'Elanna. In this reality, she and Chakotay had never shared those special weeks alone that had been so pivotal to their relationship.

"Computer," Kathryn said. "Find me the log about the alien that impersonated my father."

Never would she forget the way Chakotay had so frantically tried to revive her in her vision, or the way he had so hopelessly cradled her dead body in his arms. She needed to know if that haunting image of grief was described in her logs, if he'd grieved so desperately for the woman he loved...

"Log found."

Kathryn opened the log, read it, but again events were not consistent with the ones in her memory. It was Tuvok she had crashed with that day, not Chakotay, and there was no mention of him grieving. The only mention of him was concerning a moving tribute he'd made at her funeral. Kathryn quickly selected more logs to read, skimming through them at warp speed for all references to Chakotay, but amongst the many entries about him, she could find none, not even one, that suggested there was anything more than friendship between them. Quite the contrary, it seemed as though he'd been involved with Tanya Marshall. All this could only mean one thing. Definitely, without a doubt, she was from another reality.

END OF CHAPTER EIGHT


	9. Chapter 9

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 9**

After reading non-stop through her logs for almost two hours, Kathryn took a break and replicated herself a cup of tea.

"Computer," she said as she returned to her chair, "continue logs in audio mode."

This would take longer to get through the logs, as she couldn't visually skim, but there was no way she could keep reading. Her head was hurting and her eyes were aching. Almost instantly, her own voice filled the room and began to narrate the logs. Kathryn closed her eyes and listened, but as she did a familiar nausea gripped her.

"Computer," she said. "End logs."

All went silent, but a whirring began in her ears and her body began to tremble. It was the temporal flux, Kathryn knew it. Six months had passed since her last injection and she was due one any day. But rather than drag The Doctor from the party to administer it, she chose to endure the attack, knowing it would subside in a few minutes. The onset of temporal flux always began with waves of dizziness, which went as quickly as they came, and she had at least a couple of days saving grace before an injection was essential.

Sure enough, the dizziness and nausea subsided quickly, and Kathryn felt herself again. Opening her eyes, she picked up her tea and was just about to reactivate her logs when the door chime played. Kathryn put down her drink again, got to her feet, and went over to her security monitor to see who was there. It was Chakotay. Half of Kathryn didn't want to see him, just wanted to keep going through her logs, but the other half longed to as she had so many questions that maybe he could help answer. After only a moment's deliberation, she opened the door. Even though he wasn't "her" Chakotay, he was still Chakotay, and she needed to share with him what she knew.

"Hi," Chakotay said as the door slid open. "I guess I'm the last person you're expecting to see, but the party's finished now, so I thought I'd come over and see if you're ok. The Doctor said you left on official matters, but Annika and I thought maybe you were upset."

"I'm fine," Kathryn replied. "You shouldn't have bothered checking up on me. It must be what, the early hours of the morning in Sweden? But now that you're here, I'd really like to talk to you."

"Ok," he said, "let me in and I'm all ears."

Kathryn smiled and stepped aside. "Come in. Sit down. Would you like a cup of tea?"

"That would be good, thank you."

Chakotay went to sit down on the couch and Kathryn went to replicate his drink. "Hot with sugar and lemon?"

"Please," he answered.

Kathryn made his drink to order and then carried it over to him. "Here."

Chakotay took the cup gratefully and Kathryn sat beside him. "I won't keep you long, I know it's late, but there's something I have to tell you. The trouble is, I don't really know where to begin. I suppose at the beginning. Do you remember that morning on Voyager, during our last few weeks in the Delta Quadrant, when I woke up in a state of temporal flux?"

"Yes," Chakotay answered. "The Doctor had to inject you with a serum to bring you into temporal sync. We tried to find out what had happened, why you were in a state of temporal chaos, but we could find no cause. We concluded you'd had an out of time experience."

"That's right. I thought that incident was a one off, but three months after we got home, I woke up in a state of temporal flux again. The Doctor re-injected me, which put me back into temporal sync, and we concluded it was caused by another out of time experience, probably related to the first. But when I had another episode six months later, and another episode six months after that, we could only conclude that something had happened that night on Voyager that had sent my body into permanent temporal chaos. Only the injections are keeping me in sync and the strain on my body is tremendous. That's why I suffered a miscarriage. Every day my body is degenerating at the cellular level and how long I have to live, or what the quality of my life will be if I live long, is anyone's guess."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "Why haven't you told me?"

"I didn't want to worry you."

Chakotay put down his drink. "I'm your friend, Kathryn. Whatever you're going through, I want to share it with you. And that goes for Annika too. We want to be here for you."

"I appreciate that," Kathryn replied. "Truly. But I'm not the Kathryn Janeway you've both known all these years. The temporal flux is only half the story." She paused. "That's why I left the party. While talking with B'Elanna, Tom and Harry, things were said that suddenly made everything clear. The reason I'm suffering from temporal chaos is because I'm from another reality."

Chakotay was silent a moment as he absorbed this, then he spoke. "That's a big conclusion to jump to," he said skeptically. "And perhaps not the most plausible. From what I understand, being in another reality doesn't send a body into temporal chaos."

"No, but I don't know how I ended up in this reality. Anything could have happened. If I'm here because I was caught up in some kind of temporal anomaly, that would explain my temporal chaos and my reality displacement." She paused. "I've been through my logs and there are a lot of discrepancies between the events I can remember and the ones catalogued in them. I have to be from another reality."

"But if you're from another reality then..."

Kathryn finished the sentence. "I've been in it for over two years."

Chakotay fell silent again as he tried to make sense of this, tried to digest it all.

"I know what you're thinking," Kathryn went on, "that I've either gone crazy or have had too much to drink. The Doctor certainly thought I was drunk. But I'm totally sober and serious. I'm from another reality. I know its hard to believe, I'm having a hard time getting my head around it myself, but I'm from another Voyager in another timeline."

"If you're so certain," Chakotay replied, "then I believe you. I just...I don't want to believe it."

"I'm not sure I do. And yet....another part of me does. A part of me is relieved by all this. Because for so long, ever since we got home, I've felt displaced, like I don't belong. Nothing has gone right for me and everything, from you being with Annika to Tuvok being ill, has felt so wrong."

"When time is out of balance," Chakotay said, "everything is wrong. Either that or its too right. A wonderful dream or a terrible nightmare. At least, that's the conclusion I've come to." He paused. "What exactly was said at the party that made you realize you are displaced?"

"Tom, B'Elanna, and Harry were discussing Tanya Marshall. In my reality, she died when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant, so it totally threw me when they started talking about her."

"Then we definitely are from different realities," Chakotay answered. "Tanya Marshall was a huge part of our journey in my reality."

"From reading my logs," Kathryn said, picking up her cup of now cold tea, "I get the impression that you and she were involved."

"Yes," he answered. "We dated for over a year."

"If it's not too painful to talk about, what happened? B'Elanna mentioned something about her betraying you in some way."

"She did. But she also betrayed all of us. Behind our backs she collaborated with Seska to sell us to the Kazon. I was taken prisoner, as was Vorik and Joe Carey, and she personally tortured me during interrogation. When she was captured by us later, and put into the brig, she claimed to have been acting under mind control, but no one except Neelix believed her. But, because she had a convincing story and injuries that seemed to back it up, we had to officially give her the benefit of the doubt. I ended things between us, because there was no way I could trust her again, and a few months later she was killed in a shuttle crash."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said. This woman had clearly broken his heart, just like all women had before Seven.

"I should never have gotten involved with her," he replied. "B'Elanna warned me against her, as did Ayala, but I was so crazy about her that I wouldn't listen. I thought they were reading her wrong, that they misunderstood her. I wanted to marry her, and had made up my mind to propose, but then we found out about her involvement with Seska. I was devastated. I also started to question my judgment because it seemed like every woman I got involved with was only using me. I didn't get involved with any woman afterwards until Annika."

"How did that happen? In my reality, you and she were barely friends."

"Really? That's hard to imagine. We didn't always have romantic feelings for each other, and for her first few months on Voyager I had little to do with her, but that all changed when we got stranded on a planet together. We crashed into an ocean while on a mission to collect dilithium crystals and were trapped at the bottom of it for two weeks. The planet had a volatile atmosphere, which made it difficult for you to scan for us, so it took you that long to rescue us. With only each other for company, we got to know each other well and became friends. Things became awkward when we started to see each other as more than friends, and I distanced myself from her as I didn't think she felt the same way, but then I found out she'd been running holograms with me as her lover and I knew that she did. I confronted her and, well, the rest is history."

"It all makes sense now," Kathryn said. "everything. I couldn't understand how you and Annika had got so close when you'd hardly even been friends." She paused, almost painfully. "What about us? What were our...personal parameters?"

"If by that you mean what was the nature of our personal relationship, then we were only ever friends. But, as you're asking, I gather in your reality we were more?"

"Yes and no," she replied quietly. "We loved each other, at least for a time, but never acted on our feelings."

"That's hard to believe," Chakotay reflected.

Kathryn smiled. "What? That we had feelings for each other or that we never acted on them?"

Chakotay smiled back, dimples showing. "That our realities are so different and yet so similar."

"Yes. But it only takes a missing thread in a tapestry for the image to change."

"That's true." He paused. "But it must be difficult...having personal relationships with people in this reality that are different to the ones in yours. I'm sorry if I've done or said anything to hurt you."

"I've found this reality confusing at times," Kathryn confessed, "and, now I know it's not my own, I feel as though everyone in it is a stranger. But, on another level, I feel as though I know everyone so well. And in so many ways I do. Because no matter how many realities we exist in, our core personalities are the same. Which is both a comforting and scary thought. In some future I became the Admiral Janeway who changed time to get us home. It was wrong, even if her motives were good, and it's unsettling to think I could betray my principles, principles that I clung to so hard in the Delta Quadrant, to change history to my liking."

"I suppose Fate is Character as much as Character is Fate," Chakotay mused. "What we become doesn't just depend on who we are but on what happens to us. I never imagined I'd one day be a Federation outlaw. Admiral Janeway belonged to this reality, or at least to a dimension of this reality, so she was a product of what happened to her in this reality. If we were still in the Delta Quadrant now, and what happened to her was to happen to you, then you might still not become her because you don't have her exact history. Something might have happened to her three or four years into our journey that shaped the woman she became, but that event hasn't happened to you. Like you say, it only take one missing thread."

"Yes. Who knows what happened to me to make me her. But I should have realized before now that the threads of this reality are different to my own. It just never occurred to me that I'm in some kind of alternate universe. For the passed two years I've lived day to day and haven't read my Voyager logs or discussed our journey in any great detail with anyone since we got back. I've given a few interviews, and have been asked a lot of questions, but from what I can tell the basic framework of our realities are the same so without looking closely at the fabrics, I haven't noticed that the patterns are different. If someone interviewing me, or talking to me, said something that wasn't was quite right, I just assumed they'd got their facts wrong. It never dawned on me that I'm in another reality."

"That's understandable. I haven't read my Voyager logs since we got back either. And with Annika and I gone for two years, the two people you were closest to on Voyager, who would you talk to about those years who lived them with you? Harry's been in space, Tuvok on Vulcan, and you've only seen Tom and B'Elanna a couple of times since we got back. We've all had new lives to get on with and have gone our separate ways."

"That's true. I just...I should have noticed I was on the wrong Voyager. As captain, I should have noticed I was on a different ship."

"If it looked the same, had the same personnel, how could you? If our realities are just slightly different, but otherwise parallel, how would you notice? And where was the time to go through Voyager's logs? There was barely enough time to make today's logs. You spent most of the day, every day, either in your ready room or on the bridge dealing with some emergency. Where was the time to socialize and reminisce about the past? We had a crew to get home and a ship to defend. We lived in the now, in the present, yesterday was forgotten."

"You're right. I suppose I'm being too hard on myself, as always."

"The question we should be asking," Chakotay said, picking up his drink, "is how do you get back to your reality?"

"That is the question," Kathryn replied. "But maybe I can't. Maybe I'm trapped in this one."

"I'm not convinced the universe works that way. The laws of existence are precise and I don't believe they can be violated. At least not indefinitely. You being in the wrong reality is a violation and the laws will want to set that right."

"Then they'd better get to it. Unless, of course, I'm meant to be in this reality. But I doubt it. I know Harry and Naomi come from a different Voyager but they weren't from a different reality, they were from a duplicate ship. That's different."

"It is," Chakotay agreed. "If our understanding of temporal mechanics is right, and we may well be wrong, then there's a profound difference between time-travel and reality-travel. When we go back in time, we don't go to another reality, we go back to a point in our past. That means we're only moving between different points in the same timeline. If the future has changed because we change the past, then that future is erased from time. But when we find ourselves in another reality, for whatever reason, we're not moving between different points in our past and future, we're existing in a completely different timeline. That's what's happened to you. Somehow, someway, you're existing in a timeline that is not your past, your present, or your future. Maybe it was your past once, but at some point before Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant, the timeline split into another. Maybe into hundreds. Who knows. You existing in a timeline that is not your own disturbs the space-time continuum and that has to explain the temporal flux."

"I guess it does."

"And, if our understanding of temporal mechanics is right, there can only be one ultimate timeline. The others will cease to exist when the threads of time are bound again. That has to mean, as much as it chills me to say it, that either this reality, or your reality, or neither is that ultimate one. And I think it's yours. For you to be displaced in time, and none of us, it has to mean that you are the connection to the ultimate timeline. And if your reality is the ultimate timeline, then everything you're experiencing now is just a shadow, a shadow of what is to be, a reflection in a mirror: there, but not there."

Kathryn lay back against the couch and closed her tired eyes. "Temporal mechanics always gives me a headache and its giving me one now. All this is crazy, I say it myself, and yet and the same time so sane. But just because I'm the one displaced, doesn't necessarily mean that my reality is the ultimate one. I might be the one that is a shadow, a reflection, a ghost that needs to be exorcised from time. But I strongly suspect that when, or if, time is whole again, the last two years will be rewritten for both of us. If your reality is the ultimate one, then everything will happen for you as it has. If mine is the ultimate one, then who knows what our fates are." She paused. "As to getting back to my own reality, the only way I can think of is to not take the injections The Doctor gives me. He says I'll die if I don't, but maybe I won't, maybe I'll just go back to my own reality."

"Sounds risky," Chakotay replied. "We're only dealing with the hypothetical. We might be wrong. Maybe something else is going on here. Let's not do anything hasty. Let's investigate and weigh up the evidence first. Let's read our logs and re-study all the data collected at the time of the first incident. We might have missed something. I don't need to tell you that just one missing piece of a puzzle, no matter how small, is enough to distort the picture."

"You're right," Kathryn said. "There's too much at stake to be hasty. The history of all our lives. We'll investigate. But promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"That you won't say anything to Annika about this, not yet. I don't want her to worry. Her pregnancy isn't going to be easy, not between her borg implants and carrying twins, and she doesn't need the stress of all this. If we have to bring her in, because we need her expertise, then we will, but for now, let's keep things between you, me, and The Doctor."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "You have my word, Kathryn. This stays between us."

END OF CHAPTER NINE


	10. Chapter 10

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 10**

In her state of the art office at Starfleet Headquarters, Kathryn re-examined all data collected at the time of her first incident of temporal flux. There wasn't much to go through, as no anomalous readings had been taken, but what there was she went through painstakingly. But, despite her best effort, she could find nothing out of the ordinary. There were no clues, not even one, to help her understand what had happened. But something had happened that night, something outside the normal space-time continuum, and one way or another she had to find out what.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Kathryn closed the data-log she was reading and switched off her monitor. "Come in!"

The silver doors to her office opened and The Doctor came in.

"Admiral," he said. "At last I find you. I've looked everywhere."

"What's the emergency?" Kathryn asked.

"Why, you," he answered. "I told you yesterday that we'd discuss things today, so here I am."

"And I appreciate it," Kathryn smiled. "Please, take a seat."

The Doctor sat opposite her and placed his med-kit at his feet, speaking as he did so. "What are your thoughts on things today? Do you still think you're from another reality?"

"No," Kathryn replied. "I know I am. Not only have I been going through my logs, as you suggested, but I've talked to Chakotay. There's no doubt. I'm definitely from another reality."

"I see," The Doctor said. "It would make sense of the temporal chaos, especially if a temporal anomaly was involved in your displacement, but wouldn't you have realized before now that you're living the wrong life?"

"I should have, I agree, but there are more similarities between our realities than there are differences. Almost everything that has happened to you and your crew has happened to me and mine. Some of the players are different, and some of our personal relationships are different, but otherwise our two realities are the same. When I was called before a board of Admirals to explain decisions I made in the Delta Quadrant, it was the big decisions like forming an alliance with the Marquis, and then later the Borg, that I had to explain, not who I chose to send on routine away missions or who Chakotay was dating. So, nothing was said to raise my suspicions. Until now, I haven't read or listened to my logs, and I haven't really talked about Voyager in any great detail with any crew member. The only person I've seen regularly since we got back is you, and how many times have we talked about Voyager? Very few times. We've mostly talked about our present problems and our future hopes."

"That's true," The Doctor agreed. "And if you're displaced in space and time, who's to say that time, as you're experiencing it, is time in the normal sense? You may be passing, without your awareness, through weeks or even months of existence in the blink of an eye."

"That's certainly possible. I don't know how I ended up in this reality, but one thing is certain, I have to find my way out of it. I have to return to my proper place in the space-time continuum. I have to..." She could say no more as a dizziness overcame her.

"Admiral?" The Doctor asked in concern. "Is it the temporal flux?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "But it's easing."

The Doctor opened his medkit, pulled out his tricorder, and began to scan her.

"Definitely the temporal flux," he said. "Which is no surprise as you're due an injection any day. I'll give it to you now."

"No," Kathryn protested. "Not yet. I've got a couple of days before one's essential. Those days could be crucial."

"Crucial for what? Without an injection you'll die!"

"Maybe I won't. Maybe I'll go back to my own reality. Because maybe that's what we're doing wrong. Maybe the injections are why I'm still in this reality."

"That's a lot of maybes, Admiral," The Doctor replied, "and I'm not prepared to risk your life on a maybe."

"It's not your risk to take. It's my life, my risk. If, by the time I'm seeing colors, I'm still no where near to figuring out what's happening, then I'll have the injection, but until then I'd like to keep my options open. Once I'm injected, it'll be another six months before the serum wears off. That could mean being stuck in this reality for another six months."

"Better to be stuck here than dead," The Doctor argued. "I strongly recommend that you..."

Kathryn cut him short. "I've made my decision, Doctor. No injection."

The Doctor sighed. "I know better than to argue with you, you're as stubborn as a Borg nanoprobe, but I'll leave the serum with you, just incase your symptoms worsen fast and I can't get to you in time. Keep it with you at all times. Just because you've had days of symptoms in the past before an all out attack, doesn't mean you'll have days of symptoms this time. You may only have hours. Your condition is very unpredictable." He handed her the hypospray. "Please, keep it on you."

"Very well," Kathryn said, taking the device. "I suppose it's better to be safe than sorry!"

* * *

Warm bubbles caressed Kathryn's skin as she lay in a hot soapy bath that evening. Every muscle in her body seemed to be aching and her head was hurting. The Doctor was right, her symptoms were worsening faster than before, and at this rate she'd be seeing the colors soon. But she wasn't going to take the injection just yet, not yet. Chakotay was coming over in a couple of hours time and, while the hope was slim, it was possible he had learnt something. Only if he hadn't, only if they were still completely in the dark about what had happened that night on Voyager, would she take the injection.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, the door chime played. With a soapy hand, Kathryn pressed a button next to the bath and spoke.

"This is Kathryn Janeway. Who's calling?"

"It's me," B'Elanna's voice said. "B'Elanna."

"Hi, B'Elanna," Kathryn replied. "Come in. I'll be right there. I'm taking a bath."

"I don't want to disturb you," B'Elanna said. "I'll come back another time."

"No need for that. I was just getting out anyway. Come in and make yourself comfortable."

"Ok then. If you're sure."

"I am." She pressed another button by the bath, a button that would open the main door. "See you in a couple of minutes."

With that, Kathryn broke the connection and climbed out of the bath. Her head was spinning with the motion, but as soon as she was upright, the dizziness faded. Kathryn stepped under her sonic shower, which dried as well as washed, and in seconds she was perfectly dry. She then put on her bath robe and went into the lounge. B'Elanna was standing by a glass cabinet, looking at a mini model of Voyager. When she saw Kathryn, she clumsily tried to put it back onto the shelf, knocking over a vase in the process.

"I'm sorry," B'Elanna said. "I was just...I was just looking."

"That's quite alright," Kathryn smiled. "I did say make yourself at home. Just don't ransack the place."

"I'll try not too," B'Elanna laughed.

Kathryn walked over to the replicator. "Would you like something to drink? Tea, coffee, juice?"

"No, thank you. I've just had dinner with Tom."

"How is he after the party? Not too hungover I hope."

"No," B'Elanna smiled. "He knew there'd be hell to pay...from me."

Kathryn laughed and manually replicated herself a cup of tea.

"But the party's the reason I'm here," B'Elanna said, falling serious. "Or rather what happened at the party."

Kathryn left the replicator with her drink. "You mean my disappearing act?"

"Yes. One moment we were all talking and the next you were leaving. I hope we didn't say something to upset you. I know you're raw right now."

"You didn't say anything to upset me," Kathryn answered. "I just had to be somewhere."

"Is that the truth? Because you don't have to be strong for us all the time. We're your friends. If you're hurting we want to help."

"Thank you. But I'm fine. I really did have to..." A sharp pain tore through her brain and she raised her hand to her head.

B'Elanna stepped forward anxiously. "Admiral?"

"I'm ok," Kathryn replied, the pain easing. "I just shouldn't have tempted fate by saying I'm fine. You know what they say, famous last words."

"Do you want me to call The Doctor?"

"No, I'm ok. It's just a migraine."

"Then let me get you something for it."

"No," Kathryn argued. "I'm ok, truly." She gestured to the couch. "Please, sit."

B'Elanna hesitated, but then sat. Kathryn sat opposite her and took a much needed drink. As she did, B'Elanna couldn't help but notice how tired her former captain looked, how pale and drawn.

"Something's going on," B'Elanna said. "I've known you long enough to know that. What is it?"

Kathryn looked up at her. "There's no fooling you, is there?"

"No. So spill the beans."

"Ok," Kathryn conceded. "But you can't tell anyone. Only Chakotay and The Doctor know."

"My lips are sealed."

"I have a condition," Kathryn confessed. "You could call it medical, but it's profoundly more than that. I'm suffering from temporal flux. I have been for over two years. It began that morning on Voyager when I woke up in a state of temporal chaos. Only injections are keeping me in sync. At first I thought the chaos was a one off problem, that the injection The Doctor had given me had cured me, but the temporal flux returned as soon as the serum wore off and keeps returning. Until yesterday, I though this condition was caused by an out of time experience on Voyager, one that I was just going to have to live with, but things were said at the party that made sense of everything. The reason I'm having these episodes is because I'm from a different reality."

B'Elanna's eyes widened. "You mean as in an alternate universe?"

"Yes. I know it's hard to believe, but I assure you it's the truth."

B'Elanna was silent for a moment. "If you say so then I believe you, but how?"

"I don't know. Your guess is as good as mine. All I can think is that some how, some way, time was fractured on Voyager and, when it was put back together again, some how I was drawn into the wrong reality."

Blood drained out of B'Elanna's face. "No," she said quietly. "That can't be why. It can't be."

"What?" Kathryn asked. "What can't be why? What do you know?"

"A couple of months before we got home," B'Elanna began, "we encountered a temporal anomaly during the early shift that fractured Voyager into different time frames. It came out of nowhere and was like a mouth of colors in space. I've never seen anything like it. The colors were dazzling, spectacular, like a million dancing rainbows. We stopped to study it, and were going to wake you up so you could see it, but before we could the anomaly struck us with some kind of lightening streak. I tried to save the warp-core from destabilizing, but as I tried I was hit by a bounce strike. The next thing I knew I was in sickbay. The Doctor told me I'd been transported there in a state of temporal flux and he'd given me a serum to bring me into alignment. I noticed right away that something was different about him, that he wasn't quite himself, and then when he said he was confined to sickbay as a hologram, I realized he was from a past time-frame. I left sickbay to look for you, but as I made my way to your quarters, I passed through several time-frames. Some were from the future and others from the past. One was even before Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant. I was the only one who could move between these time-frames. Everyone else just disappeared if they stepped through a temporal barrier. So, I went back to sickbay, got some more serum from The Doctor in a time-protected case, and made my way again to your quarters. But, when I got to your corridor, there was a blazing wall of color blocking my path. It wasn't like any of the temporal barriers, which were invisible, and seemed to be cutting right through the walls. I dared not walk into it so I went to look for Chakotay instead. I found him on the bridge. He seemed to be from the present, but as soon as I started talking to him I realized he was from the future. Not far into the future, just a few weeks, but still not from my time-frame. I told him what had happened, that Voyager had been struck by a temporal anomaly and fractured into different time-frames, and he accepted it right away. I was surprised, because not everyone in other time-frames did and, well, let's just say I had to fight a battle on more than one front. And, being six months pregnant, that wasn't easy!"

"I bet it wasn't," Kathryn smiled.

"Chakotay took me into the turbo lift and told me that the same thing had happened to him a few months before. We thought at first that it was the same anomaly, that it was moving through space or even following us, but in the end we concluded that it was some kind of sister anomaly as our descriptions of it were different. Chakotay knew what to do, because he'd done it before, so we injected Voyager's bioneuro circuitry with the serum and then generated a chronoton field to bring the ship into temporal sync with my time-frame. It worked, just like before, and when I was back in my time-frame I used the deflector dish to stop Voyager getting struck. No one on the ship remembered what had happened, except me, but I think Chakotay knew because the same thing had once happened to him. He didn't say anything, temporal prime directive and all that, but he had an amused look in his eyes when we discussed it. You know the one I mean."

"I certainly do," Kathryn replied. "And I remember that day. Neelix told me all about your deflector dish moment when I went to the mess hall for breakfast. It piqued my interest for sure, not least because this was the second time it had happened." She paused. "But this event can't be the cause of my displacement because it happened a month after my episode of temporal flux."

"It has to be the cause," B'Elanna insisted. "You said yourself that, for you to be displaced, Voyager must have been fractured into different timelines and then put back together again. Voyager was fractured. Twice. And there weren't just different time-frames involved, but different timelines. Because Naomi was from way into the future, a future that hasn't happened because we're home, and Icheb was from another future that hasn't happened. Who knows how many timelines were involved. Maybe everyone I spoke to was from a different reality. This incident explain everything, Admiral. Don't you see? When I put the ship back together again, you were somehow drawn from your reality into ours."

"I'm not saying it isn't possible," Kathryn said. "But if everyone you spoke to was from a different reality to you, why was I the only one displaced? Surely others would be too."

"It must have something to do with the anomaly that was at your quarters. It ripped right through them and may have interfered with things when I put the ship back together. It wasn't there when Chakotay put the ship back together the first time. I didn't think it would interfere...or the ones on deck 4 and deck 11...but they must have. No one was near the other two, at least as far as I know, but you were in your quarters. That has to be it."

"I'm inclined to agree," Kathryn said. "But all this doesn't explain why I suffered temporal flux a month before this incident happened."

"But it does. Think about it, Admiral. In temporal mechanics the effect often precedes the cause. If, when Voyager was fractured, you were in a time-frame that was a month earlier than my time-frame, then when I put the ship back together again, you were drawn into our reality a month before the incident occurred that drew you into it. That would mean you were in our reality for a month before the ship got fractured. It makes perfect sense!"

"In a crazy way it does," Kathryn answered. "B'Elanna, you're a genius."

"Hardly," she laughed. "If I was, I'd know how to get you back to your reality, but I haven't got a clue."

"Then that's where I have you beat," Kathryn smiled. "I think the reason I'm still in this reality is because the injections are keeping me in it. If I stop taking them, and let the temporal flux run its course, I might find myself back in my reality."

"That's a hell of a risk," B'Elanna replied.

"I know, but it's one I'm going to have to take. I'm out of other options."

"You're not. Stay in this reality. We're home, we made it, life is good."

"But I don't belong here. I have to try to get back to my own reality. If discontinuing the injections is the only hope I have of doing so, then I have to try that."

"Some experiment," B'Elanna declared. "Fail, and you're dead."

"I know, but I agree with Chakotay that time has a way of fixing itself. All this, everything I'm experiencing, it isn't real. It isn't real for me and it isn't real for you. If the reason I'm in this reality is because of the anomaly you describe, then in actuality we're still on Voyager. We're still tied to that event. If this reality is the ultimate reality, then everything that has happened to you will happen again, but if it isn't, then everything will happen as it's meant to. I have to let the temporal flux run its course. I have to bring things full circle."

"Then make this 'experiment' a controlled one," B'Elanna urged. "Have The Doctor with you. That way, if you flatline, he'll be able to bring you back. Promise me you will."

Kathryn gave a wan smile. "I promise I'll consider it."

"That's little reassurance," B'Elanna answered. "But I suppose it will have to do!"

* * *

Curled up on a wicker couch, still wrapped in her bath robe, Kathryn waited on her balcony for Chakotay to arrive. Her headache was excruciating now, her muscle pain crippling, and every time she opened her eyes, colors swirled before them. It was only a matter of hours now before the temporal flux reached its climax, maybe even minutes, but she was ready for it. She was ready for unimaginable suffering and then...and then nothing. For she was convinced that as soon as she was back in her reality, time would be rewritten and she would be erased from existence. Everything would be as it should be, as it ought to have been, and time would be whole again. Sleeping beside Kathryn, tucked up in a little ball, was a fluffy white cat. Who the cat belonged to, Kathryn didn't know, but for the passed few days it had been sneaking into her apartment and making itself at home. Kathryn could only conclude that it lived in a nearby apartment and got around by balcony jumping. It was definitely owned for it was clean, well groomed, and had a pretty blue collar. Kathryn tried to discourage the animal from coming, but no matter how many times she put him out, he still came back. Now she was too tired to send him away so she let him sleep beside her. He wasn't doing any harm and his friendly little presence was a great comfort. Suddenly, there was a noise beside her, a shuffle through a muffle, and she opened her eyes. There was a figure before her, a blurry form, but then the colors blinded her.

"Hi," Chakotay's voice said. "It's me."

Kathryn closed her eyes again but sat up. "Chakotay...I didn't hear the chime. Did you ring?"

"Yes, several times. But when I couldn't get an answer, I let myself in using an old Maquis trick. I was worried about you."

"I see," Kathryn answered. "I suppose B'Elanna went straight to see you after leaving here."

"Yes."

"I should have guessed as much."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn in concern and then sat beside her. "I understand why you're doing this, and I agree it probably is the way back to your reality, but for mine and B'Elanna's sake, please let The Doctor be present."

"I appreciate your care," Kathryn replied, "but I don't want The Doctor here. We don't know what's going to happen, how this thing is going to work, and we can't risk him intervening at the wrong moment. If I need to die for my reality to live again, or for time to be whole again, then I have to die. The Doctor won't let that happen. He'll either save me before I die or bring me back too soon. I have to do this alone."

"Not alone," Chakotay said, taking her hand in his. "I'm here."

Kathryn gratefully squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

"You're clearly in a lot of pain. Is there anything I can get you?"

"No," Kathryn answered. "But the cat might be thirsty. Could you replicate him a saucer of kitty milk?"

Chakotay smiled. "Got yourself a cat? I thought you were a dog woman."

"I am. But this ragamuffin here has decided it likes my apartment and I can't keep him away."

"I don't see him," Chakotay said, looking around. "He must have gone inside."

"No," Kathryn answered. "He's beside me. Can't you hear him purring?"

"There's nothing beside you," Chakotay replied. "Just empty chair."

Kathryn frowned. "But I can hear him..." she reached out with her hand and touched a furry body. "And I can feel him."

"You must be hallucinating," Chakotay said, "I don't see a cat."

Kathryn pulled back her hand and raised it to her brow. "I guess I am. I have been hearing things lately, things that are there and then not there, like children laughing, a baby crying, footsteps. It must be the temporal flux. Either that or I've grown psychic."

"In a way you have," Chakotay replied. "You're connected to another time, another existence. That's what being psychic is, it's being connected to another plane of existence, another reality. But instead of hearing the voices of passed souls, you're hearing the voices of souls in another time."

"Strange," Kathryn said. "Even chilling."

"Or comforting," Chakotay added, "because it means you're still connected to your reality. And if you are, then it confirms what I thought, that your reality is the ultimate one."

"Let's not go there," Kathryn answered. "Let's just enjoy what is probably our last moments of existence."

"I'd hardly call what you're going through enjoyment," Chakotay argued. "Are you sure there's nothing I can get you?"

"I'm sure. I don't think there's long to go. When I start seeing the colors, which I am, it means the flux is reaching its climax. What will happen then, I don't know, as I've never passed that stage before."

"By colors, do you mean visual disturbance?"

"Yes. Every time I open my eyes they swirl and gather before me." She opened her eyes and stared ahead. "I can see them now. They're bright, getting brighter, and they're..." She stopped mid-sentence and gazed entranced.

"They're what?" Chakotay asked. "What do you see?"

"A portal," she answered. "I'm sure of it. The colors they're...they're not colors...they're the anomaly. I'm seeing the anomaly." Unsteadily, she got to her feet and stretched out her right arm. "If I reach out I can touch it...can touch the colors."

As she did, her fingers tingled and a charge seemed to sear through her body.

"Your fingers," Chakotay gasped. "They disappeared."

"Then this has to be the way," Kathryn concluded. "The way back to my reality. All I have to do is step into the portal and...and time will be rewritten."

Chakotay gently put his hand on her shoulder, tears in his eyes. "Then I guess this is goodbye."

Kathryn nodded, tears in her own, and turned to him. The colors moved with her, but swirled chaotically, dissipating the portal. "I guess it is."

Tenderly, Chakotay gathered her in his arms and held her close. Kathryn held him in return and closed her eyes, closing out the colors.

"I'm glad I had the chance to get to know you," Chakotay said quietly, "to exist for a while and to share a little of your existence."

"Me too," Kathryn answered. "But you'll always exist, Chakotay, we both always will. I believe that. I believe that every out of time experience, every splintering timeline, is a part of our ultimate existence. Somewhere, in the abysm of our mind, I think we remember."

"I hope so," Chakotay said. "I really do."

They held each other for a long moment, then Kathryn drew away. As soon as she opened her eyes, the colors came back. She turned away from Chakotay and stared into them. They danced before her, gathered into the portal, and glowed like dancing rainbows.

"They're beautiful," she said, "the colors...and they're calling me home."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "Goodbye, Kathryn. See you...some time."

Kathryn blindly reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Goodbye, Chakotay."

Then, with her eyes still on the colors, she let go of his hand and stepped into them.

END OF CHAPTER TEN


	11. Chapter 11

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 11**

Existence.

Kathryn still existed. Even though she had stepped into the colors, and was inside them now, she still existed. Her mind was conscious and her body, though tingling, was alive. But how? Why? Kathryn could not understand it. She had been so sure that when she stepped into the colors she would step into oblivion. But she had not faded away, had not been erased from time. She still existed. Kathryn turned around, looking to see if she could see Chakotay through the colors, but she could not. All she could see was the colors. They were swarming around her, dancing before her, and seemed to be shooting right through her as through she was a ghost.

Then Kathryn heard something. Noises. Voices. They were coming from ahead and were muffled, distorted. Kathryn strained her eyes to see through the colors and, as she did, she saw a dark swirling mass. The voices were coming from it and were echoing eerily. Hardly aware of what she was doing, Kathryn stepped into the blackness and then...

And then she was standing in her bedroom on Voyager. The room was dark, silent, but all around her the colors glowed, dancing on the walls like disco lights. Kathryn turned around, turning towards the bed, and gasped at what she saw. There, right before her, was a pulsating wave of colors. It was ripping through the bed, slicing through it like a knife, and in the bed, sleeping, was herself. Yet not quite herself for her face was constantly changing. One second it was old, the next younger, and then middle aged...

Temporal Flux.

Everything was suddenly clear. The anomaly had not only fractured time on Voyager, but this tendril of the anomaly had fractured her existence. Right before her eyes she was living a myriad of lifetimes, on a myriad of Voyagers, in only seconds. That had to explain how she had got displaced. When B'Elanna put Voyager back together again, it was the Voyager she was on at that split second that she found herself in. For all the Voyagers, all her lives, were linked to this anomaly, to this moment, and were merged together. Somehow, some way, this anomaly had splintered, yet united, a million existences.

A million existences. But yet...

The faces were repeating. Every few seconds the same face appeared. This could only mean one thing. There weren't countless lifetimes involved, there were only a few. Three, in fact, as the three same lifetimes kept repeating over and over. These lifetimes were happening right now. They were happening over and over. Just like she'd thought, everything she'd experienced since waking up on the wrong Voyager with temporal flux had not been real. It was not real because she was still in her bed. She was in her bed in a state of temporal chaos.

So where was she now? In which reality was this room? Her own reality, the one she'd just left, or the other?

"Computer," she said, "access Kathryn Janeway's personal logs."

The computer cooperated. "Logs accessed."

"How many times does the name Lieutenant Tanya Marshall appear?"

"The name Lieutenant Tanya Marshall appears only once."

Once. That once had to be the pronouncement of her death.

"Does that log entry tell of the death of Lieutenant Tanya Marshall when Voyager got pulled into the Delta Quadrant?"

"It does."

Then there was every chance that this Voyager was her Voyager.

"Computer, find and read entries relating to New Earth. Was I stranded there with Chakotay or B'Elanna?"

"With neither. You were stranded with Commander Tuvok."

Tuvok.

Then this room was in the third reality, the one she knew nothing about. But she guessed it was similar to the other two. For this third Voyager to have been at the same place, at the same time, as the other two Voyagers, then it had to have an identical temporal framework. Little did it matter which of the realities she was in, anyway, as they were all mixed together. What mattered was finding a way to unmix them. That had to be why she was here. She was here to put things right. A chronoton field was evidently not the answer. It may have worked for Chakotay, but it had clearly not worked for B'Elanna. It had only created a temporal loop. If a chronoton field was generated again, then this whole thing would happen again. She would be displaced again, would end up here again, and then displaced again. The loop would go on and on. It had to be broken.

But how?

Kathryn racked her brains for an answer, and then, suddenly, it came to her. A message had to be sent to Tomorrow from Yesterday. It was the only way of stopping this whole thing from happening again without generating the chronoton field. Of course, a chronoton field was going to be generated in all three realities at precisely the same time, but, if her understanding of temporal mechanics was correct, she only needed to stop it in one reality to stop it in all. So, once she'd found B'Elanna and stopped her generating the field, all she had to do was find a past time-frame in each of the three realities using her logs, and, when she found them, upload a message to Voyager's security file that would automatically activate the deflector dish at the precise moment of the strike. This would prevent Voyager being fractured in all three timelines and the ultimate timeline would be restored.

There was just one problem. The anomaly was blocking the door to the lounge. There was no way she could leave her quarters without walking through it. And if she did that, anything could happen. No, she had to find another way to leave her quarters. She had to breakout. Quickly, Kathryn went into the bathroom, replicated a phaser, and then hurried back into her bedroom. There was not a moment to lose as she had to find B'Elanna before she generated the field. But as Kathryn aimed her phaser at the double wall that separated her bedroom from the corridor, a dizziness overcame her and she dropped the phaser. Kathryn fought against the affliction, fought against the ongoing temporal flux, and picked up her phaser. Her limbs were heavy, weak, but using two hands she managed to hold up the phaser and start cutting through the inner wall. Then she aimed her phaser at the outer wall and cut through that. When both holes were cut, she carefully climbed through the openings into the corridor. It was bright here, dazzling rainbows, and Kathryn had to put her hand to her eyes as she looked around. The lights were coming from the anomaly. It was brighter here, glowing, and flickered as it ripped through the sector. Gripping her phaser tightly, as any dangers from Voyager's past or future could be waiting for her ahead, Kathryn took a deep breath and hurried down the corridor into the unknown.

END OF CHAPTER ELEVEN


	12. Chapter 12

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 12**

Fighting waves of blackness that swirled before her eyes, Kathryn battled her way through Voyager's corridors to engineering. Sooner or later, B'Elanna was going to arrive there to generate the chronoton field, and Kathryn wanted to be there when she did. It was the only sure way of finding B'Elanna in this temporal maze that was Voyager. But the more Kathryn walked, the harder it got to walk. Her legs could hardly hold her up, her breath was short, and she could hardly see anything but black. But she had to keep going, had to keep fighting. Everything was depending on her.

But she could not continue. As determined as her will was to reach her destination, her body wouldn't co-operate. Her legs buckled beneath her, sending her crashing to the floor, and she couldn't get up. Everything was black, spinning, and she could hardly breathe.

"Kathryn!"

The voice was Chakotay's.

"Kathryn..."

Then he was beside her, his hand on her shoulder.

"Kathryn...are you hurt?"

"No," she answered, trying to look at him but seeing only black. "I have...temporal flux."

"Then a shot of serum should help. I'll..."

"No," Kathryn protested. "It might...it might send me back."

"Back where?" Chakotay asked. "I don't understand."

"To the future. I'm from...another reality...a splinter timeline. You must...listen...do what I say. You can't...generate the chronoton field. It will...create a temporal loop. I know because...I'm from the future. You have to...stop B'Elanna generating the field."

B'Elanna's voice suddenly spoke. "That's easy done," she said. "Because I'm here. But if we don't generate the field, how are we going to fix this mess?"

"You have to...instruct the computer...in a past time-frame...to activate the deflector dish at the...moment of the strike."

"I admit, I've thought of that," B'Elanna replied. "But it's risky. Months or years is a long time for an instruction to survive on our system. It could be deleted or lost at any time."

"It's...the only way. And it will work...I'm sure of it. You have to...trust me."

"I do," B'Elanna answered. "And I'll do it. But I don't understand why the chronoton field won't work. It did for Chakotay. Is it because the anomaly outside your quarters will interfere?"

"Yes. It's fractured...my existence. I'm trapped inside it...inside it now. There are...three timelines. They are...connected...I don't know how. You have to... upload the instructions in...every timeline. You'll know them by... by events. By New Earth. In my reality...I was there with...Chakotay. In another one...with you...in another with Tuvok. Do you...understand? You must...upload the instruction...three times."

"I understand," B'Elanna said. "But if this ship is fractured into three different timelines as well as different time-frames, won't we have to stop me generating the field in all three?"

"I don't... think so. One will...suffice. By uploading...the instruction...in all three timelines...you'll stop the strike...in all."

Chakotay spoke. "I'm confused already," he said. "But it's a simple enough task. B'Elanna, can you handle it? I'll get the Captain to sickbay."

"No," Kathryn argued. "Nothing...The Doctor can do."

"He might be able to alleviate your suffering," Chakotay replied. "That's worth the trip."

"It's...a waste of...time. Help B'Elanna."

"I'm ok," B'Elanna replied. "But Chakotay's right, you need medical attention."

"My time is...up. My existence is...not real. Chakotay must...help you."

"You're as real as the rest of us," B'Elanna argued. "And I insist on Chakotay helping you."

"There's...no point. Once you've...uploaded the instructions...we'll all be erased from time."

"If the plan works," B'Elanna replied. "What if it doesn't? You know more than the rest of us. You can't die on us, not without a fight. And there's no way I'm uploading any instructions until we're agreed on that."

Kathryn had to smile at that. "Ok. You...win."

"Good. Now, I'll get to work and Chakotay will get you to sickbay. If all goes to plan, then I guess this is the last time I'll be seeing you both. If not, well, I guess I'll be seeing you in sickbay."

"Recruit Seven," Chakotay said. "You might need her."

"And have her give me an earache about how her method is better? No, thank you. I'll recruit Tom. He might not have Borg powers, but he knows his place."

Chakotay laughed softly. Then there was a sad silence. "Good luck."

"You too," B'Elanna said.

Then she was gone.

"I'm afraid I can't transport you to sickbay," Chakotay said, "as the transporters might transport you to oblivion. I'll have to carry you."

Kathryn smiled. "Just don't...drop me. I'm in...bad enough...shape as I am."

Chakotay laughed. "I'll do my best." Gently, he raised her off the floor and into his arms. "Comfortable?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "But there...really is..."

"Every reason to help you," Chakotay answered. "So, help yourself and don't talk. You need to save your strength."

"Yes...Sir," Kathryn teased.

Chakotay then started to walk and in seconds they were in the lift.

* * *

When the lift arrived at deck 5, sickbay's deck, someone, Kathryn couldn't quite make out who, approached the lift as Chakotay carried her out.

"If you haven't been inoculated," Chakotay said to the person, "I wouldn't go in there if I was you."

The person was Kes. "I have, Commander," she said. "But Captain, what's happened to you? Are you hurt?"

"The Captain's suffering from temporal flux," Chakotay told her. "It's a long story."

"Will an injection of the serum help?" Kes asked. "I'm taking some to the bridge. That's what's in this case."

"It won't," Kathryn answered. "But...thank you."

"You're welcome," Kes replied. "I hope you're feeling better soon. I know all this isn't real, that we'll all be erased once Voyager is put into temporal sync again, but it's real now. What we're going through is real. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," Chakotay said. "Continue as you were."

"Very well, Commander," she answered. "I'll see you soon, Captain. Get well."

The Ocampan then stepped into the lift and was on her way. As she went, a sadness filled Kathryn's heart. She was sad for the Kes she missed, for the Kes of yesteryear, and for the fate that she knew was hers. Chakotay felt it too, she could sense it. Then they were moving again and soon arrived at sickbay.

"What's this?" The Doctor asked as they stepped through the doors. "Another victim of a villain that has been or is to be?"

"Not this time," Chakotay said. "I found the Captain outside Engineering. She's suffering from temporal flux."

"I beg your pardon, Captain," The Doctor replied. "I didn't recognize you with your new hairdo...not that a new hairdo from you is new news. Put her down on a biobed, Commander, and I'll give her a shot of my wonder serum. It should do the trick."

As Chakotay lay Kathryn down on a biobed, she spoke. "I mustn't...have it, Doctor. I can't explain...but I mustn't. Trust me."

The Doctor scanned her. "Unbelievable," he exclaimed. "I've never seen readings like this in my life! Every cell in your body is in chaos and yet in alignment! It's impossible!"

"I'm an...illusion," Kathryn said. "Not real...and yet real."

"Can you help the Captain?" Chakotay asked. "Can you ease her suffering?"

"I can try," he said, "but without an injection you're going to die, Captain. The stress on your body is tremendous!"

"I can't...have it," she insisted. "Must not."

"Then I'll do what I can," he answered. "But relief will only be temporary."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, the headache and dizziness was gone, and Kathryn could see again. She felt somewhat embarrassed to be wearing a night robe so, while The Doctor went to fetch Chakotay from his office, she changed behind a screen into a Starfleet uniform. When she emerged from behind it, Chakotay was standing close by with The Doctor and Kathryn gasped at the sight of him. For he was not the Chakotay she had taken him to be, the Chakotay from the near future that B'Elanna had described. No, he was an old man. His hair was gray and lines of age graced his face.

"Hi," he smiled. "Feeling better?"

"A little," she answered quietly.

"Just remember, Captain," The Doctor said, "relief is only temporary. An injection is..."

"Out of the question," Kathryn replied. "And that's my final word."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. Just don't complain to me when you're dying."

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and Kes came in.

"Doctor," she said in relief, "thank goodness. Ensign Emily Barton needs urgent medical treatment. She has concussion and a broken leg."

"Where is she? You know I can't time hop through these temporal barriers like the rest of you. My emitor's immune to the serum."

"She's in the lift. Tuvok helped her there. Come quick."

The Doctor picked up a med-kit. "I'm on my way."

He then left with Kes, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone.

"I've been thinking," Chakotay said. "Your plan might not work."

"What makes you think that?" Kathryn asked.

"Well, I was stranded on New Earth with you, which according to your theory makes us from the same timeline, but I don't think we are. I don't remember you ever having your hair as short."

"If you were with me on New Earth," she said, "then we're definitely from the same timeline." Tears filled her eyes. "And I'm so glad to see you. For the past two years I've been trapped in a reality that wasn't my own and...and I've missed you."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "What happened, Kathryn? How do you know what you know?"

"I know because I've lived it," she said. "When B'Elanna put this ship together again, I was displaced in time. I woke up on a different Voyager, in a different reality, but didn't know it for over two years. I should have figured it out, because I was suffering from persistent temporal chaos, but while so much was different, so much more was the same. Maybe if we hadn't of got home a few weeks later then I would have realized it, but we did get home and I didn't. I hardly saw anyone from Voyager, including you, and I just tried to build a new life for myself. But then, during a party, things were said that made me realize I was in the wrong reality. I didn't know for sure how to get back to my reality, but I figured if I stopped taking the injections The Doctor was giving me to keep me in sync, I'd somehow get back there. So, I let the temporal chaos take its course and...well, here I am."

"I guess that explains why I don't recognize your look," Chakotay said. "But I'm curious, how did Voyager get home so soon? In my timeline, we're obviously not home."

"Let's just say we had some help from a future me."

"I see." He smiled. "I'm kind of sorry I asked. My head's already spinning from all this temporal stuff."

Kathryn smiled back. "Mine too." She then fell serious. "But it can't happen again...the way we got home. I went along with my future-self's plans because I didn't really have a choice, but it wasn't the way I wanted us to get home or the way we should have. That's why I'm not passing on any information. Not that any information I did pass on would be of any use, anyway. Without her help we wouldn't be able to get home. When the ultimate timeline's restored, we'll have to find another way home."

Chakotay said nothing, but Kathryn read his thoughts.

"I know what you're thinking," she said. "There isn't one. You're thinking that because there hasn't been one for you. But time isn't static, Chakotay, it's always changing. What's happening now is evidence of that. None of us know what the future will bring. I know it doesn't look good for us...in the alternate timeline I've just lived through, the reason my future-self changed time to get us home was because we didn't get home for twenty-three years...but just because these three timelines are connected doesn't mean any one of them is the ultimate one. For all we know, once time is fixed on Voyager, we'll get home in days."

"I hope so," he said. "But if we don't, if we are in this quadrant for a long time, I want you to know that we are happy. All of us."

"Even those separated from their wives, husbands, and children?"

"They adapt, we all do."

Kathryn lowered her eyes. "I won't accept that we won't get home, Chakotay. And I won't accept it will take us decades." She paused. "I can't."

Chakotay gently took her hand in his. "You don't have to. As you say, time is fluid. The future is a blank page."

"It is," Kathryn said, looking up at him. "Or at least an erased one. And this time, when the lines are written, I hope they tell a different story to the one I've lived through."

Chakotay smiled.

"What is it?" Kathryn asked. "What's amusing?"

"You," he answered. "You say you want Voyager to get home as quick as possible, but when Voyager does get home, you still want things to be different."

"I guess I do," Kathryn smiled. "I suppose I'm an awkward customer."

"You said that in this timeline you experienced, we saw little of each other. I find that hard to believe."

"Well, it's true. When we got home, we went our separate ways. Maybe even before. But the whole history of our lives was different. I don't think our relationship was as close in that reality. We were..." She was going to say 'just friends' but then changed her mind. "Just colleagues."

"I see."

"Everything went wrong for me in that reality. It was an existence I wouldn't want as my ultimate one. But then, who's to say things won't always go wrong for me? Things have never exactly gone right."

"I wouldn't say that," Chakotay replied. "You've beaten the odds so many times that I've wondered sometimes if you have a deal with the gods. A life that is easy and full of pleasure is a life that breeds ingratitude, idleness, and ignorance. But a life that is full of challenges makes a person wise, compassionate and thankful for the good times. You've achieved amazing things in your life, Kathryn. You should be very proud."

"I guess I am," she said. "But I'm proud of us all. I'm proud of what we've all achieved." She paused. "But mostly I'm proud of you. Some would question my judgment in making you my First Officer, but I'm glad that I did. And I want you to know how thankful I've always been for you."

Chakotay squeezed her hand. "I know, Kathryn. I haven't always known, but I do now."

They gazed into each other's eyes, then Chakotay broke away from her.

"Can I get you a coffee?" he asked. "Decaff, of course. You must be going crazy for one."

"I don't actually drink it anymore," she said. "I prefer tea now."

Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Tea? Wonders will never cease."

"I went off it when...well, something bad happened."

"I'm sorry," he said kindly. "Can I get you a cup of tea instead?"

"No, I'm fine. But thank you." She paused. "And thank you for bringing me here. I know I don't exactly weigh a ton, but I can't have been a light load at your age."

Chakotay smiled. "Less of the ageism. I'm not old. I'm 65 years young. There's still a lot of life in these old bones."

"My apologies," Kathryn laughed.

He made a boxing fist with his left hand. "And this hand can still give a mean jab."

Kathryn laughed again, but her laughter faded when she saw there was a gold ring on his wedding finger.

"You're married," she said.

Chakotay lowered his hand. "Yes," he said.

He seemed uncomfortable and Kathryn guessed why. His wife was Seven. Maybe she was wrong, maybe he'd married someone else, but if he'd married Seven in the timeline she'd just left, he must have married her in this one. Pain filled Kathryn's heart and she had to look away from the ring, from the symbol of the yoke between them. She'd so hoped that when time was changed, things would be different, that Chakotay would someday be hers, but he was never going to be hers. He was always going to be Seven's.

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and The Doctor came in, followed by Tom who was carrying B'Elanna. The half-Klingon was conscious, but badly wounded and was struggling to breathe.

"B'Elanna," Kathryn cried. "What happened?"

Tom answered. "Seska fired at a console and it exploded right behind us. B'Elanna got the full impact."

"I...I...didn't make it," B'Elanna said as Tom lay her down. "One more timeline left to do...your timeline."

Tom took B'Elanna's hands in his. "Never mind about that now, honey. Lie still. Rest. You're going to be fine."

B'Elanna squeezed his hands. "You always were...a bad liar. I know I'm...going to die. Just save...the baby."

The Doctor spoke. "It may feel like you're dying, Lieutenant, but I assure you you're not. Well, you are, but with me on the scene you won't. I've treated far worse than broken ribs, a punctured lung, concussion and third degree burns. You just won't be playing wonder woman for a while."

"And...the baby?" B'Elanna asked.

"Just fine," he replied.

B'Elanna turned from him to Kathryn. "I'm sorry...captain. I did my best. And I was...so close. I..."

Kathryn put her hand on B'Elanna's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, B'Elanna. Chakotay and I will take over. You've done well."

"Don't go...engineering. Seska's there. Find another...place. Lots of them. Lots of...time-frames."

"We will. You just relax."

"That's right," Chakotay said. "The Captain and I are on to it."

The Doctor turned to Kathryn. "Need I remind you that you're on borrowed time, Captain? As soon as your treatment wears off you'll be worse than before."

"We're all on borrowed time, Doctor," Kathryn answered. "We're all just echoes of our ultimate selves. When time on this ship is whole again, we'll all be erased from existence."

"The time-frames...they changed," B'Elanna said. "When I uploaded the...instruction...time shifted. Not everywhere...not here...but in some parts of...the ship. That has to mean your...plan is working."

"Of course it is," Tom said. "The Captain's plans always work. But echoes or not, B'Elanna's in a lot of pain here, Doc, so I'd appreciate it if you'd get to work."

"Just about to start," he replied.

Kathryn stepped away from the biobed. "Chakotay, we'd better get started too. Time's not on my side."

"You'll need this," Tom said, throwing her a phaser. "It's time protected."

Kathryn caught the phaser and clipped it to her waist. "Thanks." Her own had disappeared as soon as she'd entered the turbo lift.

"If time hasn't changed in my office," Chakotay said, "it's year 2374. Shall we head there first, see if it's in our timeline?"

"We might aswell, " Kathryn replied. "It's as good a place as any. Let's go."

"Good luck, Captain and Commander," Tom said. "And take care. Don't let a macrovirus bite."

Kathryn smiled. "We'll do our best."

She and Chakotay then left sickbay and the doors closed behind them.

END OF CHAPTER TWELVE


	13. Chapter 13

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 13**

"No Borg, no Kazon, no macroviruses," Kathryn said as she and Chakotay approached his office. "I'm almost disappointed."

Chakotay smiled and opened the door. "Don't speak too soon. Hirogen might be haunting my office."

They stepped into the room but only emptiness and calm greeted them.

"No Hirogen either," Kathryn said. "I'm definitely disappointed."

Chakotay laughed and then looked around his office. "Well, if it's excitement you're after, you've got it. This is definitely not 2374."

"So I can see. You didn't have blue carpet in 2374."

Chakotay turned to her, somewhat surprised. "I didn't know you paid that much attention to the decor of my office."

Kathryn smiled. "I pay attention to everything."

"Evidently. So, hazard a guess. What year?"

Kathryn looked around the room, looking for clues, and found it in a picture on a shelf. It was of the Voyager crew and Naomi was standing in the front with Icheb. They were older than the Naomi and Icheb she knew, but not a lot older, just a couple of years older.

"I'd say about 2380. You?"

"Not fair for me to guess. I have an unfair advantage. But I think you're right."

"Let's see. Computer, what year is it?"

The Computer answered. "The year is 2380"

Kathryn smiled. "Good guess."

"Indeed. But how did you know?"

"That picture over there," she said, pointing to it. "Naomi's a couple of years older in it so I did the math. Attention to detail gets you everywhere."

Chakotay smiled. "Clever." He then fell serious. "But I don't think you should be looking at pictures from the future. As this isn't a past time-frame, I suggest we move on."

"What difference does it make what I know of the future? When Voyager is whole again, and history restored, I won't remember any of this."

"But what if you do? I remember everything that happened when Voyager was shattered the first time. There's a possibility, albeit a small one, that you will remember too."

"I won't," she said, wondering over to the picture. "And neither will you. Besides, I know so much about one possible future that learning about another can only balance the scales. That way, if I do remember, how will I know which is the ultimate timeline?" She picked up the picture and looked at it closely. "But I won't remember. When time is whole again, I will forget."

There were several infants in this picture, nine at least, and they were all about the same age. They were all wearing Starfleet uniforms and one infant, a plump little boy with black hair, was smiling in her arms. At the sight of him, grief for the baby she had lost filled Kathryn's heart, and yet a hope too, a hope that her little James was destined to exist in a kinder timeline.

"Who's this?" she asked, pointing at the child.

Chakotay took the picture from her. "As I said, you shouldn't be looking at pictures from the future."

"But I need to know. Is he my son?"

Chakotay pondered his answer a moment, but then nodded. "Yes."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and she took the picture back from him. "Then he lives. In this reality, in my reality, he lives."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. "Did he not in your reality?"

"No," she said quietly. "He wasn't even born. But I loved him. Very much." She tenderly touched his smiling face. "Is his name James?"

"Yes. James Edward."

Kathryn smiled. "Exactly the names I chose. He even has the same black hair. And he looks like I thought he would. He has the same big eyes, same rosy cheeks..." A tear ran down her cheek. "This is how he looks in my dreams."

"I'm sorry," Chakotay said. "For what you must have been through."

"It wasn't real. What's real is what is to be, and this gives me hope that James is to be." She looked up at Chakotay. "I just want to know one more thing. Is he...Is he our son?" There was every chance that he could be. Perhaps Seven wasn't his wife, perhaps she was his wife. The ring, the baby...they could both tell that story.

"No," Chakotay replied quietly. "His father is...someone else."

"I see," Kathryn said, lowering her eyes. "I just thought...the ring...maybe he was."

"I wish he was. But...well, time will tell you."

"Time doesn't have to. I can figure it out. He was conceived under mind control and I raise him on this ship alone. That's why there's so many babies. They were all conceived under mind control."

"It's dangerous to second guess the future," Chakotay warned. "Leave it alone."

"Then tell me so I don't have to guess."

"It's not my place, Kathryn."

She was about to argue her case when her eyes fell on two identical black haired baby boys. One was in Seven's arms and one was in Samantha's. The sight brought back another memory, the memory of Seven and Chakotay's twins.

"These twins," she said, pointing at them. "Are they yours?"

Chakotay tensed. "Kathryn..."

"Please, Chakotay. I need to know."

Chakotay hesitated, but then answered. "Yes."

At the confirmation, Kathryn's heart sank. Then it was true, he _was_ destined to be with Seven. They were destined to marry and together have twins.

"I see," she said. "And their mother, your wife, is Seven?"

Chakotay flinched. "Seven?"

"Yes. Isn't she?"

Chakotay gave no answer, just stepped away from her. "I think we should be on our way."

"I asked you a question."

"Which you know I can't answer. Temporal Prime Directive."

"But..."

"We've got a job to do," he interrupted. "Let's do it."

This time, Kathryn didn't persist. She just put the picture down and followed him out of the room. But, as she stepped into the corridor, a dizziness overcame her and she swayed.

"I'm ok," she said to Chakotay as he grabbed her. "It's just a sign that you're right. We need to get moving and get the job done."

Suddenly, heavy footsteps echoed down the corridor and a mechanical voice cried. "We are the Borg. You will be assimilated."

"This way," Chakotay cried, pulling Kathryn down the corridor. "We'll go to astrometrics. It might..."

But before he could finish his sentence, another Borg drone appeared, blocking their only exit.

"Back to my office," Chakotay yelled. "Quick!"

They scrambled back into his office and the door closed just in time to shut the drones out.

Kathryn leant back against the door and took a deep breath. "I swear I'm a fly to the gods," she said. "They play with me for sport."

"Well," Chakotay replied. "You wanted excitement. You got it. And more. Time has changed in here. It's no longer 2380."

Kathryn opened her eyes and looked around. Sure enough, the room had changed. It was decorated differently, almost femininely, and the furniture was arranged differently. No longer was the desk opposite the door but opposite the window. The carpet was purple, the walls pink, and in the far wall was a gold door that had never been there before.

"Definitely not 2380," Kathryn agreed.

"But how has time changed here? We haven't uploaded anything."

"I don't know," Kathryn answered. "There's so much about this anomaly that I don't understand. But I think sometimes that it's intelligent."

"What makes you think that?"

"I can't put my finger on it, exactly, but the way it behaves, the places it puts me. It all seems too convenient to be coincidental. But maybe I'm wrong."

"I don't recognize this room," Chakotay said. "That has to mean it's either from my future or another reality."

"Your future," Kathryn declared. "At least 2415. The pictures give it away every time."

On a shelf beside them there was a row of pictures, several of children, and in one she and Chakotay were both old.

"I see what you mean," he said. "Good to know I have a long life." He then fell serious. "But let's not jump to conclusions about what this means for Voyager. For all we know, Voyager is home and in service. Maybe Miral's First Officer."

"Maybe," Kathryn said. "But I get the impression we're still in the Delta Quadrant."

Suddenly, another wave of dizziness overcame her and she fell to the floor.

"Kathryn..." Chakotay cried.

"I'm ok," she said, sitting up. "It's just the treatment...it's wearing off." Pain seared through her brain and she raised her hands to her head with a groan.

"Let's get you seated," Chakotay declared.

"No," she replied, lowering her hands as the pain eased. "We can't stop. We don't have time. We've got to...get the job done."

"And we will. But we're resting a while. I insist."

"Ok," she conceded. "But only a short while. I'm not one to sit on a job."

"Don't I know it. But needs must."

Gently, he helped Kathryn to her feet and then guided her to a couch. She slumped into it and leant back against the soft cushions.

"Just so we're clear," she teased, "I'm holding you personally responsible if we don't get this job done."

"Understood, but we will."

"Promise me. Promise me that if I don't make it, you'll finish the job."

Chakotay took her hand in his and squeezed it. "I promise."

Suddenly, the gold door opened and a middle-aged woman, in plain clothes, stepped into the room. Her hair was short, black, and she looked familiar.

"Tal Celes?" Chakotay asked.

The woman pulled out her phaser and pointed it at them both. "Her daughter, Tal Meles. Who are you both and why are you impersonating Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay?"

"We're not impersonating them," Chakotay said. "We are them. A temporal anomaly has fractured Voyager into different time-frames and realities."

"If that is so," Tal Meles replied, "I will be able to verify it."

Keeping her phaser aimed at them, she walked over to the desk and switched on the computer. As she operated the keyboard, she glanced at them every few seconds, but then she relaxed.

"You are telling the truth," she said. "A temporal anomaly has fractured Voyager into different time-frames. 46, to be precise."

"You are able to determine that?" Kathryn asked in surprise.

"Yes," she smiled. "Technology has advanced since your time...or times."

"Can you determine which realities the time-frames belong too?"

"That is harder, but according to these readings, all time-frames belong to the same reality."

At this unexpected news, Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Then it must be working," she said. "Our plan. As soon as B'Elanna uploaded the messages the realities disappeared. Only ours is left."

"I'm glad you have a plan," Tal Meles declared. "Fixing a fracturing of this magnitude is extremely difficult, especially as the time-frames keep changing. There are now 41."

"I don't know why they're changing," Kathryn said, "but so long as there are past-times that precede the moment of the strike, the changing shouldn't compromise our plan."

"The strike happened in 2378," Chakotay told Tal Meles. "Can you tell us where an earlier time-frame is? Preferably the closest."

Tal Meles operated her keyboard. "As the time-frames stand at the moment, Laboratory 3, four decks down. It's 2373 there."

"Then I'll get myself there," Chakotay said. "Captain, you stay here."

"Over my dead body," Kathryn declared, getting to her feet. "As long as there's life in these limbs, I'm on the job."

"But..."

"No buts. I'm coming." She turned to Tal Meles. "That door over there, where does it lead?"

"The museum," she answered.

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Museum?"

The woman smiled. "Voyager's been in space a long time, Captain. Many original items are now antiques."

"I guess so," Kathryn said. "Come on, Chakotay. We're heading down memory lane."

"Shall I come too?" Tal Meles asked. "A lot of the time-frames are future ones. You may need my help."

"I'm afraid you can't," Chakotay answered. "To pass through the different time-frames, you need to be inoculated with a special serum, but we don't have any."

"Then I'll say goodbye to you both," she smiled. "And wish you good luck."

Kathryn smiled back. "To you too."

Kathryn then made her way to the gold door, Chakotay following, and stepped through it. As she did, blackness fell before her eyes and all was dark.

"I...I can't see," she said in concern.

"Neither can I," he answered calmly. "The lights are off."

Relief consumed Kathryn. "Thank heaven for that. But we must be in a different time-frame."

"Computer," Chakotay said. "Maximum illumination."

But nothing happened, nothing at all.

"Voyager must be damaged in this time-frame," Kathryn said. "We're going to have to think our way out." She held up her phaser and set it to stun. "When I fire my phaser, take a good look around and see what you can see. I know the light will be dim, but do your best."

"Ok."

"On the count of three. One, two...three."

Kathryn fired her phaser and kept it firing for a few seconds. She was right, the light it cast was dim, but it was bright enough to give them a good outline of the room. It was long, wide, and was full of infants cots.

"So much for the museum," Kathryn said. "Looks more like a nursery to me. And I don't mean of the plant kind...unless you're Welsh."

"Welsh?" Chakotay asked.

"Plant is children in Welsh."

"I see," he said, amused. "I didn't know you can speak Welsh."

"I can't," she answered. "But my Aunt Martha was married to a Welshman and he taught me a few words."

"Which, knowing your modesty, means you're semi-fluent. I'm impressed. And it's true, we really do learn something new every day."

Kathryn laughed and linked her arm with his. "Come on, there's a door to our left. Let's see where it leads. I guess the corridor, but as this Voyager is full of surprises, who knows!"

They made their way blindly to the door, but when they got there, they found it wouldn't open.

"Damn," Kathryn cried. "There's no power. We're going to have to force it."

"Allow me," Chakotay said. "I've gotten used to forcing doors."

"You have? Don't tell me, Voyager catches my replicator's temperamental mood."

"Not quite," he laughed.

Skilfully, he forced open the door and light flooded in.

"Well," Kathryn said. "Light is hope. Let's see where we are." She stepped through the door and found herself, as she guessed, in a corridor. "Exactly where we thought we'd be. And the coast is clear. No Borg."

"Or Kazon, macroviruses or Hirogen," Chakotay smiled. "Disappointed?"

"No, siree. I've learnt my lesson."

Chakotay laughed and they quickly headed down the corridor to the nearest lift. As they did, Kathryn's legs gave way beneath her and she went crashing to the ground.

"I'm ok," she said, stumbling to her feet. "Keep moving."

Chakotay took her arm, just for added support, and Kathryn leant on him as they continued to the lift. When they reached it, Kathryn lay back against its silver walls and tried to recover her breath. She was hot, dizzy, and increasingly weak.

"I don't think I've got long," she said. "But I'm not giving up yet. We're almost at Lab 3. I just hope time hasn't changed there."

"Me too."

A terrible pain suddenly gripped Kathryn's insides and she sank to the floor in agony. Chakotay knelt beside her anxiously and put his hand on her shoulder

"Take deep breaths," he said. "We went through a volatile temporal barrier. I felt it too. Breathe easy..."

Kathryn did as he said and the pain started to ease. As it did, she relaxed and looked up at him. "Good diagnosis. I thought I was a goner. How did you know?"

"A feeling," he said. "A hope..."

Their eyes locked and for a moment Kathryn saw love in his eyes, the love she had always seen in them, but then his eyes looked away.

"We're here," he said. "I'll see if the coast is clear."

He opened the lift's door and looked outside. "It is. Want me to carry you?"

"No," Kathryn replied, getting to her feet. "I'm not beat yet."

They stepped out of the lift and Chakotay offered Kathryn his arm. She took it and they began to walk down the corridor.

"I've no idea where Lab 3 is," Chakotay said, "but as we've just passed Lab 10, and are now passing Lab 9, I'm guessing we're heading in the right direction."

"I'd say," Kathryn replied.

She was clearly still in some pain and Chakotay slowed his pace.

"If it's no longer 2373 there," Chakotay said, "we'll try the other labs. The chances are one of them is in the right past time-frame."

Kathryn stopped walking momentarily and put her hand to her side. "Good idea."

Chakotay stopped walking too and turned to her. "Let me carry you, Kathryn. You're clearly not..."

"I'm fine," she said, walking again as though to prove it. "Keep going."

Chakotay reluctantly walked with her.

"I hope it is 2373 there," she said, rambling a little as her body temperature soared. "I liked 2373. It was the year of New Earth."

"I liked it too," Chakotay replied. "It was a special year."

"I was angry at first...about us being stranded...so frustrated. All I wanted was to...find us a cure. But then...after weeks...I didn't want to go back to Voyager. I wanted to stay there...with you. Just you. Wanted there to be...just us."

"I wanted that too," Chakotay said. "More than anything. But when Tuvok said they had medicine, I was glad. I was glad for you."

"I wasn't. I..." She swayed and fell against Chakotay, but managed to stay on her feet. "It meant...it meant we couldn't be...together. And I wanted us to be. I want you to...to know that now. I..."

But Kathryn didn't get to finish her sentence as a vicious white creature with octopus like legs flew out of nowhere and attacked them. Chakotay quickly grabbed Kathryn's phaser and stunned the creature, but as he did so it pierced his neck with a black tendril. Chakotay screamed in agony and fell backwards against the wall. As he slid to the floor, clutching his neck, Kathryn dizzily knelt beside him.

"Chakotay," she said. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes," he replied, his voice weak and breathless. "But I can't move...paralysed...dying."

Tears flooded Kathryn's eyes. "No," she wept. "You can't be. We've got..."

"I am," he said. "The creature...it kills...2386. We lost...five people."

"I'll get help...I'll try." Dizzily, she tried to get to her feet, but no matter how much she wanted to stand, her legs wouldn't hold her up. "I can't...I can't walk. I'm too weak."

"It's ok," Chakotay said. "Just come close. B'Elanna will...complete the job. If not...Tom. Time will...be restored."

"No," Kathryn protested, trying again to stand. "I've got to...do it. Got to...complete my mission." But it was no use, her legs crumbled underneath her every time she tried to stand. "Damn," she cried. "Damn..."

"Time will be...healed," Chakotay said. "Lie still...by me."

Kathryn turned to him, accepting defeat, and took his limp hands in hers. "It better be. It so...better be. And when it is...I hope things are better...for all of us."

"I wouldn't change...anything. Not a...thing."

"But you'll still have her...Seven. Even if we get home...you'll still have her...and your twins. You will be...happy."

Suddenly, there was a screeching in the corridor, a horrible high-pitched sound. Kathryn turned towards it and saw another creature hovering in mid-air. It's legs were flapping and its eyes, it's ugly yellow eyes, were staring at her. Then it lurched forward, aiming right for her. But, just as the creature was about to pierce her with a deadly tendril, phaser fire shot it and it slumped to the floor. Then Tal Meles was beside them.

"Captain, Commander, has it jabbed you?"

"Chakotay," Kathryn said. "I have...temporal chaos. But how did you...get here?"

"When you left, it occurred to me that the serum you mentioned might be in our replicator database. I checked and it was. So, I replicated some and injected myself with it. Thankfully, it came in a time-protected case so I have it with me." She pulled a hypospray out of a pocket. "I'll inject you with it, it should..."

"No," Kathryn protested. "The temporal chaos must...take its course. You must...complete our mission."

"Tell me what to do."

"Go to Lab 3... or if time has changed there...to a past time-frame that...precedes 12 June 2378. When there...upload a message to...security file. Instruct computer to...deploy deflector dish on...12 June 2378...at precisely 06:09 hours."

"I got it," Tal Meles said. "12 June 2378, 06:09 hours."

"That's right. You must...succeed."

Tal Meles put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "I will. You can count on me. All my weapons are time-protected, standard policy these days, and I haven't failed on a mission yet. I might look like my mother, but when it comes to proficiency, I'm definitely not my mother's daughter."

Kathryn smiled. "Good luck...Captain."

Tal Meles flinched. "How did you know that's me?"

"Because I know who...I'd leave my ship too."

The woman smiled, but then fell serious. "If your plan works, I'm guessing we won't see each other again. If it doesn't, if time isn't made whole, then I'll be back."

"It will work and we will...see each other again...in the future."

"I hope so. Goodbye, Captain...Commander."

"Goodbye," Kathryn said.

Tal Meles then left and her echoing footsteps faded into silence.

"Looks like," Chakotay teased, "men will...never sit in...the big chair...on this ship."

"No, siree," Kathryn smiled. "She's a...lady's lady."

"I'm glad. I'm so...proud of you. Of all you've...achieved."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "I'm proud of you too, Chakotay."

"And...I love you. I want you to...know. I never wanted...Seven. I always wanted...you. You're my...wife. My darling...beautiful wife."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "But your twins...my baby."

"We were taken...biometric...examination...2379. Babies were...made artificially...for experimentation. We found out...rescued them. Raised them. James was... yours. Twins were...mine. Other parent...alien. 10 babies...altogether. That's why...the nursery." He gasped, struggling to breathe. "I love you...Kathryn. Don't want you to...die not knowing...to think I...love someone else."

Kathryn tearfully kissed his hand and held it to her cheek. "I love you..too. Always. And I've longed for you...so much. These last two years...I never want them...to happen. I hurt so much...ached for you so much. But you weren't...you weren't there. When time is whole...I want you to...be there. I want us to...be together."

A tear mixed with blood escaped Chakotay's eye. "We...will be...my darling. Time will...bring us...together." He wheezed, panted. "Just lie...close. Lie...close."

Kathryn tearfully snuggled up to him and lay her head on his broad chest. His heart was beating, she could hear it, but the beat was faint, getting fainter.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, struggling to breathe herself. "For the...wasted years."

"No," he gasped. "I've been...so happy. I love you...so much."

Kathryn raised herself to look at him and tenderly stroked his face. "I love you...my angry warrior...my brave warrior."

Colors started to flicker in the corners of her eyes but Kathryn ignored them. All her attention was on the man beneath her, the kind and courageous man who she loved more than life.

"I'm so glad you...came into my life..." she said. "So glad we...got stranded. I never told you...never told you...so many things."

"I know," he whispered. "I know."

His eyes then closed and the last breath left his body.

"No," Kathryn wept. "No...Chakotay...don't leave me."

But he was gone. Her brave warrior was dead.

Kathryn cried out in agony and then collapsed onto his body with heartbreaking sobs. Then she clutched him tight, tighter than she'd ever clutched anyone or anything, and surrendered herself to the assailing colors. For in those colors, those ever haunting colors, lay death and oblivion.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTEEN


	14. Chapter 14

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 14**

12 June 2378

The Captain's quarters were still, silent. Beneath a window of streaming stars, Kathryn slept in the bed she had slept in almost every night for seven years. Her sleep was troubled, chaotic, and it was not with regret that she woke up when her morning alarm bleeped. Slowly, groggily, she got out of bed and did the same thing she did every morning, replicated herself a pot of hot black coffee. Then she slumped into a chair, poured herself a cup, and let the black liquid work its magic on her sluggish senses. But before her cup was half empty, her morning ritual was disturbed by the door chime. Kathryn sighed, but called out to whoever was there to come in. The doors opened and Chakotay stepped into the room.

"Good morning," he said.

"And to you," she replied. "But I've had better."

"Rough night?"

"You could say that. I feel like I haven't slept a wink, even though I've been out for eight hours, and I had the strangest dreams. It's like I was living lots of different lifetimes all at once. We were home, we weren't home, we got home one way, we got home another. We were old, we were young, we were alive, we were dying. It was...bizarre."

"Sounds it," Chakotay said. "But not as bizarre as what happened this morning."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "This morning? What happened?"

"The strangest thing. We were studying an anomaly when it struck us with a bolt of lightening like the one a few months ago did. Or at least, it would have struck us had the deflector dish not self-activated at the exact moment of the strike."

"Really? It self-activated?"

"It did. No one knows how. I'm guessing it's something to do with an out of time experience, like the one I had, but there's nothing on our system to tell us when the instruction was planted. Tuvok's still investigating, and I've done my own research, but if anyone knows anything, they're not talking." A thought then came to him and he looked at Kathryn with affectionate suspicion. "But maybe I'm being dense here. This 'rough night' of yours, it wouldn't have anything to do with self-activating deflector dishes, would it?"

Kathryn smiled mischievously. "Temporal prime directive, Mr Chakotay."

"Then you do," he said. "You know something."

"Perhaps." She pointed to the chair opposite. "Please, sit yourself down. Coffee?"

"I'd love one."

Kathryn poured him a cup as he sat down and handed it to him apologetically. "No cream or sugar, I'm afraid. I wasn't expecting company."

"Black is just fine. But a whole pot just for yourself?"

"What can I say? One cup in the morning just isn't enough. I need at least three to wake me up. Especially after a night like last night. But, in my defence, my cup's pretty small."

"Looks a good size to me," he smiled. "But enough about coffee. What happened last night? Tell me."

Kathryn reclined in her chair. "Only if you tell me what happened a few months ago."

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "Blackmail, Kathryn Janeway."

"No," she replied. "Victory."

"Ok," he laughed. "I'll conceded it. When the anomaly struck us, it shattered Voyager into different time-frames. 37, to be precise. With help from a younger you and Seven, I was able to put the ship back into temporal alignment. The ship was put into sync with my time-frame, so I was the only one to remember what had happened." He paused. "I'm guessing something similar happened this time. So, go on, spill the beans."

"Sorry," Kathryn said, a gleam in her eyes, "but I don't have the can. But thank you for the filler."

Chakotay scowled, but there was amusement in his eyes. "Treachery, Kathryn Janeway."

"No," she smiled. "Cunning. I always find out what I want to know...eventually."

"I can't argue with that," he said. "Game to you. I've lost my trump card."

"But won a good booby prize. Because, from what you've said, I don't think my dreams were just dreams. Voyager was time-fractured in them. I remember that now, remember that Voyager was shattered into different time-frames and realities. More than that I can't remember. It's like trying to see through a fog or a black abyss. But Voyager was definitely time-fractured and I was trying to put her together again. I don't remember how or when, but there were colors. My dreams were full of colors."

"So was the anomaly. It was spectacular, like a..."

"Million dancing rainbows," Kathryn finished. "I can see it...like a misty photograph. Which has to mean that I'm linked to what happened today. For some reason, when time was restored, my memories weren't totally erased. But then, I was never really awake in my dream. I was sleeping. I was sleeping in my bed. And yet at the same time I was living multiple lives. They're all chaotic, disassociated, lines of color without meaning. Yet they have windows, and in those windows I glimpse those existences, those other lifetimes."

"Any predictions about the future?" Chakotay teased.

"Only that if I don't fill up this cup, soon it will be empty."

Chakotay smiled. "Allow me."

Carefully, he picked up the pot of coffee and refilled her cup.

"The younger me in your out of time experience," Kathryn said. "How young was she exactly?"

"About five years old," he said.

"Five?" Kathryn asked in surprise. "I was five?"

"No," he answered. "I'm kidding."

"Then how old was I?"

"Let's just say, you were old enough to know me, but young enough to not know me well."

Kathryn was about to answer, but the door chime played.

"No peace for the good!" she said. "Come in!"

The doors opened and Tuvok came in.

"Morning, Tuvok," Kathryn said. "Let me guess. You're here to find out if I know anything about self-activating deflector dishes."

"That is correct," Tuvok answered. "As part of my investigation, I am questioning every crew member. Only you remain."

"Considerate," she teased, "to leave me until last."

"Logical, rather," he replied. "As you are the captain, by leaving you until last I can both question you and inform you of my findings at the same time."

"I can't fault the logic in that," Kathryn smiled. "Please, take a seat and question away. Would you like a coffee?"

"No, thank you. I will not sit either. I have left Mr Neelix in charge on the bridge...what you would call a long story...and the situation most unnerves me. I aim to relieve him at first opportunity."

"I didn't think Vulcan's get unnerved," Chakotay teased.

"We do not easily," he answered. "But Mr Neelix in charge on the bridge is enough to unnerve a Klingon's bat'leth."

"It certainly is," Kathryn laughed.

"So, let's get this over with," Tuvok said. "Do you know anything about this morning's deflector dish incident?"

"No and yes," Kathryn replied. "I know nothing about what happened, or how it happened, but I was plagued by bizarre dreams last night and I think they are tied in some way to the anomaly. In my dreams Voyager was time-fractured, shattered into different time-frames and realities, and I was living several lifetimes all at once. Not other peoples lives, but my own, just in different realities. I can't remember details, everything is so hazy, but I have glimpses and feelings, glimpses into those multiple existences and feelings of despair, fear, hope, love and triumph. But they're all jumbled, chaotic."

"I concur," Tuvok said. "Your dreams must be related to this incident. Do you remember anything at all about the deflector dish?"

"Nothing. I remember an urgency to fix Voyager, but I don't remember any particulars."

"Were you old in your dreams?"

"Old? I think I was. I was all ages. I was captain of this ship, an admiral at home, an admiral on this ship, and more besides."

"As you were older in your dreams, and you are the only one who has had strange experiences last night, then most likely you are responsible for the deflector dish's self-activation. An older you must either have sent the instruction from the future, or uploaded it using advanced encryption from the past. Generally, when the space-time continuum is restored, out of time memories are erased, but sometimes they are retained in the subconscious or manifest as dreams. This is most likely what happened in your case."

"It's as good a theory as any," Kathryn said, "and one I'm content with."

"Then my investigation is concluded. I will present you with a report later today."

"Thank you, Tuvok. Your diligence, as always, is much appreciated."

Tuvok gave an acknowledging nod and then left. As soon as the door closed behind him, Chakotay spoke.

"I think you should pay a visit to sickbay before reporting for duty," he said. "We have no idea what we were caught up in last night. You should be checked over."

"I'm fine."

"As you'd say that if you were dying, I'd rather here it from The Doctor."

The door chime suddenly played. Kathryn sighed. "Come in!"

The doors opened and The Doctor came in.

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "now's your chance."

"Talking about me, I see, " The Doctor said. "Well, I suppose it's only to be expected, after all I am a walking marvel. What can I do for you, Commander?"

"It's rather what you can do for the Captain," Chakotay said. "She seems to be at the heart of what happened last night and I'd like you to examine her."

"I should have known you'd have the answer to our mystery, Captain," The Doctor said, getting out his tricorder. "So, what happened? Did you set the deflector dish to self-activate?"

"If I did, I have no memory of doing so," she answered. "All I can remember about last night is that I had strange dreams. They really were bizarre. It was like I was in temporal flux. I was living several lifetimes all at once and yet...and yet they were all connected. They were all connected to Voyager, to the anomaly. Voyager was time fractured, split into different time-frames and time-lines, and yet they were united somehow. They were united in me. I was young, I was old, and I was trying to fix Voyager, trying to put Voyager back together again. That's all I can remember. Everything else is a blur."

"Well, you're definitely not suffering from temporal flux now," The Doctor said. "I'm detecting some chronoton and tachyon particles, but nothing else to suggest temporal displacement or flux. You're in as fine health as a workaholic and coffeeholic can expect to be. Of course, if you made an effort to..."

Kathryn raised up her hand. "Spare me the lecture, Doctor. I'm ok, that's all Chakotay needs to know."

The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "You could do with some fine tuning yourself, Commander. As a vegetarian, it's essential that you..."

"Not now, Doctor," Kathryn said. "I've had a restless night, despite being dead to the quadrant, and Chakotay's been on early shift. We're not in the mood."

"You're never in the mood, Captain. Every time I..."

The sound of Seven's voice over the comm interrupted him. "Seven to the Doctor, you are required in sickbay. Medical emergency."

"Looks like duty calls, Doctor," Kathryn said.

"All too soon," he sighed. "I'll speak to you later, Captain." He then tapped his commbadge. "Doctor to transporter room one. Beam me to sickbay."

In seconds the transporter beam engulfed him and he disappeared.

"Maybe now we can enjoy our coffee," Chakotay smiled.

"I hope so. Without my fix, I'm worse than a Kalturva bear with two sore heads."

Chakotay laughed.

"Strange though...to think that my dreams might not really have been dreams, but alternate existences. Strange and unsettling. It makes me wonder how many lifetimes we have lived, how many existences we have experienced but can't remember. I've always found that frightening. Maybe that's why I don't like temporal mechanics."

"I'm not a great fan myself. "

"I just hope there are no more of these anomalies ahead. Twice we've survived a strike. We may not be third time lucky."

"No, but somehow I think we will be. Besides, these anomalies are proving quite entertaining so I hope there's at least one."

"Well, if there is, we're avoiding it. I may seem to have the luck of the gods, but I don't want to push it. If we see anything like these temporal anomalies, we're heading in the opposite direction."

"Might be better to avoid all anomalies," Chakotay teased. "We'd get home faster."

"Right. Fast ride, slow trip. You know what they say, adventure risks disaster."

"I haven't heard that before."

Kathryn smiled. "Maybe I made it up."

Chakotay raised up his cup. "Well, whoever said it, I'll drink to it. To adventures...may we have many."

Kathryn knocked her cup against his. "To adventures."

END OF CHAPTER 14


	15. Chapter 15

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 15**

FOUR MONTHS LATER

"Damn," Kathryn said as she pulled a smoking nutroast out of her oven. "Damn timer!"

Fanning away the smoke as an alarm bleeped, she took the roast over to the recycler and quickly recycled it.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway," Voyager's chief of security said. "There is a..."

"Nothing to worry about, Tuvok," Kathryn interrupted. "I've burnt the roast again."

"That I figured," Tuvok replied. "I was going to inform you that an anomaly has appeared on sensors that greatly resembles the temporal anomalies we are avoiding."

"Appeared on sensors?" Kathryn asked. "Is that to say it somehow materialized out of nowhere?"

"Affirmative. However, we may simply have failed to detect it as the problems with our sensors are ongoing."

"That is most likely the case. If this anomaly lies in our path, alter course. If not, onwards and forwards."

"It is directly in our path."

"Then alter course."

"Any further instructions?"

"Monitor the anomaly and inform me if there is any cause for concern."

"Understood. Tuvok out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn returned her attention to dinner. It was too late to make another nutroast, as Chakotay was due any minute, so she would have to replicate one. Quickly, she made her way over to the replicator, hoping to replicate it before Chakotay arrived, but just as she got there, the door chime played.

"Come in," Kathryn cried, manually replicating the roast. "Don't mind the smoke!"

The doors opened and Chakotay came in.

"Don't tell me," he smiled. "My dinner's in the recycler again."

"Got it in one," Kathryn laughed, picking up the freshly replicated nutroast. "But as always, I have a replacement."

"No leather gloves in the middle like last time, I hope."

"None, I assure you. I've given my replicator a warning. Any more shenanigans and it's out an airlock."

Chakotay laughed and took his place at the table. It was beautifully set with candles and flowers and there were several covered silver dishes.

"Help yourself to whatever you fancy," Kathryn said, joining Chakotay at the table. "There's steamed vegetables, pasta, bread, nachos, guacamole, noodles, salad, scotch eggs, and lentil soup."

"Quite a feast," Chakotay smiled. "Are we expecting company?"

"No, there's just us. I've been experimenting a bit. I haven't done any real cooking in ages and, well, safe space leaves me with a lot of time on my hands. Not to mention Naomi was over and wanted to help. She made the bread, so if it breaks your teeth don't phaser me."

Chakotay laughed. "If her bread is as bad as the cake she made last week, you have competition."

"For what, worse chef on the ship?"

"You said it."

"But you implied it. Watch yourself, mister, or it might be you out an airlock."

"Gladly, if it saves me from death by poison."

"Oh," Kathryn laughed. "I'm not that bad. And, in my defense, I think my oven is to blame. There's something up with the timer. I'm firmly of the opinion that cooking is a science, not an art, so my attempted masterpieces should come out perfect every time. I always follow the instructions, right to the spoon size. The problem has to be the timer."

"It worked fine for me last week."

"So does my replicator work fine for you. But for me, it makes nutroast meshed with leather gloves. What can I say? Voyager likes to tease me." She picked up a bottle of wine and tried to unscrew the top, but it just wouldn't budge. "Damn," she groaned, "this top is tight. It won't budge."

"Let me try," Chakotay said.

"No, siree. This is my replicator playing games again. I specifically programmed it to make easy open bottles. This is not easy open."

Chakotay smiled. "Looks like its death by airlock for your replicator."

"Yes. Or worse, destruction by dismantling. It can't be trusted and won't reform." She applied all her strength to opening the bottle, determined not to be beat, but when the top at last came off, it was with such force that wine split all over her gray undertunic. Chakotay couldn't help but laugh, but Kathryn was not amused. "Definitely my replicator's history. First thing tomorrow morning...unless you want to trade, of course."

"No, thank you," Chakotay smiled. "I'm a loyal guy. I'll stick to the one I've got."

Kathryn was just about to reply when Voyager jolted to a stop and bright green light filled the room. She turned towards the window, as did Chakotay, and gasped to see a pulsating green anomaly outside. It was huge, ripping through space like a jagged wound, and was blindingly bright. Kathryn hit her commbadge.

"Janeway to Tuvok. What the hell's going on? Why do I see the anomaly from my quarters and why have we stopped?"

"I don't know, Captain," he replied. "One moment the anomaly was light years away, the next it was upon us. Our engines have failed, reason unknown, and the warp drive is offline. My theory is that our malfunctioning sensors failed to give us the anomaly's exact position. We thus flew straight into its path and its proximity is interfering with the ship's systems."

"It's as good a theory as any, but I want us out of here as soon as possible. Get a team to engineering. In the meantime, Chakotay and I will make our way to the bridge. Janeway out."

The connection terminated.

"Looks like our dinner's on hold again," Chakotay said, "thanks to these anomalies."

"Looks that way," Kathryn agreed. "But it will still be here when we get back." She got to her feet, picked up her jacket, and put it on. "Come on. The sooner we're out of here, the sooner we can eat cold roast."

Chakotay laughed and followed her out of the room.

* * *

"Report," Kathryn said as she and Chakotay entered the bridge.

"We're still dead in the water," Harry said, "and the anomaly's sucking us in."

"At what rate?"

"1.5 kilometers a minute."

"And our distance from the anomaly is?"

"Approximately 2,000 kilometers," he replied.

"Then we've got 22 hours to get the hell out of here."

Tom, who was at the helm, smiled. "Quick math. I bet you always got an A at school, Captain."

"No," she smiled. "I got an A+"

The bridge crew laughed, but the moment of joviality was short lived.

"Captain," Tuvok said, "I'm detecting what appears to be a wormhole emanating from the anomaly."

Kathryn looked up at the viewscreen. "On screen."

The anomaly lit up the screen and Tuvok zoomed in on a section. Sure enough, a tunnel resembling a wormhole was visible.

"Where does it lead?" Kathryn asked.

"I am unable to get a reading," the Vulcan answered.

Tom spoke now. "Captain, our engines have suddenly come online."

"And the wormhole is getting bigger," Harry announced.

"Maybe the anomaly's intelligent," Tom joked, "and wants us to go in."

"Maybe it does," Kathryn answered, "but like hell we are. Get us out of here, Mr Paris, maximum warp."

Tom did as she said and in seconds the anomaly was out of sight.

"All systems are now online," Tuvok said, "but our sensors are completely down. We're flying blindly."

"Sensors are not our only sense," Kathryn replied. "We still have our eyes. If we can't scan a course, we'll have to navigate the old fashioned way...by the stars. Take us out of warp, Mr Paris. We don't want to fly from the dragon to the devil. Mr Kim, go to astrometrics and tell Seven what's happened. Tell her to chart us a new course as best as she can. Tuvok, get a team working on sensor repairs immediately, and have them working on it all night if need be. Sensors are now our top priority."

"Yes, Captain," Tuvok replied.

"If there are any problems, inform me at once. I'll be in my quarters." She turned to Chakotay. "Chakotay, go see B'Elanna. Ask her if she'll help fix the sensors. I know she's on maternity leave, but we really need her expertise."

Tom spoke. "Shouldn't that be my job? I am her husband, after all."

"We need you to pilot."

"Fair point. And don't worry, Captain, B'Elanna will be only too glad to help. She's going crazy cooped up in her quarters all day. And don't worry, big guy, you won't have to babysit. We have Tal Celes on call. She might not be much of an officer, but she's sure great with kids."

"Then it's all settled," Kathryn smiled. "Tuvok, you have the bridge."

With that, she walked into the turbo lift and Chakotay followed. As the doors shut behind them, he spoke.

"I don't know about you," he said, "but all this...an interrupted dinner, a glowing anomaly, disrupted systems...it's giving me de ja vu."

"Me too," Kathryn smiled. "But hopefully we've seen the last of that anomaly, whatever it was."

"Unless it's following us," he teased.

"It better not dare."

Chakotay laughed. "When I've seen B'Elanna, shall I return to your quarters?"

"Of course," she smiled. "We have a dinner to finish."

* * *

While she waited for Chakotay, Kathryn recycled her stained undertunic and then replicated a clean one.

"Oh no," she groaned when it came out pink. "You really have it in for me today, don't you? One gray Starfleet undertunic, female, small, short sleeved."

The machine processed her request, but again the undertunic came out pink.

"I'll ask one more time," Kathryn said firmly. "One gray Starfleet undertunic, female, small, short sleeved."

But again a pink undertunic was produced.

"Then to hell with it," Kathryn sighed. "But it's definitely death day for you tomorrow. You've pushed me one step too far. You know redheads don't wear pink!"

Quickly, she put on one of the pink undertunics, clipped on her commbadge, and then recycled the other two. Then she went over to the table and one by one recycled everything she'd replicated for their meal. Luckily, this wasn't much, just the nutroast, the wine, the guacamole and the nachos. Everything else was either made from vegetables grown in the hydroponics bay or from ingredients replicated in her ready room. The replicator there was much more reliable and Kathryn had got into the habit of using it more than the one in her quarters. When all were recycled, except the nachos, the doors to her quarters opened and Chakotay came in.

"No," she said, walking with the nachos over to the recycler, "you haven't gone color blind. My undertunic's really pink. And guess how? The damn replicator. All I wanted was one gray undertunic, but would it give me one? No, siree! It insisted on pink. I swear it's trying to make me crazy. Either that, or it's trying to kill me. No, correction, make that us. Because I fear it_ will_ kill us if we eat any of the stuff its made. To be on the safe side, I've recycled everything."

Into the recycler the nachos went and then Kathryn turned around. She expected to see Chakotay laughing, but he was not. Instead, he was standing as still as a statue and was staring at her wide eyed.

"Chakotay," Kathryn said in concern. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I just have," Chakotay replied quietly. Then he looked around anxiously. "We'd better get out of here. You're not safe."

"How do you mean? What's happened?"

"I can't tell you, temporal prime directive, but the anomaly's going to strike again."

"If it does, the deflector dish is ready."

"Then it must strike us twice. Every strike burns out the deflector dish so..." he looked around, agitated, "it must strike us twice."

"The anomalies have never struck us twice," Kathryn argued. "I doubt this one will even strike us once. We're heading away from it."

"I'm telling you, Kathryn," he cried, "it's going to..."

But before he could finish his sentence, bright green light flooded the room. Then Voyager jolted, stopped dead, and outside the window the jagged anomaly glowed.

"Tuvok to Janeway. The anomaly has again appeared out of no where and has again crippled Voyager."

"The damn thing _must _be following us," Kathryn said. "I'm on my way to the bridge. In the meantime, if engines come back online, repeat what we did last time to get us free."

"Yes, Captain."

Suddenly, a blazing tendril shot out of the anomaly and filled the room with blinding light. Then it was gone.

"Report," Kathryn said to Tuvok.

"The anomaly struck us," Tuvok answered. "But the deflector dish caught it."

"Condition of the deflector dish?"

"Burnt out."

"Have a team repair it immediately. Without the dish, we have no defense against a second strike."

"Yes, Captain."

The connection closed and Kathryn picked up her jacket. "I'm going to rise some eyebrows walking on the bridge in a pink undertunic, but needs must! And while we're on our way there, Chakotay, I want you to tell me everything you know. To hell with the temporal prime directive. The lives of our crew might be at stake."

Chakotay was about to protest, but as Kathryn headed for the door, another bolt of lightening shot out of the anomaly and struck Voyager. Chakotay heard Kathryn groan as they fell to the floor, and cried out himself as he struck something sharp. Then he scrambled to his feet and looked around for Kathryn. But when he saw her, his heart contorted in horror and pain. The jolt had thrown her across the room and she was lying, unconscious, before the window. Her face was distorted, horribly disfigured as though her skin was melting, and green sparks were sizzling all over her. Chakotay hurried over to her and tried to search for a pulse, but when he touched her a flow of electricity surged up his arm and he screamed in agony as his body convulsed. Then something exploded in his head, like his brain was on fire, and all went black.

END OF CHAPTER 15


	16. Chapter 16

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 16**

New Earth, 2373

In the pale light of an alien dawn, Chakotay lay in his bed and stared vacantly at the ceiling. Kathryn was already up, he'd heard her leave the shelter a while ago, but he was in no rush to rise himself. The day would pass quickly enough, too quickly, and he was not going to help it. In fact, he wished he could slow it down, wished he could make it last forever, because then the tomorrow he dreaded would never come. It was the tomorrow they were to return to Voyager. He knew he should be happy that the crew were coming back for them, that medicine had been got to cure them, but he was not. He was happy for Kathryn's sake, happy for the crew's, but not for his own. Happiness to him would have been to spend the rest of his life on this planet with the woman he loved. Of course, it would not have been an easy life, probably a very difficult one, but they would have had a life together. Now, it seemed, they never would. Tomorrow it would be back to a life of duty and protocol, and the barriers that Kathryn had only just learnt to lower would be up again. She would be his captain, he would be her first officer, and the parameters between them would be well and truly defined. Even if they got home, he didn't hold out much hope for them. Kathryn would be reunited with Mark and would share her life with him. This, their stranding on an alien planet due to an incurable virus, was their only chance of a life together, and now it was gone.

Suddenly, a dazzling green light filled the room and blinded Chakotay. When his eyes adjusted to the glare, he saw what looked like a green flare in the living room. It was pulsating like a warp-core, swirling and rippling through the room, then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone. All was still and silent. Quickly, Chakotay got out of bed, picked up his tricorder, and hurried into the living room. For a moment he saw nothing, nothing but the usual furniture, then he saw a woman on the floor. She had red bobbed hair, was wearing a Starfleet uniform, and was trying to get up. Chakotay hurried over to her and gasped when he saw that the woman was Kathryn.

"Kathryn..." he cried.

Slowly, in a daze, Kathryn turned to the man beside her. All was misty before her eyes, a white fog, but as it cleared she saw a familiar face.

"Chakotay?"

"That's right," he said, scanning her.

"My head hurts," she groaned. "I feel...dizzy."

"You're displaced in time," he answered. "And are suffering from temporal flux. Can you tell me what's happened?"

"No," she replied. "I don't remember." Then something came back to her, a ghost of a memory. "Yes...an anomaly...it struck us."

"When are you from? What year?"

"I...I don't know...I...2377...No...2378."

"Then you're from the future. This is 2373."

"2373," she echoed. "The past."

Wanting to be absolutely sure that this was a future Kathryn, not the present Kathryn, Chakotay went over to the table, picked up his commbadge, and activated it. "Chakotay to Janeway."

Almost immediately Kathryn spoke through it. "Yes, Chakotay?"

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. Why do you ask? Are you ok?"

"Yes. I just have myself a...situation. How soon can you get back here?"

"I don't know. About an hour. What's wrong?"

"Hopefully nothing I can't handle. Come when you can."

"Are you ill or hurt?"

"No, I'm fine. See you in a bit."

"Ok, Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, Chakotay pinned the commbadge to his black pyjama shirt and addressed the Kathryn before him. "Well, at least we know your counterpart in this time-frame is ok."

"Some consolation, I guess," she said, sitting up and leaning back against a wall. "But I..."she looked around, looked up. "I know this place...I do. It's our place...a place we were happy...our shelter...New Earth."

"That's right," Chakotay said. "It's our last day. The crew will be picking us up tomorrow."

"Then I'm...I'm by the lake. I remember. I walked there...wanted to be alone...our last day. I remember."

She closed her eyes, clearly in pain, and murmured softly.

"Let me help you to the couch," Chakotay said. "You'll be more comfortable there."

Kathryn let him help her to the couch, which was a metal frame with cushions, and she lay back upon it.

"That's better," she said.

Chakotay sat beside her. "You said an anomaly has brought you here. Do you remember more about it?"

"No...just an anomaly...a light...was in my quarters. It struck me and then...and then I was here."

"What did this anomaly look like? Was it intelligent?"

"I...I don't remember. Everything is...confusion."

Chakotay looked at her sadly, wishing he could do something to take away her pain, but he could think of nothing certain.

"I wish there was something I could do to ease your suffering," he said, "but the only thing I can think of is medication for post transportation trauma. I know that's not what you have, but it might ease the symptoms of cellular chaos."

"Good thinking...Let's try it."

"But, while it might help, it might interfere with attempts to draw you back to your own time-frame."

"It won't," she answered, "because I...won't be going back. The anomaly will have...time-fractured Voyager. It has...before. When Voyager is...whole again, I'll be...erased from time."

"Then let's give it a shot," Chakotay replied.

He went over to the replicator, replicated a hypospray, and then applied it to Kathryn's neck. The medication took effect immediately and Kathryn's pain eased.

"Oh it's working," she said. "It is..."

Chakotay smiled. "I'm glad."

"My head's not hurting now. But boy, I could do with a coffee."

Chakotay had to laugh. "That's your answer to every crisis, isn't it?"

"Absolutely. Please...get me one."

"Gladly, but are you sure it's wise? Your stomach might be five years away."

"I'll take the chance."

"Then coffee it is."

He went over to the replicator, replicated a cup of black coffee, and then handed it to Kathryn.

"Thank you, Sir," she said, taking it gratefully. Her hands were trembling slightly, as was her body, but she was much more perky. "Oh heavenly," she said as she took a sip. "Just what I need."

"We aim to please," he smiled, looking at this future Kathryn with both awe and confusion. He could see she was older, there were lines on her face that time had not yet put there, but at the same time her bobbed hairstyle made her look younger. Her uniform, with its pink undertunic, was something of a curiosity too.

"Your top," he said. "Am I color blind or is it pink?"

Kathryn looked down at her uniform and laughed. "It's definitely pink. But why, I haven't a clue. No, I do. I remember. My replicator...my replicator made it...not supposed to."

"A malfunction?"

"All the time."

"Sounds like it needs replacing."

"Yes, soon." She took a long sip of coffee and then looked up at him with a focus in her eyes that had been lacking before. "But I'm not supposed to talk to you about the future. Temporal Prime Directive."

"I don't expect you to...unless there's something I should know. There's got to be a reason why you're here. Are you sure an anomaly sent you? Maybe you came here on purpose to deliver a message."

"No, the anomaly definitely brought me here. It struck us, time-fractured Voyager." She gulped down what was left of her coffee and then placed her cup on a wooden table before them. "That was good. I could do with some food, though. I haven't eaten since...I can't remember how long since."

"I'm rather hungry too," Chakotay said. "Shall we have scrambled eggs on toast?"

"Sounds wonderful."

Chakotay replicated two plates of scrambled eggs on toast, with a helping of tomatoes, and then sat beside her on the couch to eat. Kathryn ate fast, clearly as hungry as she said she was, and afterwards had a slice of coffee cake. When they'd finished eating, Chakotay recycled their plates and replicated her a second cup of coffee.

"I feel so much better now," she said. "Just like myself."

"You seem it. And yet...And yet different."

"In what way?"

"More relaxed. More comfortable...around me."

"I suppose because I am. And I have the liberty to be. Knowing all this will never happen, that it will all just fade from time, changes those...parameters."

"We still need to becareful, though," Chakotay said cautiously. "Just because you think this is an out of time experience that will be erased once the space-time continuum is restored, doesn't mean it is. We have to do all we can to protect history. Do you remember meeting a future you here?"

"No," she replied. "I don't remember anything about a future me being here."

"Then we can't let your younger-self know about you...just to be on the safe side."

"Shouldn't be too hard. Miss Explorer won't be back until after six."

Chakotay frowned. "How do you...?" Then he laughed at his own density. "Of course, you were once her."

"Exactly," Kathryn smiled. Then a sadness filled her eyes. "Sometimes I wish I could be again. I wish I could be here again. I wish I could..." She paused as a thought came to her. "Maybe that's it. Maybe the anomaly's granted my wish and brought me to where I want to be."

"Some anomaly," Chakotay teased, "to grant wishes. Maybe it has a genie living in it."

"I'm serious, Chakotay. Maybe it's trying to communicate."

"Who am I to say it's not, but why would you want to be here? You've wished for nothing but to leave since we came."

"Because we had something here we'll never..." Tears filled her eyes and she looked away. "This is all we'll have, Chakotay."

Chakotay understood what she meant, despite the vagueness of her words, but he wished he didn't. They only confirmed what he feared inside, that when he and Kathryn got back to Voyager, everything would go back to how it used to be.

Suddenly, Kathryn's voice spoke over the comm. "Janeway to Chakotay."

The sound of her voice threw them both for a moment, but then Chakotay responded. "Chakotay here."

"How are things now? Do you still need me?"

"No," he said. "I'm fine now."

"Then do you mind if I take a ramble? I've seen a beautiful hill that I've never noticed here before and I'd love to climb it."

"I don't mind at all. Just take care."

"I will. Janeway out."

As her younger-self terminated the connection, Kathryn looked at Chakotay sadly. He looked tired, drawn, and there were shadows under his eyes. There was also a haunting loneliness about him, a silent pain, that made her heart hurt. He was a good man, a kind and gentle man, and he deserved to be happy. Maybe if he hadn't of loved her he would have been happy, would have made a life with another woman on Voyager, but he did love her and that love was just another grief to add to a burden of many. As long as they were captain and first officer, nothing could happen between them, as much as she wanted it to. A professional distance had to be maintained, and, as hard as it had been, they had maintained it. Never again, after his ancient legend, did he tell her that he loved her, and never did she tell him. Never had she told him. But now, in this existence that would soon not exist, it was perhaps time to tell him. He deserved to know, he deserved to know that she loved him.

"Even though she's never said it," she began, "she does love you, Chakotay. I want you to know that."

Chakotay's eyes flew to her face at these words, but instead of bringing comfort, they only seemed to hurt him more. Slowly, rigidly, he got up from the couch and went over to the shelter's small window. "We shouldn't talk about this."

"We might never again get the chance. And you need to know it, Chakotay. You need to know how grateful I am for you, how much I..."

"Don't," he said, turning to her with tears in his eyes. "Don't do this. It isn't fair."

Kathryn got to her feet and closed the gap between them. "Nothing about us is fair, Chakotay. It never has been. It isn't now. Because when time is whole again on Voyager, we won't exist anymore." She paused. "But we exist now, we feel now, and while we exist, everything between us is real. And before we fade into nothing, I want you to know that I love you."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "I love you too, Kathryn. I've loved you since the day we met. When I'm with you I feel...I feel complete, like I've found where I belong. I've never felt that, always felt like an outsider. But I don't belong with you. Deep inside I've always known that. I've always known that I'm not good enough for you."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "That's not true. You're a great deal too good for me."

"No. I will never be the man you need. You need someone who..."

He could say no more as Kathryn put her fingers to his lips. "You're everything I need, Chakotay. You're everything I want.." Tearfully, she caressed his cheek, traced the course of his tattoo. "We might never get another chance like this to be together. Let's not waste it. Let's..." her voice fell to a whisper, "make love."

Chakotay looked deep into her eyes, infinite pain and longing there, then he turned away again. "It wouldn't be right, Kathryn. What if we don't cease to exist? What if we carry the memory with us? And even if we are erased from time, you're not...you're not my Kathryn."

"But I am," she said, putting her hand on his arm. "I'm her in every way. All her memories, they're my memories, and in those memories I'm the same woman who is out there now weeping because going back to Voyager means losing you. I'm the same Kathryn who soaked every night in the bath tub you made, the same Kathryn you held as the storm shook our shelter, and the same Kathryn who heard you say you loved her in an ancient legend. I'm her, Chakotay, and she's me." A tear ran down her cheek. "The only difference is I love you more..."

At this, Chakotay turned back to her. "Oh Kathryn," he whispered.

"I want us to be together, Chakotay. I don't want us to die, to fade away, never having been together." She paused. "But if you don't want to, if you don't love me as much as..."

Chakotay silenced her with a kiss. "I do," he said. "I do."

Kathryn smiled through tears and then drew him close. Chakotay wrapped his arms around her and they held each other tight. Then they kissed tenderly as golden rays of sunlight lit up the room.

* * *

In the warmth and comfort of Chakotay's bed, Kathryn lay still and silent in his arms. For the first time in a long time, she felt totally at peace, and knew he did too. But, at the same time, there was a haunting sadness between them, a bittersweet calm. This was the first and last time they would be together.

"There will be a time for us," Chakotay said quietly. "There has to be."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "I wish that time was now. I don't want this to end."

"Neither do I."

"I love you so much, Chakotay."

"I love you too."

He kissed her hair and tenderly caressed her arm, but his loving strokes scalded her skin and she murmured in pain.

"The temporal flux?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "It's...coming back."

"I'll inject you again."

"No," she protested. "Just hold me. Just hold me until...until we are no more."

Chakotay kissed her again and held her tighter, holding her as though he never wanted to let her go. Kathryn let herself melt into him and, as she drifted to sleep in his arms, Chakotay did too.

* * *

Noise...light.

Slowly, sleepily, Chakotay stirred awake. For a moment, all was a haze, a daze, then memories of Kathryn flooded back to him. He turned to his side, hoping to see her there, but he was alone. He was alone in his bed. Then be became aware of light in the living room, of pottering about. Slowly, he got out of bed, put on his robe, and made his way there. When he got there, present Kathryn was busy packing away items into a container, her long hair tied back from her face, and she looked up at him as he entered.

"At last you're up," she said. "I was getting worried. Are you ok?"

Chakotay looked around, looking for some sign that what he remembered of the day was true, but he saw none. There was no trace of the future Kathryn he had loved.

"What happened, Chakotay? What was the crisis?"

The crisis. Then he had spoken with Kathryn over the comm, had told her he had a situation. He was beginning to think he had dreamt everything.

"Just a..." he racked his brains for an excuse, "a problem with a wild animal."

"What? An animal got in our shelter? It didn't go near my bed, did it?"

"No," he said quietly.

Kathryn left the container and walked over to him. "You seem distracted, Chakotay. Are you ill? You ate a lot of those berries we picked yesterday and they're not exactly human friendly. Poisonous, no, but hallucinogenic, yes. I had terrible dreams last night after only eating a dozen. You ate at least three times as much. The effects should have worn off by this morning, they did for me, but maybe they're still effecting you. Maybe you only hallucinated the animal you saw."

"Maybe I did," Chakotay said, sitting at the table. Hallucinations would certainly explain everything.

"We should have analyzed the berries more carefully before eating them. Before I went out, though, I threw what remained of them and left a note on the tub."

Chakotay said nothing, just stared sadly at his hands. It had all felt so real, Kathryn's visit from the future, Kathryn had felt so real. And he wanted it to be real. He wanted to believe that in some time, in some place, the woman he loved had loved him. But this present Kathryn was right, it was all probably an hallucination, a wishful dream. He'd seen a Kathryn that wasn't really there, had imagined her saying she loved him because he wanted her too, and had only made love to her in his mind because that was the only place he ever would.

"What you need," Kathryn said, "is a good hot meal. What do you fancy? I'll make it...replicated, of course. I don't want to make you worse."

"I'm not hungry," he replied.

"But you must eat something, if only soup. How about it? Some vegetable soup?"

"Sounds good," he answered.

"I've already eaten," she said, going over to the replicator. "I had a pizza when I got back. Not exactly the healthiest option, I know, but with us going back to Voyager tomorrow, I want to make the most of indulgent food. Because as soon as we're back, The Doctor will probably have us on a recovery diet for at least a month."

Chakotay had to smile at that. "He probably will."

Kathryn replicated a bowl of hot soup and then carried it over to him. "While you eat," she said, "I'll have one last soak in the tub you made. Most of the packing is done. The rest can wait until morning." The crew weren't due to pick them up until noon. "Then I'll hit the sack. I'm totally exhausted after all the walking I've done. I don't think I've ever walked so much in my life."

"The hill," Chakotay asked. "Was the view worth it?"

"Yes," she answered. "It was worth it." Then she looked at him as though she wasn't talking about the view anymore, as though she was talking about something else. "It's all been worth it. I'm not sorry we got..." She paused. "I'm not sorry."

Chakotay knew what she was trying to say. She was trying to say she wasn't sorry they got stranded on this planet. "Neither am I," he said.

Their eyes locked, sadness and longing in both, then Kathryn turned away and, before he knew it, was gone.

END OF CHAPTER 16


	17. Chapter 17

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 17**

Mist...lights...Sickbay...The Doctor.

"Welcome back, Captain."

Kathryn closed her heavy eyes again and raised a hand to her aching head. "What happened?"

"Voyager was struck by the anomaly," The Doctor told her. "Fortunately, little damage was done to the ship. Your quarters took most of the impact. If I was paranoid, I'd say it was aiming for you."

"I remember now," she said, memories returning. "Chakotay and I were having dinner...or trying to...and there was a bright light." A fear suddenly gripped her. "Chakotay, is he ok?"

"As right as rain. Thanks to me, of course. And so are you. When the anomaly struck, you were in its path, and the bolt sent your body into temporal chaos. Fortunately, I was able to bring you into alignment. It wasn't easy, in fact it was near impossible, but as always my clever little brain came up with a solution. Not that I'm expecting any prizes. There's little more than a thanks to be got around here. But if we were in the Federation, I'd have a whole cargo bay of awards."

"Was Chakotay struck too?"

"No. He was merely electrocuted when he tried to help you."

Kathryn made to sit up, but The Doctor pushed her down. "You're going nowhere for at least three hours."

"But I've got a ship to run," she argued. "I need to check that everything is..."

"Voyager is fine. But you won't be if you run around like a zinzolo. Your body has been through severe trauma and needs to rest."

"I'll be fine. Just give me something for the headache."

"I am, rest. The headache will go as soon as your body has fully adjusted to this time-frame. In the meantime you will feel groggy and confused about recent events."

"Then if I must rest, at least let me do so in my quarters."

"Sorry, but no. I want you here where I can keep an eye on you."

"But..."

"No buts. Doctor's orders."

Kathryn sighed. "Very well, if I must, I must."

"I'm glad that's settled. Now, try to sleep. It will work wonders."

With that, The Doctor dimmed the lights and retired to his office. But as Kathryn lay there in semi darkness, trying to succumb to slumber, memories of the night flashed through her mind, slowly building up a picture. She could remember every detail of her dinner with Chakotay...the way it had been interrupted by the arrival of the anomaly; the way they'd gone to the bridge to get Voyager free of it; the way her replicator had misbehaved and made her a pink undertunic; the way the anomaly had struck Voyager, only to be caught by the deflector dish; and the way a dazzling green light had blinded her before...

Before she was somewhere else.

As the memories returned, she could remember being with Chakotay on New Earth, could remember talking with him, dining with him, and then...and then making love with him. She could feel his touch, taste his kisses, and remember the ecstasy as they finally become one. But with those memories came a horrible sinking feeling inside, a terrible dread. For with the memory came the memory of Chakotay's face when he saw her in a pink undertunic.

He remembered.

She remembered.

Voyager had not been time-fractured, only her existence had been time-fractured. While she was in the past with Chakotay, normal space-time had continued on Voyager. And when her existence was whole again, that moment they had shared remained in the past. It remained part of their histories. It had not, as they thought it would, disappear into oblivion. Kathryn gripped her sweaty hands together and tried to navigate a course through her fears. In that out-of-time moment she had laid open her soul to Chakotay, had told him she loved him, had completely surrendered to their love. That meant he knew, he knew what she felt for him, and he remembered their intimacy. It was ironic. For years she had tried to keep a distance between them, had tried to maintain those parameters, but he had already made love with her. It was all too much to take in, too much to absorb, but she had to. She had to keep navigating, had to find a course through, a way to ride this storm and reach calm seas. Safe seas.

Suddenly, sickbay doors opened and Chakotay came in. As he did, The Doctor rushed out of his office.

"Commander," he said quietly. "The Captain is resting. I'm afraid..."

"I'll see him," Kathryn interrupted.

The Doctor turned to her. "Captain, you're supposed to be sleeping."

"What can I say," she said. "I'm a poor sleeper."

"Well, you'll have to try harder. The Commander can see you in two hours time. Until then, no visitors."

"Does that mean I'm imprisoned _and_ in solitary confinement?" Kathryn asked. "Come on, Doctor. Don't be a jailer."

The Doctor sighed. "Very well. You may see the Commander. But only for a few minutes."

"Thank you, Doctor."

The Doctor returned to his office and Chakotay approached the bed. His body was tense, his face strained, and his eyes heavy.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," Kathryn replied.

"How are you feeling?"

"Groggy," she answered.

Chakotay lowered his eyes and fidgeted with his fingers. "Voyager wasn't time-fractured. Only you went into temporal chaos." He paused. "Do you remember what happened? After you were struck?"

Kathryn's stomach was churning, a million butterflies, but she kept her composure. "No," she lied. "The last thing I remember is being in my quarters with you."

"I see," he replied quietly.

"But you remember something, don't you?" she asked, navigating cautiously. "I remember your face when you saw me in this undertunic."

For a moment, Chakotay said nothing. Then he spoke. "Yes. I remember."

For so many years he had put down what happened that day on New Earth to an hallucination, a wishful dream, but the second he saw her in that pink undertunic, he knew it was more. He knew it was real. Or at least, had been real with some Kathryn from some parallel reality. He had hoped that Kathryn was this Kathryn, that when he came here she would remember what they'd shared, but she clearly did not. That had to mean he had either loved a different Kathryn or she had no memory of what had happened. Either was possible and he could make no conclusion.

As Chakotay contemplated, Kathryn braced herself to ask the next question, hoping he would respond as she wanted him to. "What happened?"

"I can't tell you," he said, responding exactly as she hoped. "Temporal prime directive."

Kathryn relaxed a bit now, the seas becoming calmer. "Then I guess I'll just have to live in mystery."

"But there is something you should know," Chakotay said sadly. "In the out-of-time experience, you told me the anomaly took you to a place you wanted to be, a special place. You said that might be it's way of trying to communicate. You were half-joking, but there might be something in it."

It was true. She had said that. And maybe she was right. Maybe the anomaly was trying to communicate.

"Perhaps there is," she answered. "Where is the anomaly now? Are we still dead in the water?"

"Yes. Our systems are still crippled."

"Then when I'm out of here, we'll call a staff meeting and try to get to the bottom of this. If the anomaly is trying to speak, we've got to try and listen."

"I'll inform all senior staff to be on stand by. But don't rush yourself. The anomaly isn't pulling us in this time."

"Then it must have realized we saw that as a threat. I might be wrong, but I think it's trying to help us somehow."

"Me too. If it was hostile, it could have destroyed us by now."

"While I'm chained up here, try to put the pieces together. I will too. The Doctor might be able to police my body, but he can't my mind...well, at least not without drugging me. Yours is probably a lot clearer than mine right now, anyway."

"I'll do my best." There was a moment of tense silence, then Chakotay broke it. "Well, I'll leave you to rest."

"Ok. See you later."

Chakotay then left and Kathryn watched him go with tears in her eyes. She hated to deceive him, hated to deny what had happened, but she didn't know what else to do. It was her only passage through the troubled seas. If she acknowledged what had happened, acknowledged that she was in love with him, it would open up a can of worms she didn't want to open. It was better for him to think she didn't remember. Then he could come to his own conclusions about what the experience was, whether it was really with her or another Kathryn from another reality. For when time went into chaos, anything was possible. It seemed to be kinder too, even though it hurt like hell, because what had just happened for her had happened five years ago for him. He had loved her then, deeply and truly, but that didn't mean he still loved her now. It was better to let sleeping dogs lie, and let them lie she would.

END OF CHAPTER 17


	18. Chapter 18

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 18**

It was well passed midnight when The Doctor discharged Kathryn from sickbay, but, despite the late hour, the first thing she did was call a senior staff meeting. They all arrived promptly, except Tuvok who was commanding the bridge, and as soon as they were all seated, Kathryn addressed them.

"Thank you all for coming so quickly, especially at this late hour. I know you all have work to do, or sleep to catch up on, so I won't waste time on small talk. I've called you here because I want to hear all your thoughts on this anomaly. This is the third time in a year that we have encountered an anomaly of this type, and each time it has struck us. The first time, according to Commander Chakotay, it shattered Voyager into different time-frames. In that out-of-time experience that we can't remember, we helped him to put Voyager back into temporal alignment. Four months ago, a similar anomaly struck us, but our deflector dish self-activated at the exact moment of the strike and deflected it. None of us knows how or why the deflector dish self-activated, but we conclude, especially because I was plagued by strange dreams that night, it was due to another out-of-time experience. Now, today...or yesterday rather as it's passed midnight...we've been struck again. Not once, but twice. Our deflector dish caught the first strike, but the second hit us and sent me into temporal chaos. Chakotay was also at the scene of the strike, which was my quarters, and recalls an out-of-time experience. In this experience, he recalls I told him I believe the anomaly to be intelligent and trying to communicate with us. My feeling, and his, is that the anomaly is indeed intelligent and trying to communicate with us. The question is, what is it trying to say?"

Tom was the first to respond. "I don't think it's trying to say anything, Captain. I was just kidding earlier when I said it might be intelligent. I think these anomalies are just temporal phenomenon that are common in this region of space. We may run into a million before we're through."

"I hope not," Harry joked, "or we'll be doing nothing but fixing the deflector dish."

"Our situation is hardly a joke," Seven said. "We are in serious trouble. If the anomaly is hostile, it may destroy us any moment."

"Then give us some background info, Seven," Harry retaliated. "You always know so much about everything. Tell us what these anomalies are."

"I cannot," she answered. "I did not assimilate knowledge of these lifeforms as a drone."

"Lifeforms?" The Doctor asked. "Does that mean you believe they are intelligent too?"

"I am of that opinion," she replied. "But it is merely an opinion. In fact, I believe this anomaly is the same anomaly that struck us before."

Kathryn spoke now. "That it is haunting us? I've thought that too."

"But it looks completely different to the other two," Tom argued. "Well, maybe not completely, but it's certainly a different color. The first was pink, the second was a rainbow of colors, and this one is green."

"Appearances can be deceptive," Kathryn replied. "Who's to say it doesn't change colors regularly?"

Just as she spoke, the green light of the anomaly changed red. They all turned to the windows, through which the anomaly could be seen, and saw that it was now ruby.

"Wow," B'Elanna exclaimed. "It heard us and changed! It must be listening to everything we say!"

Harry glanced at Tom. "Still say its not intelligent?"

The anomaly then changed into the anomaly they had first encountered, then into the second, and then back into the third.

"It _is_ the same anomaly," The Doctor cried. "And it _is _trying to communicate. I knew it was up to something when it struck the Captain, I just knew it. Why strike her of all people?"

Now a swirl appeared on the edge of the anomaly, a rippling circle like a whirlpool, and then it changed into a wormhole.

"Another wormhole," Harry exclaimed. "You must have been right, Tom, even if you were joking. It wants us to go in."

"But why?" Seven asked. "Where can it possibly take us?"

Suddenly, Tuvok spoke over the comm. "Our systems have all come online, Captain."

"Acknowledged," she said.

"Shall we flee?"

"No. But standby to make a sharp exit at my command."

"Yes, Captain."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn spoke. "I think you are right, Harry. The anomaly wants us to enter the wormhole. And I think the reason it wants us to enter is because it wants to take us home."

"With all due respect," Tom said, "that's a hell of an assumption. What makes you think it?"

"Something Chakotay said," she replied. "He told me that I had told him in this out-of-time experience, that the anomaly took me somewhere I wanted to be. That's what it was trying to tell me, that's what it's been trying to tell us, that it can take us where we want to be. Where we want to be is Earth."

Tom turned to Chakotay. "You've said nothing so far, Chakotay. What do you think?"

"I agree with the Captain," he answered. "I think the anomaly is trying to help us. I think it's been trying to help us for some time. That would explain why it struck me the first time, and the Captain subsequently. It may have initially thought I'm in charge of Voyager."

"I can see the logic in that," Seven said, "but I share Mr Paris's skepticism. If the anomaly is trying to help us, not destroy us, why did it time-fracture Voyager?"

"I don't know," Chakotay answered, "But I've given it a lot of thought over the passed few hours, and I think it's just been trying to tell us something. By time-fracturing Voyager, we learnt it is a temporal anomaly. By taking the Captain to a place she wanted to be, it told us it can take us where we want to be. This anomaly clearly has the power to manipulate space and time and I fully believe it is capable of taking us home."

"But it's so...disorganized," Tom said. "Don't get me wrong, I'd love to believe it can do what you're saying, but why not try a more direct approach?"

Kathryn spoke. "How more direct can you get, Tom, than a bolt out of the blue? Chakotay's right. This anomaly has been trying to help us for a while, but we misunderstood its signals. That's not our fault. We didn't know it was giving any. But we know now. And now that we know what it's been trying to say, the question is do we trust it? Do we fly Voyager into that wormhole?"

"I say we do," Harry said.

"And me," B'Elanna agreed. "I know it's a risk, but we've taken worse."

"Like when?" Tom asked. "I can't believe you're considering this, B'Elanna. Think of Miral."

"I am," she argued. "How can you say I'm not? That wormhole's a way to a better life for her!"

"In where, Stovokor? Because that's where she might end up if we go into that thing! I say we forget about this, Captain, and get the hell away from this anomaly while we still have the chance."

"I concur," Seven said. "Even if the anomaly is trying to help us, its help cannot be depended upon. If we take Voyager into that wormhole, we may be destroyed or deposited anywhere in the universe. The anomaly seems to me infantile. Its attempts at communicating are immature and ineffective, to say the least, and if it has been trying to help us, its attempts have been haphazard. I say we do not trust it with the lives of our crew."

"How can you say it has been ineffective in communicating?" B'Elanna asked. "We've got the message, haven't we? How would you communicate if you were one of these anomalies?"

"I have a question," The Doctor stated. "If the anomaly has been trying to help us for months, the first attempt being when it struck us first, how did it know we needed help?"

"Good question," Tom said. "I really think we're building this anomaly into something it isn't."

Chakotay spoke. "Maybe it learnt everything it needed to know when Voyager was time-fractured. Or maybe we had a previous encounter with the anomaly that none of us can remember."

"That's the most likely explanation," Kathryn said. "Sometime before that first strike, we must have encountered the anomaly in what is now an out-of-time experience. It learnt then that we're trying to get home and it's followed us because it wants to help us."

"We have to trust it," Harry declared. "We have to. We've waited seven years for a chance like this."

"But what if it's a trap? Tom cried. "What if its just trying to fish us in?"

"For what reason?" B'Elanna asked. "Besides, if it wanted us it could get us."

"Well, it's done a good job at trying. If it's friendly, why mess with our systems and sensors?"

"To communicate," B'Elanna argued, "that's all. By disabling our systems, and then enabling them, we get to know what it wants. Like we know now that it wants us to go into the wormhole because its made our systems come online again. It hasn't harmed Voyager, at least not majorly. There's nothing wrong with our sensors. I've been working on them all night and can find nothing wrong. They just keep shutting down. I think because the anomaly doesn't want us to leave until we've got its message."

"I agree," Kathryn said. "I don't believe we have anything to fear from this anomaly. I believe it's a friendly lifeform that is just trying to help us. My gut instinct is that we trust it, that we fly Voyager into that wormhole. But I won't make an alone decision this time. I don't regret destroying the array to save the Ocampa, but I do regret making that decision alone. We'll only fly Voyager into that wormhole if everyone in this room agrees that its a risk worth taking."

"Then we may aswell just turn our backs and run," Harry cried, "because there's no way Tom and Seven are going to agree to it!"

"I think it should be a majority decision," B'Elanna said. "That's fairer."

"Ok," Kathryn conceded. "We'll vote on the decision process. Hands up all in favor of acting on a majority decision."

Everyone raised their hands.

"Then the majority vote will swing it," she declared. "So, hands up all in favor of taking Voyager into that wormhole."

B'Elanna, Harry, Chakotay and herself raised their hands, but Tom, Seven and The Doctor did not.

"Then we have a majority of one," Kathryn concluded. "Let's put it to a second vote. If any of you want to change your mind, now's your chance. Put up your hand if you are in favor of us taking Voyager into the wormhole."

The same hands went up, but this time Tom added his. "I don't want this to divide us, B'Elanna," he said. "Your decision is my decision."

B'Elanna smiled gratefully at that. "Thanks, Tom."

Then Seven also put up her hand. "I too will support this decision, despite my reservations, as I trust your judgment, Captain."

At this, The Doctor sighed and raised his hand. "Far be it from me to be the black sheep. But, if we end up in the belly of some astronomical beast, don't say I didn't warn you."

Kathryn smiled. "Your reservations are noted, Doctor." She then looked at her senior staff with moist eyes. "A full house in favor. Looks like we have a journey to prepare for."

"The trip of our lives," Harry smiled. "The one that will take us home."

"No," B'Elanna argued. "The trip of our lives is the one we've been on for the last seven years. Nothing will ever compare to it. And I'm glad of it, Captain. I'm glad we got stranded."

"Me too," Tom said. "Whatever happens, I'm not sorry. These years have been the best of my life."

"And of mine," Seven added. "I'm glad you did not return me to the Borg, Captain. I'm glad I had the chance to recover my humanity and share this journey with you."

"So are we all," The Doctor said. "You have been a great asset to this crew, Seven, and I am proud to call you a friend."

Harry spoke now. "I could also say I'm glad for the last seven years, but I won't because this is starting to sound like final curtain farewells."

"Nothing wrong with some sentimental reflection," Kathryn smiled. "But there'll be plenty of time for that when we get home. So, let's get ourselves there. Doctor, you return to sickbay, just incase we have casualties. Seven, return to astrometrics and chart our position as best as you can in the space we end up in. We may not end up on Earth's doorstep. B'Elanna, go to engineering. We need our Chief Engineer there incase of an emergency. The rest of us, to the bridge. Once we're all at our stations, I'll make an announcement to the crew. Then we'll power up engines and make our bid for home."

* * *

In less than twenty minutes, all was set for their trip. All systems were operational, including sensors, and Voyager was ready to fly. From her seat on the bridge, Kathryn told the crew what was happening, and then gave Tom the command to fly Voyager into the wormhole. On the viewscreen before her, the green wormhole swirled rapidly, and grew bigger and bigger as they got closer to it.

"Distance to the wormhole, Mr Paris?" she asked.

"3,000 kilometers," he answered.

Suddenly, the wormhole flashed orange and then changed into an array of colors.

"What's happening?" Harry asked in concern.

"I think it's welcoming us," Kathryn answered. "Maintain course, Mr Paris."

Voyager reached the edges of the anomaly now and the ship began to shake from turbulence.

"We're almost there," Tom said. "300 kilometers."

"Maintain course," Kathryn said, gripping the sides of her chair as they were jostled about.

"Now we're going in," Tom announced. "Four, three, two...we're in!"

All went black on the viewscreen and then extreme turbulence began.

"Shields are down 10%," Tuvok cried. "20%"

"We are losing structural integrity," Harry yelled. "Damage to five decks...six..."

Voyager seemed to be ripping apart at the seams, cracking up under the pressure, and smoke filled the bridge.

"Shields down to 40%" Tuvok cried, trying to keep himself upright. "30%"

A violent jolt sent Kathryn flying from her chair, but she picked herself up and climbed back into it.

"How much further, Tom?" she cried, unsure if Voyager could take much more pressure.

"I don't know," he cried. "We're flying blindly!"

Then the turbulence eased and green light filled the viewscreen.

"We're through!" Tom cried.

The light faded as they flew out of the anomaly into black space, and then all was still. Kathryn got to her feet and span towards Harry.

"Our position, Mr Kim."

"I'm trying to get a reading," he said. "Our systems are damaged." He worked the console, every second seeming like an eternity to the waiting bridge crew. Then he spoke the words they'd waited seven years to hear. "The Alpha Quadrant. Approximately one light year from Earth."

For a moment, no one spoke, no one moved, and then a murmur of excitement filled the bridge.

"Are you certain?" Kathryn asked, hardly daring to believe it.

"Yes, Ma'am," he smiled. "We're home."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes and she saw them brim in Chakotay's eyes too. After seven long years, they had done it. They had got their crew home.

"The anomaly," Tuvok declared. "It has gone."

"It has," Tom confirmed. "There's no sign of it."

"Too bad," Harry said. "We never got to say thank you. Not that we could have exactly, but you know what I mean."

"I do," Kathryn replied quietly. "But it knew. I'm sure it knew our gratitude."

Suddenly, there was a bleep.

"We have an incoming transmission," Tuvok said. "Starfleet Command."

Kathryn turned back to the viewscreen. "On screen."

Immediately, the face of an elderly male Admiral appeared before her. "This is Admiral Bryan Maine speaking to you from Planet Earth. We have detected your arrival in this sector following a temporal rift. We are unable to identify your ship. Please identify yourself and your ship."

"I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway," Kathryn answered, "and our ship is Voyager. We've been stranded in the Delta Quadrant for seven years, but I'm sure you know all about that. The temporal rift was a wormhole we used to get back."

"I have never heard of you or your ship," the man replied. "What year are you from?"

"2378," Kathryn said. "We got stranded in 2371."

"Then that explains it. This is 2370."

Kathryn's stomach sank and she was silent for a moment. Then she found her voice. "2370?"

"That is correct, Captain. Stardate 47995.3."

Kathryn glanced at Tom, then at Chakotay, and saw her own mortification on their faces. They had got home, at long long last it seemed they had achieved their goal, but they were too early. Eight years too early.

"I see this news disturbs you," the Admiral said. "And it is indeed disturbing. Are you able to use the wormhole to return to your own time-frame?"

"No," Kathryn answered. "The wormhole has gone."

"Then I will call an emergency meeting. Your displacement in time must be corrected or the future is at stake. Report immediately to Starbase FX-10 and communicate with no one on the way. To do so will infringe the temporal prime directive and will incur severe penalties."

"Understood, Sir," Kathryn said quietly. "We will go there now."

"As quickly as you can. Earth out."

The connection terminated and the viewscreen went blank. As it did, Kathryn summoned all her strength and addressed Tom.

"You heard what he said, Mr Paris. Take us to Starbase FX-10."

Tom did as she said and in seconds Voyager was on her way.

END OF CHAPTER 18


	19. Chapter 19

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 19**

As Voyager made the hour journey to Starbase FX-10, Kathryn sat alone in her ready room, gazing out at the stars, and tried to come to terms with the night's events. It all felt surreal, somehow, like a dream that had become a nightmare. Many times over the last seven years they had come close to getting home, and had been in a similar situation four years ago when they had found themselves in 1996, but never had they actually got home only to find that they weren't really home after all. It was a cruel twist of fate and every crew member was feeling it acutely. What would happen now was anyone's guess. Perhaps the anomaly would realize its mistake and reappear; perhaps the elusive time police would correct their displacement; perhaps they would all just simply fade from time and none of this would happen; or perhaps Starfleet Command would come up with a solution. But whatever was going to happen, Kathryn had to be strong and focussed. Her crew were depending on her.

Suddenly, the door chime played, bringing Kathryn out of her thoughts. She turned away from the window and called out.

"Come in!"

The doors opened and Chakotay came in.

"Hi," he said. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm fine," she answered. "The crew?"

"Disappointed, but optimistic. Their hope is the anomaly will show up before we reach the starbase and make another wormhole that will send us to the right place."

"I've been hoping that too," Kathryn replied. "But the more time that passes, and the closer we get to the starbase, the less I think it's likely. As Seven said, the anomaly's attempts at helping us have been haphazard. It may be totally ignorant of the mistake. But it tried to help us, tried its very best, and we have to be grateful for that."

"Absolutely. And let's not assume its depositing us here was a mistake. Maybe we're here for a reason."

"Such as?"

"I don't know, and maybe we'll never know, but that doesn't mean there isn't one."

"I suppose you're right. The future is the past, the past is the future, and...I need a coffee." She got up and made her way over to the replicator. "Want one?"

"Please. Apart from my brief sojourn in sickbay, I've been up for twenty hours. I need the caffeine."

"Then I'll make yours extra strong," Kathryn smiled. She then replicated the coffees and carried them over to her coffee table. Chakotay picked up his and then sat beside her on the couch.

"What do you think will happen," he asked, "when we get to the starbase?"

"I don't know exactly. Our arrival will obviously be top secret so there won't be much of a welcome. We'll probably be told to dock Voyager in a high security bay and then we'll either be escorted somewhere or officials will transport onboard. What happens then will depend on what Starfleet Command has decided. We won't have much say in the matter."

"Not exactly the welcome home we've been waiting for."

"No, far from it."

Chakotay took a sip of coffee. "Have you ever been to this starbase?"

"Yes, many times. It's mainly a research facility now, though it does do emergency ship repairs, and I've attended a number of conferences there. You?"

"Not that I can remember. But I've been to many starbases over the years, so maybe I have."

"Probably. It's hardly memorable as looks like all the others of its age." She paused. "I haven't said anything to the crew, not yet, but I've got a good idea what Starfleet's solution will be."

"Stasis?" Chakotay offered.

"Yes," she replied. "If Voyager is kept secretly at this starbase for eight years, and us in stasis inside, then there's a good chance that history will be preserved. Those who know of our premature return will be few in number and will not be allowed to discuss what they know with anyone. Our case will be classified. That means all those involved in trying to get us home, including Admiral Paris, will be ignorant of the fact that we already are." She paused. "If that happens, if history is preserved, then the irony is...it's unfathomable. For seven years we will have struggled against the odds to get home, and yet the whole time we already were."

"It does stagger the mind," Chakotay said. "But I agree. It is most likely what Starfleet Command will decide. What else is there?"

Kathryn turned to the window and gazed out. "While I've been sitting here, thinking, I've been thinking about our younger-selves. They're out there somewhere, going about their ordinary lives, with no idea of what will happen in a year's time. I'm thinking of Joe Carey, Lyndsay Ballard, Ahni Jetal, and all the other people who would still be alive now if we hadn't of got pulled to the delta quadrant. All it would take is one message to stop it all, one message to my younger-self to tell her to avoid the Badlands and why. And yet, I can't do it. Every time I'm tempted, I think of what Tom and B'Elanna said in the briefing room earlier. I think of Seven and Icheb and Neelix. For seven years I've done my best to uphold Starfleet principles in the most difficult of situations, and I need to uphold them now. The temporal prime directive exists because we don't have the right to choose who should live and who should die. And I can't choose. I can't choose between Joe Carey's life and Seven's liberation from the Borg. I don't have that right."

"No," Chakotay said. "None of us do. We have to accept our fates, have to respect the laws of time. And I'm glad that, so far, no one has suggested we don't. What we've all experienced over the passed seven years has been beyond anything we could imagine. We've visited worlds we didn't know existed, seen things that challenge our understanding of what we know, met incredible people and hundreds of different races, and seen things that no one else has ever seen. Although our journey hasn't always been easy, and we've lost people along the way, I don't think there's anyone onboard who would not want the journey to happen. Every starship suffers casualties. We've lost no more people than an average starship does. Probably less because we've had an amazing captain." He paused. "I didn't always agree with your decisions, and we've had our disagreements, but I've always respected your judgment and have always felt privileged to be your First Officer. You're the most dedicated, intelligent, compassionate, brave and disciplined captain I've ever served under. There are few officers in the history of Starfleet like you and I'm proud of all you've achieved."

Kathryn took his hand in hers. "I'm proud of you too, Chakotay. You've been a fine First Officer, the best any captain could ever have, and you've been a good friend. My best friend. I don't know if I could have got through the hard times without you. There were times when I wanted to give up, when I didn't want to live anymore, the guilt and the burden on my shoulders were too great. But whenever I felt that way, whenever I offered to do something crazy, you were always there to hold me back. We got through those years together, Chakotay, and whatever happens now, whatever becomes of us, we'll face it together."

Chakotay squeezed her hand and was about to speak, only Tuvok did so over the comm.

"Tuvok to Captain Janeway. We will arrive at Starbase FX-10 in approximately ten minutes."

"Acknowledged," Kathryn answered. As the connection closed, she got to her feet. "We started our journey home side by side. Let's end it that way. Let's be sitting side by side on our bridge as we dock."

Chakotay got to his feet and gently placed his hand on her shoulder. "There's no where else I'd rather be."

* * *

Sitting next to each other on the bridge, just as they had done that first day they set a course for home, Kathryn and Chakotay watched on the viewscreen as Voyager approached Starbase FX-10. It was a large starbase, of typical spherical design, and looked rather like a ghost station as they closed in on it. There were no visible lights and no ships coming and going.

"Are you sure this is the right place, Tom?" Harry asked. "Looks deserted to me."

"Definitely the right place," he answered. "Starbase FX-10, the most happening place in the galaxy."

"Tom's right," Kathryn confirmed. "This is Starbase FX-10. It's not used for much these days so most of it is empty."

"I don't like the sound of that," Harry declared. "In fact, I've got a bad feeling about this. I don't think we should go there. If we do, who knows what they'll do with us. Maybe they'll put us in an execution chamber or lock us up."

"Lock us up, maybe," Tom said, "but an execution chamber? Come on, Harry! What have you been reading? A Cardassian guide to Starfleet?"

"But they might," Harry insisted. "We're not meant to be in this time-frame. Our younger-selves are the ones who are and there can't be two of us. Starfleet Command won't be able to send us back so what can they do with us? Euthanasia, that's what."

"And in eight years time," Tom argued, "when Voyager disappears from the face of the galaxy, what are they going to do then? Resurrect us? We're part of a temporal loop, Harry. They can't just kill us."

"But..." Harry protested.

"No buts," Kathryn interrupted. "Tom's right. No one's going to kill us. Put such an idea right out of your head. At worst, what we're looking at is eight years of stasis."

Suddenly, there was a bleep.

"We are receiving an incoming transmission," Tuvok declared. "Audio only."

Kathryn got to her feet. "Let us hear it."

In seconds, a male voice filled the bridge. "Starship Voyager, please dock in bay 15. The bay's co-ordinates have been transmitted with this message. Please confirm receipt."

Kathryn glanced at Tuvok. "Do we have it, Tuvok?"

"Affirmative," he answered.

"Then acknowledge receipt and send co-ordinates to the helm."

Tuvok did both in seconds and the male voice spoke again. "Receipt confirmed. Please proceed to bay 15."

The connection closed and Kathryn turned to Tom as she sat again. "Take us in, Mr Paris."

Tom did as she said and flew Voyager to the designated bay. As they approached it, the bay's doors opened, flashing red as they did, and Voyager slowly flew in. Then, for the first time in seven years, the great starship docked at a Starfleet port. Everyone on the bridge felt the magnitude of the moment, but before they had time to absorb it, they were hailed.

"On screen," Kathryn said.

Instantly, the face of an elderly black woman appeared.

"Welcome to Starbase FX-10," she said. "I'm Admiral Jenni Klare and I've been placed in charge of this case by Starfleet Command. I will now beam onboard with my colleagues, so we can confer in person, but first I would like to extend my condolences to you all. After finally making it home after being lost in space for so long, only to find out you're in the wrong year, must be devastating. But we have a solution that will, we hope, take some of the sting out of your disappointment."

"Thank you for your sympathy," Kathryn answered. "We are indeed disappointed at our displacement. Getting home has been our one goal for seven years and we have suffered many hardships, braved many dangers, to achieve it. However, we have every faith that all will be well. Starfleet principles have been our guiding force for seven years and we trust in those principles now."

"And rightly so. Meet us in your ready room, Captain. We will transport there."

The viewscreen then went blank and Kathryn turned to her officers.

"Chakotay, you come with me. Tuvok, you have the bridge."

Kathryn then made her way to her ready room and Chakotay followed.

* * *

It took Admiral Klare and her colleagues a few minutes to arrive in the ready room, but when they did, Kathryn and Chakotay were waiting for them. With the Admiral was a small, stout, man with white hair and a tall woman with short blonde hair.

"Welcome aboard," Kathryn said when they materialized. "If you are do not know our names, I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway and this is my First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

"It is an honor to meet you both," Admiral Klare smiled. "This is Admiral Ryan Lott, and this is Admiral Anne Parker."

They all shook hands and then Admiral Lott spoke. "The situation that we find ourselves in is most unusual, but it is not unprecedented. You are not the first crew to find yourselves displaced in time with no obvious way back to your time-frame. More often than not these displacements fix themselves, one way or another, but on rare occasions they do not and are permanent. That is because they are meant to happen. They are a part of our history or our future. As you have no way back to your time-frame, and the universe does not seem to be treating your displacement as an aberration of the space time continuum, we can only conclude that your displacement is permanent. That means it is meant to happen, is a part of the past that leads to your future. If the future you come from no longer exists, then our present understanding of temporal mechanics tells us that you would no longer exist. In other words, we wouldn't be having this conversation. But as we are having this conversation, then your future still exists and will happen. This means our priority now is to safeguard that future and preserve history."

"After much deliberation," Admiral Parker continued, "we have concluded that secretly putting you in stasis for the next eight years is the best course of action. It will preserve you as you are and then, on the stardate and time that you flew through the wormhole that brought you here, we will awake you. Then you will be able to have the homecoming you deserve."

"We hope you agree that this is the best thing to do," Admiral Klare said, "and will co operate."

"We will," Kathryn answered. "It is the best solution all around and one we expected you to put to us."

Admiral Klare smiled, her relief visible. "Then let's get on with it. The sooner you are asleep, the sooner you will awake to your future."

Chakotay spoke now. "Where will you keep us? On Voyager or somewhere else?"

"On Voyager," she replied, "providing there is enough space for all the chambers we will need. That will make it easier for us to keep your presence a secret from the station's residents."

"There's plenty of space on deck 14," Kathryn said. "In fact, we already have stasis chambers set up there. We set them up when..."

The woman raised her hand. "You must tell me nothing of your history beyond the time and date of your entry into the wormhole. The less we know, the better."

"Understood," Kathryn said.

The youngest admiral, Admiral Parker, put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "It will take us some time to check and prepare all the chambers. Three hours at least. This should be ample time for you to inform your crew and answer any concerns they may have. But we must stress the importance of adhering to the temporal prime directive. Just one violation, no matter how small, could re-write history. Your crew must not, no matter how tempting, contact friends or loved ones to let them know they are ok."

"They will not," Kathryn said. "I give you my word. I give all of you my word."

Admiral Klare smiled. "And we trust it."

* * *

While the stasis chambers were checked and prepared on deck 14, Kathryn summoned her crew to holodeck 1 and, with Chakotay at her side, spoke to them.

"Many times over the last seven years," she said, "we have gathered here as a crew, and as a family, to celebrate a triumph or to comfort each other in sorrow. Today, we are here to do both. For seven years we have struggled against the odds to get home, every single one of you showing a bravery beyond my furthest expectations, and while we have accomplished our goal, our victory is bittersweet. We have got home, despite all the obstacles against us, but we have got home too early. As rumor flies around this ship at warp speed, you have all no doubt heard that a solution to our displacement has been found, and that the solution is stasis. It is the only realistic solution available to us and one I know we will all embrace. I know many of you were hoping that the anomaly would reappear and provide us with another wormhole that would lead us to our own time-frame, but, for whatever reason, it has not. Perhaps because it is unaware of our displacement, or perhaps because we are meant to be in this time-frame. But, whatever the reason, the anomaly did its very best to help us, and I know we are all grateful for that."

"Amen!" B'Elanna and a few others shouted.

"As you will remember," Kathryn continued, "four years ago we all had to go into stasis to travel safely through a radioactive nebula. We set up stasis chambers on deck 14 and they remain there to this day. Providing they are all in working order, we will again use them. For eight years we will sleep on deck 14, carefully monitored every day, and on the exact same day, at the exact same time, as we entered the wormhole that brought us here, we will be awoken. In what will seem like the blink of an eye to us, eight years will have passed. In those eight years, our lives will happen exactly as we remember them, and no one, only a few select officers, will know we are here sleeping. When we awake, the Federation will be told of our return and we'll be reunited with our loved ones. Of course, eight years is a long time to be in stasis, and there are no absolute guarantees that all will go well, but I fully believe this will be a success. I fully believe that we will, in what will only seem like a few hours from now to us, be reunited with our loved ones. So, now that we have comforted each other in our sorrow, let's celebrate our triumph. Because we've done it. After seven grueling, yet incredible years, we've reached our destination. Home. If Neelix was with us now, he would throw the biggest party the alpha quadrant has ever seen, but as he's not, let's do it on his behalf. Right as I speak, a feast is being prepared by Seven and Tom in the mess hall, and the party will begin as soon as I'm finished. So, unless there are any questions, I'll wind this up and invite you all to follow me to the mess hall."

"I have a question," The Doctor said. "While you are all in stasis, what is to become of me? Am I to be deactivated for eight years?"

"To put it plainly, yes, Doctor," Kathryn answered. "For the next eight years, Voyager is to become a time-capsule. Everything will be preserved exactly as it is. Time will stand still here."

"Gives me the creeps," Harry said. "But if it has to be done, I guess it has to be done."

Naomi stepped forward now. "I think it's awesome," she declared. "Like being in Sleeping Beauty! They all slept for a hundred years. Eight is nothing!"

"That's the spirit," Kathryn smiled. "Now, are there any more questions?"

The answering silence told her there were none.

"Then let's not hang around here anymore," she said. "Let's get ourselves to the mess hall and make merry!"

* * *

When the celebrations were over, and the stasis chambers were ready, it was time for the crew to be put to sleep. They all gathered in holodeck 1, from where they were taken one by one to deck 14, and after an hour only senior officers were left. Then all senior officers were taken too and only Voyager's Captain and First Officer remained.

"Well," Kathryn said as the holodeck's doors shut them in alone, "looks like this is it."

"Yes," Chakotay replied.

"I didn't want to alarm the crew, as we have no option but to go into stasis, but we both know that the risks are higher than what we've been told and that we've admitted to the crew. Not only does going into long term stasis carry risks by itself, but anything could happen in eight years. Our presence might be discovered, with who knows what consequence, or this station might suffer a disaster or attack. Some of us, or all of us, might not make it. This might be the last time we ever see each other." Tears filled her eyes. "So, before we're called, there's something I want to tell you. I want you to know that..."

But before she could finish her words, the holodeck's doors opened again and Admiral Parker came in. "Commander Chakotay," she said, "we are ready for you."

Chakotay looked at Kathryn with regret, his longing to finish their conversation a visible ache, but he gave a brave smile and put his hand on her shoulder. "See you in the future."

Kathryn nodded. "In the future."

For a long moment their eyes locked, neither wanting to part, but then Chakotay broke their connection and walked away. As he did, Kathryn watched him go with unshed tears stinging her eyes. She had wanted to tell him, before they were put to what could be a sleep of death, that she remembered everything that had happened on New Earth, that it was real. Now it was too late. Perhaps forever. Perhaps he would die never knowing the truth.

But no, she had to shake off any doubts that were plaguing her. 'Operation Stasis', as it had become known, would be a success. In eight years time, on stardate 55215.1 at 02:33 hours, they would all awake to their long awaited homecoming, and all would be well.

Then, all too soon, it was her time to go into stasis. Admiral Klare came for her, took her to deck 14 where her crew were already asleep, and showed her to the last empty stasis chamber. Kathryn bravely climbed in, lay herself down, and the glass lid slid over her. As she closed her tired eyes, she hoped with every part of her being that when she opened them again, if she opened them again, the future they came from would once again be the present.

END OF CHAPTER 19


	20. Chapter 20

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 20**

TWO DAYS LATER

In a white corridor of silver doors on Starbase FX-10, Commander Kathryn Janeway walked with her fiancé, Mark Johnson, to their guestroom. They had just arrived at the Starbase for a conference and, as it was to last the whole weekend, were staying until Monday. Kathryn was casually dressed in a white jacket over a flowing yellow skirt, and her long hair was loose over her shoulders. Mark was more formally dressed, wearing a white shirt under a brown suit, but looked very relaxed as he walked by Kathryn's side.

"I really appreciate you coming with me to this conference," Kathryn said as they reached the door to their room. "I know _The dynamics of leadership and authority on interstellar spacecraft_ is hardly a subject of interest to you."

"No," he replied, "but it is to you. That's good enough for me."

Kathryn turned to him. "Oh Mark, you really are a sweetie, aren't you?"

"Anything for you," he smiled. "But of course, my motives are not entirely unselfish. In fact, one could say they are entirely selfish." He gathered her in his arms and kissed her neck inbetween words. "This is the last chance we'll have to be together for three months. I need my fill of you to last until then. Not that I can ever get enough of you. You drive me wild, Kath."

Footsteps echoed down the corridor and Kathryn playfully slapped him away. "Well, you'll have to tame yourself as we're in public."

Mark laughed. "Then how about we go inside and christen our room?"

Kathryn beamed a smile, opened the door, and pulled him inside with a kiss.

* * *

As the Maquis ship, _The Liberty_, soared through Federation space, the ship's leader, Chakotay, lay in a black bed with Seska. The in-disguise Cardassian was leaning over him and talking as she stroked his broad chest.

"Our action here," she said, "is always explosive. You're the best lover I've ever had and you set my world on fire. But as this crew's leader, I'm wondering where the fireworks are."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"Well, I've been a member of this crew for months now and what have we accomplished? Nothing. We've had a few fights with Cardassian warships and that's all. A few fights isn't going to win this war. We need to do something that makes both the Cardies and the Feds take note."

"Like what?" Chakotay asked, not liking the way this was going.

"Like blowing up a Starfleet starbase."

Chakotay looked at her in horror. "Are you out of your mind?"

"No, I'm totally serious. There's a plot, by a few Maquis leaders, to blow up a starbase around here. Let's join them. Let's send the Feds a message that goes up with a bang."

Chakotay drew away from her. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. That's there's such a plot, oh yes, I know some of our extremists would blow up the entire Federation if they could, but I can't believe you actually think we should be a part of it!"

"Why not? Because it's going to happen, Chakotay, and soon. What would you rather? Be a part of it or let all the other leaders take the glory?"

"Glory? You call blowing up a Starfleet starbase glorious? What's the matter with you?"

"What's the matter with you, Chakotay? Every time there's a chance to do something real for our cause, you don't want to know. All you want to do is fight Cardie warships. They're not the only ones we're fighting. We're fighting the Feds too. Or have you forgotten that? Have you forgotten it was them who sold out your people? I hate the Feds more than I hate the Cardies! This is your chance for revenge. Your family, and my relatives, would still be alive if the Feds hadn't abandoned them. If you don't want revenge, what kind of a warrior are you? Why did you bother joining the Maquis?"

"You know why," he answered. "And you know how much I abhor terrorism! That's not what the Maquis is about. It's not what _I'm _about. We're freedom fighters, fighting for the liberty of our homeworlds from Cardassian rule, not terrorists!"

Seska scoffed. "You're a one legged Maquis, Chakotay, a one armed warrior. You've cut off the others to save the Feds! It's pathetic and a total betrayal of our cause! We need to get involved in this, we need to be amongst those who attack the starbase and make it go up in shreds!"

"Absolutely no," Chakotay cried, getting out of bed and putting on his robe. "Do you hear? Do you understand? No! We'll never, never ever, be involved in acts of violence against Federation or Cardassian civilians!"

"Civilians? How can you call them civilians? Most onboard these stations are Starfleet officers! And, from what I hear, the intended starbase is hardly an important place. Security is low and it's unprotected. It's a sitting target, Chakotay, so let's strike it."

"No, Seska!" he yelled. "Never! And if that's the kind of fight you want then you're following the wrong leader! I will never be involved in terrorism. Never, ever!"

Knowing she was not going to win this one, Seska gave a sigh of defeat. "Ok, Chakotay. If you feel that strongly about it, I won't say anymore."

"You will," he said. "You'll find out when this attack is planned for, on which starbase exactly, and you'll tell me. Then I'll send an anonymous tip to Starfleet to warn them."

"What?" she exclaimed. "You'll betray your own cause to save Feds?"

"I'll never betray my own cause," he replied. "Those leaders who are planning this are betraying our cause. We're not fighting the Cardassians to be like them. We're fighting to free our people from terror. We fight those who fight us. Our quarrel with the Cardassians has nothing to do with any Starfleet officer on any starbase and it would be an atrocity for them to die for it. I won't be a part to this and I'll do everything I can to stop it. In fact, I've got a good mind to inform Starfleet right now that an attack is planned."

"There's no need for that," Seska said, getting out of bed and wrapping up in a robe too, "and it would do little good. If we're going to blow the whistle on this attack, we may as well do it at full volume. A little squeak will either be ignored or unheeded. I'll get the information you suggested, and when we have the time and date of this attack, then we can tell Starfleet. They'll have something solid to go on then and can make proper defenses."

Chakotay took a calming breath. "Ok," he said. "I'll trust you to get the information we need. But if you let me down, then..."

"Then what? You'll kick me off this ship? Don't you love me?"

"Of course I do," he said, closing the gap between them. "I just...Sometimes I don't think I know you."

Seska slipped her arms around his waist. "Sometimes I don't think I know myself. When it comes to you, reason goes right out the window. I'm just not as grounded as you, don't have your moral compass. But I'm trying, Chakotay. I'm trying to be a better person. One of the reasons I love you is because you're everything I want to be. But you're right. Blowing up a Starfleet starbase isn't the way to go. I don't know what I was thinking. But I'm glad I mentioned it because now we can stop it. I just want you to be a great leader, the greatest. If I over step the mark sometimes, it's only because I care. I want you to respect me, to trust me, to adore me the way I adore you."

"I do," he said. "I'm crazy about you. But you've got to understand that such acts of violence go against everything I believe."

"I understand. And I'll never suggest anything like it again. I promise." She smiled. "Are we friends again?"

Chakotay nodded.

"Then come back to bed and let's make up."

"Not now," he said sadly, "I'm tired. We'd best say goodnight."

Seska was visibly disappointed, but made light of the rejection. "I suppose one round with me is enough to exhaust a man. But don't worry, I'm yours whenever you need me." She kissed his mouth, holding the kiss long. "Goodnight, Chakotay. Sleep tight."

Chakotay gave a wan smile. "You too."

Seska kissed him again and then disappeared through a door that connected her quarters to his.

* * *

At 7:00 hours in room 101 on Starbase FX-10, a morning alarm woke Kathryn from a sound sleep. Groggily, she sat up in a large bed of white satin sheets and fiddled with a knob next to it that adjusted the room's lighting. Mark, who was also awoken by the bleeps, groaned as dim light filled the room.

"Oh, don't say it's seven already," he whined.

"Right on the dot," Kathryn answered. "But, if you want, you go right back to sleep, honey. I can attend the first lecture by myself."

"No," he said, sitting up. "If I don't attend the first, the chances are I'll be totally lost by the second."

"I can give you a synopsis. And really, darling, there's no need for you to come to every lecture. The idea is for us to spend some time together, not for you to die of boredom. In fact, there's no need for you to come to any lectures. You can please yourself, see the sites, and then meet me for lunch. There are no lectures between twelve and two. Then we can meet back here at five. Haven't you got some work you need to be catching up on, anyway?"

"I supposed I could skip the lectures and do some work instead," he said, "but as I'm up now, I may aswell come. If the lectures bore me out of my head, I'll skip them tomorrow. I doubt there's much to see here, anyway."

"Oh," Kathryn smiled, "never underestimate an ancient starbase. They're full of secrets." She got out of bed, put on a blue satin robe, and then made her way over to a small replicator in a corner of the room. "Want a coffee?"

"That depends," Mark said, putting an arm behind his head.

"On what?" Kathryn asked, manually replicating a coffee.

"On whether or not we need the caffeine. I can think of a better way to wake ourselves up."

Kathryn picked up her freshly replicated coffee and turned to him. "Oh Mark, you know I don't have time. I've got to take a bath and..."

"Take a shower instead," he suggested. "The lecture isn't until nine. We've got plenty of time."

"I don't know, Mark. I..."

"Come on. Live dangerously. Besides," he teased, "am I not totally irresistible?"

Kathryn smiled, put down her coffee, and walked over to him. "Totally."

"Then get yourself under here," he said, raising up the covers.

Kathryn did as he said and kissed his lips softly as she leant over him. "You've really missed me this last month, haven't you?"

"Like crazy," he admitted.

"Which makes me wonder how you're going to get through the next twelve weeks."

"Oh, I'll be totally miserable," he said, caressing her face, "and counting the seconds until you're in my arms again, but I guess it will be good grounding. You're going to be away a lot longer when you're a captain."

"_If _I'm a captain," she corrected. "My promotion is only rumor at the moment."

"Oh, you'll be a captain," he said confidently. "I've never known a more commanding woman, Commander."

Kathryn walked her fingers up his chest. "Is that so? Well, I've never known a more demanding man."

Mark smiled. "Then I guess we're well matched."

"Absolutely. But if I do get the promotion, I promise I'll only ever captain short missions. Nothing longer than a few weeks. And that will only be for a couple of years. Once we're married, I'd like us to start a family."

An amused glint shone in Mark's eyes. "Let me get this straight, you want babies aswell as dogs?"

"Yes. Don't you want babies?"

"No. They're red and scrawny and cry all the time."

Kathryn poked his stomach. "Speak for yourself. I was a cutie goodie with dimples."

"Dimples, really?"

"And ours will be too. With your good looks and my charm, how can they not be?"

Mark laughed. "Shouldn't that be your good looks and my charm?"

"That's what I said," she teased. "But they will be, Mark. They'll be adorable."

"_If _we have them."

"_When_ we have them."

Mark curled his lip in amusement. "I see we have a quarrel here."

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "Which I will win." She then lowered her lips to his and kissed him. "But, in the meantime, let's practise baby making."

At this, Mark rolled on top of her. "No argument there."

Kathryn laughed and then they began to make love.

* * *

On _The Liberty's_ small bridge, a long haired B'Elanna Torres approached Chakotay as he entered. The Half-Klingon was wearing a dark green body suit that hugged her thin figure and Chakotay was wearing a black outfit that was heavily armed.

"Our dilithium levels are low," B'Elanna said urgently. "We need to replenish."

Seska, who appeared from behind a console, spoke before Chakotay had a chance. "Low is not critical. We've enough to get us to Darla Prime."

"Just about," B'Elanna retaliated. "But if we delay the trip much longer, we won't. And what will we do then?"

"Seska's right," Chakotay said calmly. "We're ok for the moment. We'll head for Darla Prime when I say so."

"But..." B'Elanna protested.

"But nothing. Return to your station."

B'Elanna's hands went to her hips. "Not until you tell me what's going on. I know there's something. It's not like you to take risks."

Chakotay stepped closer and towered over her. "Less of the attitude. I don't tolerate it on my ship, understand? If there's something I want you to know, I'll tell you. Get it?"

B'Elanna stepped back in submission. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now, get back to work."

B'Elanna made no protest this time and left. As she did, Chakotay turned to Seska. "Seska, my office."

Chakotay then walked into his office, which was a small room just right of the bridge, and Seska followed. When the doors shut them in, he spoke.

"Any news?"

"Yes," she said. "It's over."

"Over?" Chakotay asked in alarm. "You don't mean..."

"No," she replied. "Relax. The whole thing's been called off. Which is lucky for the Feds as it was planned for last night."

"Last night?"

"Yes. What can I say? The grapevine isn't always up to date."

"What happened? Why was it called off?"

"The ringleader got cold feet. Apparently, security at the starbase has been upped to max and a fleet of ships are guarding it. That kind of puts paid to a surprise attack."

"Why has security been increased? Have they had a tip off?"

"Probably. Fed spies are amongst us. You know that."

"Yes," he said. "But if they save lives, I'm glad." He paused. "What about the other starbases? Are there any plans to attack them?"

"No. The whole idea's dead. Security has probably been increased on every starbase."

Chakotay closed the gap between them. "This is the truth, isn't it, Seska? The attack really has been called off?"

"Of course. Don't you trust me?"

"On a personal level, absolutely. But I know how angry you are at the Federation, know how much you want revenge. I think you could mislead me on this if you felt it was in a good cause...our cause."

"Then you're thinking wrong. I'd never mislead you about anything. How can you think that? Have I ever been less than honest with you? I know I've done a lot of crazy things, and you've had to rein me in, but have I ever deceived you or lied to you?"

"No," he answered.

"Then don't doubt me now. I'm telling the truth, Chakotay. The attack has been called off."

Chakotay considered a moment, as though he wasn't quite convinced, then he relaxed. "I believe you."

Seska wrapped her arms around his neck. "Completely and utterly?"

"Completely and utterly."

Seska smiled and pinched his cheek. "Then ditch the frown and give me a smile."

At this, Chakotay couldn't help but smile.

"That's better," Seska said. "Now, shall we put B'Elanna out of her misery and set a course for Darla Prime?"

Chakotay slipped his arms around her waist. "Yes, let's. But first, give me a kiss."

Seska laughed. "Gladly, Sir."

Then she put her mouth to his and they kissed deeply.

* * *

When the weekend conference at Starbase FX-10 was over, it was time for Kathryn and Mark to leave. They packed up their belongings, had their suitcases beamed to their respective shuttles, and then got dressed. Mark put on the same suit he had arrived in, while Kathryn put on her uniform.

"Maybe next time I see you," Mark said as they made their way to the door, "there'll be more pips on your collar."

"Maybe," Kathryn smiled.

"I'm really going to miss you, Kath."

There was such a sincere sadness in those words that they hurt Kathryn's heart. Tenderly, she put her hand on his arm. "I'm going to miss you too."

"When you're away, it feels like...like a part of me is missing." He lowered his eyes. "But I'm feeling sorry for myself, I know that. And I know you hate that."

"It's not self pity to miss someone you love," she said kindly. "I feel the same. If you weren't going to miss me, then...then what would be the point of us?"

Mark looked up now and smiled sadly. "I love you, Kath. I know I don't say it enough, but I do."

Kathryn took his hands in hers. "I love you too."

"And I want some claim on you. I want to feel that when you're gone, you're truly mine. I know we're engaged, but that's not the same as being married. When you get back, I want us to set a date."

"Then we will."

Mark smiled and then they hugged.

When they drew away, Kathryn put her hand to his cheek. "I know this weekend hasn't exactly been your vacation of choice, but you have had a good time, haven't you?"

"In this room," he teased, "a fantastic time. The rest of this place is as lively as a graveyard."

Kathryn laughed. "I guess, then, you won't be coming here with me to the next conference in spring?"

"Oh, I'll be here," he smiled. "The room service is amazing."

Kathryn laughed again and then opened the door. As it slid open, she gestured to it.

"After you, Sir."

Mark stepped into the corridor outside and Kathryn followed him. Then, arm in arm, they walked away and the room's silver door closed behind them.

END OF CHAPTER 20


	21. Chapter 21

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 21**

2378

Stardate 55215.1

White. Mist. Thick dancing fog. And then...

And then colors. Millions of colors. They were swirling, merging, focussing. And then...

A face. A black face. A familiar face. Admiral Jenni Klare.

"Welcome to 2378," the woman smiled.

Slowly, sluggishly, Kathryn sat up and put her hand to her groggy head. "My crew," she said. "Did they make it?"

"Yes," Admiral Klare replied. "We have not yet brought then out of stasis, as we wanted to wake you first, but there have been no complications or casualties. Everything has gone to plan."

A male doctor put a hypospray to Kathryn's neck and almost instantly her drowsy senses felt more alert.

"You'll be groggy for a few hours," the Admiral continued, "but by tomorrow you should be fine."

"What happens now?" Kathryn asked. "When everyone is awake, can we go home?"

"Not immediately. You will all have to be under medical supervision for at least 12 hours. That means staying on this starbase until at least 17:00 hours. But, as we will be making your return official any moment, we won't confine you to Voyager. In fact, you will be our guests. You're all going to be very lethargic and sleepy for the next few hours, some more than others, so we've prepared guestrooms for you to rest in. As soon as your return is headlines news, you'll be free to use them."

"Thank you," Kathryn said. "For everything."

"It's been our privilege. We didn't know eight years ago what a brave and special crew we were taking care of. But we do now. And I'd like to say that I have total admiration for you and what you have achieved. I consider it a great honor to have played a part, albeit a small one, in your incredible journey."

Admiral Parker, who was standing behind, spoke now. "So do we all. Your courage has inspired billions and has inspired us."

"That's very kind of you both," Kathryn said, her eyes moist. "Thank you. But we weren't trying to be heroes. We were just trying to get home."

"And that's what makes your story so touching," Admiral Klare smiled.

"And famous," Admiral Parker added. "Your return is going to make headlines all over the Federation."

Admiral Klare put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "But before we make the announcement, let's get you and your crew back on your feet. I'll send you now to see Dr Kednoff, who has been the chief medical officer on this case for the last eight years, and he will exam you. This is just to make sure that you are ok. At the same time, he will give you a standard return medical, so that you and your crew can mix openly with residents on this station. It will also save you having the medical when you get back to Earth."

"I'll take you to him," Admiral Parker said. "He's in holodeck 2. We didn't want to set him up in your sickbay as we didn't want to disturb the place. We've tried to disturb as little as we can on this ship."

"Our doctor will appreciate it," Kathryn smiled. "Woe become anyone who disturbs his sickbay!"

The two admirals laughed, and then Kathryn left for holodeck 2 with Admiral Parker.

* * *

Dr Kednoff, a kind man with flaming red hair, examined Kathryn thoroughly in his portable surgery. He performed many tests, many scans, but after what felt life forever, he was finally done. As the tests showed Kathryn was suffering from no more than post-stasis lethargy, and another examination was not needed for twelve hours, he certified her fit for general society and discharged her temporarily into Admiral Parker's care. The Admiral took Kathryn to the mess hall, which had been cleared since the party, so she could wait there for the rest of her crew to wake up. A female ensign with short blonde hair was at the counter, busy putting cakes onto plates, and the girl looked up as Kathryn and the Admiral entered.

"Night greetings," she smiled. "May I get you something, Captain, Admiral?"

"Nothing for me, thank you," Admiral Parker answered. "I'm not stopping. But I'm sure Captain Janeway could do with a coffee."

At this, Kathryn smiled. "I see my reputation has caught up with me."

Admiral Parker laughed. "It certainly has. And, just for you, we've had the finest coffee in the Federation beamed in. So, enjoy!"

"I sure will," Kathryn replied. Then she addressed the ensign. "One hot black coffee for me. And make that a big cup."

The girl held up a huge silver cup. "Big enough?"

"Just about," Kathryn teased.

They all laughed, and then Admiral Parker returned to the holodeck to assist Admiral Klare. When she was gone, Kathryn took a seat by a window, a seat she had sat in hundreds of times before, and the ensign brought over her coffee.

"If there's anything else I can get you, Captain," she said. "Just give me a shout. I don't expect any of you to be hungry, because I hear coming out of long term stasis is like being hit over the head with a bat'leth, but I've made some sandwiches and other things just incase." The girl then reached into a deep pocket and pulled out a gold pen and a star shaped silver paper-pad. "If you don't mind, Captain, would be so kind as to give me your autograph? I've followed your story for years and am so excited to meet you. I can't believe you've been on this starbase for eight years. I was really disappointed to get assigned here, because I wanted to serve on a starship, but now I'm so ecstatically glad about it. How awesome that I know about your return before everyone else and I get to serve you all coffee and things! Only please don't tell Admirals Klare and Parker that I've asked you for your autograph. It's not exactly professional!"

Kathryn smiled. "My lips are sealed."

"If it isn't too much trouble," the girl went on as Kathryn signed, "could you ask Seven of Nine and Commander Chakotay to sign their names too? I'd also be really grateful if you could ask The Doctor and the Paris's for their autographs."

"It's no trouble," Kathryn assured her. "Leave these with me and I'll see what I can do."

"Oh thank you, Captain," the girl beamed. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome. Thank you for the coffee."

The girl smiled happily and then returned to the kitchen. As she did, the mess hall doors opened and Chakotay walked in. At the sight of him, Kathryn's heart skipped a beat and tears welled in her eyes. He'd made it. Against all the odds, they were together again. From across the room, their eyes met, and they smiled at each other with visible joy and relief. Then, before she knew it, he was walking over to her.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she replied. "Welcome to the future."

"It's good to be here."

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a pair of Klingons are doing ten rounds in my head. You?"

"Like I have the worst hangover ever." She held up a cup of steaming coffee. "But I've got my ammunition."

Chakotay laughed. Then he sat beside her. "It's hard to believe, isn't it, that eight years have passed since we last spoke?"

"Yes," Kathryn agreed.

"Which means we've really done it. We're home."

"Yes. But until everyone is awake, I'm not celebrating."

Before Chakotay could reply, the ensign came charging over to the table. "Commander Chakotay?"

Chakotay turned to her. "That's right."

"Oh I'm delighted to meet you, delighted. I was just telling the Captain how much I admire you all and I can't believe I'm here with you. I know some people think it was wrong for your Maquis crew to be integrated into Voyager's, but I'm not one of them. I think it was the only answer and I'm so happy it all worked out. I think you were right to fight for the freedom of your people. If the Cardassians had killed my family, I would have fought them too."

Chakotay gave a strained smile. "Thank you for your sympathy."

"Is there anything I can get you?" the girl went on. "A coffee like the Captain's perhaps?"

"That would be good," he answered.

"There's also some sandwiches, cookies and cakes if you want. They're all fresh, not replicated."

"Thank you," Chakotay said, "but I'm not hungry."

"I didn't think you would be," she replied. "One hot black coffee it is then."

As the ensign went to fetch his coffee, Kathryn noticed that Chakotay had suddenly become very tense. He was looking at the table, shoulders hunched, and there was worry in his eyes. The girl's words had clearly upset him and she guessed why.

"You and the Maquis will be exonerated," she said. "Admiral Paris told us weeks ago that would be the case if we got home."

Chakotay raised his eyes now. "Let's just wait and see," he answered. "When we were at the other side of the galaxy, decades from home, it was easy to give us that assurance. It won't be so easy now that we're home. Feelings on the Maquis will still be running high. I don't have to remind you of some the atrocities committed against civilians in the name of our cause."

"No, but those who committed them were a minority of radicals. They're not representative of your movement in general. You didn't commit any violence against civilians so it wouldn't be fair to make you accountable for the actions of others. You and your crew were freedom fighters, not terrorists."

"Yes, but not everyone sees it that way. That's why you were sent on a mission to capture us. In the eyes of the Federation, we were outlaws."

"Not in everyone's eyes, Chakotay. There was a lot of sympathy in Starfleet for your cause. Why do you think they sent so many sympathizers to capture you? Admiral Paris doesn't mess with words. He wouldn't have told us you will be exonerated if that isn't the case."

"I'd like to believe it," he said, "but until it happens, we have to be prepared for the worst. It might not be a party we return to but a prison. We Maquis have always known that. It hasn't made us any less determined to get home, because a couple of years in prison is a small price to pay to see family and friends, but we've always known our welcome might be a cold one."

The ensign returned with Chakotay's coffee and he stopped talking until she was gone.

"You might also be in for a hard time," he said when the girl was beyond earshot. "A lot of people will condemn you for integrating us into your crew."

"With all due respect to my condemners," Kathryn replied, "they weren't in our situation, we were. I did what was right and I stand by my decision. But you're worrying about nothing. You will be exonerated. All of you."

"Like I said, I won't pin my hopes on it until it happens. We've been promised it, I know, but the Federation also promised my people they wouldn't abandon them. Promises mean nothing in politics. We'll be exonerated today if the political mood is favorable. If it isn't, then we won't be. "

At these words, Kathryn gazed sadly into her coffee. He was right. A promise was worthless in politics. If public opinion was against their exoneration, or the current political climate made it imprudent, then they would be prosecuted. Deep inside, she'd always known it was a possibility too. It was just a possibility she didn't want to think about. As far as she had always been concerned, they were not two crews united in a single cause, but one crew, her crew. And that's what they had become: one crew. In the hostile space of the Delta Quadrant, the Starfleet/Maquis issue had long ceased to be an issue. They were one crew, one family. Animosities and grudges had long been laid aside and forgotten. But now, now that they were home, old wounds were opening.

"There's just one thing I need to know," Chakotay said sadly. "If I do go to prison, can I count on a visit from you?"

Kathryn reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Of course, Chakotay. But you won't go to prison. You'll be a free man." She looked firmly into his eyes. "We'll both be free."

Chakotay held her gaze, hoping she meant what he thought she meant, but then, uncomfortably, he looked down. Even if she was trying to say she loved him, and he could not be sure, there could still be insurmountable barriers in the way of a relationship. Until now, until the reality of being home had dawned on him, he hadn't seen those barriers. All he'd seen was a chance to be with the woman he had loved so much for so long. But now he saw them all too clearly. Even if he was exonerated, a future for them as a couple could still be impossible. In the eyes of many people he would always be a Maquis criminal and if Kathryn involved herself romantically with him, it could do untold damage to her reputation, even to her career, and he loved her too much for that.

"As you say," he said quietly, "let's hold the celebration. Our return is still unofficial, we still have a crew in stasis, and only a vague promise of exoneration for us Maquis. All our futures still hang in the balance."

"Yes," Kathryn agreed. Tears then unexpectedly filled her eyes and she turned away. "I wanted to get us home so much, Chakotay. But now...now a part of me wishes we weren't."

Chakotay looked up at her and was just about to speak when the mess hall doors opened and Tuvok came in. Kathryn clumsily wiped away a stray tear and steeled herself with the captain's mask as the Vulcan approached.

"Tuvok," she smiled. "Welcome back."

"Thank you, Captain," he said. "Greetings to you both."

"How are you feeling?"

"I am well. Vulcan's can endure decades of stasis with no ill effects. In fact, my only ailment is hunger. But I see a buffet has been prepared for us so I will now make my selection."

He gave a courteous departing nod and then went over to the food. As he did, Chakotay turned to Kathryn.

"Whatever happens to us Maquis," he said, "I have no regrets. I meant every word of what I said to you in your ready room earlier...well, at least what feels like earlier to us. I'm glad and grateful for the Voyager years." He paused. "You once told me that you only accepted the mission to capture us because if you hadn't it would have gone to someone who would rather have killed us. I've always believed you and have always been grateful that you did accept it. Unlike so many Maquis leaders, I bore no ill will towards Starfleet officers. I was one myself for so long. I knew that a single officer, a single crew, was powerless against the political tide of the Federation. The Maquis quarrel was a fight that belonged to those of us whose homeworlds were handed over to the Cardassians. It was not a quarrel that belonged to citizens of Earth or any other planet uneffected. I left Starfleet on principle, and had you tried to capture us then we would have given you a hell of a fight, but I never had any personal resentment towards you. I'm glad we got stranded, glad you came into my life. We may have started out as enemies, but now there's no one more important to me. You saved me, Kathryn. You saved all of us. By integrating us into your crew on Voyager, by giving us a chance, you saved us from ourselves. I was so angry after what happened to my family, so torn up inside with overwhelming grief, that I didn't care what happened to me. You made me care. You gave me a reason for living. By integrating us into your crew, you also saved our lives. Many captains would have dumped us on an m-class planet to fend for ourselves. Some unscrupulous ones might even have executed us in the name of preserving the many. But you're the embodiment of Starfleet principles and values at their finest. You helped us to respect those principles and values again." He paused. "Don't ever have any regrets, Kathryn. Don't ever regret our journey and don't ever regret our homecoming. You've carried a heavy burden on your shoulders for too long and it's time now to let it go."

With tears in her eyes, Kathryn reached again for his hand. "I have no regrets, Chakotay. Not about you, not about the Maquis. These last few years have been the hardest of my life but also the happiest. If I saved you, then you saved me. I'm a better person for knowing you, for knowing all of you." A tear ran down her cheek. "And I meant what I said to you in my ready room too. Whatever happens, whatever the future holds, we'll face it together."

Chakotay smiled softly and squeezed her hand. Kathryn squeezed back and they gazed into each others eyes until Tuvok disturbed them.

"I have been asked by the serving ensign," he said as he sat beside Chakotay, "to give you a message, Captain. She would like you to add me to her list. When I asked her what list, she said you would explain."

Kathryn smiled and picked up the forgotten pad and pen. "A list of people whose autograph she wants."

Tuvok raised an eyebrow. "I see. I must confess I have never understood the fascination with autographs, but if my signature on a piece of paper gives joy, then I will gladly oblige."

As he signed his name, Chakotay spoke. "Am I on this list?"

"Yes," Kathryn smiled. "Will you sign, Sir?"

"Happily, Ma'am," he answered.

Tuvok then handed him the pen and Chakotay signed the pad.

* * *

An hour later, almost every crewmember was awake and the mess hall was alive with the sound of chatter and laughter. Starfleet and Maquis officers alike were celebrating their awakening together and the mood in the room was one of excitement and anticipation. As most of the crew were not Vulcan, they were suffering the effects of stasis withdrawal, but they all refused to let headaches and nausea dampen their spirits. After so many years, so many struggles, Voyager was finally home and nothing was going to spoil their joy. It warmed Kathryn's heart to see her crew so happy, but until every single crewmember was awake, she could not celebrate with them. Instead, she stood by the mess-hall door, Chakotay beside her, and the two of them welcomed every arriving crew member. Although Kathryn did not know every crewmember personally, she knew all their names, faces and ranks, and she recognized them all as they stepped through the door. Chakotay seemed to aswell, and every arriving crewmember was glad of their warm welcome.

"Almost everyone now," Chakotay said after Tal Celes arrived. "Only two more left."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "Ensign Lucy Allen and Ensign Ned Travis."

Just as she spoke, Ensign Ned Travis arrived, and Kathryn greeted him with a smile.

"Welcome back, Ensign Travis."

The black haired young man smiled warmly and then shook her offered hand. Chakotay then extended his hand and the Ensign shook it before disappearing into the crowd.

"Now only Miss Allen," Kathryn said. "I do hope she's ok. Her health isn't the best."

"I'm sure she's fine. She will have been monitored very carefully."

The mess hall doors opened again and, to Kathryn's relief, Ensign Lucy Allen walked in with Admiral Jenni Klare. Kathryn smiled and held out her hand.

"Welcome back, Ensign Allen."

The red-haired ensign, who was very pale, took Kathryn's hand with a smile.

"Thank you, Captain."

Admiral Klare spoke now. "This young woman gave us quite a scare," she said, "but I'm happy to say is going to be just fine."

Chakotay smiled at Lucy as he shook her hand. "That's wonderful news."

"Just be sure you rest for the next few hours, Ensign," Admiral Klare went on. "Make full use of your allocated guestroom."

"I will," Lucy promised. "Thank you for everything."

"You're welcome," Admiral Klare smiled.

Lucy then left and hurried over to a tall blonde haired Lieutenant who was waiting for her. The two embraced happily and then made their way over to a table.

"It's wonderful to see you all back together," Admiral Klare said to Kathryn and Chakotay, "but I think you will agree there is one person missing."

"There certainly is," Kathryn declared. "Our doctor."

Admiral Klare smiled. "Then let's get him here." She reached into a pocket, pulled out the Doctor's mobile emitor, and offered it to Kathryn. "Care to do the honors?"

Kathryn gratefully took the emitor and quickly activated the Doctor's program. For a few seconds nothing happened then, to her relief, The Doctor appeared.

"Welcome to 2378, Doctor," Kathryn smiled.

The Doctor looked around, took in his surroundings, and then spoke. "I see eight years have passed and you are all out of stasis," he said. "As always, I am the last in the pecking order."

"You know what they say, Doctor," Kathryn teased. "The best is always saved for last."

"That may be so, Captain, but as your physician, and as the physician of everyone in this room, I should have been activated before you were all brought out of stasis. In fact, I should have been the one to bring you out of it. At the very least I should have been the one to attend to Seven. No doctor in the Federation can understand her physiology as well as me."

Seven, who was approaching, addressed him. "You are blowing your own trumpet too loudly, Doctor. It is a fault you are much inclined to. Any qualified physician was capable of bringing us out of stasis. It is hardly a specialist procedure."

"But your physiology is complex, Seven, and other crewmembers like Lucy Allen have conditions that only I fully understand. It was highly irresponsible of those in charge to exclude me from your awakenings. When we get to Earth, I will make my feelings known to Starfleet Command."

Admiral Klare spoke. "Do so, and you will find yourself in serious trouble, Doctor. This case has been classified for the last eight years and will remain classified now. None of you are permitted to talk about what has happened with anyone, except each other. We believe this to be in everyone's best interest. Your story has touched the hearts of billions of people, people who have rooted for you, prayed for you, and followed your journey religiously. If they are told Voyager was in this starbase all along, then those who don't fully understand temporal loops will feel betrayed and disappointed. It will also raise feelings of mistrust towards Starfleet. You all deserve a heroes welcome and that's what we want you to have. The official story will be that you got back through a wormhole today, reported immediately to this starbase, and remained here for several hours resting and undergoing medical checks. In your sense of time, anyway, that is effectively what happened. As I speak, Admiral Paris is being informed of your return and an announcement will duly be made to the Federation."

"With all due respect," The Doctor said, "you don't know the Voyager crew. A secret doesn't last five minutes on this ship. How do you expect over a hundred mouths to keep quiet?"

"Because we expect it," she answered. "We expect it of them as Starfleet Officers and we expect it of them as members of this crew." She turned to Kathryn. "You must inform your crew of our decision, regardless of whether you agree with it or not, and you must get them to comply. Until we have your assurance that the crew will not divulge to anyone what has happened here, we cannot permit you or your crew entry to the rest of the starbase."

The Doctor stepped forward. "That's blackmail! How can you..."

Kathryn cut him short. "That's enough, Doctor. Respect Admiral Klare's authority." She then turned to her crew and addressed them at the top of her voice. "Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention please!"

The chatter in the room faded to a whisper and then to silence.

"I am happy to announce," Kathryn said, "that every single crewmember is now out of stasis and here with us."

At this, the crew applauded and cheered.

"As you can also see," she said, gesturing at The Doctor, "our Doctor is also here."

There was more applause, more cheers, and The Doctor proudly bowed.

"Although eight years have passed since we were last here celebrating our return," Kathryn went on, "to us, it feels like only hours. To us, the passed eight years have not happened. We entered the wormhole at 02:33 hours on the 15th of October 2378 and it is now 04:30 hours on the 15th of October 2378. Only a few people know that we have been in stasis on this starbase and that is how it must remain. Our case must remain classified. This has been judged by Admiral Klare, and all superior officers involved in helping us, to be in the best interest of the general public, Starfleet, and the Federation at large. We will not question this judgment but abide by it. I will therefore give Admiral Klare an assurance on behalf of you all, that none of you will ever discuss what has happened here with anyone. I will give her this assurance because I know, as Starfleet officers and as members of this crew, you all understand the obligations and responsibilities of a classified case." She smiled warmly. "Now, as I'm sure most of you are feeling as hungover as me, I suggest we all get some rest. We have a busy day ahead. Guestrooms have kindly been prepared for us and I suggest we all make use of them. Unless the hospitality here has declined since I was a Commander, I can personally vouch for their comfortableness. My memory is not so good that I remember which floor the guestrooms are on, but I'm sure Admiral Klare will enlighten us. All that remains for me to say is welcome to the future and welcome home!"

There was thunderous applause now and it continued until Admiral Klare raised up her hands in a silencing gesture.

"Welcome home indeed," she said. "It is a privilege and a pleasure to be here with you all and to rejoice with you all in this triumph. I admire each and every one of you for the courage and dedication you have shown in your remarkable journey, and I fully accept your captain's assurance that you will all abide by the rules of a classified case. If any crew can, this crew can. This is a crew that has made history, and this day, the day of your triumphant return, is a day that will long be remembered. We are honored to have you with us on this starbase and it is with joy that we open our guestrooms to you. They are on the tenth floor and are easily accessed by a lift. To get to the lifts, all you have to do is go to Voyager's main exit and walk down a short linking corridor. When you get to the tenth floor, you will find yourselves in a large reception area, and our receptionists will issue you all with key-chips for your rooms. At 15:00 hours you must all report back to Voyager for your final medical exam. Then, providing you are all given the all-clear, Voyager will depart for Earth at 17:30 hours."

At this last announcement, the crew broke into cheers and whistles.

Kathryn then spoke. "Before we all retire for a few hours sleep, let's have a round of applause for Admiral Klare. She has gone to great lengths to ensure our safety over the last eight years and has fulfilled every promise made to us. On behalf of us all, Admiral, I thank you from the bottom of my heart."

Tom stepped forward. "Three cheers for Admiral Klare!"

The crew gladly obliged and gave three mighty cheers. Then they applauded and Admiral Klare humbly accepted the passionate ovation.

* * *

When most of the crew had left the mess hall for the guestrooms, Kathryn made her way to the tenth floor with Chakotay and Tuvok. Although the Vulcan was not tired, he was eager for the solitary sanctuary that a guestroom would offer. When they finally reached reception, Kathryn found it was exactly as she remembered. There was a round silver desk in the middle of a foyer, a number of corridors that led to rows of rooms, and a large seating area that looked out upon a window of stars. Behind the desk were four women and they were all, except for one, attending to junior officers. When the unoccupied receptionist saw Voyager's command team approach, she smiled warmly.

"Greetings," she said. "Welcome home."

"Thank you," Kathryn smiled.

"I need not take your names," the girl declared, "as I recognize you all, but I will need to check which rooms you have been allocated. It won't take a moment." As quickly as she could, she operated a small computer, and then picked up three key-chips. "Commander Tuvok, you're in room 55. That's down the first corridor on your right. Commander Chakotay, you're in room 102. That's down the first corridor on your left. Captain Janeway, you're in room 101. That's opposite Commander Chakotay's."

Kathryn took the offered key-chip with a thank you, but the smile she gave was a sad one. Room 101 was the room she had once shared with Mark.

"Have a pleasant stay," the girl finished. "Any problems, contact us."

The receptionist then left them to attend to an arriving ensign.

"I will here depart from you," Tuvok said. "Rest well, Captain, Commander."

"You too," Kathryn replied.

Tuvok then went on his way and Kathryn stared at the key-chip in her hand. Chakotay couldn't help but notice and questioned kindly.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "I just... Room 101 is a room I stayed in once with Mark."

"I see," Chakotay said quietly.

"It was about a year before Voyager. We were here for a conference."

Chakotay looked at her sadly. He knew how much she'd loved Mark, how eager she'd been in the early days to get back to him, and this was a cruel reminder of a love she had lost. It was also a reminder to him of the man who had rivaled him for so long. The only reason things had ended with Mark was because he had married another woman after he thought Kathryn was dead. If he hadn't married, if he was still single now, then no doubt Kathryn would want to rekindle their relationship. But he was married so there was no point dwelling on that thought. All Chakotay could hope was that in the new life that was waiting for Kathryn, she would find love again. His heart hoped she'd find that love with him, that somehow they could be together despite all the obstacles still in their way, but his head was more realistic. It had to be. Never had she actually said she loved him, never had she talked of a life with him when they got home, and he had no more idea about her true feelings for him than he did about what had really happened on New Earth. Sometimes he thought he saw love in her eyes, even desire, but looks were easily misinterpreted, especially by a wishful heart.

"Would you like to swap rooms?" he asked.

"No," she replied, closing her hand. "But thank you."

She then began to walk towards the corridor and Chakotay followed. When they reached the corridor, they walked down it in silence, neither really knowing what to say. When they finally reached their rooms, which were indeed opposite each other, Kathryn turned to Chakotay.

"Well," she said. "This is us."

"Yes," Chakotay replied. "Are you sure you don't want to swap rooms? I don't mind at all."

"No, I'll be fine." Instinctively, she reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Get as much rest as you can. We've a long day ahead. And try not to worry. I'm sure the Federation will honor their promise of exoneration."

"I hope so," he said sadly, "or there's going to be a lot of broken hearts. B'Elanna, and the other Maquis, have full faith in the promise." He paused. "But that's a problem for another hour. Don't let it worry you. Your body has been through two major ordeals in succession and you need to take things easy. Make sure you get a few hours sleep. As you say, we've a long day ahead."

"I will."

"See you in a few hours."

Kathryn nodded. "See you then."

Chakotay then turned to his door, but as he did, Kathryn called after him.

"Chakotay..."

She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that it was her he had made love with on New Earth, but when he turned back to her with so much pain in his eyes, she couldn't do it. Even though he had loved her so much once, she didn't know if he loved her that much now. Even if he loved her at all. So much had happened in the five years since they were stranded on that planet. He was clearly very worried about the future of his former Maquis crew and she didn't want to risk torturing him further by declaring a love he could not reciprocate.

"Sleep well," she muttered.

Chakotay gave a ghost of a smile. "You too."

Then he opened his door, stepped into his room, and was gone.

END OF CHAPTER 21


	22. Chapter 22

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 22**

In a small secluded viewpoint on Voyager, Kathryn stood by a long window and looked out at the whizzing stars of the Alpha Quadrant. Voyager was less than an hour from Earth now and at last their epic journey was about to end. Kathryn was having difficulty absorbing the reality, of accepting it, and all kinds of emotions were raging through her from euphoria to dread. Not since Voyager had been pulled to the Delta Quadrant had her life changed so much in a day. It was hard to believe that only twenty-four hours earlier, in her sense of time, she was making a meal for her and Chakotay, with no inkling at all what the night would bring. In that one night she had battled the anomaly, been sent to the past by the anomaly, made love with the man she had loved so much for so long, been treated by The Doctor for temporal chaos, got Voyager home only to learn they were in the wrong year, taken Voyager to Starbase FX-10 where they were put into stasis for eight years, and slept in the room she had once slept in with Mark. The events of the night were like a whirlwind in her mind, especially as she was recovering from both temporal chaos and long-term stasis, and she was still trying to steady her thoughts. Luckily, the afternoon had been rather uneventful and so far so was the journey back to Earth. Every one had passed their final medical and Voyager had left the starbase without a glitch. In fact, their departure from the station could not have gone better. They were given a lavish send off and an armada of Starfleet ships were escorting them to Earth. Their return was indeed big news, one of the biggest stories of the decade, and media crews were already flocking around them in spaceships. The Doctor, and many other crewmembers, were in the mess-hall listening excitedly to various broadcasts about their return, but Kathryn had little interest in them. What she had heard over lunch had been enough. The media, being the media, were sensationalizing everything about their seven year journey, and the biggest question on the lips of journalists everywhere was whether the Maquis would be exonerated or not. There was still no official word on the matter and Kathryn was beginning to worry that Chakotay's fears were not unfounded after all.

Suddenly, the viewport's door opened and Tuvok came in.

"The computer told me I'd find you here," he said.

Kathryn turned to him. "Is everything ok?"

"Everything and everyone, except it seems our command team."

Kathryn flinched. "What do you mean by that?"

Tuvok stepped closer. "It has not escaped my attention, despite your public smiles, how unhappy you and Commander Chakotay are. While the rest of our crew are in a celebratory and jubilant mood, you and the Commander are pensive and downcast. This concerns me. Not as your officer, but as your friend."

"And I appreciate your concern," Kathryn answered, "but Chakotay and I are fine. We're just worried about the Maquis. We've always assumed they will be exonerated, but the Federation has yet to declare on the matter and the longer they are silent the less it bodes well."

"I believe their silence is strategic, Captain. I have been listening to a number of media broadcasts about our return and hundreds of people are expressing the view that our Maquis crewmembers should be exonerated. Many are demanding it. By creating this clamor, the Federation make the news of exoneration, when it is given, appear to be in response to public demand. That benefits all concerned."

"I hope you're right," Kathryn said. She then turned back to the window. "Ironic, isn't it? We're only in this situation now because we were on a mission to capture Chakotay and his crew. To deliver them into custody, we were willing to risk our lives. If they'd have been exonerated as soon as we handed them over, we'd have been livid. Now we're praying for that exoneration."

"The situation is indeed ironic," Tuvok agreed. "But sometimes the path we set out to follow leads us down another. Starfleet assigned us the mission of capturing Chakotay and his crew, but Destiny assigned us a greater mission, one we were to share with the Maquis. When you first made him First Officer, I had grave doubts about the wisdom of your decision, but now I admit I was wrong. Chakotay has been an exemplary First Officer and one I am proud to have served with. There is logic even in chaos and I fully believe our crews were brought together by an intelligence greater than us for the greater good."

"Sometimes I think that too," Kathryn confessed. "When I look at the course of my life, of all our lives, I see twists and turns that seem determined by a greater power." Tears filled her eyes. "I just don't know if I'm ready to say goodbye, Tuvok. I know that sounds crazy, as the one thing I've been obsessed with for seven years is getting Voyager home, but now that we are, I don't know if I want to be."

"You do, Captain," he said. "What you don't want to do is to say goodbye to Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn said nothing, just stared out at the stars flying by at warp speed.

"I believe you are in love with him, Captain," Tuvok went on, "and I believe he is in love with you. I believe you have been in love with each other for years. I have never said anything, as it was not my place to interfere in your personal affairs, especially when your positions on this ship made a relationship unwise, but now those barriers exist no more, I cannot standby and say nothing when you both are suffering."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "I won't deny it," she said. "I do love him. Very much. But it's too late for us. I don't think he loves me anymore."

Tuvok put his hand on her shoulder. "I think he does, Captain. And I think the fear of losing you is torturing him far more than the fate of his former Maquis crew. The odds of exoneration are overwhelmingly in their favor. As skeptical as he is about the Federation's integrity, he must know there is little chance he and his crew will be spending tonight in a prison. If he doesn't know it, then his love for you is exaggerating the risk of prosecution. And the reason for that is because, deep down, he doesn't feel worthy of you."

Chakotay had indeed said as much on New Earth. The words had hurt her, just as hearing them from Tuvok did now. Any woman would be lucky to have Chakotay. He was brave, clever, kind, gentle, fiercely loyal and dashingly handsome. She'd meant what she'd said to him in that out-of-time experience; it was she who was not good enough for him. He deserved better than how she had treated him at times. He disagreed, but she knew she had broken his heart many times, and even now she was being less than honest with him. Instead of having the courage to tell him she remembered everything that had happened on New Earth, that it was really her, she was pretending ignorance.

"It's me who doesn't deserve him," she said sadly. "Chakotay has always been honest with me, always shown me respect and consideration, but I haven't always done the same. In fact, I've deceived him about something I should never have deceived him about. I thought I was doing the right thing, but now I'm ashamed."

"Then undeceive him," Tuvok told her kindly. "Now that we are home, you and the Commander have a chance to be together. Do not throw that chance away. I have observed many couples over the years and rarely have I seen a pair as well-matched. He is strength to your oar and you are wind to his sails. Together you ride the waves like a mighty ship."

"He does give me strength," Kathryn admitted. "So many times over the last seven years I was ready to give up. Not on our journey so much as on living. The responsibility on my shoulders was heavy and I was tired, mentally and physically. But whenever I was down, Chakotay would cheer me up, and whenever I was about to embark on a suicide mission, he would stop me." Another tear escaped her eye. "I've tried to tell him that I love him, but every time I do we either get interrupted or I lose my courage. When it comes to fighting the Borg, the Kazon, the Hirogen, the Vidians, and God knows who else, I can swallow my fears and stand strong, but when it comes to telling a good and kind man that I love him, I crumble. Isn't it crazy?"

"Not at all," Tuvok answered. "To fight you need to be invulnerable. To tell someone you love them, you need to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is hard, even for Vulcans. It can take more courage to make a declaration of love than to fight a million armies. But you have the courage, Captain. Love will give it to you."

"It will," she said. "It must." She then reached out and took Tuvok's hand in hers. "Thank you, Tuvok. Thank you for everything. Your support, advice and friendship over the last seven years have been...invaluable."

"It has been a privilege to serve with you, Captain. I hope that, whatever becomes of us now we're home, we can continue to work together."

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "We will, Tuvok. We will."

END OF CHAPTER 22


	23. Chapter 23

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 23**

Music, chatter and laughter filled a grand hall in a luxurious Hawaiian hotel as the crew of the USS Voyager celebrated their return with family and friends. In a corner of the room, dressed in a gown of blue satin that fell off her freckle dusted shoulders, Kathryn waited with Tuvok for her mother and sister to arrive. She had already been reunited with them when Voyager landed to much rejoicing in San Francisco, but after the crew had been welcomed into the loving arms of family and friends, they had been ushered away for debriefing and then transferred to this hotel for the official welcome home party. The debriefing had not lasted long and before it began an announcement was finally made regarding the Maquis. Kathryn had held her breath as Admiral Paris made the announcement, and Chakotay's face had been a torture to behold, but when the announcement came, everyone in the room cheered. The Maquis were pardoned. This was not exactly exoneration, but the outcome was the same: the Maquis were free. Admiral Paris had then invited all the Maquis to officially rejoin Starfleet if they wished. This announcement had also met with applause and Kathryn had watched with tears in her eyes as Chakotay's torment had turned into joy. Across the room he had smiled at her, a beautiful smile that had made her heart leap, and all the tension between them had melted away.

"I am delighted to see you and the Commander in high spirits," Tuvok said as they talked. "Our homecoming is an event to revel in and no two people deserve to enjoy the celebrations more than you and he. It greatly troubled me to see you both unhappy. But I must ask if you have had the conversation with him that we discussed."

"Not yet," Kathryn replied. "But I mean to. " Since getting back, things had been so hectic that she'd hardly had a minute to herself.

"Now may be your chance," he said as Chakotay, smartly dressed in a white suit, walked towards them. "The Commander is coming over."

"Oh Tuvok," Kathryn laughed. "This party is hardly the place. I'll speak to him later."

"As you wish, Captain. So long as you do."

Chakotay arrived now and smiled happily. "A fine party, isn't it?"

"As fine as a party can be," Tuvok said. "The setting is certainly extravagant."

Above them was a gold dome, surrounding them were pillars of white marble, on silver walls were glittering mirrors, and a crystal archway led into a water garden.

"It's magnificent," Kathryn said, looking up and around at the splendor. "Majestic. But I'd be just as happy as I am right now if we were only in a barn."

"Me too," Chakotay smiled.

"Not me," Tuvok declared. "While the decor in this hall is excessive, I would rather excessive decor to the foul odor of animals."

"There is that," Kathryn laughed. "But in my scenario, I assure you the barn was clean and unused."

Naomi Wildman approached now, holding the hand of a tall Ktarian man. "Captain, Commander, Tuvok," she said excitedly, "meet my father, Greskrendtregk."

Kathryn smiled at the man and held out her hand. "It's an honor to finally meet you."

"The honor is all mine," he said. "Thank you for taking such good care of my family."

As he shook Chakotay's and Tuvok's hand, Naomi spoke.

"We're all going to live together in Canada," she said. "Dad still has Mom's house and we're going to live there. I so can't wait. There's a school just down the street and I'm going there after Christmas."

"That's wonderful, Naomi," Kathryn smiled.

Naomi then saw The Doctor and she grabbed her father's hand. "Come on, Dad. You've got to meet The Doctor! He's the funniest man ever next to Neelix!"

As they left, Kathryn watched them go.

"I'm so glad Naomi has the chance of a normal life now," she said. "The Delta Quadrant was no place for a child."

"No," Chakotay agreed. "But I think she will always remember our journey with love and happiness. We all went to great lengths to protect her from the grim reality of our situation and our journey was more like an adventure than a survival for her. As she grows, and her memories of these years fade, she will always remember the laughter, the wonderful places she visited, the amazing people she met, and how much she was loved."

"Well said, Commander," Tuvok said. "Now, please excuse me. I must speak with Ensign Karvila."

With that he walked away, leaving Kathryn and Chakotay alone.

"I haven't seen your mother and sister here," Chakotay said. "Are they joining us?"

"Yes," she answered. "I don't know what's keeping them. They were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"Maybe a journalist's cornered them."

"It wouldn't surprise me. They're like vultures."

"It's been a hectic few hours. How are you feeling now? Still lethargic?"

"Not at all. I feel wonderful."

"You look it," he smiled. "You look amazing."

"Thank you, Sir. You look mighty fine yourself."

They smiled at each other, joy sparkling in their eyes, then Chakotay spoke. "I've been thinking about the anomaly, about why it deposited us where it did, and I think I have the answer."

"Really? I'm all ears."

"Well, you said you were at the starbase for a conference about a year before we got stranded in the Delta Quadrant. About the same time, there was a plot by some Maquis extremists to blow up a Federation starbase. Seska wanted us to join it but I flatly refused. In fact, I told her to find out everything she could about this planned attack so we could send Starfleet a tip-off. She obliged, although reluctantly, but it would have been too late for us to stop the attack by the time we had all the information as the intended time had already passed. The attack didn't happen because security was suddenly increased around the starbase and this gave the extremists cold feet. We thought the increased security was due to a tip-off from a Federation spy, but now I'm thinking there was another reason. I'm thinking it was because they were protecting Voyager." He paused. "It's only a theory, but I think the anomaly sent us to the past to save your life. If we hadn't of been in stasis on that starbase, then security wouldn't have been increased and the attack would have gone ahead."

Kathryn was silent a moment as she tried to absorb this. "That would make sense," she said. "It's just...wow."

"I know. We owe the anomaly everything."

"Everything," Kathryn agreed. "And more." She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "We need to talk. Come to my room after the party."

Chakotay smiled. "Might set tongues wagging."

"Let them wag, I don't care."

"Then we have a date."

They smiled happily at each other and Chakotay was just about to ask Kathryn to dance when her sister approached.

"Oh Kath, Kath," she cried, embracing her, "I'm so sorry we're late. Journalists ambushed us in the foyer and we couldn't get away."

"It's ok, Phoebe," Kathryn said. "We figured something like that had happened. Is Mom ok?"

"I'm fine," her mother smiled. "And I have someone special with me."

Kathryn looked to her mother's side and gasped at who was there.

"Mark!" she exclaimed.

Her former fiancé, who was wearing a black suit, smiled warmly at her. "Hi, Kath. Welcome home."

Before she knew it, his arms were around her and they were hugging.

"I'm sorry," he said as they drew apart. "I'm sorry I gave up on you. I believed you were dead. If I'd have known for a second that you were alive then...I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologize for," Kathryn told him. "Everyone thought we were dead. What other conclusion was there? I'm glad you moved on, glad you found happiness again."

"That's very generous of you. But then, you've always had a generous heart."

"How is your wife?"

"Now my ex," he answered. "We divorced a few months ago."

"I'm sorry," Kathryn said sincerely.

"Don't be. It wasn't a happy marriage. But it's all water under the bridge now. What matters now is the future."

Gretchen spoke. "Absolutely. And what a future we all have to look forward to!"

"Indeed," Mark smiled. He then turned to Chakotay and held out his hand. "Forgive my bad manners in not greeting you. I'm Dr Mark Johnson, Captain Janeway's former fiancé. Unless you're a hologram, then you're her First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

"That's right," Chakotay said quietly as he shook Mark's hand.

"It's an honor to meet you. I've heard a lot about you and I think it very admirable the way you were willing to work alongside the captain who was on a mission to capture you. I wish you all the best in the future."

"Thank you," Chakotay mumbled.

Mark then turned back to Kathryn and offered her his hand. "Dance with me?"

Kathryn hesitated, but then took his hand. "My pleasure, Sir."

Mark proudly led her onto the dancefloor, and Chakotay watched with tears in his eyes as their arms entwined around each other.

"I'm so happy Mark's single again," Phoebe commented. "Kathryn's never had much luck in the romantic stakes and it's about time she had some. She always pretends to be a tough cookie, but I know it must have broken her heart to get that letter saying he was married. "

"It wouldn't surprise me if we hear wedding bells soon," Gretchen said. "I don't think either of them will want to hang around this time. Too many years have been wasted already."

Chakotay could endure no more and excused himself from their company. Struggling to hold back the tears, he went into the water garden and leant against a terrace that overlooked an ornamental pond. He felt as though he was dying inside, suffocating from the pain in his heart. Gone was any hope now of a future with Kathryn. Just as he'd feared in the early years of their journey, Mark was waiting in the wings and it was with him she would want to build a new life. He'd lost Kathryn, lost her before he'd ever had her, and he couldn't bear it. He didn't want to bear it. He just wanted to die.

"Hey, big guy."

The voice was B'Elanna's, but Chakotay ignored her.

"I've just heard about the Captain and Mark. I'm sorry. I know how you feel about the captain."

A tear ran down Chakotay's cheek. "It was never going to happen between us. She's out of my league."

"That's not true, Chakotay. You're an amazing guy and she'd be lucky to have you. I'm sure she'd say that herself. It's just that she and this Mark guy have a history. If she hadn't of been engaged when we got stranded, if he wasn't free now, then maybe things would have worked out for you. I'm sure they would have."

"No, I've never stood a chance. But that's ok. She deserves better than me. I'm glad for her sake that Mark's free. He made her happy and that's all I want, for her to be happy." Tears flooded his eyes. "I just wish the pain wasn't killing me."

B'Elanna drew him close and hugged him hard. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. I'm really sorry."

Chakotay accepted her comfort, although it did nothing to ease his agony, then he drew away. "I'm supposed to be seeing her later," he said. "But I can't face it now. When the party's winding down can you make my excuses? She won't want to see me, anyway. She'll be busy with Mark."

"Sure. What do you want me to say?"

"That I've called it a night, that I'm leaving for Trebus tomorrow."

B'Elanna's eyes widened in alarm. "You're going to Trebus tomorrow?"

Chakotay nodded. "I need to see my sister."

"But tomorrow? It's so soon."

"Right now, it's not soon enough."

"But if you're gone, how will everyone say goodbye to you?"

"This party is our goodbye, B'Elanna. You know that. When it's over, everyone is going home to family or friends."

"Not everyone. Some have no where to go. That's why you and the Captain are staying here. And most of those who have no where to go are Maquis. Are you just going to desert them?"

"They don't need me. Riana, Jake and Flix are going to get a place together and Jules is going to stay with Neil Foster and his family for a while."

"But..."

"I've made my decision, B'Elanna. Will you tell the Captain or not?"

"I've said I will. But you can't leave without saying goodbye to her, Chakotay. She deserves that."

"I know," he said sadly. "And I will. At least, I'll try."

Tears filled B'Elanna's eyes. "You will be back, right? You're not going to stay on Trebus forever?"

"No. I've been offered a teaching post at the academy, starting after Christmas, and I mean to take it. I just need some time to myself, need some space to come to terms with everything."

"I understand. And I really am sorry about the Captain. I wish things could have been different."

Chakotay said nothing, just cast his eyes to the pond.

"If you promise to spare my toes," B'Elanna said. "I'm free for a dance."

"Thank you," Chakotay answered, "but I'd rather stay out here alone for a bit."

"Ok. But don't stay out too long. We need our First Officer."

With that, she squeezed his arm and left.

* * *

It was not until the early hours of the morning that the party started to wind down. Every moment was a torture to Chakotay, but he did his best to smile and be gracious. A lot of people wanted to talk to him, a lot of female crewmembers wanted to dance with him, and somehow, someway, he managed to do all that was expected despite his inner turmoil. But facing Kathryn was one thing he couldn't do. Instead, he avoided her. It wasn't difficult as Mark was with her at every opportunity. As he stood by a pillar, watching as Kathryn talked with Mark in the crowd, Tuvok approached him.

"There is an old Vulcan saying," he said, "eyes seldom see the truth and ears seldom hear it. As soon as the Captain took to the dancefloor with her former fiancé, lips began to say they are back together. Eyes and ears adjudged that a truth. However, the Captain has not said they are once again a couple and I do not believe they are. Her heart may have been engaged to his once, but now it abides elsewhere. Believe not what your eyes see and believe not what your ears hear."

"I don't know what you're getting at exactly," Chakotay replied, "but if you're trying to tell me that the Captain doesn't want Mark then you're wrong."

"Am I? Be not precipitous. The Captain..."

"Has a chance of happiness with the man she thought she'd lost. That's all there is to it, that's all there is to say. I wish them well and so should you."

"Commander..."

"Some times things _are_ what they seem, Tuvok. Logic should tell you that."

Without another word, he left the Vulcan and went over to a table. He picked up a glass of brandy and was just about to down it when B'Elanna appeared.

"I hate to have to rush you," she said, "but Tom's eager to get back to Miral and so am I. If you want me to play the messenger then it'll have to be soon."

"Then let's make it now," Chakotay replied. "I'm done here."

"Ok. But are you sure you don't want to tell her yourself? Or, better yet, change your mind about leaving?"

"No, it's all arranged. I'm leaving with Kenzi and Leski at noon. They have family on Trebus too."

Tears filled B'Elanna's eyes. "Then I guess this is goodbye."

"Yes," he said.

B'Elanna hugged him. "I'm going to miss you, big guy."

Chakotay hugged her back. "You too."

"Say hi to your sister for me," B'Elanna said as she drew away. "She's bound to remember me. I almost broke her arm when I thought she was an intruder."

Chakotay's mouth smiled, but there was profound sadness in his eyes.

"Take care, big guy. And don't be gone too long."

"I won't. Goodbye, B'Elanna."

"Goodbye," she said.

Chakotay then left and B'Elanna made her way over to Kathryn. Voyager's Captain was talking with Reg Barclay now, or rather Reg was doing all the talking, and Mark was beside them.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," B'Elanna said, "but I'd like a word, Captain."

Kathryn turned to her. "Sure, B'Elanna." She put her hand on Reg's arm. "We'll finish this conversation later."

The eccentric officer smiled. "As you wish, Captain."

Kathryn then drew to the side with B'Elanna. "What is it?"

"I have a message from Chakotay. He's called it a night and wants you to know he can't make an engagement with you. He's leaving for Trebus at noon so needs to rest."

A shadow fell over Kathryn's face. "At noon?"

"Yes. He wants to see his sister."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"Kenzi and Leski are going with him."

Kathryn said nothing, just stared at her hands.

"Well," B'Elanna said uncomfortably. "That's all I have to say. I won't keep you. The sooner Reg finishes his story the sooner you'll get to bed."

Silence.

"Goodnight, Captain. Me and Tom are off now."

At this, Kathryn looked up. "Goodnight, B'Elanna."

"And thank you. I know I've said it before, but I want to say it again. Thank you for giving me a chance on Voyager, for letting me have the opportunity to prove myself. All my life I felt like a loser, like I never belonged anywhere. Even in the Maquis. It wasn't my quarrel and...and the anger of others just fueled mine. Voyager's the only place I've really belonged, the only place I've really been happy. Tom too. And that's all down to you, Captain. You were the heart and soul of Voyager and...and I'm really going to miss you."

With tears in her eyes, Kathryn drew the half-Klingon close. "I'm going to miss you too, B'Elanna. But we'll see each other all the time. I promise."

B'Elanna hugged her in return. "We'd better."

B'Elanna then left and Kathryn watched her go. As she did, Mark put his hand on her shoulder.

"Is everything ok?"

"No," Kathryn said quietly. "It isn't." She then turned to him. "We need to talk. Let's go into the garden."

Mark followed her into the garden and they made their way onto the terrace that overlooked the glittering pond.

"There's no easy way of saying this," Kathryn said sadly, "so I'll just say it. We can't go back, Mark. We can't pick up where we left off seven years ago. If you haven't changed, then I have."

"I have changed," he replied. "I'm not the man I was then. Losing you changed me. It made me realize what's important in life. And that's the people we love. I was sorry for the time we wasted, for all the energy we put into our careers instead of each other. I won't make that mistake again."

"Neither will I. I know I made you feel second to my career sometimes and I'm sorry for that. You were never second." Tears filled her eyes. "I have happy memories of our time together and I'll always cherish them. But let's not idealize what we had. We both know there were major problems in our relationship. We wanted very different things and had very little in common. What we had was good, but there can be better. For both of us."

Mark lowered his eyes. "You love someone else."

"I do," Kathryn admitted. "I'm sorry."

"No," he said. "Don't be. You're free to love whoever you want. You owe me nothing. What we had was over a long time ago." He paused. "To be honest, I didn't want to come tonight but your mother twisted my arm. I think she hoped we'd fall into each other's arms and live happily ever after."

"Sounds like Mom."

"I wish you all the best, Kathryn. I hope you and this guy, whoever he is, will be very happy together."

"Thank you, Mark. I wish you all the best too. But I'm not sorry you came tonight. It's been good to see you and I'm glad we had this conversation. I think it's one we both needed."

"Yes," he agreed. "We never had proper closure and that bothered me. But we have it now." He paused. "But I hope we can still be friends, Kath. We were friends for so long."

"Of course we can," she said.

Mark smiled. "Then I'm happy." He then opened his arms to her. "Now, give me a hug."

Kathryn obliged and they hugged warmly in the cool evening breeze.

* * *

Chakotay's hotel room was next to Kathryn's in a lavish corridor of gold walls and marble tiles, and she stopped outside it as she made her way to her room. Every part of her longed to ring the door chime, to walk into the room and tell Chakotay that she loved him, but just as she was about to press the button, she withdrew her hand. She couldn't do it. Even though she guessed that Chakotay had canceled their meeting out of politeness, because he mistakenly thought she would want to spend time with Mark, she didn't know that for certain. He may have canceled their meeting because he didn't want to see her. Maybe he'd guessed what she was going to say and thought it was better to avoid her than to have to tell her he didn't love her anymore. Maybe that's why he was rushing off to Trebus. There was no way of knowing and she was afraid to ask. Somehow, someway, she was going to have to find the courage to tell him, and before he left for Trebus, but she couldn't now. Besides, there was every chance he was sleeping and she didn't want to disturb him. So, instead of ringing the door chime, she walked away from the door, opened her own, and went into her room.

END OF CHAPTER 23


	24. Chapter 24

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 24**

Sitting at a glass table in his spacious hotel room, Chakotay tried to eat a late breakfast. Outside a long window, frothy waves lapped a golden shore and a bright sun shone down from a blue sky, but Chakotay was oblivious to the beauty. All he was aware of was the black hole in his soul. The pain was not an unfamiliar one, he had lived with the ache of unrequited love for years on Voyager, but always, even in his darkest moments, there had been that small glimmer of hope that if they got home things would be different, that the woman he loved would love him. But now that hope was gone and the pain he had lived with for so long was an agony.

Suddenly, the door chime played. At first, Chakotay didn't hear it. He was too lost in his own thoughts. But when it played for a second time, the airy jingles brought him out of his daze.

"Come in!"

The door to his room opened and a young girl with brown hair entered. In her hands was a shimmering silver box, the shape and size of a shoe box, and it was tied with gold ribbon.

"A parcel for you, Sir."

Chakotay took the box with a thank you and then the girl left. When she was gone, Chakotay looked to see who the parcel was from but there was no label. Curious now, he untied the ribbon and pulled off the lid. Inside, nestled in white satin, was a single red rose. Next to the rose was a glittering gold card and Chakotay carefully picked it up. Written inside, in gold ink, was a note.

_Chakotay,_

_I've never been a poet, so I'm not going to try and write a sonnet, but I want you to know how I feel about you. I need you to know. Every time I try, either I lose the courage or the stars cross my intent. So, I'm writing these words in the hope they will finally be said. I want you to know that I love you. I love you and I'm in love with you. I have been for years. I don't know what you feel for me now, but I know you loved me once. I know because you told me in a beautiful ancient legend, and I know because the woman you loved on that planet so long ago was me. That's right, Chakotay, I remember. I remember everything we shared. I only said I didn't because I was scared. I was scared of what it would mean for us. But I meant every word of what I said in that out-of-time experience. I need you to know that. I need you to know that what we shared was real. You told me then that there will be a time for us. If you still love me, then that time can start when you get back from Trebus. I know the rumor mill has me back with Mark, but I don't want Mark, I want you. If you still want me too, then meet me in the water garden, by the mermaid fountain, at 11:00 hours. If you don't, then just pretend you never read this. We'll say farewell as though these words were never said._

_Kathryn_

For a long moment Chakotay just stared at the note, hardly able to believe what he was reading, but as the words hit home, all the pain inside him turned to joy. Kathryn loved him. His Kathryn loved him. And it was her that had shared that special time with him on New Earth. Too many times in life he'd felt the agony of grief and the torture of heartache, but never until now had he known such happiness. Kathryn loved him. The woman he had loved so much for so long loved him. No joy could ever be greater.

* * *

The mermaid fountain stood in a quiet corner of the water garden and was surrounded by hedges and trees. Crystal water gushed from the mouth of a silver fish that a gold mermaid was holding and cascaded over white marble tiers into a leafy pool. A stone path circled the pool, a path that led into this haven from the main garden, and scattered around the path were benches of purple slate. Sitting on one of these benches, waiting to see if Chakotay would turn up, was Kathryn. She was wearing only a sundress, a pretty one of yellow flora, and on her feet were dainty white sandals. Every now and then she checked the time on an elegant gold watch around her wrist, but the seconds, let alone the minutes, were an eternity in passing. It felt as though she'd been waiting for years, but in fact she'd only been waiting five minutes. It was now 10:58, so she wouldn't have to wait much longer, but as much as she wanted the hour to come, at the same time she didn't. If Chakotay didn't show up, then all her hopes for the future would be dashed. Until he didn't, until these minutes of hope were gone, she could still dream that he would.

Then, suddenly, there were footsteps on the path. Kathryn looked up, hoping with all her might that they belonged to Chakotay, and her pounding heart skipped a beat when she saw that they did. He was walking towards her, casually dressed in a white t-shirt over brown pants. Kathryn got to her feet, trembling with emotion, and Chakotay's pace slowed to a stop as their eyes met. He smiled a smile of absolute joy and Kathryn smiled back. Then, laughing through tears, they hugged each other tight.

* * *

"For so long I put down what happened on New Earth to an hallucination," Chakotay said as he and Kathryn sat, hands linked, by the fountain. "But as soon as I saw you in that pink undertunic, I knew that it was real. I just didn't know if she was you or another you from another reality. But she was you and you remember."

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "I remember everything. I'm so sorry I told you I didn't. I just thought it was for the best. I didn't know if you still loved me and, even if you did, our positions made things difficult."

"I understand. I'm sorry too. I'm sorry I didn't keep our engagement last night. When Mark showed up and said he was divorced, I was devastated. I thought you'd want to get back with him."

Kathryn smiled. "We've both been foolish, haven't we?"

"Very. But they say love makes fools of us all." He looked deep into her eyes. "And I love you, Kathryn Janeway."

Kathryn gazed back at him. "I love you too."

Slowly, gently, they drew together and kissed softly. Then Chakotay spoke.

"I won't leave for Trebus today. I'll wait a while."

"No," Kathryn said. "You go. You need to see your sister. And it's a long trip. It'll be good for you to have company. I'd come with you, only I can't leave my mother and sister so soon." She squeezed his hand. "Just don't be gone too long."

"I won't. Five or six weeks at most. I'll be back for Christmas."

Five or six weeks. It felt like an eternity. "I'm going to miss you every second of every day."

Chakotay put his hand to her cheek. "Ditto."

Suddenly, a voice spoke through Chakotay's commbadge. "Leski to Chakotay. We've got a ship and are ready when you are."

For a long moment Chakotay said nothing and a visible battle took place in his eyes. Then he answered. "Ok. I'll be there as soon as I can. Chakotay out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn spoke. "Where are you flying from?"

"San Francisco."

"Then you'd better get going. There's a queue for transporters."

Chakotay wished with all his heart now that he hadn't arranged this trip, that he and Kathryn could at least spend a few days together before he had to leave, but the trip was arranged and it probably was for the best that he left. He and his sister, Sekaya, had not parted on good terms and, contrary to his hope when a two way connection was established with Earth, he had not had the chance to talk to her. Instead, he'd talked to his cousin who had told him Sekaya had gone back to Trebus. Those of his tribe who had survived the Cardassian attack were trying to rebuild their community and Sekaya wanted to help. For a time she'd been in the Maquis with him, but she'd found a warrior's life too brutal and had left. She'd wanted him to leave too, saying the fight was a futile one, and they'd quarreled. Chakotay regretted that quarrel now, wished they'd made things up before he got pulled to the Delta Quadrant, but they hadn't. He could only hope they could now. It was probably in Kathryn's best interest that he left too. Her family would want to spend time with her and she would want to spend time with them. After waiting so long to be together, it was best to be together when time could be their own.

"I suppose I better had make a move," he said. Slowly, reluctantly, he got to his feet and opened his arms to her. "Goodbye, Kathryn."

Kathryn stood too and stepped into his arms. "Goodbye, Chakotay."

They held each other tight, held each other long, then they parted with a kiss.

With tears in her eyes, Kathryn watched as Chakotay walked away, feeling like her life was going with him, but then, as he reached a bend in the path, he stopped walking and turned around. Then he walked back to her and tearfully took her hands in hers.

"I know this sounds crazy," he said, "but marry me, Kathryn. Marry me before I leave. I don't want our time to start when I get back. I want it to start now."

Kathryn smiled, joy shining in her eyes. "A whirlwind wedding? Why do I like the sound of that?"

"Then you will?"

Kathryn flung her arms around his neck. "Yes, yes, yes!"

Chakotay laughed now and they hugged happily.

* * *

Thirty minutes later, in an elegant room in the hotel, Kathryn and Chakotay stood before a resident registrar and made vows of marriage to each other. They were dressed exactly as they were, and the only witnesses were two official ones, but to them it was the perfect wedding. All they wanted was to commit their lives to each other and this, a simple private ceremony, was all they needed to do that. If it was impulsive, well, they wanted to be impulsive. For too long their relationship had been shackled by rules and protocol.

When they'd made their last vow, the female registrar, who had long blonde hair and green eyes, presented them with wedding rings. These were standard rings and were resting on a white velvet cushion. Carefully, Chakotay picked up the bride's ring and slipped it onto Kathryn's finger.

"I give you this ring as a token of our marriage," he said, "as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

Kathryn then picked up the groom's ring and put it on his finger.

"I give you this ring as a token of our marriage, as a symbol of the promises I have made to you today."

The registrar then joined their hands and lay her own on top. "It gives me great pleasure," she said, "to pronounce you husband and wife."

Kathryn and Chakotay smiled happily at each other and then, to the applause of the witnesses, sealed their union with a kiss.

* * *

On a beautiful sea front terrace that led to the hotel's transporter station, Kathryn and Chakotay made their final farewell. Neither wanted to part, and both were reluctant to do so, but the thrill of their secret nuptial made their mood joyful.

"We've never really said goodbye," Kathryn said, Chakotay's hands in hers, "and the last attempt lasted all of two minutes, so let's not say it now. Let's just say...see you soon."

"I wish we didn't even have to say that," Chakotay replied. "But as I must leave, let's."

"When I was a girl, I never understood what Juliet meant when she said parting is such sweet sorrow. To me, it was only ever a sorrow. But now I feel exactly as she did. I'm sad that you're leaving, but at the same time I'm looking forward to your return."

"Me too."

"But I'd like us to keep quiet about our marriage until then. If the media finds out then it won't be our secret anymore. I'd like it to be our secret for a while. That way, it belongs just to us."

"I'd like that too," he replied. "In fact, I was going to say the same thing. We've shared each other with others for too long. Besides, I want to be here when the news hits. You can't face the media alone." He smiled. "You're going to have to hide your ring."

"I am," she said. "But so are you."

Chakotay carefully took his off and held it out to her. "I'll leave mine with you for safekeeping."

Kathryn took the ring and closed it in her palm. "I'll keep it with mine, keep them together."

Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Where will I find you when I get back?"

"That's a good question. I haven't a clue where I'm going to be. I suppose at my mother's. I was going to start looking for an apartment this week, but as we're going to be living together, we should choose a place together."

"I'm happy to live wherever you want. And I trust your judgment. I think you should find us a place. After seven years in the Delta Quadrant, constantly on call, it'll be good for you to have your own space. Adjusting back to life in the Federation is going to take time, for all of us."

"Yes. And I would like my own space. How does an apartment overlooking the Gulf of Mexico sound?"

Chakotay smiled. "It sounds wonderful."

"Then that's where I'll be. I'll leave the address with Admiral Paris."

Suddenly, Leski's voice spoke through Chakotay's commbadge. "Leski to Chakotay. Is everything ok? We've been waiting over an hour."

"Everything's fine. I'll be right with you."

"Ok. Leski out."

The connection terminated and Kathryn wrapped her arms around Chakotay's neck. "See you soon...husband."

Chakotay smiled and slipped his arms around her waist. "See you soon...wife."

Kathryn smiled back, eyes moist, and then they kissed tenderly, kissed long. Then, all too soon, Chakotay was entering the transporter station and was gone.

END OF CHAPTER 24


	25. Chapter 25

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 25**

5 WEEKS LATER

In the kitchenette of her new apartment in Florida, Kathryn helped her six year old redhaired niece, Amy, decorate a chocolate cake they'd just baked. It had taken Kathryn less than a day to find the apartment as she'd fallen in love with it as soon as she'd seen it advertised. The apartment was spacious, elegant, and from all the windows was a glorious view of the Gulf of Mexico. It was the perfect home for a working couple and she was sure Chakotay would love it too.

"Do you think," Amy asked as she carefully placed candy stars on the cake's chocolate icing, "that when people eat our cake they'll notice it's burnt inside?"

"I'm sure they won't," Kathryn replied. "They'll just think it's crispy."

"I hope they don't. And I don't think they will because it looks lovely, doesn't it?"

"Very lovely," Kathryn smiled. "You've done a wonderful job."

Amy put on the last star and then cheered. "Yay! It's finished!"

"Bravo," Kathryn said. "Well done!"

There were a few candy stars left in Amy's bag and she held them up. "May I eat these, Aunt Katie? Please?"

"You may," Kathryn answered.

Amy smiled and got stuck into them.

Suddenly, the apartment's main door opened and Harry came in with Libby. They were now back together and were staying with Kathryn for the weekend.

"Hi," Amy said when she saw them. "You're Harry and Libby, aren't you? I'm Amy Jackson, Aunt Katie's niece. Phoebe, her sister, is my mother and my father is Richard Jackson."

Harry smiled. "It's good to meet you, Amy."

"I'm staying over tonight," Amy went on, "because Mommy and Daddy have gone to Chicago. I'm having your bed when you leave this afternoon."

Kathryn left the kitchen area and walked over to them. "How was your swim?"

"Great," Harry said. "Of course, Libby's a much better swimmer than me. But I managed to keep up."

Amy proudly pointed to the chocolate cake. "Look, Harry and Libby. Look at what we made!"

"Wow," Harry said. "That's some cake. Is it chocolate?"

"It is. With vanilla cream, chocolate icing, and candy stars."

"It looks delicious. Did you really make it?"

"We did. Do you want a piece?"

"I'd love one," he smiled.

Amy turned to Libby. "Libby?"

"Yes," she replied. "Thank you."

Kathryn gestured towards the dining area, where black chairs surrounded a glass table. "Then sit yourselves down and I'll cut us all a slice."

Harry and Libby went to sit down and Amy went with them.

"We worked really hard on it," she said, climbing onto a seat. "Really hard. We made it from a recipe, not a replicator, and mixed it and cooked it ourselves."

Libby smiled. "I'm impressed."

Kathryn brought the cake over with a knife and lay them down on the table. "Would you all like a drink?"

"Oh yes," Amy said. "We must have a drink. Then it will be like we're in a cafe! I'll have a lemonade. A pink one."

"I'll have a pineapple juice," Libby said.

"And I an orange," Harry added.

"Then one pink lemonade, pineapple juice and orange juice coming up," Kathryn smiled. "But first let me get some plates...unless you all fancy eating your cake off the table!"

Amy laughed. "I so don't, Aunt Katie. Fluffy sat on it."

Fluffy was Kathryn's white cat and he was presently curled up on a black couch sleeping. Being a dog woman, Kathryn had been somewhat bemused to be given this ragamuffin as a home-warming gift by Reg Barclay, but now she loved him. He greeted her every morning with a meow and a rubbing of legs and he was as much of a character as any dog she'd ever had.

"Do you have any pets, Amy?" Libby asked.

"I do," Amy answered. "I have a dog called Tango. He's the cutest dog in the whole Federation. Granny has him today. That was the deal. Granny got him and Aunt Katie got me. He's a real handful, you see, so Granny can't look after him and me."

Kathryn returned to the table with plates and forks and ruffled her niece's curly red hair. "Which definitely gave me the better bargain," she said.

Amy laughed and then watched as her aunt went over to the replicator. "What are you having to drink, Aunt Katie?"

Harry smiled. "Do you have to ask?"

"For your information," Kathryn said, "as much as I love coffee, I do drink other beverages."

"That's news to me," Harry declared. "I've never seen you drink anything but coffee."

"Then prepare for a first because I'm having an apple juice."

As Kathryn replicated the drinks, Amy spoke.

"We, that's Aunt Katie and me, are going to the beach this afternoon. We're going to build sandcastles."

"Sounds like fun," Libby smiled.

"It is. I love making sandcastles as much as I love making snowmen."

Kathryn brought their drinks over on a tray and Amy clapped. "Yay! Our drinks! Now sit down, Aunt Katie, and cut the cake! I can't wait to try it!"

"I'm sitting," Kathryn said. She then picked up the knife. "And I'm cutting."

Carefully, she cut out four slices and put them on plates.

"If the cake tastes hard," Amy said as Harry put a piece into his mouth, "it's because it's crispy, not burnt."

"I see," Harry smiled.

Amy watched as Harry chewed his piece and eagerly awaited his verdict.

"Delicious," he said. "Not hard at all."

"Really?" Kathryn asked.

"Well," he teased. "I have strong teeth."

Kathryn laughed and then sampled a piece herself. To her surprise, it was good. "You're right," she said. "It is delicious. Well done us, Amy!"

The child laughed and then turned to Libby. "Do you like it, Libby?"

"I do," she smiled.

Having had everyone's approval, Amy began to eat her own slice, getting cream and chocolate all over face and fingers.

"Use the fork, honey," Kathryn said. "You're making a right mess of yourself."

"I always do when I eat cake," she answered. "But that's ok, Aunt Katie, it's only cream and will wash off."

"Prevention is better than cure. Go to the bathroom, wash yourself up, and then come back and eat like a lady."

"Oh, but..."

"No, buts. Be gone."

Amy sighed. "Ok. I'm going."

With that, she got up and went into the bathroom.

"You must forgive her bad manners," Kathryn said. "What can I say? My sister raised her."

Harry laughed. "She's a great kid. And she looks a lot like you."

"She does," Kathryn replied. "Every one says so."

"I'm glad Voyager is home," Libby said, "and you can be a part of her life."

"Me too," Kathryn answered. "I'm glad we all have a chance to be a part of our families lives again. Children grow so fast and the time we lose is lost forever."

Amy returned now and hurried over to the table. "I'm all clean," she said. "Not a spot on me!"

"That's not quite true," Kathryn said, pointing to a spot on her cheek that had not been washed away in the child's haste to clean herself, "there's one right there."

Amy rubbed the spot hard. "Is it gone now?"

"Yes," Kathryn said, kissing her cheek. "It's gone."

Amy smiled, climbed back into her chair, and began to eat what was left of her cake with her fork.

"What are your plans for this afternoon?" Kathryn asked. "Anything interesting?"

"We're going to Miami for the day," Harry said. "We want to see the sites and check out the new Art Gallery."

"It's wonderful," Kathryn said. "I went there with Phoebe last weekend and we spent hours going through it all."

As the grown-ups talked about the Art Gallery, Amy picked up her pink kiddie tricorder, which she'd left on the table earlier, and began to play with it. The Art Gallery was of no interest to her and neither was the cake now they'd all eaten a piece. First she played a game, but when she was bored of that, she moved on to other things. This was when she made a discovery that perplexed her.

"Aunt Katie, what does this mean?"

"What, honey?" Kathryn asked.

"Why my tricorder says there are eight lifesigns in this room when there are only four people and one cat?"

Harry spoke. "Maybe Fluffy's not a he after all and is having kittens," he joked. "That happened to my aunt once. She was convinced Dingleboy was a boy until one morning she woke up and Dingleboy had given birth to three kittens."

"Do you think that's it, Aunt Katie?" Amy asked hopefully. "That Fluffy's a girl and is having kittens?"

"I'm sorry to disappoint you and Harry," Kathryn smiled, "but Fluffy's definitely a boy. You're probably reading the tricorder wrong, honey."

"I'm not. It definitely says there are eight lifesigns."

"Girls or boys?" Harry asked.

Kathryn answered. "Kiddie tricorder's aren't that sophisticated. At least, this one isn't." She held out her hand. "Let me see, honey."

Amy handed her the tricorder.

"Definitely eight lifesigns," Kathryn agreed. "It must be malfunctioning."

"What's malfun-tuning?" Amy asked.

Harry helped her out. "It's when something's not working properly."

"Ah. It is an old tricorder. Maybe I should have a new one, Aunt Katie."

Libby spoke. "Perhaps it's picking up lifesigns from the apartment next door or above."

"Most likely," Kathryn said. "The lifesigns are weak."

"But can I have a new one anyway," Amy begged. "Just incase it is broken?"

"Yes," Kathryn replied. "I'll replicate you a new one later."

"Yay!" Amy cheered. "Thank you, Aunt Katie."

"You're welcome," Kathryn smiled. "Now, let's get ourselves into shorts and t-shirt. We've got castles to build!"

"We so have," Amy laughed. "We so have!"

* * *

"My other tricorder can't have been broken," Amy said to Kathryn as her aunt tucked her up in a pink bed that night, "this one says the same thing. Well, not exactly the same thing, as it says there are five lifesigns now instead of eight, but that's still two more people than is here if we count Fluffy in the lounge."

"Then Libby must have been right," Kathryn replied. "It's picking up the neighbors."

"I suppose. I wish it was Fluffy having kittens, though. I'd so love him to have them. Love, love, love it. And I could have one, couldn't I, Aunt Katie?"

"You could," Kathryn said as she sat on the bed, "but what about Tango? You know what they say about cats and dogs."

"Oh, Tango wouldn't mind. He likes cats. He doesn't like Mrs Benson's cat next door, or Mr Julan's cat down the street, but that's because their cats are ugly and nasty. Ginger, Mr Julan's cat, tried to scratch Tango's eyes out once, just because he was chasing her out of our garden. He chased Kitty too, Mrs Benson's cat, and a black and white one from I don't know where. But he'd love one of Fluffy's kittens, he really would."

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "as Fluffy is never going to have any kittens, we'll never know otherwise." She picked up two storybooks that Amy had dumped on the bed. "Now, which of these books do you want me to read?"

"Both of them. They're very short, Aunt Katie. Very, very short."

"Ok, then. Both it is. Which do you want first?"

Amy pointed to one, a bright blue one with fairies on the front. "This one."

"Then this it is."

Amy smiled and then snuggled up close as Kathryn began to read.

* * *

The following morning, Kathryn was awoken by Amy's chirpy voice.

"Time to get up, Aunt Katie. Up, up, up, lazybones!"

Kathryn sluggishly sat up and rubbed her sleepy eyes. "What time it is, honey?"

"I don't know, but late." She held out a glass of orange juice. "I replicated this for you."

Kathryn took the glass but the last thing she felt like was a drink. Her stomach was churning and she felt quite nauseous.

"Thank you," she said. Then she addressed the computer. "Computer, what time is it?"

"The time is 11:08 hours."

11:08. Then it really was late. "You're right," she said. "It is late. I've clearly overslept."

"That's ok, Aunt Katie. I don't mind. I haven't been up long myself. I was so tired last night that I fell asleep as soon as you left the room. I don't, usually. Usually I'm awake a long time. Not a long, long, long, time, but still a long time. I think we exhausted ourselves building sandcastles."

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Phoebe came in. "Hello all," she smiled. "We're back."

Amy joyfully ran over to her mother and hugged her. As she did, Phoebe looked in amusement at her sister.

"What's the matter, Kath? Has my darling worn you out?"

Amy spoke. "Not me, Mommy, building sandcastles."

"I see," Phoebe smiled. "Looking after a six year old is tougher than the Delta Quadrant, eh sis? But seriously, Kath, you don't look well. Are you ok?"

"I've been better."

"Maybe you should call your doctor. You might be coming down with this blinzi flu that we've all had."

"Maybe. I don't suppose it will hurt to have a once over. I'll call him later."

"Call him now. Me and Amy will get out of your hair. Come on, darling. Let's pack up your things."

At this, Amy groaned. "Ooohhhh! I don't want to leave now, Mommy! I want to stay longer. Me and Aunt Katie are having such a great time. Please let me stay longer, please, please, please!"

"Aunt Katie's not well, darling."

"Then we should stay and take care of her. I'm a great nurse and the flu makes you feel awful sick."

"We'll call back later and see how she is."

"Oh, but Mommy..."

"No buts. We're packing and leaving."

Amy sighed. "Ok, Mommy."

With her head hung, Amy slowly walked out of the room.

"Anything you want?" Phoebe asked Kathryn. "Toast, pancakes, cereal?"

The very thought of food made Kathryn want to heave. "Oh, don't even mention food."

"That bad, huh? But make sure you drink plenty."

"I'll do my best."

Phoebe then left and, after another wave of nausea passed, Kathryn reached for her commbadge.

"Janeway to The Doctor."

Almost instantly, The Doctor answered. "Doctor here."

"I need a house call."

"Is it an emergency?"

"No, but the sooner you get here, the better."

"Then I'll be there within the next hour."

"Thank you, Doctor. Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn lay back down and closed her aching eyes. She felt as though she'd been awake for days, even though she'd slept for over eleven hours, and she hadn't felt as lethargic since coming out of stasis. No doubt she was coming down with this blinzi flu that was doing the rounds. But, with Chakotay due back any day, the last thing she wanted was to be sick!

* * *

Phoebe and Amy were gone by the time The Doctor arrived. Kathryn was also feeling better, so much so that she was out of bed, and she welcomed him into her apartment with a smile.

"Thank you for coming so promptly," she said.

"For you, Admiral," he smiled, "I'll always drop everything."

Since Chakotay's departure, Kathryn had been promoted to Admiral and assigned her own office in Starfleet Headquarters. Unlike most of the Voyager crew, who were taking at least three months off to adjust back to life in the Federation, Kathryn was working part time. She needed the mental stimulation and she found keeping busy helped her readjustment.

"That's good of you to say so," Kathryn said. She picked up a cup of cooling coffee, took a sip, and then gestured to the couch. "Please, take a seat."

"Don't mind if I do," The Doctor said, sitting. "Now, what's your problem, Admiral? You're not too sick for coffee, so are clearly not at death's door."

"I hope not," she said, sitting opposite him, "but I thought I was this morning when I woke up. I felt awful."

"Symptoms?"

"Nausea, lethargy."

The Doctor opened his medcase, pulled out his tricorder, and then stood up to scan her.

"I thought I was coming down with the blinzi flu," Kathryn told him as he scanned her, "but I'm fine now."

"And so you should be," The Doctor declared. "There's nothing wrong with you. Certainly not the blinzi flu. But you'd better get used to the nausea and prepare for discomfort. You're pregnant."

Kathryn's mouth fell open and she almost dropped the cup she was holding. "Pregnant?"

"That's right. Approximately five weeks. And as the father's Native American, no prizes for guessing who he is or what you and he got up to at the welcome home party."

"But we didn't," Kathryn said. "Not then..."

The only time she'd been intimate with Chakotay was during that out-of-time experience on New Earth. Could she really have gotten pregnant then? She definitely wasn't pregnant when Dr Kednoff examined her, but as it could take several days to conceive after intimacy, she might not even have conceived by the time Chakotay left for Trebus. But if she was pregnant, if she really had conceived as a result of that out-of-time experience, it was astounding.

"Well, whenever and wherever you got up to it, you're pregnant."

"And you're sure, absolutely sure?"

"Positive. You're five weeks pregnant."

As the news sank in, Kathryn smiled through tears. "Then I'd better cut down on coffee."

"Indeed. And you can start with that cup."

Kathryn put down her cup and then questioned. "Can you tell what it is? I mean, a girl or a boy?"

"Yes. And more besides."

"What do you mean?"

"You're having triplets."

Kathryn's eyes widened in disbelief. "Triplets?"

"That's what I said."

Kathryn put her hand to her dizzy brow. Triplets? She was having three babies? One was incredulous enough!

"I can't believe this, Doctor," she said. "I can't... " And yet, Amy's tricorder had picked up three faint lifesigns. Had those lifesigns been her babies? No, it just couldn't be true. It just couldn't be! "This has to be a dream," she went on, "some kind of alternate reality."

"I don't see what's so hard to believe," The Doctor answered. "You know the chance of multiples increases with age. As to triplets, well, 1 in every 8,000 births are triplets. If that one is going to be anyone, we can count on it being you."

"But..." Kathryn mumbled.

"You're pregnant with triplets, Admiral, and that's one hundred percent fact."

For a long moment Kathryn said nothing, did nothing, then she smiled. "I suppose you're right, if this must happen to anyone it's bound to happen to me. But it's really true? I'm really having triplets?"

"Yes."

A tear of joy ran down Kathryn's cheek and she clumsily wiped it away. "This has got to be that anomaly's doing," she said, "but if it is...if it's tripled my eggs somehow...I owe it a debt I can never repay."

"I doubt this has anything to do with the anomaly. It's simple science, Admiral. You ovulated, the egg was fertilized, and then split."

"Then they're identical?" Kathryn asked. "All of them?"

The Doctor bit his lip. "You cannot infer that."

"Oh, but I want to know. Tell me. What am I having?"

"Very well, you're having identical boys."

Sons. Three sons. Chakotay's sons. The happiness was almost too much to bear!

Kindly, The Doctor sat beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. "You are happy about this, aren't you, Admiral? This pregnancy clearly wasn't planned."

"I'm delighted," Kathryn said. "Absolutely delighted. And Chakotay will be too. At least when he gets over the shock."

"I take it you and he are a couple now?"

"Yes." Their marriage was still a secret and she intended to keep it that way for the moment.

"Then congratulations. And congratulations on the babies."

"Thank you, Doctor."

Suddenly, a female voice spoke through his commbadge. "Wyler to The Doctor. Medical Emergency."

The Doctor sighed. "On my way." He then got to his feet and addressed Kathryn. "You and I clearly have a lot to discuss, not least your diet, so I'll call tomorrow. Is 15:00 hours convenient for you?"

Yes," Kathryn replied. She then stood too. "But I must ask you to keep this news to yourself. I don't want anyone to know yet."

"Of course I will. Doctor/patient confidentiality." He then tapped his commbadge. "Doctor to S.H.Q.T.S. Return transport request."

A male voice answered. "Stand by."

The Doctor then smiled at Kathryn. "Good day, Admiral. And congratulations again."

A blue transporter beam then engulfed him and he disappeared. When he was gone, Kathryn dashed over to her cabinet, picked up her tricorder, and scanned herself. She needed to be sure that it was true, that she really was expecting triplets. Even now she could not quite believe it! But as soon as the scan was complete, the tricorder confirmed there were three lifesigns inside her. Kathryn laughed with joy and then curled up on the couch with her tricorder. For so many years she had longed for a child, but now at 46 she thought her chance had passed. But it hadn't. By some miracle, she was now not only pregnant but pregnant with triplets. For once fate was being kind to her. All she needed now to complete her happiness was for Chakotay to come home. Because he would be happy at the news, she was sure of it. He'd always wanted children too but the time had never been right. Now it was right, for both of them, and she couldn't wait for the rest of their lives.

END OF CHAPTER 25


	26. Chapter 26

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures.

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 26**

A WEEK LATER

In her state of the art office at Starfleet Headquarters, Kathryn replicated herself a glass of orange juice and then sat on a blue sofa to enjoy it. The afternoon had been busy, busier than usual, and she was taking a well earned rest. As she relaxed, she switched on her personal padd and watched a video scan of her embryonic babies that The Doctor had taken two days earlier. In this video she could see their tiny forms clearly and although she had watched the clip many times already, the sight of them still thrilled and amazed her. They all had their own sac and, at six weeks old, were developed enough for heads and budding limbs to be seen. Kathryn couldn't wait to pick names for them with Chakotay. They would probably name one baby each and one together. For her one naming, she was inclined towards James. James Edward. James because she liked it and Edward after her father.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Kathryn switched off the padd and called out.

"Come in!"

The doors to her office opened and The Doctor came in.

"Good afternoon, Admiral," he smiled. "I'm glad to see you're heeding my advice and taking things easy."

"I always heed your advice, Doctor," Kathryn replied. "I just don't always act on it."

"And don't I know it. But now that you're pregnant, you must do what I say. Your babies are depending on you."

"Oh, don't be so up tight, Doctor," she laughed. "I'm only teasing."

"When it comes to you and your health, I'm always up tight. You're hardly a model patient."

"From now on, I'll be a model to the model. Now, how can I help you?"

"By helping yourself and reading these books I recommend," he said, handing her a list.

"But you've recommended ten dozen already. Anymore and I'll still be reading them when the babies are in school."

"Hardly ten dozen, Admiral. More like a dozen. And those were general pregnancy books. These are specific to triplets."

"I see. I'll replicate them tonight."

"Be sure that you do. It's important that you know what to expect as your babies grow."

"I'm looking forward to it. Not to being as big as a whale but to having a bump." She gestured to a sofa chair opposite. "Now, sit yourself down and tell me about your afternoon. Anything interesting happen?"

"Hardly," The Doctor said as he sat. "The most riveting thing I've done since we got home is a heart transplant. Life as a physician in this quadrant just doesn't have the challenges of the Delta Quadrant. There I was making medical history nearly every day, here I'm only making prescriptions."

"The Delta Quadrant was indeed a challenging place," Kathryn replied, "but the Alpha Quadrant has its challenges too. There are still diseases and viruses without a cure and still advances to be made in medical science. What you need is a project. There are medical research teams investigating all kinds of medical phenomenon. I'll see if I can get you assigned to a team."

"Thank you, Admiral," The Doctor said, "but I fear it would infringe on my duties as a general practitioner. As well as my responsibilities here, I am the primary physician to all our Voyager crew. I cannot neglect my responsibilities."

"You wouldn't have to be a full time team member," Kathryn answered. "You could just be involved in the project. You could do as little or as much work as your duties permit."

The Doctor smiled. "That would be excellent, Admiral. Thank you."

"In the meantime," Kathryn said, "I have a theory for you to mull over."

"Let me guess," he replied, "about your pregnancy?"

"Yes. I know there's every possibility that things happened naturally, but as I was struck by the anomaly and sent into temporal chaos, there's every possibility that things didn't happen naturally too. I've given it a lot of thought and have finally come up with a theory. Although you managed to bring me into temporal alignment after I was sent into chaos, I would still have suffered the after effects of temporal flux for several hours, right?"

"Right," The Doctor answered. "48 at least. You wouldn't have had any symptoms after the first few, but full temporal adjustment wouldn't have happened for at least 48 hours."

"So, for at least 48 hours I would have had brief episodes of cellular chaos?"

"Yes. But the episodes would have been so brief, and by that I mean a fraction of a second, that you wouldn't have been aware of them."

"No, but if an episode happened shortly after I conceived, it's possible, isn't it, that during an episode the zygote was duplicated?"

"It's possible," The Doctor answered. "When a body goes into cellular chaos, cells mirror. But when the episode is over, they merge back and return to their normal state."

"Yes. But what if in this case they didn't? A zygote is a whole human being in just one or a few cells. If it was duplicated once or twice during an episode then when the episode was over the three zygotes may not have merged back into one because they were self-contained units."

"It's certainly possible," The Doctor said. "It wouldn't happen to an embryo or a fetus, because they are too advanced and wouldn't be duplicated whole, but to an egg that has just been fertilized it's quite possible. But that doesn't mean it happened in your case. The overwhelming likelihood is your triplets happened naturally."

"I know. I'm just finding it hard to believe."

"You and every other mother of triplets. But it happens every day, Admiral. It's a natural, not a temporal, phenomenon."

Suddenly, a female voice spoke over the comm.

"Admiral Vale to Admiral Janeway."

Kathryn responded. "Admiral Janeway here."

"I'd like to speak with you immediately. Please report to my office."

"I'll be right there, Janeway out."

As the connection terminated, The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Orders, Admiral? I thought you were above that now."

Kathryn laughed. "I'm only a vice admiral, remember. Admiral Vale is an admiral and therefore my superior."

"Of course. I forgot."

Kathryn got to her feet. "Walk with me to the lifts?"

The Doctor smiled and stood too. "My pleasure."

* * *

Admiral Vale's office was on the twentieth floor and was just a short walk from the lift. When Kathryn reached it, she rang the door chime, straightened her slouch, and then waited for the doors to open. They did in seconds and Kathryn stepped into the office. It was bigger than her own, though not by much, and from a row of windows was a magnificent view of San Francisco. Admiral Meril Vale, an elderly woman with short silver hair, was sitting before a window and she looked troubled.

"Kathryn," she said informally. "Thank you for coming so promptly. Please, take a seat."

Kathryn went to sit beside her and the woman picked up a coffee pot. "Coffee?"

As hard as it was to resist the enticing aroma, Kathryn managed to refuse. "No, thank you."

The Admiral poured only herself a cup, adding sugar and cream, and then spoke. "I'm afraid I have bad news," she said sadly. "As you know, one of my areas of responsibility is recruiting spies to infiltrate the criminal space world. Today, from one of them, I received intelligence concerning your former First Officer, Commander Chakotay."

Kathryn flinched. "Chakotay? What about him?"

"According to my source, he has been captured by The Atoners."

"The Atoners?"

"A criminal gang made up of disgruntled and dangerous individuals who are on a crusade against ex-Maquis. Some are in it just for the thrill but most are in it to avenge the death of a loved one at Maquis hands. They operate in Federation space, and beyond, and work in association with Cardassians. Over the last three years they've captured seven ex-Maquis. Two they returned alive after torture, two they returned dead, and three they handed over to the Cardassians. What they do with a captive totally depends on how highly they rate that captive. The higher the rate, the higher the punishment. I need not tell you that they will rate Chakotay very highly. This means there is very little chance of him being returned alive. I'm sorry."

At these words, Kathryn just stared at the admiral in horror, unable to think, unable to speak. Gently, the woman reached out and put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder.

"Of course, we can still hope. Chakotay was not involved in acts against civilians and that might work in his favor. They may torture him only."

Kathryn's stunned senses re-engaged now. "That's not good enough for me. We've got to track down these Atoners and rescue him."

"Don't you think we would if we could? They're clever, Kathryn. Some of Starfleet's greatest minds are amongst them. We've never been able to find them, let alone capture them, and have no idea now where they are."

"But you say you have a spy amongst them. He or she must have information."

"Our spy is a double agent. He doesn't know we know that, but we do. The information he gives us is always relayed and always untraceable. He says he does it for self-protection but he does it because he's one of them. He's never helped us to capture them, always helped them to evade us. We don't know where he is, how to contact him, and haven't seen him in two years. We let him think he's fooling us because the information he sends us is better than no information at all."

"I'm not accepting there's nothing we can do," Kathryn cried, pain manifesting in anger. "We can find out where Chakotay was captured and send out ships in all directions to pursue them."

"We've done that, several times, but have never found them. Their ships are cloaked and we've never been able to detect them. Besides, by the time we reach the place of capture, they will have already determined his fate. They never hold a captive for longer than 24 hours without either returning them or handing them over to the Cardassians. Within the next few hours we will receive a message from The Atoners, relayed as always, confirming that they've captured Chakotay and telling us what they've done with him. If they return him, they'll tell us where we can find him. This is always in space. They never come within ten light years of Earth."

"So, you're saying we just wait?" Kathryn asked in frustration. "We do nothing while they torture Chakotay to death?"

"There's nothing we can do. At least, no more than we're doing already. And believe me, we're doing all we can. We have five crews out there trying to track them down and a team in this very building trying to do the same."

"Then let me consult with a team. I have to be involved in this. I have to try and find Chakotay."

"I understand," Admiral Vale replied. "And of course I'll let you consult with a team. But there really is nothing you can hope to achieve."

* * *

After a three hour consultation with the investigating team, Kathryn retired to her office. The news of Chakotay's abduction was all over the Federation now and journalists were camped outside Starfleet Headquarters in the hope of getting an interview with anyone connected with Voyager. But while Admiral Paris had made a short statement, Kathryn had nothing to say. In fact, she barred all incoming calls from the media and cocooned herself in her office. Admiral Vale had been right. There was nothing she could do to help Chakotay. Sure, she could grab a shuttle and fly off into space to look for him, but unless she knew where to look she would be wasting her time. To find out his likely position at the time of capture, she would have to find out when exactly he left Trebus and which route to Earth he had taken. Finding out when he had left Trebus would take time, as his sister would have to be contacted, and finding out which route he had taken could be impossible as he might not have told anyone. By the time she had this information, or as much as she could get, The Atoners could be anywhere. The investigation team were in the process now of sending someone to Trebus to ask about Chakotay's departure, as they were trying to get as much information about his abduction and the movement of The Atoners as they could, but Kathryn knew that the information would be too slow in coming to be of any practical use in rescuing him. In less that 24 hours The Atoners would decide his fate. Her only hope now was that they'd return him alive.

Suddenly, the door chime played. For a long moment Kathryn ignored it, not wanting to face who ever was there, especially if it was Admiral Vale with bad news, but then she responded.

"Come in!"

The doors to her office opened and B'Elanna barged in.

"Admiral," she cried, visibly distressed. "I've just heard about Chakotay. And I can't believe it, I can't!"

Kathryn got up from her desk. "I'm struggling to myself."

"We've got to find these Atoners and rescue him!"

"That was my initial thought," Kathryn said, walking over to her, "but we can't. I've just spent the last three hours with a team investigating this gang and there's no way we'll be able to find them, at least not fast enough to rescue him."

"So, what?" B'Elanna asked in disbelief, "we don't try?"

"The investigating team is doing all we could do and more."

B'Elanna paced the floor in agitation. "But we have skills they don't! We have technology they don't! We can find these Atoners, I know we can!"

"They're clever, B'Elanna, and they're evasive. For two years there have been five crews out there trying to find them but they never have. If we head into space we'll be heading on a wild goose chase. I know you don't want to accept that, I don't either, but we have to accept it. These Atoners are out of our reach. We have to let those assigned to finding them do their job. They've been studying this gang for years and have knowledge and experience that we don't have and can't hope to acquire quickly."

"I'm not trusting strangers to find Chakotay!" B'Elanna cried. "And how can you? How can you do nothing while he's in the hands of these maniacs?"

"Sometimes we have to trust strangers. Sometimes we have to accept our own limitations."

B'Elanna put her hands to her head. "I can't believe I'm hearing this! You've never accepted limitations, not ever! You've taken on the Borg, the Kazon, the Hirogen...why not these lunatics? Why?"

"Because they're invisible, B'Elanna. How do we find cloaked ships when we don't even know where to look for them? By the time we do know where Chakotay was taken, or at least have a rough idea, it will be too late to help him. The Atoners always decide a captive's fate within 24 hours. All we can do is hope they return Chakotay alive."

"And if they don't? If they hold onto him?"

"Then we reconsider our options once we have some idea where he was taken. But for now, all we can do is wait."

Breathless with anger and grief, B'Elanna sank to the floor and tearfully clenched her fists. "I can't bear this...I can't bear it."

Slowly, Kathryn knelt beside her and put her hand on the half-Klingon's shoulder. "Be strong, B'Elanna. Chakotay would want you to be strong."

B'Elanna roughly pushed Kathryn's hand away. "I don't want to hear it! I'm not a rod of iron like you! I feel things! I feel _this_!"

"And you think I don't? You're not the only one who loves Chakotay."

"Then why aren't you doing something? We have to do something!"

Before Kathryn could reply, the door chime played. Reluctantly, Kathryn got to her feet. "Come in!"

The doors opened and Admiral Vale came in. It was obvious from the look on her face that she did not bear good news and Kathryn felt the last of her remaining strength ebb.

"Admiral Janeway," she said, "I would like to speak with you in private."

"If you have news about Chakotay," Kathryn replied, somehow managing to stay in control, "I'd like B'Elanna to hear it."

The admiral hesitated, but then conceded to the request. "Very well. I have received another communication. This time an official one from The Atoners confirming they have captured Commander Chakotay and informing us of his fate." She paused. "They have handed him over to the Cardassians."

Blood drained out of Kathryn's face and she had to grab a chair to steady herself.

"There is no hope now for the Commander's life. I'm sorry."

B'Elanna got to her feet and angrily addressed the admiral. "Sorry? You're not sorry! What is Chakotay to you? Nothing but Maquis trash! That's what we all are! But he's someone to us and we won't give up on him! We'll find him, even if it means flying to the heart of Cardassian space!"

"With all due respect, Lieutenant," the Admiral replied, "the Commander will most likely be dead before you get there. And I am sorry. Deeply and truly. Chakotay was a fine officer and one I worked with for several years before he joined the Maquis. He was a brave, loyal and principled man. I wish there was something I could do to save him, but there isn't. We are having difficulty enough penetrating our own criminal underworld. Penetrating the Cardassian is impossible."

"Nothing is impossible," B'Elanna yelled. "Nothing! And why wasn't he warned about these Atoners? Why weren't we all?

"I don't know. Maybe it was assumed you knew."

"How would we when we've been in the Delta Quadrant for seven years? Or were you all secretly hoping they'd get us ex-Maquis? Is that it?"

"That's not even worth an answer. Yes, you should have been warned, but to most people The Atoners are unimportant. They're of little interest to the media, at least they were until now, and are generally considered low threat. They're small in number and most of their activity takes place in remote space. That's how they got Chakotay. That's how they got all the other Maquis."

"Then that's all the more reason for us to fly out there!" She turned to Kathryn. "And we will, won't we, Admiral? We'll go to look for Chakotay?"

For a long moment, Kathryn said nothing, then she found her voice. "Admiral Vale's right, B'Elanna. We have no hope of finding him."

Tears filled B'Elanna's eyes. "How can you say that, how? They won't kill him immediately, you know that! They'll pass him to someone who wants him. That gives us time!"

"To do what?" Kathryn asked. " Fly to Cardassian space and ask if anyone's seen him? Come on, B'Elanna, be realistic! Get a grip!"

"I won't accept we've lost him," B'Elanna cried. "I won't."

"I'm not asking you too. Just because he's in Cardassian hands, doesn't mean he's dead. A lot of Cardassians owe him. He saved a lot of lives in the conflict, lives he could easily have taken, and they won't forget. Chakotay's a fighter and he'll fight for survival now."

B'Elanna calmed a bit at this. "You're right, a lot of them owe him. But we can't let him fight alone, we have to help him."

Admiral Vale spoke now. "We have spies and agents everywhere. They'll do all they can. But there really is very little hope of us ever seeing the Commander again. The Atoners have handed three people over to the Cardassians in the last three years and none of them have ever been heard of again."

"I'm not giving up," B'Elanna cried. "I'll do this alone if I have to!"

"What about your daughter?" Admiral Vale argued. "Are you just going to abandon her while you fly off to Cardassian space? Or are you going to take her with you and risk her life? Because if you go out there, B'Elanna, the chances are you'll either end up dead or in the hands of The Atoners too. Is that what you want? Is that what Chakotay would want? Is it?"

B'Elanna let out a frustrated wail and then clasped her hands together. "I can't be helpless...I've got to do something..."

"Then how about I assign you to the investigating team? You have a lot to offer and you'll be doing something practical to help catch The Atoners."

"Catching The Atoners won't help Chakotay, not if he's out of their hands!"

"No, but the team will still be looking for Chakotay. He won't be written off as dead for seven years. The Atoners won't stop until they're stopped. I'm giving you a chance now to help us stop them."

B'Elanna clenched her fists, groaned, but then relented. "Ok, I'll do it. But Chakotay is my top priority, understand?"

The Admiral nodded. "Understood." She then looked at Kathryn, whose eyes were fixed on the floor. "Now, I suggest you both go home. The Atoners have given their message. There will be no more news."

"I'm going nowhere," B'Elanna cried. "I want to join the team immediately."

"Very well. Report to Commander Drex. He's a team supervisor and is in room 50 on the fifth floor. Tell him I've assigned you to the team. He'll get you up to speed."

"I'll go right away."

Without another word, B'Elanna left the room. When she was gone, Admiral Vale went over to Kathryn. Voyager's former captain was deathly pale and the look on her face was a torture to behold.

"I truly am sorry," the Admiral said kindly. "I know you and Chakotay were close."

"He's not dead," Kathryn replied, forcing herself to look up. "I won't accept that."

"Then don't. The odds are against Chakotay returning, but so were the odds against Voyager getting home. Just keep your optimism in check. If Chakotay does survive, it could be years before we see him again. He'll either be kept hostage on a ship or transferred to a prison. The Cardassian government claims they regard those who work and trade with The Atoners as criminals, but in reality they endorse them." Kindly, she put her hand on Kathryn's shoulder. "If you want to avoid the media circus, you're welcome to stay with me tonight."

"Thank you," Kathryn said, "but I'd rather go home."

"I understand. If you need anything, or have questions you think I can help answer, just give me a call."

"I will, thank you."

The Admiral gave a sad smile, squeezed Kathryn's arm, and then left.

* * *

On the balcony of her apartment that night, sitting on a wicker couch, Kathryn gazed out vacantly at the sunset beach below. Usually the ruby sky and lapping crimson waves were a soothing lullaby to her senses, but to her senses now the blood red was a horrifying symbol of death. Since she'd received the news of Chakotay's capture, all had been turmoil in her mind, chaos. But, as she'd done so many times in the Delta Quadrant, she was navigating through the confusion by suppressing the raging emotions inside. Denying her feelings, numbing the pain, was the only way she could get through the storm. If she let herself feel the pain, just for a moment, it would drown her in a sea of agony. She had to believe, against all the odds, that Chakotay wasn't dead, that some day he'd return. If she didn't believe that, if she gave up the hope, then the grief would be too much to bear. For the sake of her babies, their precious babies, she had to be strong, had to keep the faith.

Suddenly, the glass door behind her opened and her mother appeared. She was carrying two glasses of lemonade and she handed one to Kathryn.

"An ice cold lemonade," she declared, "just as you asked for."

Kathryn slowly turned to her mother and took the drink. "Thanks, Mom."

Gretchen then sat beside Kathryn, mindful of Fluffy who was curled up at her feet, and looked at her daughter sadly.

"I know what you're going through," she said. "I've been through it twice. Once when you, your father and Justin were missing, and then when Voyager went missing. The uncertainty, the not knowing, they're soul destroying and yet...and yet soul reviving too. Because until you're told the worst you can always hope for the best. And I always did. Even when everyone else had written you and your crew off as dead, I hadn't. I always hoped in my heart that somehow you'd survived. That hope kept me going, helped to numb the pain of grief. And you must do the same. You must always hope that your friend is alive, that some day you'll see him again. My hope was rewarded and yours may be too."

Kathryn fidgeted with her fingers. "Chakotay's not just my friend," she said quietly. "He's much more than that. He's my husband."

Gretchen flinched. "Husband?"

Kathryn nodded. "We married before he left for Trebus. It was a spur of the moment thing, a whirlwind wedding. We wanted it that way, wanted it to be just the two of us. For so many years we'd had to deny our feelings because of our positions and we wanted to be impulsive. I didn't tell you because we wanted it to be our secret, something that belonged just to us until he got back. Then we would have told you together." She paused. "I love him, Mom. I love him so much."

Tearfully, Gretchen reached for Kathryn's hand and squeezed it. "Oh Katie."

"We had our future planned. We'd make a home together, somewhere, anywhere, and we'd both work on Earth. Finally the time seemed right for us."

"I'm so sorry, darling."

"I should have known it was all too good to be true. Whenever something good happens to me, something terrible happens to ruin it."

"I've felt like that many times too. But it isn't you, isn't me, it's space. It's a dangerous place and Starfleet is a dangerous profession. I've never told you this, as I didn't want to spoil things for you, but when you told me you were joining Starfleet, I wept. I'd worried so much about your father over the years, come close to losing him many times, and now I was going to have to worry about you aswell. And I did. I worried every time you were in space. But I respected it was your choice, just as I respected it was your father's. When he died, the pain was unbearable, but I knew he'd died doing what he loved and I knew, when I married a Starfleet officer, that some day I might be a widow. Space, it asks many sacrifices, takes many lives. Never think it's you. You're not jinxed. It's space. Space killed your father and Justin, space separated you from Mark, and space has now claimed Chakotay. But what space takes, it often gives back. Twice it gave you back to me. It might give back Chakotay too. You have to believe that it will, have to hold on to the hope."

"I am," she said, "I must. When Justin and Daddy died, I fell apart. I had no interest in anything, not even in living. I can't ever let myself get to that point again. I've got to be strong. Even if the worst happens. Because there isn't just me to consider. I'm pregnant."

At this news, Gretchen flung her arms around Kathryn. "Oh Katie, that's fantastic! Fantastic!"

"It is," Kathryn replied. "And that's not all. I'm having triplets."

Gretchen drew away. "Triplets?"

Kathryn nodded. "Identical boys."

"Really? You're sure?"

"As sure as The Doctor and my tricorder tell me."

Gretchen hugged her again. "I can't believe it...I can't."

"Neither can I. I don't think I will until they're born."

"When are they due?"

"June. The Doctor wants to bring them out early."

Gretchen wiped away a tear. "I'm so happy. I know I shouldn't be, with Chakotay gone, but I am."

"Chakotay would want you to be. We didn't plan this pregnancy, so he doesn't know about it, but if he did he'd want this news to bring joy. And he'd want me to take care of myself, do my best for the babies, so that's what I have to do."

Tears then filled her eyes and she turned away, fighting to suppress them. At the sight of them, Gretchen squeezed her hand.

"It's ok to cry, Katie."

"I can't," Kathryn answered. "I can't let myself. Because if I do, I won't stop. And to cry is to give up hope."

"Not really. I never gave up hope that you were alive, but I cried for you. Even when we found out you were alive after all I cried for you. I cried for our parting, for missing you, for the lost dreams, and most of all for what you were going through. Sometimes crying helps us to cope."

A stubborn tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "It makes me sick," she said, "to think of what he's going through. The Cardassians they...I don't need to tell you what they are. And I can't bear it. I can't bear to think of what they're doing to him..." She could say no more as tears choked her.

Gently, her mother drew her close. "Let it out, darling."

In the sanctuary of her mother's arms, Kathryn finally let down her defenses and wept until she could weep no more.

END OF CHAPTER 26


	27. Chapter 27

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 27**

6 WEEKS LATER

On the fifteenth deck of a luxurious ocean liner, Kathryn leant against a wooden rail and looked out at the glorious blue sea of the South Pacific. A warm wind was blowing, rippling the ocean and sweeping through her now short hair, and Kathryn let herself melt into it. The past six weeks had been hell, a hell that was still ongoing, but this serene and tranquil place was a small taste of heaven. Since Chakotay's abduction, she had been working flat out with B'Elanna and the investigation team, but now, for the sake of her babies, she needed a break. There was nothing she was achieving, little that the team was achieving, and her absence would make no difference. They now had a rough idea where Chakotay had been captured, but they still had no idea of his fate or where to find The Atoners. Borka, an ex-Maquis member of Voyager's crew, was willing to be bait for The Atoners, in the hope they'd bite and be caught, and that option was currently being explored. But if the attempt went ahead, it would be orchestrated by Admiral Vale and her colleagues. Kathryn was redundant. The most valuable contribution she'd made to the investigation was her hunch that The Atoners were an alone crew on an alone ship. B'Elanna agreed, as did several of the investigators, and that was presently the working theory. For the moment, Kathryn's marriage to Chakotay, and her pregnancy, were still a secret, but they could not remain so for much longer. At three months pregnant with triplets, she already had a bump, and very soon that bump would not be concealable with baggy clothes. To prevent a media frenzy of speculation, she would make public at the end of this vacation her marriage to Chakotay and her pregnancy. It was not something she wanted to do, as she wanted to be true to the promise she and Chakotay had made to each other to keep their marriage a secret, but this situation was not one either of them had envisaged and an announcement was necessary.

"Admiral Janeway?"

Kathryn turned around and came face to face with a naval officer who made her shudder with an overwhelming sense of deja vu. There was something disturbingly familiar about his green eyes, graying hair and rugged olive complexion, like she'd seen him before, like she'd lived this moment before.

"That's right," she said, almost uncomfortably. "And you are?"

"Captain Brett Laurence," he smiled, "captain of this vessel."

Kathryn held out her hand to him. "It's an honor to meet you."

Brett took her hand and shook it. "Likewise. I heard that you are onboard and I wanted to welcome you personally. But you're a hard woman to find."

Kathryn had to smile at that. "When I don't want to be, absolutely."

"Are you enjoying our cruise?"

"Yes." That wasn't exactly true, as she could enjoy nothing while Chakotay was missing, but she didn't want to be rude.

"I'm glad to hear it. We aim to please. And it's always nice, isn't it, to be a pampered passenger instead of an exhausted officer?"

"It certainly is."

"Are you here alone?"

"I am," she answered.

"A beautiful and intelligent woman like yourself shouldn't be alone. Join me for dinner tonight?"

"Thank you, but no," Kathryn replied. The Captain was clearly flirting with her and that, along with a feeling inside that she couldn't quite describe, made her uneasy in his presence.

"I'm afraid I won't take no for an answer."

Kathryn didn't have the strength to argue so she relented. "Then I guess we're having dinner."

Brett smiled in triumph. "My quarters, 20:00 hours."

"I'll be there."

The Captain then left and Kathryn returned to sea gazing.

* * *

Captain Brett Laurence's quarters were on the first deck and Kathryn arrived there promptly at 20:00 hours. She was wearing a long blue flarey dress that hid her bump and a pretty white cardigan. Brett was waiting for her, smartly dressed in a black suit, and he greeted her with a smile.

"Welcome," he said. "Come in."

Kathryn stepped into the room, which was an elegant lounge with wide windows that looked out at the sea, and Brett gestured towards a dining table that was beautifully set with candles and flowers.

"Please, take a seat."

Such a romantic, intimate, setting made Kathryn uncomfortable and she felt she had to make it clear, before the night progressed, what exactly their personal parameters were.

"Before I do," she said, "I'd like to make it clear, so there's no misunderstanding, that this isn't a date. I'm already involved with someone."

"So am I," Brett answered. "So, sit down, relax, and choose what you'd like to eat from our award winning menu."

Kathryn felt a little foolish now and felt the need to apologize. "I'm sorry," she said, sitting. "When I saw the candles and the flowers..."

"You thought I'd invited you here to seduce you," Brett finished as he sat opposite her. "Rest assured, that is not the case. If you were single, and I was single, then I would definitely turn on the charm, but as we're both spoken for, my motives are purely intellectual. It's not every day I get to entertain one of Starfleet's most decorated officers, and a beautiful one at that, so of course I've made a special effort."

Kathryn smiled now, beginning to feel more at ease in his company. "And I appreciate it, truly."

"Good." He handed her a black velvet menu that had shimmering silver pages. "Now, pick what you want to eat and drink from any of our restaurants. As captain, my order jumps the queue, so whatever you fancy can be yours in five minutes."

"Good perk. I'll have to make the recommendation to Starfleet." She looked through the menu, but there were so many mouth-watering dishes to choose from that she didn't have a clue what to pick. "But I think I'm going to be here all night deciding. I've never seen such a wonderful choice."

"Take as long as you like. In the mean time, let me order the drink of your choice."

"Ruberia," she said. It was a drink that had the look and taste of red wine but without the alcohol.

"Then Ruberia is it." He hit his commbadge. "Captain Laurence to Restaurant Meridian, please beam a large bottle of Ruberia to my quarters."

As the connection terminated, Kathryn put down the menu. "Oh, I'm never going to be able to choose. Every time I make up my mind, I see a tastier dish. So, in the hope it's listed there somewhere, I'll have a roast dinner with chicken."

"It certainly is listed," Brett smiled. "In fact, I have it all the time."

"Really?"

"Yes. I love roast dinners. Ruberia too."

Kathryn leant back in her chair. "Next you'll be telling me you love coffee gateaux."

"I do. It's my favorite dessert."

"Mine too. I'm addicted to everything coffee."

"So am I. Without my fix in the morning I can't function."

"How do you like it?"

"Black, no sugar."

"Exactly how I like mine."

Brett smiled. "Then it looks like we're kindred spirits. Which means you must like Mozart and Shakespeare too."

"As it happens, I do."

"Your favorite play?"

"King Lear. Yours?"

"King Lear."

Kathryn shook her head in disbelief. "Uncanny. Your favorite Mozart symphony?"

"Number 40"

"Mine too. What about your favorite color?"

"Blue. Yours?"

"Blue. Your favorite season?"

"Winter," he answered. "Yours?"

"There you've got me. Summer."

A blue transporter beam suddenly flashed before them and a bottle of Ruberia materialized on the table.

"About time," Brett declared. "Service is slacking."

"It's pretty impressive to me," Kathryn said.

Brett smiled. "Then let's see if we can impress you with dinner too." He hit his commbadge. "Captain Laurence to Restaurant Meridian, two chicken roast dinners to my quarters and two slices of coffee gateaux." He then opened the bottle of Ruberia and poured Kathryn a glass. "I was very sorry to hear about the abduction of your former First Officer. The last few weeks can't have been easy for you. But I promise no journalist will bother you here. We have strict rules regarding the privacy of our guests."

"Thank you," Kathryn said. "But can we change the subject? I'd rather not talk about Chakotay."

"Of course, I'm sorry." He filled up his own glass with Ruberia. "How about we talk about ballet or tennis? As your tastes are so similar to mine, I bet you like them too."

"I do," Kathryn replied. "In fact, I'm a trained ballerina and I played on the high school tennis team."

"Really? How about that! We must have a game while you're here."

"Oh, I don't play anymore," she told him. "These days I prefer to be a spectator."

"Can't say I blame you. Will you spectate with me? Ballet, not tennis. The only tennis to watch around here is out of shape folks trying to get into shape."

Kathryn smiled. "I'd love to. There's a performance of The Nutcracker tomorrow night in your Coral Theater. I planned on going alone."

"So did I. But I'd much rather have company. Sharing a performance with someone always enriches the delight."

"Providing they enjoy it too," Kathryn teased.

"Yes," he laughed. "Providing they do. But it's settled, we'll attend together. I'll pick you up at your cabin at 19:00 hours."

"I'll be waiting."

A blue transporter beam flashed again and their food materialized on a gold tray. There were two steaming roast dinners, a jug of hot gravy, an assortment of sauces, and two very large slices of rich coffee gateaux."

"Impressed?" Brett asked.

"Absolutely," Kathryn answered. "What a dinner! What a gateaux!"

"Only the best on my ship," he smiled.

"And it's real, not replicated," Kathryn said, breathing in the mouth-watering aroma.

"Now I'm impressed," Brett declared. "How can you tell?"

"When you've lived on replicated dinners for seven years, you can tell."

Brett laughed and held up his glass of Ruberia. "To real dinners."

Kathryn tapped her glass against his. "Real dinners."

Then they both grabbed a plate and began to eat.

* * *

After they'd finished eating, Kathryn and Brett talked on a sumptuous red velvet couch and then finished the night with a hot chocolate. It was dark outside the windows now and diamond stars twinkled in a black heaven.

"I've really enjoyed tonight," Brett said. "Thank you."

"Thank you," Kathryn replied. "I've enjoyed your company."

It was true, she had. Against her expectation, the night had gone well. Brett's witty humor and intelligent conversation had done much to lift her heavy sadness and she had to be grateful for that. Any respite from the pain, any escape or distraction, was welcome.

"In fact," Brett went on, "I don't want this night to end. Stay, Kathryn. We can drink champagne beneath the stars and make love until dawn."

At these words, Kathryn tensed. "I told you, Brett. This isn't a date."

"I know. And it wasn't. But it can be. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I want to make mad passionate love to you."

Kathryn put her cup down on a gold table. "Your girlfriend wouldn't appreciate that."

"No, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her. I'm not asking for a relationship, I'm just asking for tonight."

"Then you're asking the wrong woman. I don't do one night stands."

"Then you should." He reached out and took her hands in his. "There's a current between us, Kathryn, I can feel it. Don't hold it back, give in to it."

Kathryn broke free and got to her feet. "I think we should say goodnight."

Brett stood too and seized her. "Don't leave, Kathryn. You know you want this."

He put his lips to her neck and tried to kiss her there but Kathryn pushed him away.

"Goodnight, Brett."

But as she tried to walk away, Brett grabbed her and got her against the wall. "This is what you want, isn't it? You want me to play rough so you're forced to give in to your desire!"

"No," Kathryn cried. "I..."

"Yes! And if that is what you want I'll gladly oblige!" He pinned her firmly against the wall and unzipped his pants. "You want me, Kathryn. I know you want me!"

"I don't! And if you don't back off right now, I'll report you for rape or attempted!"

At this, Brett let her go as though she was suddenly toxic. "Ok, ok! I get the message!" He ran his hands through his hair in stress and then zipped up his pants. "I clearly misread the signals."

"You clearly did."

"Please don't think badly of me. I would never hurt you, never."

"I'll have take your word for it."

He stepped closer, calmer now. "Are we still on for the ballet tomorrow?"

"No," Kathryn answered. "In fact, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your distance from me for the rest of my stay."

"That isn't necessary."

"I think it is."

"Ok," he relented. "If that is what you want."

"It is. Now, goodnight, Brett. Have a good life."

With that, she turned around and left his quarters.

* * *

In the safety of her cabin, Kathryn took off her cardigan, kicked off her shoes, and then ran a bath. Brett had been wearing strong aftershave and it was lingering on her, poisoning the air. Her initial doubts about him had been right. He could not be trusted. All she could hope was that he would keep his word and keep his distance. There was something about him that made her uneasy and she never wanted to see him again. When her bath was ready, Kathryn undressed, recycled her clothes, and then climbed into the warm soapy water. The bubbles caressed her skin, relaxed her taut muscles, and washed away Brett's scent. A few inches above the bath was a gold showerhead and Kathryn switched it on. Warm water rained down upon her and she let it run down her face before washing her hair. Then, when she was clean from head to toe, she got out of the bath, dried herself, and then wrapped herself in a soft blue robe. She then went into the lounge, sat on a gold couch, and turned on the tv. It was almost midnight but she wasn't yet ready for bed. It was in the darkness and quiet of a lonely bed that her unquiet thoughts troubled her the most. In the silence, there was nothing to hear but Chakotay's screams as the Cardassians tortured him, and in the blackness there was nothing to see but his bleeding battered body. The only escape from the horror was sleep and that was always a long time coming. So, she stayed up until her body was crying out for sleep. That lessened the waiting time, lessened the torture time. But as she sat there, vacantly watching a quiz show, she found herself weeping. She missed Chakotay so much that her heart was screaming with the agony.

Tearfully, she got up, went into her bedroom, and opened a drawer by her bed. In it was a white velvet box and she picked it up. Then she sat on her bed and carefully opened the box. Inside, tied together with red ribbon, were their precious wedding rings. Kathryn touched them gently and then clutched them in her palm. The love they symbolized gave her strength and made her feel closer to Chakotay. Clutching them still, she curled up on the bed and closed her crying eyes. She imagined Chakotay was beside her, holding her, and in the comfort of his love her pain eased.

Then, suddenly, bleeps blared in the lounge. Kathryn recognized the bleeps, they were the bleeps of communication. Someone had sent her a message. Incase it was news about Chakotay, Kathryn got up from the bed, put down the rings, and made her way into the lounge. Her laptop was on a glass table by a window and she switched it on. Sure enough, there was a message. The sender was unidentified and the message's origins were unknown. Kathryn performed a quick viral check and then opened the mysterious message. As she did, her heart skipped a beat. For there on the screen, through waves of interference, was a dearly beloved face. It was Chakotay's face.

"Hi, Kathryn," his muffled voice said. "I don't have much time so I'll make this brief. I want you to know I'm ok. I'm out of Cardassian hands and am on my way home. Someone who owed me a favor helped me escape and gave me a shuttle. I'm relaying this message through Cardassian and Federation networks so you won't be able to reply. If all goes well I'll be home in a few weeks. I love you and I miss you."

There was a sizzle, a flash, and then the screen went blank. For a long moment Kathryn just stared at the screen, hardly able to take in what she had heard, then the news sank in and she laughed through tears of joy. Chakotay was ok. He wasn't dead, wasn't being tortured to death in some Cardassian prison, he was alive and free. The terrible ache in Kathryn's heart went now and joy danced there instead. Chakotay was ok and was on his way home.

END OF CHAPTER 27


	28. Chapter 28

Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 28**

A MONTH LATER

In Chakotay's quarters on Voyager, Kathryn carefully put his belongings into a box. He didn't have much, as he'd come to Voyager with nothing and had collected little over the years, but what he did have she wanted to keep safe. For 4 months Voyager had been left exactly as it was on their return, so every crewmember would have ample time to pick up their belongings, but in a couple of days work was to begin on Voyager that would turn her into a museum. This meant Kathryn had to collect together Chakotay's personal things, even though she'd have rathered him do it himself as he'd planned to when he got back from Trebus, or strangers would do it instead. If Starfleet Command knew Chakotay was on his way home, then perhaps they would have extended the grace period, but they didn't know as Kathryn hadn't told them. Only her mother, sister, B'Elanna, Tom, Harry, and The Doctor knew. If word got out that Chakotay was making his way home, then his enemies, Cardassian and otherwise, would hunt for him. Tuvok she would have told, only he was still on Vulcan, and Seven she would have told too, only she was now back in space. The ex-drone had recently joined Starfleet, being welcomed in as a Lieutenant due to her experience and knowledge, and immediately she'd volunteered herself for a short-range exploration mission. Kathryn could not trust anyone else with the information. There were undercover agents in Starfleet, even at the highest levels, and she would not risk Chakotay's safety by trusting the wrong person. Although his message had been a ray of light in a void of darkness, a ray that had lit up her life, until he was actually home, she would still be lost in this twilight of uncertainty.

But as she knew he was on his way home, she had changed her mind about making their marriage and her pregnancy public. It was now impossible to hide her pregnancy from close family and friends, as her bump was considerable, but at work she was managing to conceal it by wearing a padded bra-top and jacket, and in public a long coat and scarf did the trick. She was wearing such a coat now, a long but lightweight one of pastel blue that flowed to her feet, and a matching scarf was draped around her neck. Some unkind reports in the media had commented on her weight soaring Voyager's return, one article going as far as to make picture comparisons of her changing weight over the years, but Kathryn found the whole thing amusing rather than upsetting. The reporters clearly had nothing better to do! But the less time she spent at work, or in public, the better. So, as soon as Mission Mousetrap was over, this being the name of the operation to trap The Atoners using Borka, she was going to take a temporary leave of absence. Then, when Chakotay was home and their marriage was public, she was going to take maternity leave. Because of his abduction, Chakotay's teaching post at the Academy had been given to someone else until the next academic year, so Chakotay would be off work too. This meant they could finally be together without any professional demands on their time. After all the years of hardwork, sacrifice and denial, this was something they both needed.

Mission Mousetrap, which everyone agreed was the only way to catch The Atoners, was scheduled to take place this weekend. Borka was going to fly to his homeworld, pretend to breakdown enroute, and send out a distress call. Hopefully The Atoners would intercept it and capture him. Unknown to them, he would be wearing a prototype device under his skin that would send out a homing signal capable of penetrating security and cloaking shields. This signal would be received by cloaked Starfleet ships and from it they would be able to pinpoint the exact location of The Atoners. As soon as they did, they'd surround the ship and disable their cloak. This plan was not risk free, many things could go wrong from the homing device not working to The Atoners not being an alone crew, but the odds of success were in their favor. For too long the investigation team had been relying on information given by the double agent, information that had led them to believe The Atoners were at least five crews strong, but Kathryn and B'Elanna had disregarded all information from the double agent that could not be corroborated by independent evidence and drawn their own conclusions. This was that the Atoners were an alone crew on an alone ship who happened to be very clever. There was also a chance, of course, that The Atoners would not fall for the bait. But Kathryn was confident they would. Before abandoning his Maquis crew for Chakotay's more principled one, Borka had belonged to a crew that had committed atrocities against civilians, so he would be very high on The Atoners "much wanted" list. They would not be able to resist the temptation to bite.

When all Chakotay's things were neatly packed away, Kathryn had the box transported to her apartment. Then, before leaving the ship that had been her home for seven years, she visited her quarters. They were empty now, as she had collected her things the day after Chakotay had left for Trebus, and tears of nostalgia filled her eyes as she looked around. The Voyager years had been difficult and dangerous ones, but also the most incredible of her life. Even though she was glad to be home, and was looking forward to the future, a part of her would always miss Voyager.

Suddenly, as Kathryn walked towards her former bedroom, she heard someone call her name. The voice was faint, like a whisper in the wind, but it definitely called her name. Kathryn glanced around the room but there was no one and nothing to see. Dismissing the incident as a trick of the mind, she resumed her walk to her bedroom. But, just as she reached the door, the voice called her again. It was louder this time, urgent, and Kathryn looked around again. But again there was nothing to see, nothing but empty quarters. Then, in the corner of her eye, she saw a green light. She turned towards it and saw a pale green orb by the window. It was flickering, pulsating, and growing bigger and brighter. Kathryn hurried over to her temperamental replicator, which had survived dismantling by their getting home, and manually replilcated a tricorder and phaser. For once, the replicator did as it was bid and Kathryn quickly picked up the produced items. But when she scanned the orb with the tricorder, it picked up no anomalous readings. It was as though the orb wasn't there. Then the voice spoke again. It was coming from the orb and Kathryn shivered when she realized the voice was her own.

"Kathryn," it cried. "If you can hear me, phaser the orb."

Kathryn stepped closer to the phenomenon. "I can hear you. Can you hear me?"

"Yes. We can always here you. We are your shadows, trapped in a shadow Voyager. You must help us. You must phaser the orb. It's the connection point between our two dimensions. Phaser it and open the portal. It must be opened."

"How are you our shadows?" Kathryn asked. "How and when were you created?"

"When the anomaly struck Voyager for the last time and sent you into temporal chaos. The strike caused a shadow Voyager, a Voyager that should only have been a brief glitch in the space-time continuum, but until you help us we'll continue to exist. You must help us. We must cease to exist. There is no color on this Voyager and no existence outside it. Our lives are hell and you must help end our misery. Please help us. Only you can help us."

"How?"

"Open the portal and I'll tell you. Please. We've worked our butts off to find a way to do it. All you have to do is fire at the orb with your phaser and keep firing to keep the portal open."

"Ok. Stand by."

With that, she raised up her arm, aimed the phaser at the orb, and fired steadily. As she did, the orb grew bigger and bigger until it transformed into what looked like a mirror. Through the mirror, in shades of gray, Kathryn could see herself, Chakotay, Tuvok and The Doctor. Chakotay and Tuvok were firing at the portal and The Doctor was taking readings.

"Hi," the gray Kathryn smiled. "At last we come face to face. But there's no time for small talk. We don't know how long we can sustain the portal. So, I'll explain things as quickly as I can. As I said, this shadow Voyager was created when the anomaly struck. From the start everything was shades of gray, everything except me. That's because you and I were one. I experienced everything you experienced in that out of time experience. Like you I was in a state of temporal chaos but there was nothing our Doctor could do to help me. His treatments had no effect whatsoever. It was like I didn't exist in this dimension and yet was a part of it. But then, without his help, I came into temporal alignment. I don't remember any of this, I was unconscious, but am telling you what I've been told. I remained unconscious for two days. As my body adjusted to our time-frame, I lost more and more color until I was as gray as everyone else. Then I woke up. At that very second, sounds filled the air, all kinds of sounds, the sound of life in another dimension. And outside our windows scenes from all your lives flashed before us. We could see you, we could hear you, but we couldn't communicate with you. It took us a while to piece together what was happening, because the images and sounds were so chaotic, but we realized you'd got Voyager home and were coming out of stasis after getting home too early. How long you were in stasis, we don't know, as that time didn't happen for us. We can only exist in the present. It took us a long time to work out what we are, and we're still only theorizing, but we believe we continue to exist because something is keeping us existing. That something is my baby. Everyone and everything is gray here, except my baby."

She held up a photoscan of the baby and, sure enough, in the middle of gray was a colorful fetus in a colorful sac.

"We can only conclude she is not really my baby but yours. She's trapped in this dimension by my womb and we're trapped in this existence by her. When she is where she's supposed to be, which is with you, we believe we will cease to exist. But there's only one way of liberating her and us, and that's by transporting her into you. The Doctor has everything ready and can do it now. We don't know for sure that it will work, because we don't know if our technology can have any effect in your world, but for you to be able to see us and hear us, the portal must be acting as the conduit we hoped it would. If it can transmit sound and light then we hope it can transmit a transporter beam. You must help us. You must help your daughter."

Kathryn's head was spinning with all this information but she tried to take it all in, tried to focus.

"I know all this is a lot to grasp," Gray Kathryn went on, "and I know your womb is pretty crowded already, but you must help us and help us now. If you don't, and we can't connect with you again, we'll be trapped in this hell forever. For weeks we've been trying to figure out a way to reach you, but the only place we can is here, at the point where the anomaly struck you. We've waited weeks for you to return to Voyager and you can't let us down now. Please. Please help us and your daughter."

"Ok," Kathryn found herself saying. "Let's do it."

Gray Kathryn smiled, infinite joy and relief in her eyes. "Thank you. I knew you'd come through for us.

The Doctor spoke now. "The transplant will take only a few seconds. There are risks involved, to you and to your existing babies, but they are minimal. The biggest risk is to the incoming fetus. For the transplant to be successful, the placenta must successfully attach. The best position will be determined automatically. Once the procedure is complete, you must see a doctor, which will no doubt be me, immediately."

Gray Kathryn questioned. "Do you understand all this and give us your consent to proceed?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered.

"Then let's get on with it," her counterpart replied. "Doctor..."

The Doctor fiddled with something that Kathryn couldn't see, then he spoke. "Transplant will initiate in 20 seconds."

"If we're right," Gray Kathryn said, "when it's done, we and this portal should disappear. So goodbye, Kathryn. And congratulations. You did it, you got us home."

A gray beam suddenly shot out of the portal and Kathryn gasped as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. The jolt made her drop the phaser, but the portal was already gone. There was nothing to see before her but a window looking out at a silver wall. For a while, Kathryn stared at where the portal had been, trying to absorb what had happened. It all felt surreal, like a dream, but it could not have been a dream as her abdomen was throbbing and her bump felt bigger. But was there really another baby inside her? A baby girl? Were her triplets now quadruplets? It seemed too good to be true! Still not quite believing it, she scanned herself with the tricorder. But it was true. There were now four lifesigns inside her. Joy, immense joy, filled Kathryn's heart, but she reigned it in. Until The Doctor confirmed it, until he said all was well, she would not accept it as fact. So, she turned off the tricorder and hit her commbadge.

"Janeway to The Doctor."

The Doctor immediately responded. "Doctor here."

"I need to see you right away."

"Is it a medical emergency?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll beam you right in. Where are you?"

"In my quarters on Voyager."

"Acknowledged. Standby for transport."

The connection terminated and Kathryn waited for the promised transport. It seemed a long time in coming, an eternity, but at last a blue beam engulfed her and she felt the familiar tingle of transportation.

* * *

When Kathryn rematerialized, she found herself in The Doctor's surgery at Starfleet Headquarters. It was spacious, sunny, and equipped with all the latest medical technology. In one corner of the room was The Doctor's desk, and in another, beneath a long window, was a white biobed. The Doctor was standing by it but left it when he saw her.

"Welcome, Admiral," he said. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I hope," she answered. "But I think I'm carrying an extra passenger and I need you to check things out."

"If by an extra passenger you mean another baby," The Doctor said, "that's impossible. There's no way there's a fourth baby. We're long passed the days of surprise hidden babies. You're having three and only three."

"If what I think just happened really happened then I'm not anymore."

"Why? What's happened? Was it something on Voyager?"

"Yes. It's a long story, but the short version is I encountered, or at least I think I encountered, shadows of ourselves from a shadow Voyager. My counterpart told me this Voyager was created when the anomaly struck us the last time. It should only have existed briefly, should only have been a temporary glitch in the space-time continuum, but for some reason it continued to exist. She said this reason was her pregnancy, that she was somehow pregnant with my baby. As long as my baby remained inside her, trapped inside their dimension, their existence would continue. So, their doctor, your counterpart, performed a fetal transplant through a portal and when it was done they all disappeared."

"Incredible," The Doctor exclaimed. "After seven years of the bizarre on Voyager, nothing should surprise me anymore, but I'll admit, I'm surprised."

"If it wasn't for my bigger bump and the pain in my abdomen, I would think I had hallucinated it all."

At the mention of pain, The Doctor's professionalism kicked in. "Let me take your coat, Admiral. Then I'll examine you."

He helped Kathryn take off her coat and scarf, and then helped her onto the biobed.

"What kind of pain are you feeling?"

"A throbbing."

"When did it start?"

"When the transplant took place."

Now that Kathryn was on the biobed, The Doctor picked up his tricorder. "Ok, let's see what's going on."

Quickly, but thoroughly, he scanned her.

"Exactly as you say," he declared. "There is an extra passenger. She...I mean it...arrived by fetal transport a few minutes ago."

Kathryn's heart leapt for joy, but again she subdued it. There were still a lot of questions.

"It's ok, Doctor, you can say she. I know it's a girl. But is she mine? Is she Chakotay's?"

"Yes. And not only is she yours and Chakotay's, but she's half identical to the triplets...same egg, different sperm. She's at exactly the same stage of development too."

Happy tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "Then it's true? I'm really having quadruplets?"

"So it seems. But you'd better hope there are no more shadow Voyagers with more pregnant yous or you could end up with sextuplets."

"Yes," Kathryn laughed. "But you know what? I don't think I'd mind."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Say that again when they're all crying in the middle of the night."

"Is she ok...the baby?"

"She's absolutely fine. The transplant was a complete success. The pain you're feeling is due to the sudden stretching of your womb and is treatable in seconds." He picked up a silver gadget and hovered it over her bump. "Has it gone?"

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "Thank you."

"You're most welcome."

"There's one more thing," Kathryn said. "Could you do a video scan? I need to see she has color."

The Doctor frowned. "Why wouldn't she have color?"

"Because everything on that Voyager was gray. She wasn't, which helped them figure things out, but I need to know she's fully with us, that she's fully real."

"Very well. I'll do the scan now."

The Doctor switched on a monitor close by, a monitor Kathryn could see from the biobed, and then he scanned her bump with a gold device. As he did, a colorful image of her womb appeared on the screen and Kathryn was absolutely delighted to see four colorful babies there.

"As you can see," The Doctor said, "they all have color."

"Which one is her?"

The Doctor pointed to a baby that was, on close study, a little bigger than the others. "This one."

Kathryn smiled as the baby moved playfully in her sac. "She's amazing. They're all amazing."

"They are."

"Will she look like the boys?"

"Yes and no," he answered.

"Can you be more specific?"

"I thought you didn't want specifics."

"I've changed my mind. I'd like to know what they will look like. Not a projection, but just basic things like the color eyes they'll have and the color hair. I'm guessing brown and black, or brown and brown, but with their genetic pool, who can tell?"

"Me," The Doctor teased. "And you're three quarters right. The boys will have brown eyes and black hair. As for our little lady, she'll have brown eyes and red hair."

"Really?" Kathryn smiled. "Red hair?"

"As red as rubies. Chakotay clearly has a redhead in the family."

"He does. One of his great grandmothers on his father's side was white with red hair. He told me once."

"Well then, there you go."

The scan's focus switched to another baby now and Kathryn watched this one with as much joy. "I can't wait for him to get back," she said. "He's missing so much. He might faint when I tell him I'm having quads, but he'll be thrilled too. And he'll be a wonderful father. The best."

"These babies certainly are lucky in their parentage," The Doctor said. "But four babies are a lot for any woman to carry. The strain on the body is considerable. At your age it is more. We'll need to increase the number of your routine checks and we'll have to reduce our goal delivery time by at least three weeks. For your sake, and for the babies, it may even become necessary to transfer one or two of them to an artificial womb."

"If we have to, we have to," Kathryn replied philosophically. "But I'm confident we'll all make it."

"So am I," The Doctor smiled. "You're doing really well and have a strong constitution. In fact, you're carrying better than many woman half your age."

"Must be all the exercise I got on Voyager," Kathryn joked.

"Well, it's certainly not all the coffee you've drunk."

Kathryn laughed. "No, definitely not the coffee. But you're mean, Doctor, mentioning the word. You make me want one. In fact, I must have one. Decaff, of course."

"I suppose that's my cue to get you one," he said.

"Yes...after you've saved this scan."

The Doctor sighed and pressed a button on the device. "Scan saved." He then switched off the monitor. "Now, what coffee do you want, Admiral? The usual or has pregnancy changed your taste?"

"Still black, no sugar. Always black, no sugar."

"Then one black coffee, no sugar, coming right up."

He turned in the direction of the replicator, which was by his desk, but as he did Kathryn made another request.

"Oh, could you add a slice of lemon? They're something pregnancy has definitely given me a taste for."

"A slice of lemon, certainly. Anything else?"

"A sandwich, I think. Ham salad. Oh, and could I have a slice of cake too? Golden sponge with cream and strawberry jam...no, make that raspberry jam."

"My surgery is hardly a cafe, Admiral," he declared. "But there's a superb one for medical officers and friends just down the corridor. Shall we go there? They have cream cakes galore."

"Sounds great," Kathryn smiled. "Let's go."

The Doctor helped her off the bed and then helped her put on her coat and scarf.

"How do I look?" she asked when they were done. "Has Ruby made me look pregnant?"

"Not quite," he smiled. "You cover up well. But you won't be able to for much longer. Your bump is going to bloom."

"I know. I'm just hoping Chakotay will be home in the next couple of weeks."

"Any more messages from him?"

"None. But you know what they say, no news is good news!"

"Let's hope so." He held out his arm to her. "Shall we go?"

Kathryn linked her arm with his. "Let's go."

The Doctor then escorted her to the door and they left the room.

END OF CHAPTER 28


	29. Chapter 29

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**Hearts Astray**

**Chapter 29**

A WEEK LATER

"When will we be able to tell everyone about the babies, Aunt Katie?" Amy asked as she brushed Fluffy on the balcony. "I so can't wait to tell everyone."

"As soon as Chakotay gets back," Kathryn answered, knitting a pink bootie on the couch. "Hopefully that won't be long now."

While Amy had not been told about Chakotay's message, she had been led to believe he would be home soon. B'Elanna was concerned about his continued silence, so was Tom, but Kathryn knew Chakotay would be playing it extra safe in Federation space because of The Atoners. Mission Mousetrap had been a complete success, so The Atoners were no longer a threat, but Chakotay would have no way of knowing that. He would be keeping to himself, cloaked, and would not let his guard down until he was close to Earth. Even then, if he was in a Cardassian ship, he would not uncloak. He would announce his arrival to Admiral Paris, park in a bay at Starfleet HQ, and then beam to this apartment in Florida.

"I was so sad that Fluffy wasn't having kittens," Amy went on, "because I wanted one real bad, but I'm so happy now that he isn't because I'm glad the lifesigns were your babies. Why didn't you think of that, Aunt Katie? Why didn't you think that you were having babies and not Fluffy?"

"Because the thought I was pregnant didn't cross my mind."

"I so can't wait for them to be born. I've never seen quad-ripples. There are twins in my class, Eva and Emmy, but no quad-ripples. Will they really all look the same?"

"The boys will. But they won't look exactly the same. There'll be small differences that will help us tell them apart. Most people won't be able to but we will."

"I know that, Aunt Katie. I can always tell Eva is not Emmy because her face is different. Not big different, or even small different, but different. Emmy's nose is longer and fatter and her eyes are closer together."

Amy accidentally tangled the brush in Fluffy's tail and the cat wailed.

"Becareful with Fluffy, honey," Kathryn said.

"I am being careful, Aunt Katie. I'm being real careful. The brush did it, not me. It got stuck in his fur."

The cat wailed again and Kathryn put down her needles. "You're making the tangle worse, honey. Bring him over here."

Amy did as she was told and Kathryn set about untangling the brush.

"Do you think Fluffy's glad he has big fur?" Amy asked.

"Right now," Kathryn said, "I'm sure he wishes he didn't."

"I'm glad he does. I think it's beautiful. I think his eyes are beautiful too. They're the greenest eyes I've ever seen. What color eyes will the babies have?"

"Brown."

"What color hair?"

"The boys will have black and their sister red."

"Red like mine?"

Kathryn smiled. "We'll have to wait and see."

"When they're born, will they be born with a tattoo like Chakotay was?"

"No, honey," Kathryn laughed. "Chakotay wasn't born with the tattoo. It was drawn on his face, kind of like how people draw patterns on their face with face paint."

"Will Chakotay draw the tattoo on the babies?"

"No. He'll let them decide if they want it when they're older."

The brush was out of Fluffy's fur now and he jumped off the couch and went to hide under a table.

"Why is he hiding, Aunt Katie? Is he scared of the brush now?"

"I think he just wants to be left alone for a while. So, you sit by me and tell me what you think of my bootie."

"I think it's lovely. You and Grandma are great knitters. Grandma makes me sweaters all the time. Will you knit booties for all the babies?"

"Yes. Lots of other things too. I want to make them hats, cardigans, sweaters, mittens, and a blanket each."

Amy frowned. "How can you make a blanket, Aunt Katie? The needles are too small."

"I'm going to knit squares and then sew them together." As she was going to be spending a lot of time sitting down over the next few months, she wanted a project.

"Have you made any of the squares yet?"

"Quite a few. I haven't knitted in a long time so I've been practising on the squares."

"Can I see them?"

But before Kathryn could answer, the door chime played.

"Who's there, Aunt Katie?" Amy asked.

"I don't know. Let's find out."

Kathryn got up, made her way into the lounge, and peeped into her security monitor. As she did, she saw that her visitor was Seven. By looking at her now, it was impossible to tell that only four years ago she was a drone. Gone were all her facial implants and her long silky blonde hair was loose over her shoulders.

"Who is it, Aunt Katie?" Amy cried. "Who is it?"

"It's Seven." Kathryn answered.

"Seven of Nine?"

"That's right."

"Yay!" Amy cheered. "Now I can meet her!"

Kathryn opened the door and Seven greeted her with a smile.

"Hello, Admiral."

"Hello to you," Kathryn smiled back. "But what are you doing here? You're supposed to be in space!"

"The region we intended to explore turned out to be less interesting than anticipated so we returned ahead of schedule. We will thus embark on a new expedition as soon as it can be arranged."

"I'm sorry your trip was cut short. But I'm glad you're here, come in."

As Seven stepped into the apartment, Amy ambushed her. "I'm so happy to meet you, Seven! I'm Amy Jackson, Aunt Katie's niece."

Seven smiled at the child. "How do you do, Amy?"

"Very well, thank you. I was sick last week, I hurt my leg playing in the garden, but I'm all better now."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"You don't look much like you do on tv," Amy declared. "Why is that?"

"Because I have had my facial implants removed and concealed. I look fully human now."

"What was it like being a borg? Was it horrible?"

"No. When a person is assimilated they forget who they were."

"Did it hurt when they assimilated you?"

"I can't remember. I was very young when it happened. Younger than you."

"Did you go to school in the borg?"

"No," Seven smiled. "When I was assimilated I learnt everything that I needed to know."

"That must be one good thing about being a borg then, no school, because I hate having homework. But I'd rather go to school than be a borg. I hope I'm never assimilated."

"With Kathryn Janeway as your aunt," Seven replied, "that is highly unlikely."

Kathryn put her hand on Amy's shoulder. "We forgot to give Fluffy the treats we replicated for him. Will you give them to him?"

Amy turned to her aunt. "Now, Aunt Katie?"

"Now. It's only fair. We promised him treats if he let you brush him."

"I suppose we did. But I really want to talk to Seven. I have so much to tell her!"

"You can talk to Seven afterwards."

Amy sighed. "Ok, Aunt Katie. I'll go give Fluffy the treats."

As Amy returned to the balcony, which was surrounded by an invisible child safety shield, Kathryn invited Seven to sit.

"Please, take a seat," she said, pointing at the couch.

Seven duly sat and Kathryn sat beside her.

"You must be thinking I'm a poor hostess in not offering you a drink," Kathryn went on, "but I'd like to talk to you before Amy gets back."

"Is it about Chakotay?"

"Yes. He's ok. I received a message from him a few weeks ago and he told me he's on his way home. Someone who owed him a favor helped him to escape from the Cardassians."

"That is wonderful news," Seven said sincerely. "I have been most concerned for his safety."

"I've only told a few people about the message, no one in Starfleet Command, so this has to stay between us."

"You have my word, Admiral."

"Please, call me Kathryn. We're not exactly in a command structure anymore and Admiral is so stuffy between friends."

Seven smiled. "Then Kathryn it is. And I suppose now is as good a time as any for me to ask you to call me Annika."

At this, tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "Annika? You're using your human name now?"

"Yes. I'm not the same woman I was on Voyager. Since the removal of my failsafe device I have fully recovered my humanity. My borg designation is no longer the name I want to go by. I want to be Annika again. I want Annika to live again."

"So do I. And she does. At last she does."

"Thanks to you. While the removal of my failsafe device has done much for me, it hasn't done as much as you. Without the opportunity you gave me to recover my individuality, and without your guidance, compassion and care while recovering it, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I'm indebted to you, above all others, and I want you to know that I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"There is no debt. It was a privilege to aid you in your journey. And it was not a one way ride. You helped us in our journey too. I'm very proud of everything you've achieved and I'm very proud of the woman you've become."

"Thank you."

Kathryn smiled and then got to her feet. "Now, drinks. What would you like?"

"An apple juice, please."

"Just what I fancy myself." She walked over to the replicator, manually replicated the drinks, and then returned to the seating area. Seven had her eyes on her bump but looked away when Kathryn caught her staring. "It's ok," Kathryn smiled. "You can look. And yes, I am pregnant."

"Congratulations," Seven said.

"If you're wondering who the father is, it's Chakotay. We've been a couple since our return and, well, after he left for Trebus I found out I was pregnant." This wasn't the whole truth, but it was as much of the truth as she wanted to share. Never would she tell anyone about the out of time experience on New Earth. That precious time was, and always would be, her's and Chakotay's secret. "If you're wondering why I'm so big for four months, then it's because I'm having quads."

Seven's eyes widened. "Quadruplets?"

"Yes. Unbelievable, isn't it? But I assure you it's true."

"Are they identical?"

"Not all of them, no. Three are identical, but one isn't. The Doctor says they happened naturally, that the egg split after ovulation, both halves were fertilized, and then one half split again into three. But between you and me, no way. I know it does happen sometimes, but as the odds are 1 in 700,000, I don't believe it. I was in a state of temporal adjustment when I conceived and that has to be responsible. But I'm not complaining. I'm delighted. I always wanted children and now I have them."

"Then I'm very happy for you. And I know you're going to be a wonderful mother, just like you were a wonderful mentor. Your babies are very lucky."

"Thank you. I know it won't be easy, having four babies all at once, but I'm more than up for the challenge and I know Chakotay will be too. And we won't be doing it alone. We'll get a nanny and my mother will help as much as she can."

"Will you raise them here in Florida?"

"No. I'd like to raise them in Bloomington. My mother still lives there, in the house I grew up in, and my sister lives nearby with her family. In fact, I'm going to view a house in Bloomington tomorrow afternoon. It's a bit run down, but is structurally sound and should be quite easy to restore. I haven't told my mother or sister, as I don't want to get their hopes up, but I'm confident it's the house for us. If you have nothing planned, you can come with me, if you like. I once promised you a tour of my hometown and I always keep my promises."

"You did," Seven replied. "And I'd love to come."

Kathryn smiled. "Then it's settled, you're coming."

* * *

The following morning, Seven arrived at Kathryn's apartment just after 9:00 hours and they transported together to Bloomington. Kathryn showed Seven around her hometown, pointing out all her old haunts, and then they went to view the house. It was called Manor House and it stood alone in an overgrown garden that was secluded from the world by tall trees. It was an old house, dating back at least 200 years, and was very gothic looking with four turrets and arched windows. Shabby paint work and broken glass panes gave the house an abandoned, almost spooky feel, but inside the vibe was warm and welcoming. A huge hallway with a grand staircase led to all the rooms in the house and there was also a lift. Downstairs there were two reception rooms, a kitchen, a dining room and a study, and upstairs there were four bedrooms, all ensuite and with their own spiral tower.

"It's strange," Kathryn said as they walked up the wooden staircase, "but I feel like I've been here before. I've had that feeling a lot lately. People and places that I've never seen before seem strangely familiar."

"Sounds like deja vu," Seven replied. "It is a common phenomenon caused by a processing glitch in the brain."

"Well, that's one theory. Another is that we're reliving, in some way, an event we've lived through in an out of time experience. And that's what it feels like. It feels like I'm reliving something. Not always, not continuously, but for a brief few moments now and then." She walked towards a rear bedroom. "I feel it now, feel drawn to this room."

Seven followed her inside and Kathryn slowed to a stop as she looked around. The empty room had flaking gray paint on all walls and in the turret was a faded blue windowseat. As Kathryn walked towards the window, a terrible feeling of dread overcame her, a horror she couldn't explain.

"What's wrong?" Seven asked.

"I don't know," Kathryn answered. "But I feel like...like something terrible happened here."

"Perhaps it did. Perhaps this house is haunted and you're tuning into its troubled past. Such paranormal phenomenon has been reported for centuries."

"I don't believe in hauntings," Kathryn said as the feeling of dread passed. "My imagination is working overtime. This house has a happy history, as far as I'm aware, and is abandoned only because of its age." She turned away from the window. "I can't explain my feelings, but maybe it's something to do with the anomaly. That night of the second strike I lived who knows how many lifetimes in my dreams. And that's how it feels, like I've been here before in a dream. Perhaps the only ghosts are those in my memory."

"Perhaps," Seven said.

"I like this house. I like this room. It has a sunny aspect and is just perfect for a nursery." She wandered over to a gray wall and brushed her fingers against the crumbling paint. "I can see a muriel here, something bright and childish, something like teddies having a picnic." She turned away from the wall. "I can see cots and toys and baby things everywhere." She went back to the window, sat down, and looked out at the overgrown garden. "And in my mind I can see the garden as it could be. I can see a luscious green lawn, flowers of every color, a stone path that leads to a bird feeder, and a beautifully decked patio area. The pond I can see as an enclosed kiddies sand pit and next to it I can see a swing and slide and other toys."

"Sounds like you've made up your mind," Seven said, "about this house."

"I think I have. I feel at home here, like I belong here. And I'm sure Chakotay will too. He likes houses that have history and character and this has plenty of both. There's a lot of work to do, granted, but a team of professionals should have it restored in no time. Then we can decorate it to our taste and truly make it a home."

"The only question remaining, then, is do you like it enough to secure it?"

"I do," Kathryn answered. "And I will. As soon as we're out of here. If I was the only interested party, then I'd wait for Chakotay to get back before making a final decision, but as another couple have shown interest, I have to snap it up. I'm sure Chakotay will agree that it's too good a house to miss. If not, if he doesn't like it, then we can put it back on the market."

Suddenly, she leant foward with a groan and put her hand to her bump.

"What's wrong?" Seven asked in concern.

"I felt something," Kathryn said. "Like a kick."

"I guess the babies are giving the house their approval."

"Yes," Kathryn smiled, tears of joy in her eyes. "I guess they are."

* * *

Two hours later, Manor House was officially Kathryn's. After parting from Seven, who had a meeting to attend in San Francisco, Kathryn returned to the house alone. For a long time she walked through the empty rooms, envisaging what they could look like, and ended up in the attic. It was a huge attic, spanning the whole of the house, and its maze of high sloping walls made it perfect for extra living space. At the moment there was only one skylight, a long one that let in the winter sun, but with some work and remodeling, Kathryn could see it as three rooms. One master ensuite bedroom for her and Chakotay when the children were old enough to want their own room, one smaller ensuite bedroom for guests, and one smaller room still as an observatory.

Then, unexpectedly, Kathryn heard a familiar voice.

"Well, Kathy," it said. "You got your crew home!"

Kathryn wheeled to face the voice. "Q!"

"The one and only! Well, not quite the one and only, but still the one and only!" He poked her bump. "But you're far from having the one and only!"

Kathryn smiled. "No keeping secrets from you."

"From me? Impossible. But oh what fun awaits you! A belly like a balloon, kickboxing against your ribs, burp, burp, burp, and ooh, aaah, ouch! And then, when Miss Ruby and the boys are born, it's peepies, poopies, and wah! wah! wah! wah! No sleep then for you and tattoo man!"

At these last words, Kathryn stepped forward. "So he makes it? He makes it home?"

Q did a strange dance. "Doodlle-di-dum-da! Hug a hint, Kathy, chew a clue!"

Suddenly, a voice called to her from behind, her own voice, and Kathryn turned around to see a blue orb in mid-air. As she did, a startling thought occurred to her, and she span back to Q.

"You," she said. "The anomaly was you."

"Me?" he exclaimed. "Do you really think I'd conjure up a cosmic santa claus? Please, you give me too much credit!"

"If not you, then can you tell me about it? We owe it everything and yet know nothing about it."

"Of course I can tell you about it. A fountain of information am I!

"Then what was it?"

"Ever heard the saying 'wish upon a star'? Well, now you know where it comes from! The anomaly is what some spacefaring races call "The Wisher". They are very rare, only ten in the entire universe, but they are benevolent beings who enjoy making dreams come true. They can manipulate time and space and are highly intelligent. As they move through space they seek out wishes to fulfill and when they find worthy ones they do their best to fulfill them. What wish could be more worthy of fulfilling than a good crew's wish to get home? And, for reasons I can't even begin to imagine, this Wisher took an especial liking to you. It tried to fulfill all your wishes. How do you think you ended up with four buns in the oven?"

"It deliberately created them?"

"Not exactly. But fess up, Kathy, you wished for children with Chuckles. A black haired boy and a redhaired girl. Wham bam! The Wisher gets to work! Only things didn't quite go to plan, they never do with The Wishers, so instead of a he and a she, wham bam!, Jamesie is tripled and Ruby is gone! Poor little Wisher, what will it do now? How will it get Ruby back from a Voyager that shouldn't exist? But fear not, little Wisher, Captain Janeway's on the case! Wham bam! A portal is created and all is well!"

"I knew it," Kathryn smiled. "I knew they didn't happen naturally. But I'm glad things went wrong. I wouldn't be without any of them now. I just wish I could thank the Wisher!"

"Then thank it," Q said. "I'll make sure it gets the message!"

Kathryn looked around, not sure what to do. "I just speak?" she asked.

"Yes. Just say what you want to say."

"I want to say thank you," Kathryn began. "Thank you for getting us home; thank you for not giving up on us when we couldn't understand what you were trying to say; thank you for saving my life and the lives of everyone on that starbase by sending us to the past; thank you for trying to make all my dreams come true; and thank you for my babies."

"It heard you," Q said. "And says 'You're welcome'".

Kathryn smiled, eyes moist. "What a remarkable being. So kind, and compassionate, and humble. You should take a leaf out of its book."

"Me? I'd throw the book away! Only kidding, Kathy. I'm not such a mischief maker that I don't help people from time to time." He clicked his fingers. "See? I've helped you!"

Gone was the shabby, empty, attic . Instead, Kathryn was standing in a beautiful sunny room! It had cream walls, two long roof windows, an elegant oak floor, and a gold sliding door.

"Oh, Q," Kathryn exclaimed. "It's fabulous."

"You'll find the rest of the house is the same. Now all you have to do is furnish! How generous am I?"

"If you do the garden too," Kathryn smiled, "I just might be inclined to call you kind."

Q clicked his fingers. "Garden done!"

He clicked his fingers again and Kathryn found herself standing in a gorgeous garden that was everything she had imagined from the lawn to the kiddies sandpit.

"Definitely kind," she smiled. "Thank you, Q."

"All in the click of a Q! Now, I must dash. Junior's in a pickle! Toodle di toodle!"

He vanished with a click, leaving Kathryn alone in the garden. She looked around in delight and then up at the house. To her amazement, it was completely renovated! The walls and turrets were a gleaming white, the doors and windows were a sparkling gold, and the roof was red tiles. It didn't look like the same house! But yet, at the same time, it looked exactly as she'd imagined it.

Then, suddenly, Q reappeared. "I almost forgot!"

He clicked his fingers and instantly Kathryn found herself alone in the main reception room. It was breathtakingly elegant with sky blue walls, a glittering chandelier, gold cushioned window seats beneath lavish bay windows, a magnificent marble fireplace that had a fake fire burning in a gold hearth, and a luxurious gold carpet. As Kathryn looked around the room in awe, she saw a grand white table in the corner. It was adorned with all kinds of foods and around it, in neat intervals, were ten white chairs with gold cushions. Q had clearly made this feast so she could celebrate her acquisition with her family! And indeed, Kathryn wasted no time in fetching them. She beamed to her mother's house, called over Phoebe and Amy, and then beamed them all to Manor House. They materialized in the garden and all looked around in amazement.

"Oh, what a house!" Amy cried. "It's like a fairy castle! Who's is it?"

"Mine," Kathryn smiled.

Gretchen span towards her daughter. "Yours?"

"As of this afternoon."

Phoebe spoke now. "It's incredible. I'm jealous!"

"Where are we?" Gretchen asked. "Florida?"

"Given that it's freezing out here," Kathryn smiled, "I don't think so. We haven't gone very far. We're still in Bloomington."

Joy filled Gretchen's eyes. "Bloomington? This house is in Bloomington?"

"Yes. About five minutes walk from you and ten from Phoebe."

Gretchen hugged her daughter. "Oh Kathryn, I'm so happy!"

"So am I," Amy cried. "But I didn't know there were houses like this in Bloomington, Mommy."

"Neither did I," Phoebe answered. "Are you sure it's Bloomington, Indiana, Kath?"

"Of course I'm sure," Kathryn laughed. "And you're right. Until now there wasn't a house like this in Bloomington. There was only a dilapidated one called Manor House."

Phoebe's eyes widened in surprise. "That old dump that has been abandoned forever?"

"Hardly a dump, Phoebe. But yes, that one."

"Amazing! But how did you get it to look so good so fast? I came by it the other day and it was a sight for sore eyes!"

Kathryn smiled. "Let's just say I had a little help from an old friend called Q."

"Q?" Amy exclaimed. "He was here?"

"Yes. And he's prepared a buffet for us inside. Shall we go in?"

"Oh yes, let's," Gretchen declared. "I can't wait to see inside! If the outside is this wonderful the inside must be heavenly!"

Kathryn smiled. "Then follow me and I'll give you all a tour."

Amy clapped excitedly and then they all made their way down a stone path to the house.

END OF CHAPTER 29


	30. Chapter 30

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**CHAPTER 30**

2 WEEKS LATER

In the nursery at Manor House, which was now fully restored like the rest of the rooms, Kathryn worked on a fabulous mural that she'd asked her sister to sketch on the wall. This mural covered the entire wall and was of teddy bears having a picnic. There were four teddies in all, three boys and one girl, and they were all sitting on a blanket in the middle of a woods. Phoebe was working with Kathryn and they were each painting a section of the sketch. Phoebe was up a ladder painting the sky, while Kathryn was sitting on a chair painting the grass. Unlike her sister, who was wearing a pink overall, Kathryn was more casually dressed in blue dungarees over a white top.

"I'd forgotten how much fun decorating is," Kathryn said as she dipped her thin brush into a pot of green paint. "I really enjoyed painting the kitchen with B'Elanna and I'm really enjoying this now. I think I'll do our bedroom too. The beige is nice, but it's not really Chakotay's color. He likes bright and cheerful. So, I'm thinking mint or lemon. What do you think?"

"I'm thinking is this really my sister?" Phoebe laughed. "The Kathryn Janeway I knew wouldn't use the words fun and painting in the same sentence."

"I suppose seven years of the extraordinary has given me an appreciation for the ordinary," Kathryn answered. "I find myself taking pleasure in all kinds of things that I found a chore before...like shutting window-blinds or opening an umbrella. I'll never again take nightfall or rain for granted."

Suddenly, the door chime played. Phoebe put down her brush and made her way down the ladder. "I'll get it, sis."

"Thanks. It's probably only Mom. She said she'd be by later to inspect our work."

"She sure did! While I'm downstairs, anything I can get you?"

"A pineapple juice would be good. Thanks."

Phoebe went on her way and Kathryn got up from her seat so her mother could see the mural in full. There was still a lot of work to do on it, and most of it needed a professional hand like Phoebe's, but what Kathryn could do she would. As she waited for her mother to arrive, Kathryn studied Phoebe's newly painted sky and then fixed her attention on the teddies. The plan was to paint each teddy a different color. The boys were to be blue, green and yellow, and the girl was to be red. Phoebe had taken a lot of time over the sketch and had gone into painstaking detail. All kinds of foods adorned the picnic blanket, from apples and oranges to sandwiches and cakes, and the picnic basket, which was half covered with a checkered cloth, was just marvelous.

Footsteps echoed on the stairs now and Kathryn turned towards the door to greet her mother.

"Hi, Mom," she said. "How did..."

But it was not her mother who entered the room. It was Chakotay. Weeks of hell had taken their toll and his hair was disheveled, graying, and dark shadows circled his eyes. But as he slowed to a stop in the doorway, all Kathryn saw was the man she loved. He smiled as their eyes met and then, before Kathryn knew it, they were hugging each other and laughing and crying all at once. For a long time they held each other, their joy too deep for words, then Kathryn drew away and spoke.

"Welcome back."

"Thank you," Chakotay smiled. "But if that isn't a cushion under your clothes, am I in the right reality?"

"You are," Kathryn laughed. "And it isn't."

"Then you're pregnant?"

She nodded. "New Earth."

Chakotay drew her close and hugged her joyfully. "Oh Kathryn."

"It's hard to believe, I know, but not half as hard as it is to believe how much company we're expecting."

Chakotay drew away. "Twins?"

"Try quadruplets."

He stared at her incredulously. "Quadruplets?"

"Yes. Three little yous and a mini me."

Chakotay exhaled. "Now I know I'm in the wrong reality."

"Not unless I am too."

"How did it happen? How four?"

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "The Doctor will insist it was natural, despite the astronomical odds, but Q tells me, and I believe him, that the anomaly is responsible. It's a long story."

Chakotay said nothing, just tried to take everything in.

"What are you thinking?" Kathryn asked.

"That we're going to be changing a lot of diapers."

"Yes," Kathryn laughed. "Nose clips, please." She then fell serious. "But how do you feel about it?"

"Changing diapers or nose clips?" he teased.

"The babies."

Chakotay took her hands in his. "I think it's wonderful."

Happy tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "Really?"

"Of course. I love you and would gladly have a dozen babies with you."

Kathryn smiled. "Don't say that too loudly or The Wishers might hear."

"The Wishers?"

"Another long story, related to the first."

"I see. And here was me thinking all the drama had been my end for the last few weeks." He paused. "But how I feel about it isn't as important as how you feel about it."

"I'm over the moon. I know a lot of women would be terrified at the thought of four babies but I can't wait. I thought the chance for me had passed, that I'd never be a mother, so to be having children now is a dream come true. I'm grateful for each and every one of them."

"Me too."

For the first time now, Kathryn noticed how tired Chakotay looked, how drawn. He had clearly been though hell and that thought sobered her.

"But enough about me," she said. "How are you?"

"Right now, I'm fantastic."

"What happened? How were you captured?"

"The Atoners attacked me from their ship, crippled mine, and then tractored me onboard. I gave them good battle but I simply couldn't compete against their ship."

Tears filled Kathryn's eyes as she asked the question she wasn't sure she wanted answered. "Did they hurt you?"

"The Atoners, no. They handed me over to the Cardassians pretty quickly. As to the Cardassians...well, nothing that couldn't be fixed."

A tear ran down Kathryn's cheek. "What did they do to you?"

"You don't need details. I survived, I'm back, that's all that matters."

In other words, he didn't want to talk about it, at least not now. So, instead of questioning further, Kathryn squeezed his hand. "I've missed you."

Chakotay squeezed back. "I've missed you too. Like crazy."

"How was your sister?"

"Good. As soon as we saw each other it was like we'd never quarreled. We were just so glad to see each other."

"It must have been difficult...being back there."

"Yes. I underestimated how difficult."

Kathryn tenderly brushed her fingers against his cheek. "I've been so worried, so afraid for you. Your message it meant...it meant everything."

"I'm glad you got it. I wasn't sure. I wanted to send you another one, just to let you know I was in Federation space, but I dared not risk it. I didn't know The Atoners had been caught. I didn't know until Admiral Vale told me just now."

"I suspected as much. After I got your message, I didn't worry as much. I knew you'd be playing things safe."

"Yes. If we'd have been told about The Atoners, then I would have been more careful in the first place. But as I didn't know, my guard was down and I was taken by surprise." He paused. "But I'm not sorry I was captured. My capture helped The Atoners be captured and for that I'm grateful. The only thing I am sorry about is the burden you've had to bear. You shouldn't have had to announce our marriage and your pregnancy alone."

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "I kind of haven't. Only close friends and family know about the babies, and only my mother knows we're married. It hasn't been easy hiding my bump but, between baggy clothes and being a hermit, I've managed. I didn't want strangers to know about our babies before you." She paused. "But I'm surprised The Doctor didn't let the cat out of the bag. He's hardly the soul of discretion."

"He certainly isn't, but he was in a meeting so Doctor Melvin examined me. I didn't see Admiral Paris either as he has the day off. I spoke with Admiral Cox and he passed me on to Admiral Vale. She told me all about Mission Mousetrap and gave me this address for you." He smiled. "Hardly an apartment overlooking the Gulf of Mexico."

Kathryn laughed. "Juniors one, two, three and four, kind of put paid to that idea. But we do have an apartment on the Emerald Coast. In fact, I'm still living in it, and I thought we could keep it as a vacation home. It's right on the beach, central to everything, and has glorious sea views. You'll love it."

"I'm sure I will."

"You'll love this house too, Chakotay. It's everything we could ask for and more. It has six bedrooms, two living rooms, a kitchen, dining room, study, and even our own observatory."

"Quite a palace," Chakotay smiled.

"Yes. But you wouldn't have said that if you'd seen it two weeks ago. It was dilapidated."

"Really?"

"Totally. It had holes in the roof, broken windows, shabby paintwork, an overgrown garden, you name it! In fact, you can see the brochure. But then dear old Q paid a visit, did some razzamatazz, and the house was like new."

"Not like Q to be so generous. What did he want in exchange?" His eyes twinkled and he put his hand to her bump. "Are you sure those aren't little Qs in there?"

"I'm sure," she laughed. "They're definitely little us." She then put her hand to his cheek. "Come on, let's have a drink with Phoebe and then I'll give you a tour."

"Sounds good. But if Q did the decor, should I wear sunglasses?"

"For the dining room, definitely. It has the most hideous carpet I've ever seen and the walls are blue swirls on shocking pink. And don't get me started on the kitchen. It was so bad it gave me a headache. Picture red zigzags on green spots and you get the idea. But it's a lovely shade of coffee now. B'Elanna helped me paint it." She turned to the mural. "Phoebe's been busy on this masterpiece behind me. Quite something, isn't it?"

"It certainly is," he said, studying it.

"The idea was mine. It came to me as soon as I stepped in here. Well, maybe not instantly but almost so. I could just see it there, somehow. Four teddies having a picnic. I told Phoebe what I wanted and she drew it exactly as I imagined it. Uncanny, really."

"I can't wait to see it finished."

"Neither can I. I'm doing what I can to help, but I'm afraid that's not much. I'm kind of limited to background monotone. But it should be awesome when it's finished. The teddies are all going to be a different color and the blanket's going to be covered in little rainbows. The teddies represent our babies, of course. One for each of them. Because, if you couldn't guess, this room's going to be the nursery." She turned to Chakotay. "That is if you like this house. Don't be afraid to say you don't. There are plenty more houses. We can find one we both love."

"I do," he said. "I love it...just not as much as I love you."

Kathryn smiled. "Ditto to that."

They kissed softly, hugged, and then left the room.

* * *

Not wanting to intrude on Kathryn and Chakotay's personal time, Phoebe packed away her things and left as soon as they'd all had a drink. As evening was fast approaching, Kathryn showed Chakotay around the garden first, then around the house. All the rooms were still empty, as Kathryn hadn't wanted to pick out furniture alone, but already the house was looking like a home. Chakotay was most impressed with everything, especially the age and character of the house, and was as amused as Kathryn had been by the ugly decor in the dining room. The last stop of the tour was the main bedroom in the attic. This was a large room of quirky scarlet walls that, thanks to Q, had two arched windows looking out over the garden and beyond. Both windows had bright green windowseats and sleeping on one was Fluffy. He was curled up in a little ball and was sleeping so soundly that he didn't hear them come in.

"This is it," Kathryn said, "our future bedroom. What do you think?"

"Nice room," Chakotay smiled, "awful color."

"Yes," Kathryn laughed. "But after the kitchen, believe me it's tame. And, talking of kitchens, come in here."

She walked through an open doorway into what Chakotay expected to be an ensuite bathroom, but instead he found himself in a little kitchen. It had red, orange and white tiles on the walls, a stove of fluorescent green, a pink worktop, several purple cupboards, a blue sink, a turquoise replicator, and a bright yellow floor.

"Wow," Chakotay smiled. "I don't know what to gawp at more...the decor or the fact that I'm looking at a kitchen."

"Gawp at both, I did. But it's obviously a joke. Q knows I hate cooking so is teasing me with kitchens. Trust him for that!"

"Indeed," Chakotay agreed.

"But, unless you object, it can stay for the moment. It might come in useful if we're up here stargazing. It's not like we'll be sleeping up here any time soon. Not until the kids are four or five at least."

Chakotay smiled and his eyes twinkled with amusement.

"What's so funny?" Kathryn asked.

"The idea of us with kids," he said. "I still can't believe it."

"Neither can I, even though I look like I've swallowed a football."

Fluffy suddenly came into the room with a meow and Chakotay turned around. "A real cat? I thought he was a toy."

"No toy," she smiled. "Definitely real."

"Did he come with the house?"

"No," Kathryn said as Fluffy leapt into her arms. "He came with me."

"Really? You got a cat? I truly must be in the wrong reality."

"Well, I didn't get him exactly. He was given to me by Reg Barclay. I didn't like to tell him I'm more of a dog woman."

"I guess not," Chakotay smiled.

"And he's a real cute little fella," Kathryn said, tickling the cat's ear. "Friendly too."

"What's his name?"

"Fluffy. Poor thing hasn't had an easy start in life. His first owners abandoned him and his second owner died. Reg took him in and was going to give him to an old lady in his block, but when I called at his apartment looking for The Doctor, he gave him to me as a homewarming gift. How could I refuse?"

"Quadruplets," Chakotay said, "a cat, a manor house...any more surprises?"

"Just a big husky dog called Jake."

"Really?"

"No," Kathryn laughed. "I'm only kidding."

She walked back into the bedroom and Chakotay followed her. Holding Fluffy still, she made her way over to a window and looked out. Beyond the garden were houses in fields, and beyond the houses were woods. As Chakotay joined her at the window, Kathryn pointed to one of the houses.

"That white house over there, the one right before the woods, it's the house I grew up in. Strange, isn't it? From my bedroom window I must have seen this house peaking through trees a million times, but I never noticed it. Now it's where I hope to spend the rest of my life."

"Me too," Chakotay said. "And we will. Our time is now, Kathryn. Now and forever."

Kathryn turned to him and gazed deep into his eyes. "Yes," she said. "I finally feel that it is."

* * *

After showing Chakotay all there was to see at the house, Kathryn changed out of her dungarees into a green dress, and then had them beamed to their apartment in Florida. They materialized on the balcony, just as she planned, and spent a few moments admiring the view before venturing inside. When they did, Chakotay stepped back in surprise when a room full of people cried "Welcome home, Chakotay!"

Chakotay turned to Kathryn. "Kathryn Janeway, you sneaky devil."

"Not me," Kathryn laughed. "B'Elanna."

"That's right, big guy," B'Elanna said, stepping forward and hugging him. "Phoebe told me and I told everyone."

"Welcome back, friend," Tom said, taking his hand and shaking it. "I'm glad to see you still have a life I can call my own."

Amy, who was in the crowd waving a banner, rushed forward. "Hello, Chakotay! Hello, hello! I'm Amy Jackson and I'm so glad you're home!"

"Thank you, Amy," Chakotay smiled.

Tom turned to the crowd now, which included Kathryn's mother, sister, and many familiar faces from Voyager, and addressed them. "As you all can see," he said, "our former Captain has passengers of a different kind onboard. The father is, of course, our very own First Officer, and I'm sure we'd all like to offer our congratulations. So, on behalf of us all, congratulations to you both! May your darlings give you the sleepless nights our darling's given us!"

"Thanks, I think," Kathryn smiled as the crowd cheered. "Thanks to you all. I do indeed have passengers onboard but you might not believe how many. If you're thinking twins, then double it."

"Quadruplets?" Samantha exclaimed. "You're having quads?"

"We are," Kathryn smiled.

"Wow," Harry said. "That's one more than you told me. Where did the other one come from, Admiral?"

"It's a long story," Kathryn replied. "But I'll happily tell you it later."

"What are you having?" Samantha asked. "Or is it a secret?"

Amy cried out. "I know!"

"Go on then," Kathryn said. "Tell everyone."

"Three boys and one girl," Amy said proudly.

A couple of young ensigns whistled and a few cheered.

"But my pregnancy is not the only news we have to tell you all," Kathryn declared. "Chakotay and I are married."

Rapturous applause filled the room now.

"What was it, Admiral," Tom teased, "a shotgun wedding?"

Kathryn poked his stomach. "Nothing of the sort, Mr Paris. We've been married for years. Where do you think our babies have come from? They're all the babies I conceived, but could not carry, on Voyager."

Tom stared at her open mouthed and B'Elanna laughed loudly. "Oh Tom, she's only kidding. But see your face!"

"That's right," Kathryn smiled, "I'm only joking. But I got you going!"

"If not today," Tom said, "then when did you marry? By proxy?"

"Right before Chakotay left for Trebus. We just didn't want to go public until he got back."

The Doctor suddenly materialized before them and his face lit up when he saw Chakotay. "Commander!" he cried. "You're really back!" He stepped forward, scooped Chakotay into a firm embrace, and then studied him. "You seem to be all in one piece. A little rough around the edges, but nothing that a good haircut won't fix!"

Amy addressed Kathryn. "Aunt Katie, if you and Chakotay are married, where are your rings?"

"Good question," Tom said, "where are they, Admiral? Or did you get tattoos?"

"No," Kathryn smiled. "We have rings."

"Then put them on," B'Elanna urged, "show them off!"

"Oh yes," Amy cried. "Put them on, put them on!"

"We will," Kathryn smiled, "later."

"Do it now," Tom declared. "Seeing as you didn't invite us to your wedding, let us invite ourselves to your blessing." He turned to the crowd. "Tori, you're a Native American, come and perform us an Indian blessing."

Kathryn tried to protest. "Oh Tom, there's..."

"Every need, Admiral." He turned back to the crowd. "We all want a blessing, don't we?"

The guests gave an unanimous yes.

"Ok then," Kathryn smiled. "We'll have a blessing."

"Then go get the rings," Tom commanded, "and Tori will get what she needs."

As Kathryn went to fetch the rings, Tori, a tall girl with long black hair, came out of the crowd. "I really don't think I'm the best person to do it," she said. "I wouldn't know where to begin."

Tom turned to Chakotay. "Then Chakotay, fill her in. I know you're not from the same tribe, but how different can a custom be?"

Harry laughed. "I think you're displaying your ignorance, Tom."

Chakotay spoke. "If you all want a ceremony, then I can say a prayer that my people say at weddings. It isn't a blessing as such, but it asks our God to bless us."

Tom smiled. "Close enough for me!"

Kathryn returned with the rings, which were still in their box, and Amy jumped up and down excitedly. "Oh let me see, let me see!"

Kathryn opened the box and the two gold rings inside sparkled in the light.

"Oh awesome," Amy smiled. "Awesome!"

"Ok, Admiral," Tom declared. "Let's begin. Amy, you hold the rings. Admiral, get beside your husband."

Kathryn gave Amy the box and then stood beside Chakotay. "Seeing as you're boss, Tom," she said, "what now?"

"You and Chakotay will exchange rings and then Chakotay will say a prayer. But first, let me say a few words."

Harry teased. "Only a few, Tom?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that!" He turned to the crowd. "Ladies, gentlemen, and children, it is customary to welcome guests to a wedding blessing, so let me welcome you all. It is with great joy that I present unto you our bride and groom, Admiral Kathryn Janeway and Commander Chakotay. But it is not as an admiral and commander that they are with us today, but as our friends and our family. Seven, almost eight years ago now, most of us in this room were strangers to each other. But in the most difficult, yet most wonderful, of circumstances we came to know, care for, and even love each other. Like B'Elanna and myself, and many others on Voyager, our Captain and First Officer fell in love. So, now that we've welcomed Chakotay home, let's make this party a celebration of their love. Our newly weds will now put on their rings and then Chakotay will say a special prayer."

He then stepped aside and all attention fixed on Kathryn and Chakotay. Amy held up the box, her face glowing with pride, and Chakotay picked up Kathryn's ring. As he did, Kathryn held out her hand and he gently slipped the ring onto her finger.

"I gave you this ring as a token of our marriage," he said, "and today I give it to you again as a reminder of the promises I made to you."

Kathryn smiled, her eyes moist, and then she picked up Chakotay's ring and put it on his finger.

"I too gave you this ring as a symbol of our marriage, and I too give it to you today as a reminder of our vows."

Chakotay then clasped her hand in his and closed his eyes.

"O Great Spirit, maker of the sun that warms us and giver of the rain that cools us, bless us as we make our two lives one. Let our love shine on each other as your love shines on the world. Make our love as constant as stars, as firm as stones, as soft as snow, and as strong as a tree in a storm. When winds shake us, help us to hold each other up. When darkness surrounds us, help us be each others light. Bless us with many days upon this earth, and in our winter years may our love be as fresh as spring and as warm as summer."

Chakotay then opened his eyes and the crowd cheered. A few young officers cried "kiss, kiss, kiss!" until the whole room was demanding it.

Laughing, Kathryn and Chakotay wrapped their arms around each other and then, to thunderous applause, kissed softly.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY


	31. Chapter 31

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**CHAPTER 31**

When the party was over, and everyone had gone home, Kathryn and Chakotay got ready for bed. Kathryn took an uncharacteristic shower, as she was too tired for a bath, and then put Fluffy to bed. While she waited for Chakotay to finish showering, she got out her collection of photostills of the babies for him to see. These were in a silver album and there was one for every week of her pregnancy since she'd found out she was expecting. Before getting into bed, she also got out her bag of baby knits. Carefully, she placed bag and book on the bed, and then climbed in. After making herself comfortable, she picked up the album and looked through it. The pictures were remarkable, so colorful and clear, and it was fascinating to see just how much the babies had grown and changed in three months.

At last, Chakotay emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a black robe.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," Kathryn replied. "Good shower?"

"Great. The supersonic shower really is super."

He took off his robe, revealing only black boxers beneath, and his muscular body took Kathryn's breath away. When he caught her gazing, she blushed and looked away.

"It's ok," he smiled. "You can look. We are married."

"I know," Kathryn laughed. "But I feel like a virgin at a nuptial. I know I don't look it, and it isn't as if we haven't been intimate, hence how I don't look it, but all this is so new and strange for us. For so long we've had to deny our feelings that doing so has kind of become a habit."

"I know what you mean," he said, getting in beside her. "I can hardly believe I'm finally allowed to touch and kiss you. For so long, both were just a dream."

Kathryn gazed deep into his eyes. "For me too."

Slowly, gently, Chakotay lowered his lips to hers and kissed her. Kathryn deepened the kiss and they kissed tenderly, kissed long.

"I love you," Kathryn said as they parted.

Chakotay smiled. "I love you too." He put his hand on her bump. "All of you." He then looked at the album. "Are those the pictures?"

"They certainly are!" She turned the pages back to the beginning and showed him the first one. "This is the very first picture taken a few days after I found out I was pregnant. Incredible, isn't it? It was so amazing to see them on the screen. They were moving and playing and, as The Doctor zoomed in on them, I could seem them close up. You can too as he's saved the scans. We can watch them in the lounge tomorrow. She turned to the next picture. "This is them a week later. As you can see, they haven't changed much."

They gazed at the picture for a while, and then moved on to the rest. Chakotay was amazed by each one and his amazement grew as the babies grew.

"This one," Kathryn said as they neared the end of the collection, "is the first one with Ruby."

Chakotay's eyes twinkled. "Ruby?"

"Our little lady. The Doctor said her hair will be as red as rubies and she's kind of been Ruby ever since."

"Then that's what we should call her."

"Agreed."

"Any names for the boys?"

"Kind of. I was thinking we could name one boy each and then one together. For my one I'd like James Edward. The Edward is obviously after my father."

"James Edward," Chakotay said. "I like it."

"Then James Edward it is. What about you? What names do you like?"

"For first names, I like Korby or Zak. For second names, Kolopak and Orkatay after my father and brother."

"Korby and Zak," Kathryn pondered. "I like them. In fact, I love them. Let's have both."

"No other names you'd rather?"

"More names just means more choices. The less options, the better. We don't want to be like The Doctor and take forever to decide."

"No," Chakotay laughed.

"And the names compliment each other so well."

"James, Korby, Zak and Ruby," Chakotay mused. "I guess they do."

"Then are we agreed?"

"We are. Now all we have to decide is second names."

"What do you think? Korby Kolopak and Zak Orkatay, or Korby Orkatay and Zak Kolopak?"

"Korby Orkatay and Zak Kolopak. You?"

"The same. Zak Kolopak has such a ring to it. In fact, you could say it's poetic."

"Yes."

"Which leaves us only with Ruby. How about we break the rule and give her three?"

"Both our mother's names?"

Kathryn nodded. "Ruby Gretchen Enola."

Chakotay smiled. "Perfect."

Kathryn smiled back and they kissed softly.

"The last two pictures are virtually the same," Kathryn said as they parted. "So, while you look at them, I'll get out the knits. There's not much yet, as I've been busy with the house, but I hope to make a whole drawer full by the time our juniors come." She pulled up the bag, opened it, and carefully pulled out four pairs of booties. One pair was blue, one was pink, one was yellow, and one was green. "These are the booties I've made. One pair each for the babies." She lay the booties on the bed and then pulled out four hats in the same colors. "And these are the hats."

Chakotay picked up the blue booties. They were so small that they fitted in the palm of his hand. "They're amazing," he said. "Tiny."

"Well," Kathryn smiled, "their feet are going to be tiny. The blue, green and yellow are for the boys, and the pink is for Ruby. I know redheads don't wear pink, but the rule doesn't apply to babies. At first I was going to make all the boys' booties blue, but as they're identical, I thought it would be better for us to color code them. For example, if we dress James in blue, Korby in yellow and Zak in green, everyone will know who is who."

"Great idea," Chakotay smiled. "Very scientific."

"Well, you know what they say. Once a scientist, always a scientist."

Chakotay watched as Kathryn carefully put the knits back into the bag and it warmed his heart to see how happy she was, how relaxed. For too long Kathryn had been suffocated by the captain and it was wonderful now to finally see her breathe.

"Hard to believe all this is us, though, isn't it?" Kathryn said. "I mean, booties and baby pics are as far from warp cores and impulse engines as you can get."

"Yes," he smiled. "But there's a time and place for everything."

"And you really are happy about the babies? We never discussed having one, let alone four."

"I'm delighted, Kathryn. Truly. Besides, when you're one of nine siblings, four really isn't that many."

"I guess not," Kathryn laughed. "Strange though, isn't it? I mean, our situation. We're married, but this is our first proper night together. I'm pregnant, but you haven't been intimate with me for over five years. Do you think our lives can get any crazier?"

Chakotay gently brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face. "Right now, I think our lives are pretty wonderful."

"Yes," Kathryn said, gazing into his eyes. "Right now, they are."

Gently, she raised her lips to his and they kissed softly.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY ONE


	32. Chapter 32

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**CHAPTER 32**

THREE MONTHS LATER

In a sunny bedroom of mint and gold, Kathryn sat up in bed sewing together the last of her baby blankets. Her bump was now so big that getting around was difficult, so she had more or less been confined to bed for the last three weeks. The boredom of bed rest was driving her crazy, but, for the sake of the babies, she was trying to endure things patiently. There were only a few days to go now as The Doctor intended to deliver the quads by fetal transport on Friday. As The Doctor had banned her from doing any work, to keep her mind occupied she had worked flat out on her knitting project. Consequently, she now had three beautiful baby blankets and eight sets of clothes.

Suddenly, a blue light flashed in the corner of her eye and Kathryn looked up to see The Doctor materialize.

"Good morning, Admiral," he said. "How are you today?"

"Uncomplaining, Doctor. Uncomplaining."

"Any more cramps?"

"Constantly. Not to mention backache and sciatica. But, as I said, I'm uncomplaining."

"I'm glad to hear it. Endurance is the name of this game." He took out his tricorder and scanned her. "Hmmm. Not good. Not bad. But not good."

"What is it?" Kathryn asked anxiously. "What's wrong?"

"Ruby's placenta is bruised. This may not be a problem, as the bruising is miniscule, but on the other hand it may be a sign that the placenta will start to detach. This means we have two choices. Either we admit you to hospital so you can be monitored closely, or we admit you to Bloomington Birthing Center to deliver the babies."

"Which do you think is best?"

"Delivering the babies. We have already reached our target of 31 weeks and they are all, at this minute, healthy and thriving. If we delay delivery, a complication may occur which will endanger your life and theirs."

The bedroom door opened and Chakotay came in. "Hi, Doctor," he said. "Is everything ok?"

Kathryn answered. "There's a problem with Ruby's placenta. It may be nothing but on the other hand it may be something. The Doctor thinks we should deliver the babies today."

"You're welcome to get a second opinion, of course," The Doctor said. "Now we're home, you have that luxury."

"Your opinion is the only one we need," Kathryn declared. "If you think delivering the babies is for the best, then let's deliver them." She turned to Chakotay. "Right, Chakotay?"

"Absolutely," he answered.

The Doctor smiled. "Then let's bring The Janeway Quads into the world! An hour should be enough time to arrange everything so I'll call back then. In the meantime, stay in bed and stay calm. Do you have a bag packed?"

"Yes."

"Then I'll see you in about an hour."

He hit his commbadge, requested a beam out, and in seconds was gone.

"Well," Kathryn said as her eyes met Chakotay's. "It looks like today's the day."

"Yes," he replied.

"I thought I'd be relieved, as I've been wanting it to be over, but I feel...I don't know what I feel. Excited, yet concerned too. We've been doing so well, the five of us. On their own, they might not do so well. What if they don't make it?"

Chakotay closed the gap between them and sat beside her. "They will, Kathryn. They'll grow and thrive and in a few weeks will be home with us." He put his hand on her bump. "It's time for them to go it alone now. You've been through enough."

"I guess. But I'm going to miss them...even their soccer matches at 03:00 hours. I can't put into words how amazing this whole experience has been."

"You don't have to. It's been amazing for me too. But this is only the beginning. We have years of amazing times to look forward too."

"We do. I can't wait for them to take their first step, speak their first word...even just to see them smile."

"Me either."

"What I'm not looking forward to, though, is the media circus. As soon as word's out I'm "in labor" journalists will be everywhere. Even outside our windows in hover boots."

"Really?" Chakotay laughed. "Outside our windows in hover boots?"

"Anything for a story. When you were missing, I almost spilt my coffee when a man with a camera looked back at me from my office window." She sighed. "Oh, coffee. Just think. In a couple of hours I can have a cup...the biggest, blackest, most caffeinated on the planet."

Chakotay smiled. "And here was me hoping you'd lost the taste for it."

"Me? Never!" She put her hand to his cheek. "Come on, let's call my mother and then check we've got everything we need."

Chakotay gestured to the forgotten baby blanket. "You'd better put that away first. We don't want the needle to go astray and end up in a delicate part of us."

"No," Kathryn laughed. "She then picked up the blanket and tenderly ran her hand over the pretty pink and white squares. "I really wanted to finish all the blankets before our juniors came but I won't now. I suppose I'll just have to aim for when they get home instead."

"Sounds good to me," Chakotay replied.

Kathryn carefully put away the blanked and then looked up at her husband. "Before we call my mother, do you think you could get me some coffee ice cream? I need my fix."

"Aye aye, Admiral. Anything else?"

"Some chocolate wafers, I think. Oh, and chopped banana with fudge pieces and toffee sauce."

"Quite a feast," Chakotay smiled. " Are our juniors fueling up for the big adventure?"

"Them and me both. Oh, and add strawberries to that. Pineapple chunks too."

Chakotay laughed. "Coffee ice cream with chopped banana, strawberries, pineapple chunks, fudge pieces and toffee sauce coming up."

He then got to his feet, kissed her forehead, and left the room.

* * *

When The Doctor returned in precisely an hour, Kathryn and Chakotay were waiting for him. Kathryn was still in bed, as instructed, and Chakotay was sitting beside her with a blue suitcase.

"I'm glad to see you're ready," The Doctor said. "But I'm afraid I have bad news. There's no room at the inn."

Kathryn understood his words. "Are you saying Blooming Birthing Center is full?"

"Full to the brim. It's a small center, as you know, and it seems every pregnant woman in Bloomington has gone into labor today. If I didn't know better, I'd say there's something in the water. But fret not, I've booked us a room in Indiana General Hospital. I know it's not the birthing place of your choice, but needs must."

"I won't argue with that," Kathryn said. "If it has to be Indiana General then it has to be Indiana General."

"I'm glad you agree. Now, let's get ourselves there." He hit his commbadge. "Doctor to Indiana General Hospital. Initiate transport 135."

A male voice answered. "Transport initiating."

Almost immediately blue light engulfed them and Kathryn felt the familiar tingle of transportation.

When they rematerialized, Kathryn found herself lying on a white biobed in a bright room of yellow walls. Along one wall were four glass incubators, incubators so advanced that they could act as artificial wombs, and along another wall were all the gadgets and instruments The Doctor would need to deliver the quads. Opposite the bed there was a long window that looked out at a blue sky and the first thing Kathryn did was ask The Doctor to shut the silver blinds that graced it.

"What for?" he asked. "Who's going to see in? We're on the fifteenth floor!"

"You'd be surprised how high journalists in hover boots can get."

"Journalists? In hover boots?"

"In rocket boots if it would get them a picture. So, close those blinds, Doctor. I don't want the whole Federation to see me in my nightie."

The Doctor turned to Chakotay. "Commander, could you? I've got babies to deliver." He hit his commbadge. "The Doctor to Nurse Jones. Report immediately to Room 515." He then took out his tricorder and scanned Kathryn. "No change. As soon as Nurse Jones gets here, we can proceed with the delivery."

The blinds now closed, Chakotay returned to Kathryn's side. "How long will it take, Doctor?"

"Providing there are no complications," he answered, "no more than half an hour."

A transporter beam flashed before them and a pretty blonde girl in a nurse's uniform materialized.

"Ah, Nurse Jones," The Doctor smiled. "Your response time is getting better by the day."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Response time? And you dared to call me a slave driver on Voyager?"

"When you're dealing with matters of life and death, Admiral, every second counts. Well done, Nurse Jones. You beat your previous record by 2 seconds."

"All I can say," Kathryn said, "is that I'm glad I'm not working for you."

"No, you're just my patient. Some would say that is worse." He pressed a button and the biobed Kathryn was lying on flattened. "Now, we will begin. Nurse Jones, prepare the first incubator."

While the young girl did as he said, The Doctor attached four small silver devices to Kathryn's bump. These flashed as soon as they were were activated, and they transmitted data to several screens. "These will monitor the babies," he said. "They will alert us at the first sign of distress." He then attached a pink device to Kathryn's chest. "This will monitor you."

Nurse Jones spoke. "The first incubator is ready."

"Thank you, Nurse Jones. Standby for fetal transport." He then addressed Kathryn. "As Ruby is the most vulnerable, we'll deliver her first. You should feel no pain, but will feel a slight tingle as we transport. Are you ready?"

"I am," Kathryn replied.

As the Doctor went over to the transporter station, Chakotay sat beside Kathryn and took her hand in his.

"Transport will initiate in ten seconds," The Doctor said. "Hold as still as you can, Admiral."

Kathryn closed her eyes and held herself so still that she didn't even breathe. The ten seconds seemed like an eternity in passing, but then she felt an electrifying tingle as the transporter penetrated her bump.

"Transport complete," The Doctor said.

"Ruby," Kathryn said, raising her head but seeing nothing, "is she...?"

"She's fine," The Doctor reassured her. "Nurse Jones is just attaching her to life support."

Kathryn turned to Chakotay. "Can you see her? Is she moving?"

"Yes to both," he answered, eyes moist.

Nurse Jones spoke now. "Life support active. Baby responding."

"Then let's move on to the boys," The Doctor said. "Nurse Jones, prepare the second incubator."

When the incubator was prepared, The Doctor performed the second fetal transport. This was also a success, as was the third and fourth.

"I want to see them," Kathryn said when the last baby was out. "Raise me up, Doctor."

"In a moment," he answered. "The placentas must now be delivered and then I must depregnatize your body. Then you can see them." He put a hypospray to her neck. "This will detach the placentas." He walked back over to the transport station and operated the console. "Preparing for placental transport. Hold still."

Kathryn held still and in seconds the transport came.

"Transport complete."

The Doctor then return to her side and applied another hypospray. "This will depregnatize your body. Over the next few hours your abdomen will shrink back to normal and, as you won't be breastfeeding, you will stop lactating."

He then picked up his tricorder, scanned her, and smiled. "I'm pleased to say our delivery has been a complete success. Congratulations, Admiral and Commander. You are now the parents of healthy quadruplets."

Chakotay helped Kathryn from the bed and together they went over to the incubators. The babies were lying inside, all fast asleep, and tears of joy flooded Kathryn's eyes at the sight of them. They were all so tiny, so helpless, and yet so beautiful.

"Oh Chakotay," she said. "They're here...they're really here."

"They are," he smiled.

Kathryn gazed at them all, taking in every detail, and smiled at Ruby's hair. Unlike the boys, who had heads of fluffy black hair, Ruby's hair was so red it was almost burgundy.

"And Ruby's hair really is ruby," she said, wiping away a tear.

"I told you so," The Doctor smiled.

"Amy will be so disappointed. She was so hoping it would be ginger like hers. But I think it's perfect, just perfect. They're all perfect." She looked now at the baby next to Ruby and noticed for the first time that he was smaller than the others. "Oh Chakotay, look how small he is."

"A head like a tangerine," Chakotay smiled.

"He's definitely the runt," The Doctor said, "but he'll soon pile on the pounds."

The nurse spoke. "Do you have names for them?"

"We do," Kathryn replied. "But apart from Ruby, our little lady, I don't know who is who. Doctor?"

"Glad to introduce you all," he said. "This first baby is Zak, this second baby is James, and this little fella is Korby."

Kathryn smiled and gazed at her precious babies with happy tears in her eyes. "Welcome to the world, our darlings," she said. "I'm your Mommy and this big guy beside me is your Daddy. We love you all, very much, and are going to take care of you always."

* * *

Three hours later, Kathryn's bump was almost gone and she felt more like her unpregnant self. The babies were now in special care so she was resting in a recovery room. It was bright, cheerful, and had all the comforts of home. All around the room were balloons, cards and flowers that friends and well wishers had sent from all over Earth, and every hour more came. On the wall before her was a large television screen and Kathryn watched it as she drank her fifth cup of coffee. Chakotay, after many requests to do so, had agreed to make a public statement and it was about to air. The birth of The Janeway Quads was big news and the media, as anticipated, was going crazy. At last, Chakotay's moment came and Kathryn put up the volume as he stepped out of the hospital to a sea of reporters.

"It is with great joy and pride," he said, "that Admiral Janeway and I announce the arrival of our quadruplets, James, Korby, Zak and Ruby. They were delivered by fetal transport three hours ago and mother and babies are doing well. We thank our doctor for all he has done, today and over the last few months, and we thank the staff of this hospital for all they are doing. We also thank our family and friends for their love and support, and we thank each and everyone of you who has sent us cards, flowers and gifts. We are delighted to be a family of six and look forward to taking our babies home. Thank you."

As he walked back into the hospital, journalists shouted questions at him, but he evaded them.

Then the face of a pretty brunette filled the screen and, after making congratulatory comments, she began to talk about how rare the incidence of natural quadruplets was. Kathryn was just about to switch off the screen when a familiar face unexpectedly filled it. The face was The Doctor's.

"Thank you, Doctor," the woman said, " for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to us."

"My pleasure," The Doctor beamed.

"Congratulations on a safe delivery."

"Thank you. A quadruplet pregnancy is always high risk, but I'm pleased to say Admiral Janeway has the constitution of an ox, so that made my job a lot easier."

"The delivery was, we believe, scheduled for Friday. Why was it brought forward?"

"A minor complication that could have become a major one."

"Can you elaborate?"

"I'm afraid I cannot. Doctor/Patient confidentiality."

"As I'm sure you are aware, there has been much speculation about the Admiral's pregnancy. Many are skeptical of her claim that she did not have fertility treatment. Some believe the babies were artificially implanted. Others believe, as the Admiral herself has hinted, that the babies were conceived individually during the Voyager years and re-implanted when she got home."

"Nonsense," The Doctor said bluntly. "Plain nonsense. The Admiral did indeed say as much but she was only joking. Her relationship with Commander Chakotay on Voyager was always strictly professional. They did not become a couple until they were home. As to her having had fertility treatment, I can confirm that is not the case."

"Are you saying, then, that the quads were conceived naturally?"

"That is my opinion."

"What about the alien species called The Wishers that we've heard mention about? It has been said Admiral Janeway attributes her pregnancy to them."

"The Wishers are no more than a story told by Q. Like all stories told by Q it is not to be believed. Q is a clown and a menace."

Suddenly, Q appeared between them in a flashy yellow clown costume. "E. Meanie. H," he said, "what a charming thing to say about a friend! You're not so great yourself, you know, big headed baldie! Would I lie about The Wishers? Would I? No, dopey, no! They're as real as your ego, and ain't that huge?" He stuck his head before the camera. "Hi-di-hi, dudes of Earth! Fancy Nancy, I know what you're doing with the decorator! Dirty Dennis, please stop slurping that soup! And Juicy Lucy, who's been squeezing you? Oh, the secrets in a Q's skull! Not that we really have a skull. We're not flesh and blood like you puny mortals." He squashed The Doctor against him. "Doesn't that make us best buddies, Doc?"

The reporter spoke. "Q, this is a wonderful surprise. Could you please tell us about..."

"About what?" he interrupted. "The Continuum? The Wishers? The galaxy? The universe? Do you think I have forever? Well, actually, I do have forever, so the question should be, do you? No-di-Do! There's only one thing I have left to say, and that's..." He stuck his head before the camera again. "Congratulations, Kathy! The buns have baked! Woo-hoo! It's just too bad the duplets will look like Chuckles! Bi-di-bye, folks! Q is gone!"

He clicked his fingers and disappeared.

"Well," the reporter said, "isn't that a turn up for the books? Q live on FNBC! Doctor, what do you make of his words? Have they convinced you that The Wishers are responsible for the quads?"

"No, they have not," he answered. "I will say it again and once again only. In my opinion the quadruplets were conceived naturally."

"Will you concede there is a possibility The Wishers were involved?"

"Yes, I will concede that. But I think it's as likely as the sun is to turn blue."

At that very moment dusk descended as the sun turned blue.

"Do not be alarmed," The Doctor said to the frantic crowd. "This is not the apocalypse. This is just Q trying to make a point."

As suddenly as it had come, the blue light went and all was back to normal.

"Oh my, what a day it is proving to be here in Indiana!" the excited reporter said. "First the early arrival of The Janeway Quads and now this! If you're just joining us, I'm Ellen Carter and this is FNBC. I'm with Voyager's famous doctor outside Indiana General and we have just witnessed a solar phenomenon. Right before our eyes the sun went blue! Did it happen outside Indiana?" She put her hand to her ear. "Yes, I'm told it did! I'm told this was a global phenomenon. How powerful Q is! And to think he was here with us!" She turned to The Doctor. "Doctor, can you really argue with a being so powerful?"

"I can and I will," The Doctor replied.

The woman turned back to the camera. "I'm sorry to cut short our interview, but we are now going live to the studio. More later from me. Until then, I'm Ellen Carter and this is FNBC."

The network's logo flashed up and then the face of a black man filled the screen.

"Good afternoon," he said. "Welcome to FNBC Newsflash. There is growing fear and panic on Planet Earth this afternoon following a solar phenomenon. At approximately 15:12 hours the sun turned blue for 38.5 seconds. This phenomenon was, we believe, created by Q in response to remarks made by Voyager's Doctor during a live broadcast with our on-location reporter Ellen Carter. This is the moment when Q showed up and the sun turned blue."

The clip of The Doctor's live interview replayed.

"While Q has yet to confirm his responsibility for the phenomenon, his responsibility is accepted by Starfleet Command. We are joined now by Admiral Trent Barns from Starfleet Headquarters who wishes to reassure you all that the solar phenomenon was caused by Q and is not a planetary emergency."

The face of an elderly man with a gray beard then filled the screen, but just as he was about to speak, the door to the room opened and Chakotay came in.

"Hi," he said. "How did I do?"

"Great," Kathryn replied. "Too bad about the pantomime act."

"Pantomime act?"

"Q and The Doctor. Some reporter interviewed The Doctor after you'd left and he...The Doctor..basically called Q a liar. The subject was, of course, The Wishers and our darlings. Q turned up to defend his honor but The Doctor held his ground. He said The Wishers being responsible for our quads is as likely as the sun is to turn blue. So..."

"Q turned the sun blue," Chakotay finished.

"Yes," Kathryn laughed. "For 38.5 seconds to be precise. Now all hell's broken loose."

Chakotay sat down and looked at the screen. "Isn't that Admiral Barns?"

"It is. He's reassuring us all that the end of the world isn't upon us." She picked up a remote control and switched off the screen. "But enough about Q's shenanigans. No doubt we'll be hearing about it for days!"

"No doubt."

"Let's just enjoy this time alone before more visitors arrive."

"Agreed." He reached into a pocket and pulled out a gold velvet box. "Which makes now the perfect time to give you this."

Kathryn gratefully took the box and carefully opened it. Inside, nestled in silver satin, was a gold ring. Upon it, surrounding a sparkling diamond, were four glittering gem stones of sapphire, emerald, amber and ruby.

"Oh Chakotay," Kathryn said. "A maternity ring."

"That's right," he smiled. "The diamond represents our love, our love that unites our hearts and our family, and the gems represent our children."

Kathryn tenderly touched the stones, tears in her eyes.

"It's wonderful, Chakotay. Thank you."

"Thank you," he said. "For our babies. You've shown immense courage over the last few months and I'm so proud of you."

"I'm proud of you too. You've been incredible. No matter what I've suffered, you've endured it with me, and have never complained about having to take care of me."

"It's been a privilege, Kathryn." He took the ring out of the box. "Shall I put it on you?"

Kathryn smiled and held out her hand. "Please."

Chakotay gently slipped the ring onto her finger and it sparkled in the light.

"I'll cherish it always," Kathryn said. "Just as I cherish you...Daddy"

Chakotay smiled. "And I you...Mommy."

Kathryn laughed and then they kissed softly.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY TWO


	33. Chapter 33

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**CHAPTER 33**

14 MONTHS LATER

In her office at Starfleet Headquarters, Kathryn completed a summary of a meeting she'd just attended and then replicated herself a cup of coffee. It was raining outside, a heavy downpour that beat against the windows, and a gusty wind was groaning. For a while, Kathryn looked out at the gray city, then she sat on a couch to finish her drink and collect her thoughts before tackling the mountain of reports awaiting her attention. On the coffee table before her was a picture of James, Korby, Zak and Ruby, and Kathryn carefully picked it up. The quads were sitting before a white backdrop and were dressed in cute bunny costumes of blue, yellow, green and pink. Ruby was laughing, as were James and Zak, but Korby, the wimp of the bunch, was crying. They had come on in leaps and bounds since leaving hospital and were now plump toddlers with rosy cheeks and dimples. The boys were, as Q had predicted, the image of their father. They had his nose, eyes, even his lips. Ruby also had his eyes, but her lips and nose were definitely Kathryn's.

Suddenly, the door chime played. Kathryn put down the picture and got to her feet.

"Come in!"

The doors to the office opened and Tuvok came in. He was now working under Kathryn as a general security officer.

"Good morning, Admiral," he said.

"Good morning, Tuvok," she replied. "How was the conference?"

The Vulcan had just returned from a week long conference on Starbase BX5.

"Informative. However, the accommodation was most unsatisfactory. Due to an overbooking of guestrooms, I had to share with three Ferengi."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "Ferengi? What were they doing there?"

"Trading. If their chatter did not keep me awake, then their snoring did."

"I'm sorry to hear it," Kathryn said, trying hard not to laugh. "Next time, I'll make sure you get a room all to yourself."

"Thank you, Admiral. I would very much appreciate that."

Kathryn gestured to the couch. "Please, sit down. Tell me about the conference."

"Some other time," he replied. "I have a meeting to attend in approximately ten minutes. I just wanted to report in with you and ask if there has been any word from Neelix."

At these words, a sadness filled Kathryn's eyes. "I'm afraid not," she said.

It had been over three months since they'd last heard from Neelix and there was much concern for his safety. After what had been a very happy start to his new life on the Talaxian settlement, events had taken a downturn. First he and Dexa had split up, then the settlement had come under attack from the miners. A number of Talaxians had been killed and Neelix himself was seriously injured. Fortunately, he recovered, but since the break-up with Dexa he had not been his usual self. The sparkle in his eyes had gone and he seemed lost and lonely.

"I see," Tuvok replied. "I did not expect there to be, as logic dictates Mr Neelix and his fellow Talaxians have perished in another attack upon their settlement, but I hoped."

"And keep hoping," Kathryn answered. "I'm not accepting that Neelix is dead and neither should you. Our loss of connection with their settlement doesn't necessarily mean it has been destroyed. Their communication system may be down or they may have abandoned the settlement."

"You are correct, as always, Admiral. We must not assume the worst."

"Never, Tuvok. Never."

A bleep sounded and then the computer spoke. "Incoming transmission. Admiral Paris."

"I'd better take it," Kathryn said. "See you later, Tuvok."

The Vulcan left and Kathryn made her way over to her desk. Quickly, she switched on her monitor and accepted the transmission. As soon as she did, Admiral Paris's face filled the screen.

"Good morning, Kathryn," he said informally.

"And to you," she replied.

"How was your weekend?"

"Good. We spent it in Florida and took the kids to the beach."

"Sounds like fun."

"It was. Of course, most of the sandcastles we built were flattened by our terrors, but they all had a great time." She paused. "But I gather you're not calling to ask about my weekend."

"No. We've just received word from the missing starship USS Zeplar. They're stranded in the Zeigel Zone. Will you take charge of the rescue mission? There's no one more qualified."

"Gladly. The Zeigel Zone is hardly the Delta Quadrant. We should have them home in weeks."

Bleeps blared again and then the computer spoke. "Urgent incoming transmission. The Doctor."

"Excuse me, Sir," Kathryn said to Admiral Paris, "but I have an urgent incoming transmission. I'll put you on hold."

"Very well," he answered.

Kathryn put him on hold and then accepted the second transmission. As she did, Admiral Paris's face was replaced with The Doctor's.

"At last I get someone," he said sarcastically. "Are you alone?"

"I am," Kathryn answered. "What's the emergency?"

"I'm stuck babysitting your quads."

"How come? Where's Tal Celes?" Tal Celes was their nanny and had been for the last year. The Bajoran had married Lieutenant Dieter Willis, a fellow officer on Voyager, and they were living in an apartment in New York City. Dieter was currently working on a small starbase that was within commuter distance of Earth, whereas Tal Celes had left Starfleet to pursue 'other avenues'. Usually, Tal Celes had the help of an assistant nanny called Macy, but this week Macy was on vacation.

"At home, resting," The Doctor informed her. "She summoned me two hours ago after she collapsed in your kitchen with excruciating stomach pains. To cut a long story short, the pains were caused by a hemorrhaging ectopic pregnancy. Fortunately, the embryo was still alive when I arrived, so I was able to freeze it and then correctly implant it, but her life hung in the balance for a few minutes and I've signed her off work indefinitely. That means you are without a nanny and I'm stuck here. I've tried to call Chakotay, as I know how busy you are, but he's in a meeting and the receptionist, who seriously needs a course in social skills, refused point blank to disturb him. I then tried to call your mother, as she's listed as an emergency contact, but she's not in. I then tried your neighbor, also listed as an emergency contact, but she was going out. That leaves only you, Admiral. And please don't say you're in the middle of something important because so am I. I have sick people waiting for treatment and lives to save."

"I would never put my job above my children," Kathryn answered. "I'm surprised you think I would. If there's ever an emergency involving them, or any member of my family, you are to contact me immediately. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Admiral," he said, somewhat humbly.

"I'll be home in about ten minutes. Janeway out."

The connection closed and Admiral Paris's face reappeared on the screen.

"Is everything ok?" he asked.

"I'm afraid not," Kathryn replied. "Tal Celes has fallen ill so we're without a nanny. This means I have to call it a day and go home. I'll probably be off for a few days so you'd better get someone else to take charge of the rescue mission."

"Agreed. But are you willing to consult?"

"Absolutely."

"Then I'll ask Admiral Frazer to lead. Now, I'll let you go as you must be eager to get home. I hope Tal Celes is better soon."

"Thank you."

"Admiral Paris out."

The connection closed and the screen went blank.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kathryn was home. After informing Admiral Vale of her situation, so that all urgent matters could be delegated, she arrived home by transport. She materialized in the hallway and found The Doctor in the lounge. He was reclining in an armchair, his feet upon a stool, and was listening to classical music.

"For someone in jail," Kathryn said, "you seem to be having a good time."

At the sound of her voice, The Doctor jumped to his feet. "Admiral...When you said ten minutes, I thought you meant half an hour."

"Evidently."

"You know music relaxes me. After the stressful morning I've had, I need to relax before I overheat my emitor."

"I thought you said holograms don't get stressed."

"Normally, they don't, but four screaming infants is enough to stress a borg drone. You're indulging them far too much, Admiral. When they first started their hysterics I thought they were coming down with Teringa Flu, but a thorough examination, for which you don't have to thank me, showed there is nothing wrong with them. It's a good thing I don't get headaches or I'd have a migraine right now. You need to be tougher with them, Admiral. You need to teach them who's boss. They will never stop their tantrums if you indulge their every whim."

"Where are they?" Kathryn asked, ignoring his rant.

"In their cribs. That is, James, Zak and Ruby. Korby wouldn't stop crying no matter what I did, so I beamed him and his crib to your bedroom so he wouldn't egg on the others. You know what they say about bad apples! That did the trick. The others calmed down and I've left him to whine alone. That's the only way to teach him that we're not all at his beck and call."

"Oh Doctor," Kathryn said, "putting him alone is the worst thing you could do. He's such a nervy little thing and hates to be alone. A cuddle is usually all he needs to settle."

"Which is exactly where you're going wrong, Admiral. If he gets cuddles and kisses every time he kicks up a fuss, he'll kick up a fuss all the time. You've got to toughen him up."

"I appreciate your opinion, Doctor, but if I was as small as him and a grouchy man as big as you was scowling at me, I think I might cry too."

"I'm not grouchy, Admiral, and I never scowled at him. Quite the contrary, he was the one with the face like thunder. All I did was put him in his crib and tell him to stop crying. But did he? No. He just screamed louder. And as for James, well, all I can say is that he needs to learn some manners. When I started to sing, hoping it would amuse them, he threw his teddy at me. If you and Chakotay don't improve your parenting skills, then you're in for big trouble as they get older, big trouble."

"I'll bear that in mind," Kathryn said.

"See that you do. Now, I'd better get going. Things to do and people to see." He hit his commbadge. "The Doctor to S.H.Q.T.S. Beam me up."

In seconds a blue transporter beam engulfed him and he disappeared.

When he was gone, Kathryn told the computer to cease music and then she went upstairs to the nursery. It was now full of toys and teddies, and along the wall opposite the mural were the quads' cots. Usually there were four, but now there was only three. They were beautiful cots, all handmade by Chakotay, and were in the quads respective colors. To Kathryn's surprise, Ruby and Zak were fast asleep. Ruby was sprawled out, a pink diaper under a white dress, where as Zak was curled up with a teddy. James, the energy ball of the bunch who didn't sleep much at the best of times, was sitting up playing with a toy. When he saw his mother he put down the toy and smiled with gagas. Kathryn smiled back and then picked him up with a kiss.

"Have you been a naughty boy for The Doctor?" she asked as she carried him out of the room. "Have you? Because he's not at all impressed with you. And neither am I. How many times have I told you not to throw things, hmmm? I know The Doctor's singing goes through the ears, but that is no excuse. You must be a good boy and not throw things."

She took James into her bedroom, where The Doctor had said Korby was, and sure enough he was there in his cot. The poor little mite was sitting up in a green suit and had cried so much that his face was red and blotchy. He started to cry again when he saw his mother and held up his thin little arms.

Kathryn put James into the cot and then picked Korby up.

"My poor darling," she said. "Has The Doctor upset you? Take no notice of his rants. The rest of us don't. There, there. Don't cry, honey. Mommy's here. Everything's ok."

She rocked him until he was calm and then put him into the cot with his brother.

"Now, you two play nicely while I get myself changed. Then we'll go downstairs, Zak and Ruby too, and have ourselves some lunch."

The two boys smiled happily at her and then played together as she changed.

* * *

After lunch, Kathryn played with the quads in the lounge, and then put them to bed for their afternoon nap. Ruby and Zak were a while drifting off, as they'd already slept, but eventually they joined their brothers in the land of nod. While they slept, Kathryn tried to catch up on some work in the study, but as soon as she sat down, bleeps bleeped and the computer spoke.

"Incoming transmission, Commander Tuvok."

"Accept and display."

For Tuvok to be contacting her during emergency leave, he had to have something important to say. She could only hope that something was good news about Neelix. On the wall before her, a large screen illuminated, and then Tuvok's face appeared.

"Hello, Admiral," he said. "There is an old Vulcan saying that trouble always doubles, and I'm afraid it is proving true for you today. There has been an incident at The Academy involving Commander Chakotay. While he was giving a lecture to first year cadets, one of them, I believe a human female, shot him. He has been admitted to our sanatorium and The Doctor is treating him now. More than that I cannot tell you, but I gather his condition is critical."

At this news, Kathryn's face paled. The phaser, if that was indeed what the cadet had used to shoot Chakotay, had obviously been set to kill so her shot must have killed him. On arrival at the sanatorium, the Doctor had clearly revived him, but for him to be in a critical condition he had either suffered organ failure, brain damage, or both.

"I see," Kathryn said quietly.

"The Doctor will contact you at the first opportunity, but if you wish to be at the sanatorium, but have no one to take care of your children, then I am willing to look after them. I can make up for the lost work hours tomorrow."

"That would be most helpful," Kathryn replied. "My mother is away, my assistant nanny too, and my sister is busy with an exhibition in Montreal. But are you sure?"

"I am."

"Then thank you, Tuvok. I accept your offer."

* * *

Half an hour later, Kathryn was at the santatorium. The Doctor was still attending to Chakotay and no one but him could update her on his condition. All she had learned, courtesy of a nurse, was that Chakotay had indeed been dead on arrival. While she waited for news, Admiral Paris came to see her and told her that the cadet responsible was being interrogated and assessed. From preliminary questioning, it appeared that her motive was hatred of Maquis. Her father, a Starfleet officer, had been killed in a conflict with a Maquis ship and she resented the fact that a former Maquis like Chakotay was a celebrity while her father was dead. In Admiral Paris's opinion, the girl would most likely be certified mentally unbalanced and transferred to a psychiatric facility.

After almost an hour of waiting, The Doctor finally appeared. Kathryn stood up as he entered the waiting room and asked the question she wasn't sure she wanted an answer too. "How is he, Doctor?"

"Out of danger," he answered.

At these words, relief consumed Kathryn.

"As you know," The Doctor continued, "phaser fatality almost always results in some degree of damage to the brain and primary organs. The Commander's case is no exception. Several of his organs failed as a result of the shot and he suffered moderate brain damage. His organs I have managed to repair, and by a process of deep neuro-regeneration have repaired most of the damage to his brain, but as a result of the remaining damage, he has some paralysis in his left side. I believe he will make a full recovery, but it will take time and a course of physiotherapy. He will need to stay here for a couple of days, but then he can go home. As he will need care and assistance, I suggest a holo-nurse."

"May I see him?"

"Of course. But before you go in, do you have any more questions?"

"No," she answered.

"Then I will go and update Admiral Paris."

"Could you update Tuvok too? He's at my place." Tuvok was no doubt more worried than his calm exterior suggested and, as he was looking after the quads, he deserved a priority update.

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. "Babysitting?"

"Yes."

"Then expect a mad house when you get home. If I, with my infinite depths of knowledge, couldn't control the quads, there's no way Mr Vulcan can."

"I wouldn't be too sure of that, Doctor. Tuvok has raised several children."

"Who were no doubt angels compared to your devils. Now, don't keep the Commander talking too long. He needs to rest."

With that, The Doctor left and Kathryn made her way into Chakotay's room. It was small, square, but had a large window that overlooked San Francisco. It was still raining outside and a wind was still blowing. In a white bed opposite the window, propped up on pillows, was Chakotay. He was attached to several machines and appeared to be sleeping. Quietly, Kathryn made her way over to the bed, sat in a chair beside it, and took his right hand in hers. As she did so, his eyes fluttered open and he squeezed her hand.

"Kathryn."

"I'm here, Chakotay."

His eyes closed again, but another squeeze of her hand told her he was still conscious.

"You had me worried," Kathryn went on. "But you're going to be just fine."

"I'm just...glad to be alive," he said, his words breathy. "But I...don't want to be a burden. Until I'm...on my feet again...I want to...go to a rehabilitation center."

At these words, tears filled Kathryn's eyes. "You could never be a burden, Chakotay. I love you. As soon as you're well enough to leave this place, you're coming home."

"But you...won't manage. Not with...Tal Celes ill."

"We'll get a supply nanny. I've already requested one and will start interviewing tomorrow. As for your needs, a holo-nurse will suffice."

"But..."

"No buts. You're coming home."

A wan smile crossed Chakotay's lips. "Then it looks like...I am. But I must...lay in a condition."

"Ok, if you must."

"That it's on a...trial basis only. If you...can't manage, I go to...the center. Deal?"

Kathryn squeezed his hand. "Deal."

* * *

It was dark by the time Kathryn got back to Manor House, but as soon as she materialized in the hallway, the lights came on. Kathryn took off her coat, hung it up, and then made her way to the lounge, where she hoped to find Tuvok. But as soon as she approached the lounge, Tuvok stepped out of the room.

"Admiral," he said. "Welcome home."

"Thank you, Tuvok," she replied. "How have you coped?"

"Very well. I have fed the quads, changed them, and put them to bed. They are not all asleep yet, but hopefully soon will be."

"Fed, changed, and in bed, " Kathryn smiled. "I'm impressed."

"Thank you. But caring for infants is hardly new to me. I have cared for my own children and for my children's children."

"As I told The Doctor. But still, I'm impressed. Looking after four toddlers is hardly a walk in the park. But you'd better watch out. I just might have to add you to my babysitters list."

"Please do. I will gladly look after them any time. But I doubt you will be in need of babysitters."

Kathryn frowned. "How so?"

"You will soon discover. But first, I would like to extend my sympathies regarding Commander Chakotay. The Doctor has informed me of his paralysis. I hope and pray he makes a swift recovery."

"Thank you, Tuvok."

"Now, come with me into the lounge. Someone very special is waiting to see you."

Kathryn followed Tuvok into the lounge and her heart leapt for joy when she saw Neelix standing before the fireplace. He was wearing a typically hideous outfit of blue and orange squares and looked exactly as she remembered him.

"Neelix!" she exclaimed.

"Hello, Admiral," he smiled.

With happy tears in her eyes, Kathryn closed the gap between them and hugged him.

"Oh Neelix," she said. "It's so wonderful to see you. We've all been so worried."

"It's wonderful to see you," Neelix replied. "I've missed you, all of you."

"And us you," Kathryn said, drawing away. "But what are you doing here? How are you here?"

"It's a long story," he answered. "But I'm not alone. There's someone else who wants to say hello."

A slim woman with long curly blonde hair stepped out from beside the tall, protruding, chimney and Kathryn gasped when she saw that the woman was Kes. The Ocampan was wearing a figure hugging blue outfit and looked nothing like the old Kes who had come to Voyager to be revenged. This Kes was much younger, about the human equivalent of a forty year old, and there was no trace of anger or bitterness in her kind eyes.

"Hello, Admiral," she smiled.

Kathryn said nothing, just stared incredulously at the Ocampan.

"I can see from your face," Neelix said, "that you're amazed and confused, so was I at first, but this really is Kes and she really is young again."

"That's right," Kes said. "A lot has happened to me since I left Voyager. Not only have I learnt so much about my abilities, but I've learnt how to use them and control them. The Kes who came to Voyager wanting to be revenged on you all wasn't me. Four years ago, as I was on my way back to Ocampa, I temporarily lost control of my shuttle and got pulled into an anomaly. It expelled me after minutes, but it also expelled another me. Somehow the anomaly duplicated me and my ship completely. The other Kes was exactly like me to begin with...she had my memories, my thoughts, my goals...and we decided to fly home to Ocampa together. But after a few weeks, she began to change. She was still like me, still had my memories, but she was angry all the time and wanted to use her powers to hurt people. When I opposed her, she turned them on me. I don't know why she became so angry, so bitter, but I do know that she wasn't me. Maybe there was a being living in the anomaly that deliberately duplicated me so it could take corporeal form. The other Kes's powers went far beyond my own and she could do things no Ocampan has ever been able to do. One day I tried to stop her killing an alien crew for their ship, but she got the better of me and left me for dead. Somehow the crew were able to fight her off and when I came around, on their ship, my counterpart was gone. I never saw her alive again. Once I was well enough to leave the ship, I resumed my journey for Ocampa and arrived there a year ago. On the way I found my counterpart's shuttle and she was dead inside. I put her body out into space and traded the shuttle for dilithium crystals."

"You see, Admiral," Neelix said, "the nasty Kes really wasn't our Kes. I always thought she wasn't. Kes would never hurt anyone." He turned to Kes. "But go on, Sweetie."

"When I got to Ocampa," Kes continued, "I started to write about my experiences, so that other Ocampans could rediscover their suppressed abilities, and I studied the works of the ancients to better understand our abilities. It was while I was doing so that I made an incredible discovery. Our ancient people didn't live only nine years. They lived for ninety. Every year, from the age of one, they would undergo Rincarzo. This is a regenerative meditation ritual that would renew every cell in their body and extend their life expectation. The reason my people have only lived for nine years is because they stopped doing the ritual. As a result they've aged prematurely and died before their time. I decided to try the ritual, as there was nothing to lose, and, to my amazement, it made me half as young as I was. I hoped everyone else would want to do the ritual too, but no one did. You know how closed minded my people are, how stubborn. I was put in prison for sorcery and would have remained there if a sympathizer hadn't helped me to escape. He got me to the surface, which is being developed for habitation, and got me a shuttle. I left Ocampa and haven't been back since."

"Isn't it wonderful, Admiral?" Neelix interrupted again. "So long as Kes keeps doing the ritual, she'll live as long as us."

"It certainly is wonderful," Kathryn smiled. "And to have you here. We've all missed you. Very much."

"I've missed you all too," Kes replied. "When I left Ocampa, I wanted nothing more than to find Voyager, so I could be a part of your crew again, but since doing the ritual my powers have weakened considerably so I wasn't able to use them to find you." She paused. "I didn't quite tell you the truth when I left Voyager. I told you I left to explore my abilities, but that wasn't the whole reason. I also left because I'd become aware of how fast I was aging in relation to the rest of you. That made me feel like an outsider, like I didn't belong. In only the blink of an eye to you I would be dead. How then could I really be a part of your crew? How could I have a meaningful relationship with Neelix? I couldn't. Or at least, I felt I couldn't. I'd come to the point were I didn't feel alive anymore, I felt like I was dying. But being young again, having the prospect of a long life, changed all that. However, as I had no way of finding Voyager, I had to explore other options and ended up joining an alien crew. I wasn't unhappy with them, as they were kind people who made me feel very welcome, but my life on that ship just didn't compare to the life I had on Voyager so I left. Then, a few weeks ago, the same thing happened again as happened four years ago. As I was flying my shuttle, I got sucked into an anomaly. It was a beautiful anomaly, all the colors of the rainbow, and when it expelled me, it left me thousands of light years from where I was. There was another ship near by, a lone ship like mine, and guess who was onboard."

"Neelix?" Kathryn said.

"Me," he smiled. "I was on my way back to our Talaxian settlement after collecting supplies from the Jakunta. They live on an m-class planet nearby and were eager to help us once they knew we were on the asteroid. And believe me, Admiral, their help has been most necessary. The miners have attacked us constantly and their last attack destroyed our shield and much of our settlement. That's why you haven't been able to contact us. The Jakunta kindly offered us some of their defensive technology, which is very advanced, and I was shipping it back in a very big shuttle they'd given us. In fact, it was so big you could call it a ship. Not a ship of Voyager's proportions, of course, but at least ten times bigger than the Delta Flyer. So, here I was making my way back to our asteroid when a light flashed before me on the viewscreen and all my systems went crazy. Then the light became a pink glow and I saw before me an anomaly that looked a lot like the one that had got you home. But before I had time to study it in any detail, sensors alerted me to a ship nearby. I did a quick scan and found there was only one lifesign onboard, one female Ocampan. I hailed the ship and, to my complete amazement, Kes answered. I couldn't believe it, thought I was dreaming."

"I did too," Kes said. "I was so amazed I could hardly speak."

"But after we both got over our surprise," Neelix went on, "we talked and talked for ages. Kes told me what had happened to her, I told her what had happened to me, and then she boarded my shuttle in hers. We laughed, we cried, and as soon as we were together it was like we'd never been apart. I knew now that the anomaly outside was the wisher one that got you home and I told Kes all about it. As I did it made a wormhole inside itself, just as it did for you, and I guessed that wormhole would take us to you. It had to because with you and our Voyager family is where we both wished to be. Of course, we couldn't just leave then and there, as I had supplies to deliver, so Kes stayed behind in her shuttle and I quickly delivered them. Then I said goodbye to everyone and returned to Kes in my ship. We left my ship behind, so my fellow Talaxians could salvage it, and went through the wormhole in Kes's. It was a bumpy ride, just like yours, and many of our systems blew as we went through, but we got through in one piece. We didn't end up near Earth, though. No, we were nearly a hundred light years away. I didn't understand why the anomaly had deposited us there, because it would take us weeks to reach you, but now I do. It was so Kes and I could get back together. Because we are, Admiral, and this time forever. We made our way to Earth as fast as we could, but when we got within three light years we were intercepted by a security ship. We were questioned, examined, and then escorted secretly to Starfleet Headquarters. When we got there we were welcomed by Reg Barclay and Admiral Paris and then transported here."

Tuvok spoke now. "I could hardly believe my senses when I answered the door to find Neelix and Kes there. I thought I was hallucinating."

"But he wasn't," Neelix went on. "It really was us."

"I can hardly believe my senses either," Kathryn confessed, "but I'm overjoyed...overjoyed."

"So are we," Neelix said. "Being with you all again is a dream come true. Now all we need is employment and a place to live, and we believe we have found both. We've taken the liberty of looking around this wonderful domestic establishment and have unanimously agreed that your attic is the perfect home for us. We need a bedroom, it has a bedroom. We need a bathroom, the bedroom has one. We need a lounge, there's a vacant room. And as for a kitchen, well, it has the most delightful kitchen I've ever seen."

"You need a nanny," Kes went on, "I'm your nanny. You need a nurse, I'm your nurse. You need a housekeeper and a cook, Neelix is both. You need gardeners, we're your gardeners."

"In short," Neelix went on, "it will be our job to anticipate your needs before you even know you have them. And we anticipate your first need will be us."

"So, Admiral," Kes said, "what do you say?"

Kathryn smiled a beautiful smile as a tear ran down her cheek. "I say welcome home."

Neelix and Kes laughed in delight and then joyfully embraced.

END OF CHAPTER THIRTY THREE


	34. Epilogue

**Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures**

**HEARTS ASTRAY**

**EPILOGUE**

**2384**

A bright sun shone down from a sapphire sky on the ornate garden of Manor House. On a long lawn, surrounded by flowers, James, Zak and Ruby played with Miral Paris under the watchful eye of their big cousin, Amy Jackson. Korby was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Dingo, the family dog. Over the years, Fluffy had become Neelix and Kes's cat, as he spent so much time in the attic, so Kathryn and Chakotay had decided to get the quads a dog. Dingo was the perfect pet as he was playful, affectionate, intelligent and lively. To most people, James, Korby and Zak looked so much alike that it was difficult to tell them apart, especially as they were no longer color coded, but to those who knew them they were different. To begin with, Korby was slightly smaller than his brothers while James was slightly chubbier. Their hair was now thick and wavy and they all had their father's dimples when they smiled. Ruby had the dimples too, but her hair was long and straight. Just like her mother, Ruby was a tomboy child and often got up to more mischief than her brothers. She liked to be the center of attention and was full of confidence. This was not true of Korby, was who as much of a wimp as he'd every been, and was barely true of Zak. They were quiet children who were happiest out of the limelight. Fiery Miral Paris was also a tomboy, so she and Ruby got on well, but their boisterous antics made them quite a handful!

Inside the house, in the nursery, Kathryn helped Kes prepare a buffet. The room, once overflowing with baby things, was now empty except for a beautifully decorated long table and a few chairs. Today was the day the quads were moving into their own rooms, and a party was being held to say goodbye to the special room that had been theirs for five years. Only family and a few close friends were invited to the party, as it was more of a family event than a formal occasion, and everyone except Tal Celes had arrived. The Doctor, who now called himself Doctor Photon, was at a medical conference, so could not attend, and Tuvok was spending the summer on Vulcan. Harry and Libby were also away, as was Seven, but Tom and B'Elanna were present. Grandma Gretchen was present too, as was Aunt Phoebe, and to everyone's delight, Great Aunt Martha. While the children played in the garden, the arriving grown-ups were entertained by Chakotay in the lounge. He was now fully recovered from the shooting. Neelix, the resident cook, was making all the food and then beaming it up to the nursery. He and Kes still lived in the attic, which they'd made into a cozy, happy, home, and they were now married. The wedding had been held on Voyager, to a media frenzy of interest, and Naomi, then nine, had been their bridesmaid. Their occupation of the attic meant that it was not destined to be Kathryn and Chakotay's master bedroom, so Kathryn and Chakotay were staying in their present room. So the quads would have a room each, two of the house's four bedrooms, which were very generous in size, had been converted into four smaller rooms. Even though the quads didn't wear their identifying colors anymore, they liked having their own 'special color', so the doors to their room were blue, green, yellow and pink.

At last the buffet was ready, so as soon as Tal Celes arrived with her three year old daughter, Tal Meles, the party began. All the grown-ups went up to the nursery and Kes called the children in from the garden. In the nursery, Neelix put on display a gorgeous chocolate cake he'd made, a cake that was topped with white icing and four cute teddies of blue, green, yellow and pink, and Kathryn waited on the landing with B'Elanna for the children to arrive so they could be marched into the bathroom to wash their hands. The children came running up the stairs, breathless and chatty, but Korby still wasn't with them. Ruby and Miral ran straight towards the nursery, but were caught by their mothers.

"Not so fast," Kathryn said. "Dirty hands need washing first."

"But mine are clean!" Ruby protested. "See!"

She held up her little hands, hoping they would get her mother's approval, but she was disappointed.

"Looking clean doesn't meant they are," Kathryn told her. "Hands must always be washed before eating, you know that."

Ruby sighed. "If you say so, Mommy."

Kathryn gently raised up her daughter's chin. "I do say so. Less of the attitude, young lady."

Amy, who was now a freckled twelve year-old with a curly bob, spoke. "Korby's in the playhouse. He's not coming."

Kathryn turned to her niece. "Why not?"

Ruby answered. "Coz he's sulking. So don't say I have attitude, Mommy, coz I'm being a good girl. Korby's the naughty one. He's been naughty all day. Isn't that right, James?"

"Yeah," James answered. "He doesn't want his own room. He thinks we'll all stay in the nursery with him if he sulks. But we won't coz we're not big babies like him."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "I'll go talk to him." She turned to B'Elanna. "B'Elanna, make sure my darlings get scrubbed up."

"Yes, Ma'am," B'Elanna smiled.

* * *

The playhouse was a pretty log cabin in the garden that Chakotay had built. It was made of pinewood and had two rainbow windows and a rainbow door. On the windows were shimmering silver curtains and on the door the names of the quads gleamed in gold. The cabin only had one room, but it was a good size and the quads loved to play in it, especially when it was raining. When Kathryn entered the cabin, Korby was nowhere to be seen, but then she saw him. He was curled up on a beanbag behind a toy starship, cuddling Dingo. His face was wet with tears but he'd clearly cried so much that he could cry no more.

"So," Kathryn said from the doorway, "you're not coming to the party, huh?"

Korby gave no answer.

"That's too bad because we're going to have a lot of fun."

Silence.

Kathryn slowly made her way over to her miserable son and knelt beside him. "Ruby says you're upset about leaving the nursery. Is that right, darling?"

Korby hesitated, but then nodded.

"Why haven't you said anything to me or Daddy?"

"Coz," he faltered, "coz I didn't think...it would happen."

"I see," Kathryn replied. "Is that because you thought the others would change their minds about wanting their own rooms?"

He nodded.

"But now we've emptied the room and everyone is here for the party, you know it's going to happen and that makes you sad."

He nodded again.

"I can understand that. The nursery has always been your room and the others have always been there with you. Now you'll be on your own and being alone is scary for some people. But there's nothing to be scared of, darling. Ruby and Zak will be next door, James close by, me and Daddy across the hallway, Neelix and Kes in the attic, and Dingo and Fluffy in their beds. You won't be alone, darling. You'll just be in your own room. And once you get used to it, you'll love having your own space."

Korby sat up at this, his little nose scrunched and his forehead wrinkled. "I won't," he cried. "I'll hate it! And I'm not sleeping there, I'm not!"

"Then were are you going to sleep, honey?"

No answer.

"I know you want to sleep with the others in the nursery, but you're a big boy now, Korby, and big boys have their own room."

"I'm not big," he argued. "I'm little. I'm littler than everyone!"

"That's not quite true. You're bigger than Tal Meles."

"She doesn't count. She doesn't live here. And if you put me in that room, you'll be sorry, real sorry, coz the monsters under the bed will eat me and then there'll be no Korby!"

"Oh Korby, darling," Kathryn said, stifling a laugh, "there are no monsters under your bed. What gave you that idea?"

"Amy told me. She said they have black fur and eat little boys for supper."

"Then she was teasing you. There are no such monsters. Would Daddy and I put you in a room with a monster?"

Korby shook his head.

"Then put the idea right out of your mind."

Dingo strolled out into the garden now and Korby hugged a cushion instead. "But if a bed monster doesn't eat me," he mumbled, "a night monster might. They live in the dark and eat children. But if we all sleep together, they won't come for us, coz they only come for children who sleep on their own."

"That isn't true, honey, and I think you know it. Tal Meles sleeps on her own, even though she's only three, and Amy sleeps on her own too." Kathryn put her hand on her son's shoulder. "The move is happening, darling. I understand that you don't want it, and I understand that you're scared, but the time has come for you and the others to have your own room. Sometimes, when we're scared, we've just got to be brave. Then, when we are, we find that things aren't always as bad as we thought they'd be."

Korby looked up at his mother with a terrible sadness in his big brown eyes. "If we have our own rooms, like we have too, will you and Daddy still tuck us in and read us a bedtime story?"

"Of course we will, honey. Do you think we could sleep without kissing you goodnight? Daddy will read you a story one night and I the next. Just think, we can read you any story you want, even if the others don't like it. Everything in your room can be just the way you want it."

At these words, Korby smiled. "Then I don't suppose it will be all bad having my own room."

"Not all bad at all." She pinched his chubby cheek. "So, are you coming to the party?"

Korby nodded with a smile.

"Then let's get ourselves there. But first, give me a hug."

Korby gladly wrapped his arms around his mother's neck and Kathryn held him tight.

* * *

When Kathryn and Korby arrived at the party, the waiting group cheered. Korby blushed as red as a tomato and buried his face in his mother's leg.

"Smile, Korby!" Tom said, sticking a camera before him. "Don't hide that handsome face. Give us a grin!"

Korby did not, but Ruby boldly stepped forward and pulled funny faces at the camera.

"Ok, Miss Janeway," Tom laughed, "that's enough."

Ruby strutted away from the camera and then Neelix addressed the crowd.

"Ladies, gentlemen and children," he said. "On behalf of Admiral Janeway and Commander Chakotay, I would like to thank you all for coming to this very special event. Today is the day our dearly beloved quads say goodbye to their nursery and hello to their new rooms. And what wonderful rooms they are! Thank you, Aunt Phoebe, for all your hard work! But today is not so much about the new rooms as about this one. In here, our quads have slept, played, laughed, cried, and, if I'm honest, have had some terrible tantrums."

At this, the children giggled.

"For five years this room has been a very special place full of love. In years to come, when our quads are all grown-up, they will remember this room only with love and happiness. Soon this room will be a guestroom, the finest in Indiana, and I know that every guest who sleeps here will sleep in the bosom of love. Like everyone else here, Kes and I, who are very proud to be honorary members of the Janeway family, wish you, James, Korby, Zak and Ruby, years of happiness in your new rooms."

The crowd cheered, thinking Neelix was finished, but the Talaxian still had few more words to say.

"Now, before we all eat and make merry, let's sing goodbye to this room." He picked up the cake, which now had four burning silver candles, and called the quads to him. They all came, although Korby needed coaxing, and gathered around the cake. Then Neelix began to sing to the tune of Happy Birthday.

"Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room. Goodi-bye-di, dear room."

As he finished singing, Kes told the quads to blow out the candles and they did so with huffs and puffs. The crowd cheered again and then laughed as Ruby grabbed the pink teddy off the cake and took a bite.

* * *

In a sky full of stars, a pearl moon shone down on Manor House. From the nursery tower's windowseat, Kathryn looked out at the stars and remembered the incredible journey that had brought Chakotay, and so many other wonderful people, into her life. It all seemed so long ago now, a different lifetime, and yet only like yesterday. Never would she have imagined, as Voyager journeyed home, what destiny had in store for her and Chakotay. For so many years there had been so many barriers to a relationship and she'd come to accept they would never be together. But then, as fast as they'd got stranded in the Delta Quadrant, they were home, a couple, and a family. This was all thanks to The Wisher, and Kathryn thought about that kind entity now as she gazed out at the vastness of space. Somewhere amongst the diamond stars, The Wisher was wandering, seeking out more worthy dreams to fulfill. Over the course of her life, and over the course of their long journey home, she had been indebted to many people, but never had she been as indebted to anyone or anything as much as The Wisher. And never would she forget that, never would she forget to be thankful. Even though life as an admiral wasn't as challenging as life in the Delta Quadrant, and a part of her missed the adrenalin of action, she was happier now than she'd ever been in her life. Chakotay was too and so many other members of Voyager's crew. Every year, on the anniversary of their return, they got together and celebrated with each other their joys while comforting each other in their sorrows. The Voyager family was no longer close-knit, as crew members were scattered all over the Federation and beyond, but the bond they'd made in the Delta Quadrant united them as an extended family. And the Voyager family was extending all the time as many crew members had married, some to each other, and a lot of babies had been born. Some, like the baby boy Harry and Libby were expecting, were yet to be born. The years were whizzing by and Kathryn couldn't help but wish that the speed of time would slow down. The quads were growing-up quickly, too quickly, and these magic years seemed all too short. Soon they would be starting school and then, before she knew it, they would be grown-up and gone.

Suddenly, the door to the nursery opened and Chakotay came in.

"They're all asleep," he said. "Even Korby."

"With his head under the covers?"

"With his head under the covers. But I moved them."

"Poor darling," Kathryn smiled. "It's too bad James or Zak didn't want to share with him. I think he'd have been much happier then. But hopefully, once he gets used to his new room, he'll be ok."

"I'm sure he will," Chakotay said, walking over to her.

"It doesn't seem like five minutes since they were babies, does it?"

"No."

Kathryn glanced at the mural which was as bright and cheerful as the day it had been finished. "I can remember painting this mural with Phoebe as though we only painted it yesterday. All that time ago and yet it's passed in the blink of an eye."

Chakotay sat beside her. "Feeling nostalgic?"

Kathryn nodded. "Our babies are growing-up and it's all happening so fast, too fast. I'm wondering where the time has gone. Not that I'm sad or have any regrets, these last few years have been the happiest of my life, but because I'm not ready to let go. I don't want our babies to grow-up, not yet."

Chakotay smiled, dimples showing. "They're only five, Kathryn. To the best of my knowledge, children don't leave home at six."

"I know, " Kathryn laughed. "I'm just feeling the moment. This room has been so important in our lives, in so many different ways, and now it's empty. All the time we've spent here, all the time our children have spent here, is now history. The time has gone forever and lives now only in our memories and in this mural. It was here before the quads were born and is here now they're moved out. I hope it's always here. But it won't be. One day, when we're long gone, this house will be torn down. There'll be nothing left of our lives here."

"No, but the memories we've made here, and will make here, will live forever in our hearts. And they'll live forever in the hearts of our children. If our consciousness passes into eternity at death, and I believe it does, then our memories will pass into eternity too. If our memories live forever, then this house will live forever. For in our memories we'll always be able to return here." He smiled. "But I really don't think this house will be torn down any century soon. Already crowds of tourists pass by to see where Voyager's famous captain lives. When we're gone, this house will probably be turned into a museum. Your childhood home too."

Kathryn smiled. "A museum, really?"

"Yes"

"Then I'd better tell Mom to redecorate my bedroom. I don't want future generations to know I had holo-worms on the ceiling."

Chakotay laughed. "They're pretty worms."

"Yes, but still worms. I don't even know why I liked them, but I guess I was going through my biology craze phase and thought they were cute. Phoebe always hated them, and once tried to paint them over, but I kept them just to spite her."

"Poor Phoebe."

"Poor me. I'm the one who had to look at them."

Chakotay laughed and Kathryn looked again at the mural. "I came here to say my own goodbye to this room, but I'm not going to say goodbye now. Because this isn't goodbye, not for us. This has never been our room, not like it has been the quads, it's just a room that is special to us. And that isn't going to change. It's still special and always will be." She paused. "I've never told you this, but when I first came here with Annika, I felt as though something terrible had happened here, on this very spot. A dread overcame me, a terrible horror, but then it was gone and I was left only with a sense of deja vu. I got deja vu often then, like I was reliving a lifetime I'd lived in a dream. But then the deja vu stopped and I forgot all about it until today. I was sitting here with Phoebe as the children played and all of a sudden it grabbed me again, like I was reliving a moment I'd already lived. But then the feeling was gone. Annika thought this house was haunted, that I was tuning into its troubled past, but I never felt that. This house was so warm and welcoming and I knew straight away that it was the home for us. Whatever happened in that moment of horror happened in another life, another reality, a future that is now a distant past. Perhaps the deja vu will happen again, perhaps it won't, but it's another reason why this room is so significant. It's a connection to another life we've lived. I can't help but wonder what that life was like, wonder whether it was the same but different. I think it must have been the same, that we lived here together, as I can't imagine an existence where we're apart."

Chakotay took her hand in his. "I don't want to imagine it. If these years have been the happiest of your life, they've been the happiest of mine too."

Kathryn smiled. "Has my angry warrior finally found peace?"

Chakotay nodded. "A peace greater than he ever thought possible. When I made that speech to you on New Earth, when we made love and made our quads, I thought I loved you as much as I ever could. But I was wrong. I love you now more than I did then and every day I love you a little bit more."

A tear trickled down Kathryn's cheek. "I love you more too. Always more."

Chakotay smiled and then kissed her tenderly. Kathryn kissed him back and they kissed deeply, kissed long. Then, arm in arm, they left the room that was so special and closed the door behind them.

THE END


End file.
